DISCLAIMER: I am not actually a Carsey or a Werner and have no affiliations with the Dumbasses at Fox. This is purely from my mind for my and other like minded individuals entertainment.
PS- This is for any fellow Melburnian feeling the heat and dying!! Get ready for another scorcher 2moro!!
Jackie was propped up on the couch her small frame slouched into the overstuffed cushions, her sandals lay with her bag on the floor her feet stretched out in front of her on the old wooden spool, her pink toe nails shiny in the gloominess of the basement. For once it was empty, the TV was off, the only sound coming from the record player near the door. Michael was in Chicago, Fez was with him meeting playboy bunnies, Eric was in Africa and Jackie hadn't seen Donna in weeks. It was growing dark outside and she didn't want to go home, to the apartment that smelled like candy and was for shiny, happy people, Jackie was no longer one of those people.
The music swilled around her and she closed her eyes, she was cold, but it wasn't from the weather. The stomp of boots down the stairs shattered her solitude and she jumped for the record player barely able to pull the needle away before the door was thrown open and the subject of her thoughts brushed past her muttering obscenities under his breath. The air around him was stale like cigarettes and he had lines in his forehead that seemed permanent, like the scowl he now wore as much as his glasses.
"What are you doing here?"
There was no malice in his voice, just mere surprise. She shrugged her shoulders trying to hide her face from him as she bent over reaching for her sandals, her hair forming a perfect shield between them.
"I didn't realize I needed a reason to hang out in the same place I have for the last six years. My mistake" She glanced involuntarily at Hyde's stony eyes, the once bright blue now a perpetually faded grey.
"I've been making those a lot lately."
Her mouth snapped shut as she closed her eyes, cursing herself inwardly for saying more than she had to, leaving herself open for the burn that was sure to come. But he said nothing, instead staring at the record player, the black disc still spinning around slowly. She tried to let her face stay neutral as he fingered the needle pulling it down into the groove letting the music begin once more. She wanted to leave, to run, just get the hell away from him but she couldn't, her feet were stuck in place as her voice boomed out across the basement. Jackie cringed; she had never wanted Steven to hear this, to know.
"I'm having the day from hell
It was going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears of shame)
I should have kicked your (ass in stead)
I need intervention
Attention, to stop temptation to scream"
She stared fixed at the spinning record not wanting to look at her ex and see what she feared. What would be worse; anger or nothing? If he was angry at least then she could tell herself he still cared in some small way.
"Cause baby, everything is effed up
Straight from the heart
Tell me what do; you do when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up
Where do I start?
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (When it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drunk too much)
I'm feeling hung-over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention, to stop temptation to scream"
From behind his glasses Hyde studied the shrinking brunette who seemed to be slowly retreating even further into herself. He recognized the pain in the voice that was filling every inch of the basement, a voice he professed to hate, to despise, that he hadn't heard in a while. He hadn't seen her down here in weeks, hadn't seen her in weeks period.
"Cause baby, everything is effed up
Straight from the heart
Tell me what do; you do when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up, where do I start?
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
Noooo
Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad every time
Will I be mending?
Another one ending once again
Everything is effed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart"
He stayed next to the record player pulling the needle away before the next song could begin his face as cold as ever. Jackie's legs were wobbly and she felt herself fall to the couch, her head bowed down, a small amount of guilt building inside.
"I never meant for you to hear that."
Her voice came out stronger than she thought she was capable of and she allowed herself to look up and into his face. It had been an innocent comment, but for some reason it made his blood boil.
"So you chose to listen to it in the one place we all visit barring death?"
Ok so he was pissed, no amount of Zen could disguise the hard fiber of anger in his voice and the unconscious clench of his hands into fists by his sides.
"No, I just…I didn't think anyone would be here"
Jackie stood up, some of her confidence returning long enough for her to yell back at him.
"Grooves doesn't even close for another hour and you always close out on Tuesdays. Fez and Kelso are in Chicago and its night time so I figured your wife was uh, slutting it up on a street corner and the lights were on in Donna's room, so I thought it was safe to come down here. Don't worry it wont happen again." Her bag slung over her shoulder she reached for the record, stopped only by his hand coming down on hers. She wanted to jerk it away but the feeling of his skin on hers was too familiar, too right.
"Leave it"
Her insides churned and she felt bile beginning to rise in her throat. His eyebrow was raised at her, the tiniest hint of a smile curling at the left side of his mouth; he was taunting her; challenging her. Fighting herself to not show how much this was killing her she shrugged once more feigning indifference, moving the needle with shaky fingers ignoring the eyes she felt scrutinizing her every move.
"I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud"
A small bark of laughter escaped from Hyde's lips and Jackie felt her face flush with crimson annoyed at herself that he could still bring out any kind of response in her; conscious or not.
"I just want to find a way to compromise
Cause I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers
Never giving in
But baby since you've gone
I'll admit that I was wrong
Oh, all I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you?
I need you by my side
If we ever said we'd never be together
And we ended it with goodbye
Don't
know what I'd do
I'm lost without you"
Hyde
stood defiantly in front of the door cutting off Jackie's exit.
Listening to the songs she had written over the last few months by
herself was therapy, listening to it with the songs subject was
torture. As her voice sang out each word she waited for him to laugh,
or smirk or insult her, but nothing ever came.
How
am I ever gonna get rid of these blues Oh my bed so cold at night All I know is I'm lost without you
I
keep trying to find my way
And all I know is I'm lost without
you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you
Baby I'm so lonely all the
time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing
that's on my mind
And I miss you
more each day
Only you can make it right
No I'm not too proud
to say
I'm not gonna
lie
How am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my
side
If we ever said we'd never be together
And we ended it
with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do
I'm lost without you"
She glanced behind her to the stairs that led to the kitchen; she didn't trust herself to make it there without collapsing in a heap, months of not sleeping and barely eating taking their toll. She couldn't stand to be here, watch as she crashed and burned yet again at the hands of Steven J. Hyde.
If
I could only hold you now All I know is I'm
lost without you I keep trying to find my way
"I
keep trying to find my way
And all I know is I'm lost without
you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you
Make the pain just go away
Can't stop
the tears from running down my face (oh)
I'm not gonna lie
How am I gonna be strong
without you
I need you by my side
If we ever said we'd never be
together
And we ended it with goodbye
Don't know what I'd
do
I'm lost without you
But
all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the
day
And all I find is
I'm lost without your love
I keep
trying to find my way
And all I know is
I'm lost without you
(oh)
I'm lost without you"
Hyde remained stoic, a tribute to Rodin's Thinker as the next song began, three in all, recorded using Pastor Dave's equipment after she had cried for ten minutes straight, her bottom lip quivering in a way that had assured her victory. She wished he would move, blink anything, anything besides staying silent and ignoring her, this was her soul laid bore and still he had nothing to say, not one flicker of emotion to show. At least not on the surface, because with each beat, each word, a small piece of the lock in the back of his mind fell apart.
"I've been watching you and all you do
For quite sometime
Knowing all the ins and outs of you
Should have known what was on your mind
But all the world is spinning round and round
Inside my head tonight
I will fall into the darkness
And I fear I will never see the light
I've been watching you and all you do
For quite sometime
Knowing all the ins and outs of you
Should have known what was on your mind
But all the world is spinning round and round
Inside my head tonight
I will fall into the darkness
And I fear I will never see the light
The light
So let me in
All that I wanted from you
Was something you'd never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don't let this end
Tonight
I'll fall"
The last track played on and the bile Jackie had tried to fight made its way up, she dove for the bin, gagging several times but never actually vomiting, her breathing becoming irregular. She felt herself succumb to the blackness pulling at her eyes as her own voice sang out to her betraying everything she had never said and was never meant to be heard.
"Through the light the darkness seems to be
So very strong
How does one alone against the world
Find the strength to carry on?
What happened to the way we used to love?
It seemed as though life had just began
But now that love has come and gone
Life has faded away
Like a setting sun
Cause you won't let me in
All that I wanted from you
Was something you'd never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don't let this end
Tonight
Cause I'm starting to fall
So let me in
It was all that I wanted from you
It was something you never knew
So let me in
But not tonight
For this is the end
Tonight I fall"
They came hurtling back so fast he thought he felt physical pain, everything he repressed now pulled at him, at his fingers, his toes, his lips. He was broken, his eyes closed, only opening at the strangled noises of the petite girl dry heaving. He watched in a trance as she collapsed, her red lips plump, her hair dark making her normally olive skin sickly pallid; Snow White with no Prince Charming.
***
Her hair was matted in sweaty clumps that stuck to her face and bare shoulders; the dress she had been wearing was now draped over the end of the bed she was in. Her face still felt hot but whether that was due to illness or the fact she was dressed in nothing but pink lace underwear remained to be seen. The room was cramped and dark, her hands fumbling for some kind of light, knocked over books, lighters and assorted junk in its way. The lamp lit the room dimly enough for her to recognize she was in Hyde's old room in the basement, as dank and depressing as always. A glass of water dripping with condensation sat next to the lamp which she gladly downed with the aspirin that was next to it. Her head felt like it had been hit with a sledgehammer and she sank back down into the cot, wanting to but unable to find the energy to leave.
***
Red was glaring at him. He could feel it each time he reached for the potatoes and picked up his knife to slice through his steak. Just like he could feel the slight wave of air each time Mrs. Forman whipped her head between her husband and surrogate son. He could feel all these things; in fact he felt a lot of things but that didn't mean he had to acknowledge it, why start now?
"How are things at the Muffler shop Red?"
Small talk, he wasn't personally a fan but at times it was necessary, like when avoiding tense silence that had the potential to turn into a lecture.
"Dumbasses wreck their mufflers, we fix 'em."
Hyde nodded chewing especially carefully on his carrots while Red continued his fixed stare on him, Kitty laughing slightly at the obvious strain in the room.
"How's the wife?"
The taboo subject; the elephant in the room, the one question that was to be avoided at all costs, Kitty's fork clattered against her plate and she breathed in sharply looking at her husband in anger. Standing she grabbed the plates ignoring the startled cries of the two males.
"Now that is Steven's business, his mistakes are for him to realize." They smashed together loudly as she dumped them in the sink "I expect this kitchen to be clean when I've finished my Bloody Mary."
The door swung shut behind her and Hyde stared down at the table, his appetite waning as he thought of the lecture Red was sure to be gearing up to.
"I wash, you dry."
They worked in silence for a few minutes, the splash of water hitting them both as Red handled the dishes roughly scraping at them with the sponge before smacking it to Hyde's chest.
"Remember when I told you to pull your head out of your ass?"
"Yeah I always figured if I did you'd just stick your foot there instead"
"Nobody like a smart mouth on a dumbass. These last few months have been hellish, I slept better in Korea waiting for a Commie to slash my throat. All the while you and that stripper have done God only knows under my roof. You've had Kitty at the church every day praying for your immortal soul when we both know you lost that damn thing long before you ever ended up in Vegas."
Hyde snickered to himself drying the last plate as Red let the water out of the sink and went to the fridge to pull out two beers. His chair scraped back loudly, creaking when he settled his weight on it. His eyes staying trained on Hyde's shielded ones he held out one of the beers.
"I think it's safe to say I don't like kids. Hell it took nearly twenty years for me to warm up to Eric. But Kitty loves you dumbasses as if you were her own, especially the girls."
Hyde played with the bottle cap not wanting to look up and see the disappointment he was sure was lining Red's face.
"She was at the church gasbagging with all the other busybodies when she heard something; the loud one has been in that Church basement every night for the past month, crying her eyes out over you. Apparently they set up some kind of video surveillance after the Pastor was left tied up one Christmas. And Madge Wilkins found it all on tape."
Red pretended not to notice the small smile that came across Hyde's lips concentrating instead on the slight shadow beneath the living room door knowing full well that his wife was hunched next to it listening to every word they exchanged.
"I promised Kitty I would give you three months to sort yourself out. Take a good look at your life son, and ask yourself if this is what you really want."
He patted Steven's shoulder a few times before walking towards the living room pausing in the doorway.
"And sort things out with the Burkhardt girl, she's had enough people walk out on her already without you adding to the list. You're better than that son."
The door swung a few times before staying closed while Hyde nursed his beer trying desperately to think of something other than the girl passed out in his bed.
***
Donna was in her room, her radio tuned to the station she worked at as she wrote yet another letter to Eric. Another letter filled with stupid lies and false sentiments. Somehow she couldn't find it within herself to actually tell Eric what was really going on in good ole Point Place, Wisconsin. That she spent her days hanging out with Hyde and his new coworker Randy or cruising around Point Place with Sam. She didn't want to tell him that she couldn't remember the last real conversation she had had with Jackie her supposed best friend, or had talked to Hyde without his fist strangling the neck of a beer bottle, or a cloud of smoke hanging around his head. When had everything gone to hell; the un-wedding? Africa? She didn't know, but life was this now and like The Easybeats said; I made my bed now I'm gonna lie in it. She folded the letter carefully making sure none of the tears that dripped down her face splashed on the paper as she pushed it into the envelope. Walking down stairs she went to the mailbox placing it inside and pushing the small flag up, staring out into the night not really noticing the light summer rain that began to fall around her.
"Come back soon Eric, we need you more than you know."
***
Hyde had finished his beer having tended to it for well over an hour before retiring back to the basement, Jackie was still asleep but the water and aspirin he had left beside her were gone. She had kicked the blankets off her and goose bumps covered her naked flesh. He stared at her greedily wanting to tear his eyes away but finding himself unwilling to. Her eyes scrunched up and a low muttering broke his stillness and he grabbed the empty glass. Looking down at her once more he walked quietly to the door trying to ignore her whimpers and choked breaths. His hand was on the doorknob when her voice became clearer. His stomach dropped as he waited for her to yell at him.
"Don't. Only me. Sorry, didn't mean it. No. Hurts."
His eyes trailed over her as she shook in his bed, her body seeming to spasm. He reversed his path pulling the blanket over her before crouching as he ran a finger up her sticky arm coaxing her awake. She trembled as her eyes blinked taking him in.
"Steven?"
Her voice was hoarse and her eyes unsure.
"You were having a bad dream."
Standing up he walked briskly from the room before she could say another word, not wanting to hear what he was sure she would say, he had heard enough already.
***
Her legs were wobbly as she fumbled for her dress, the light cotton clinging to her skin; she stumbled, grabbing the walls to help her escape the bedroom prison. She leant against the boxes as she stared out into the basement her brain slowly taking in the furniture. Pressing forward she gripped at the stairs pulling herself up before she felt her eyes close once more and she fell the pain of the stairs jutting into her barely registering as she settled in a heap. She was stuck somewhere between awake and asleep, she could feel the cool fingertips brushing the hair from her face and picking her up. She could hear the muffled shouts and breeze from the open door but she couldn't move, couldn't open her eyes or speak, she was stuck.
***
And so that was the first chapter of my new story Stuck. Hope you enjoyed this, if you want more please let me know, while it's great that I know people are reading my stuff, a little shameless flattery does wonder for my ego and typing ; )
A/N: The songs used here are:
The Veronicas When It All Falls Apart
Delta Goodrem Lost Without You
Save FerrisLet Me In
Music plays a massive role in my life; I love to write (can you tell?) and I keep notebooks, I have a diary, a scrap book, a random thoughts journal and one in which I write down the lyrics to songs that I feel are speaking to me in the moment. Certain songs can make me revert to different places in time. These lyrics remind me of JH and so I wanted to include them. If you don't know them you should definitely download them because they are so brilliant.