Someone Was Bored During Homeschool!
Disclaimer: Fools. I own nothing. NOTHING! If you make me get technical so I have to rub it in my own face, I will kill you.
Eh *kills you*
I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own jason.org. I don't own Yahoo! DSL. I don't own Albus. I don't own any boles (go me!). AND I don't own my computer. My school does. Loooooooong and detailed explaination usually follows that, but I find no need to explain it to you foolish mortals *laughs evilly*
Author's Note: Okay, here's the dealie-oh. That's a fun word, dealie-oh.
Dealie-oh, dealie-oh, OI OI OI!
... Anyway.
I have an EXTREMELY slow internet. I only have 63 RAM, so the internet doesn't have enough memory to work. *twitch*
So, while trying to get to a site to do homework, I became extremely frustrated because my computer was just giving up. Not even TRYING to prevent me from getting grounded. So, I wrote the first few lines, and just kept writing. Then I made it understandable, because the original was utterly confusing. It was written in the language of "Melony". And now, I have it published at FFN. Aren't I awesome?
- - Chapter One - - The Beggining - -
Melony is having a bad day with her shitty internet. Her computer has decided that it is too good for internet surfing. This has made Melony so angry, that she has found a crowbar and is now beating her Yahoo! DSL modem with it.
"GIVE ME JASON.ORG, YOU PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, causing the next door neighbors to stop their sexcapades to see what's going on. She is still beating the modem with the crowbar, but nothing is happening to it.
"GAAAAAAAAAAH! GIVE ME MY INTERNET, ASSH-"
She didn't get to finish that thought, however, because suddenly her computer monitor was sucking her into the computer. She gasped, and was suddenly inside the computer.
"Shiiiiit," she thought aloud. "Being sucked into a computer is never a good thing. The ones and zeros are making me dizzy. Why are the numbers white? Green is so cooler. Like Matrix. Only without the coats that make you trip and fall and break body parts."
Then, suddenly, a voice came out of nowhere. And what it said was wise and deep.
"Boo."
"AAAAAHH! DON'T HURT ME, COMPUTER BOOGIE MA - Oh, it's just Albus."
There was a pause of thought.
"Wait, it's Albus. Albus, sir, what the fuck are you doing in my computer?"
"Scaring the ones and zeros," he said as he made himself visible. "And waiting to give you lemon drops."
She gave another pause of thought. "No thanks. I put a ton of syrup on my waffles, but thanks anyway," she said, her voice trembling a little with fear.
"Suit yourself, then," he said as he proceeded to pop all the lemon drops in his mouth, one at a time.
"What am I doing in my computer, Albus?" Melony asked after a minute or two of Albus sucking on lemon drops.
"Simple. And I shall tell you after I have my sugar high."
Albus then went on to bounce around the computer interior chanting words in about five different languages and saying funny things in english every few words.
"I have a feeling this shall be a long day," Melony said slowly. She sat patiently for about five minutes while Albus proceeded to attack zeros and ones and humped one poor zero that was going between zero and one, zero and one.
"DUDE! ARE YOU DONE YET!?! I HAVE HOMEWORK I SHOULD BE DOING!" (A/N: I really do, too *giggle*)
The poor zero finally obtained enough courage to kick Albus in his sack, which made Albus jolt out of his sugar high. He stood in front of Melony and gave a little hem hem.
"As I was saying, the reason you are in your computer is because your muggle internet is shit, so all you have to do while your homework loads is sit in your fantasy land head."
She stood there for a moment, taking that in.
"Why is my fantasy land in my computer?"
"Because I didn't want to meet you on a cloud while I had wings sprouting from my hairy and manly back and a bole in my mouth," he replied instantly as if this was obvious.
"I ... see ..." she said slowly.
"Yes. But, now that you know what is going on, you may start whatever fantasy you'd like."
"Oh, really?" she said with an evil smirk.
"Yes, any fantasy you'd like that is PG-13."
"Fuck head," she spat at Albus. She had a slight sneer on as the zeros and ones disappeared and turned into the very entrance of Hogwarts.
"Ooooh, Aaaah."
"Oh, yes, a very original fantasy, childe." Albus said in a half mutter.
"MY fantasy. Go have some skittles and GO AWAY!"
"Oh ... but I am ..."
Suddenly, Albus' clothes changed. He was now dressed in Hawaiian summer clothes. He looked alot like Merlin towards the end of The Sword in the Stone.
"... THE TOUR GUIDE! NOW, GET IN THE TOUR BOAT!"
"... I put waaay too much syrup on my waffles this morning. And dude, we're right at-"
But her thought was interrupted. A river was suddenly starting to be built. The doors opened as the river flowed through the door and throughout the castle.
"HEY! I DIDN'T DO THAT!" She squealed.
"Because I did." He replied
"BUT IT'S MYYYY FANTASY!"
"I am THE TOUR GUIDE! I have control of your fantasy," he said, smirking ever so slightly.
"God damnit," she said after a pause, "You are worse than a censor."
"Now, in, THE TOUR BOAT!"
She began to speak in a bored tone. "There is no-"
As she spoke, a boat appeared in the water. it looked very Noah's Ark- esque.
"Oh my god," she said, still bored, 'There's a boat, how did that appear?"
"You're sorta slow aren't you?" he said, not noting the sarcasm. Melony gave an involuntary musle spazm known as a twitch. "Now, in THE TOUR BOAT!"
Albus hopped in the boat happily, while Melony slowly stepped in, in case there was a hole in the boat. 'Why me? What did I do to deserve being around this nut job?'
He suddenly had a huge rowing stick thing, like those people that steer the boats while the couples snog each other to death in the back. Apparently, he was thinking of the same comparison as Melony was, as he started singing.
"THIIIIS IIS THEEE NIIIIIGHT! IIIT'S A BEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUTIIIIIIIIFUUUUUUUUL NIIIIIGHT! AAAND THEEEEY CAAAALL IIT BEEEELLAAAAA NOOOOOCHEEEEE!"
"God, just kill me now," she muttered under her breath.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A/N: Woo! Daydreaming is overly fun, isn't it? You guys get me five reviews, and I'll write more! Unless I'm still trying to avoid schoolwork, at which time I'll write after one review!
Disclaimer: Fools. I own nothing. NOTHING! If you make me get technical so I have to rub it in my own face, I will kill you.
Eh *kills you*
I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own jason.org. I don't own Yahoo! DSL. I don't own Albus. I don't own any boles (go me!). AND I don't own my computer. My school does. Loooooooong and detailed explaination usually follows that, but I find no need to explain it to you foolish mortals *laughs evilly*
Author's Note: Okay, here's the dealie-oh. That's a fun word, dealie-oh.
Dealie-oh, dealie-oh, OI OI OI!
... Anyway.
I have an EXTREMELY slow internet. I only have 63 RAM, so the internet doesn't have enough memory to work. *twitch*
So, while trying to get to a site to do homework, I became extremely frustrated because my computer was just giving up. Not even TRYING to prevent me from getting grounded. So, I wrote the first few lines, and just kept writing. Then I made it understandable, because the original was utterly confusing. It was written in the language of "Melony". And now, I have it published at FFN. Aren't I awesome?
- - Chapter One - - The Beggining - -
Melony is having a bad day with her shitty internet. Her computer has decided that it is too good for internet surfing. This has made Melony so angry, that she has found a crowbar and is now beating her Yahoo! DSL modem with it.
"GIVE ME JASON.ORG, YOU PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, causing the next door neighbors to stop their sexcapades to see what's going on. She is still beating the modem with the crowbar, but nothing is happening to it.
"GAAAAAAAAAAH! GIVE ME MY INTERNET, ASSH-"
She didn't get to finish that thought, however, because suddenly her computer monitor was sucking her into the computer. She gasped, and was suddenly inside the computer.
"Shiiiiit," she thought aloud. "Being sucked into a computer is never a good thing. The ones and zeros are making me dizzy. Why are the numbers white? Green is so cooler. Like Matrix. Only without the coats that make you trip and fall and break body parts."
Then, suddenly, a voice came out of nowhere. And what it said was wise and deep.
"Boo."
"AAAAAHH! DON'T HURT ME, COMPUTER BOOGIE MA - Oh, it's just Albus."
There was a pause of thought.
"Wait, it's Albus. Albus, sir, what the fuck are you doing in my computer?"
"Scaring the ones and zeros," he said as he made himself visible. "And waiting to give you lemon drops."
She gave another pause of thought. "No thanks. I put a ton of syrup on my waffles, but thanks anyway," she said, her voice trembling a little with fear.
"Suit yourself, then," he said as he proceeded to pop all the lemon drops in his mouth, one at a time.
"What am I doing in my computer, Albus?" Melony asked after a minute or two of Albus sucking on lemon drops.
"Simple. And I shall tell you after I have my sugar high."
Albus then went on to bounce around the computer interior chanting words in about five different languages and saying funny things in english every few words.
"I have a feeling this shall be a long day," Melony said slowly. She sat patiently for about five minutes while Albus proceeded to attack zeros and ones and humped one poor zero that was going between zero and one, zero and one.
"DUDE! ARE YOU DONE YET!?! I HAVE HOMEWORK I SHOULD BE DOING!" (A/N: I really do, too *giggle*)
The poor zero finally obtained enough courage to kick Albus in his sack, which made Albus jolt out of his sugar high. He stood in front of Melony and gave a little hem hem.
"As I was saying, the reason you are in your computer is because your muggle internet is shit, so all you have to do while your homework loads is sit in your fantasy land head."
She stood there for a moment, taking that in.
"Why is my fantasy land in my computer?"
"Because I didn't want to meet you on a cloud while I had wings sprouting from my hairy and manly back and a bole in my mouth," he replied instantly as if this was obvious.
"I ... see ..." she said slowly.
"Yes. But, now that you know what is going on, you may start whatever fantasy you'd like."
"Oh, really?" she said with an evil smirk.
"Yes, any fantasy you'd like that is PG-13."
"Fuck head," she spat at Albus. She had a slight sneer on as the zeros and ones disappeared and turned into the very entrance of Hogwarts.
"Ooooh, Aaaah."
"Oh, yes, a very original fantasy, childe." Albus said in a half mutter.
"MY fantasy. Go have some skittles and GO AWAY!"
"Oh ... but I am ..."
Suddenly, Albus' clothes changed. He was now dressed in Hawaiian summer clothes. He looked alot like Merlin towards the end of The Sword in the Stone.
"... THE TOUR GUIDE! NOW, GET IN THE TOUR BOAT!"
"... I put waaay too much syrup on my waffles this morning. And dude, we're right at-"
But her thought was interrupted. A river was suddenly starting to be built. The doors opened as the river flowed through the door and throughout the castle.
"HEY! I DIDN'T DO THAT!" She squealed.
"Because I did." He replied
"BUT IT'S MYYYY FANTASY!"
"I am THE TOUR GUIDE! I have control of your fantasy," he said, smirking ever so slightly.
"God damnit," she said after a pause, "You are worse than a censor."
"Now, in, THE TOUR BOAT!"
She began to speak in a bored tone. "There is no-"
As she spoke, a boat appeared in the water. it looked very Noah's Ark- esque.
"Oh my god," she said, still bored, 'There's a boat, how did that appear?"
"You're sorta slow aren't you?" he said, not noting the sarcasm. Melony gave an involuntary musle spazm known as a twitch. "Now, in THE TOUR BOAT!"
Albus hopped in the boat happily, while Melony slowly stepped in, in case there was a hole in the boat. 'Why me? What did I do to deserve being around this nut job?'
He suddenly had a huge rowing stick thing, like those people that steer the boats while the couples snog each other to death in the back. Apparently, he was thinking of the same comparison as Melony was, as he started singing.
"THIIIIS IIS THEEE NIIIIIGHT! IIIT'S A BEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUTIIIIIIIIFUUUUUUUUL NIIIIIGHT! AAAND THEEEEY CAAAALL IIT BEEEELLAAAAA NOOOOOCHEEEEE!"
"God, just kill me now," she muttered under her breath.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A/N: Woo! Daydreaming is overly fun, isn't it? You guys get me five reviews, and I'll write more! Unless I'm still trying to avoid schoolwork, at which time I'll write after one review!