song I was listening to :- Control , Halsey
"All, everything that I understand, I only understand because I love." - leo tolstoy
Their whispers were enough to drive me mad.
Their disapprovingyw looks were enough to anger me.
Their " not so discreet remarks. " were enough for me to punch them.
Their eyes which were constantly judging me were enough to make me bow my head.
All of this for what?
Because i was dating someone older then me?
****** line break ******
It all started 15 years ago , when i was 5.
He was my brothers best friend and our neighbour.
My brother was 10 years older than me ... And so was he.
They used to constantly torment my 5 year old self and For a bunch of 15 year olds , their were certainly quite a handful. My parents can attest to that.
One fine morning Jace was playing basketbal And i ... I was riding a bike ... Or atleast was trying to.
" Are you really that incompetent .. That you cant ride your own bike red?" Jace commented after seeing me fall from it for the tenth .. Eleventh time.
" Go away jacey vacey , No one needs you here " i retributed back to that red comment.
He continued shooting balls through the net trying to ignore me as good as he could.
" Thats enoughb!" He exclaimed and threw his ball somewhere in the bushes and came next to my fallen self.
" Get your ass up , i will teach you how to ride. " he exclaimed.
I wanted to argue with him but i was sure my tender body couldnt take one more fall.
" fine " i gave up and got up.
He took ahold of the back of my bike while i tried to set my feet on the peddles.
After i was done he spoke
" Now we are gonna first practice with some support from my gracious self. "
I nodded , choosing to ignore the last part of his comment.
" okay ... Now peddle " he commanded while pushing the bike forward.
I continued to peddle while he supported the bike.
" good now try to keep the bike straight and still " he directed me.
I tried to balance as best as i could and kept the handle staright.
" okay now peddle a bit faster and keep it straight , okay? " he asked me.
" okay , but please dont leave it" i begged him , afraid to fall off the bike at this .
I was peddling as fast as i could while maintaining the balance.
From the corner of my eye i saw a flash of gold.
Phewww it was jace ... Just jace ... The same jace who was supporting my bike or atleast i thought he was.
" Are you insane!" I screeched.
" dont stop peddling red , or you will fall" he exclaimed while running to keep up with the bike.
" i wont leave your side .. I promise." He said while panting a little.
I directed my concentration back again on the road ... Keeping my balance and shit.
My bike wobbled a little.
" don't give up red " he cheered while running.
A minute or so later he stopped running , Panting hard , With his hands on his knees he exclaimed
" YOU DID IT RED! "
******* line break ********
After he taught me how to ride a bike , Jace went back to his normal , rude and arrogant self. The one which i loathed.
For 3 whole years they tormented me , made fun of my beautiful , luscious red hair. For a bunch of 18 year olds they were quite a handful. My parents can attest to that.
They rebelled against every single thing. If their parents told them not to colour their hair pink .. They would colour it pink. They drank and partied .. Knowing that they would one day handle their parents business's when they come of age. Jace didnt have any sibling but for Jonathan i was a huge obstacle ... I swore i once heard them making plans on to get rid of me ... Literally.
When i was 8 Jace and Jon were 18 they screwed up ... Royally.
They accidentally set fire to a house. Sebastian verlac's mansion to be precise.
No one was hurt but 2 rooms were badly burnt.
According to them Jace thought it would be funny to light a bottle of expensive gin on fire and Jon set the plan to motion.
Our parents as well as jace's paid for the damages.
And our wealthy parents prevented any kind of legal charges as both these idiots were 18.
And Jace's parents well ... They even paid the Verlac's some kind of sorry gift .. Which kept their mouths shut.
Needless to say this incident left both of our parents shocked.
These two princesses were in trouble.
In an act of anger they shipped both of them to England ... In the same fucking college , And those two idiots couldnt be more elated. They sang ... Yup sang .. And ate the whole day.
In the end my parents shipped them two days before they actually had to leave.
While going Jon kissed the top of my head and promised to call me everyday and surprisingly Jace did the same too but not before ruffling my hair and called me a red headed midget.
While standing at the airport i realised two things.
1) I got rid of those two idiots.
2) i would miss those idiots more than anyone could even fathom.
***** line break *******
For the next ten years i had zero contact with Jace. Nadda . Zero.
After he an Jon completed thier college Jace went to live with his grandma to learn about the family business And as for Jon , He and his stupid ass came back home.
My relationship with my brother was strained. For the past 10 years we used to talk on phone once a month or once every two months , Sure he did come home during his school breaks but it was always straight ass awkward and the age gap didnt help.
Right now we were having breakfast together as always because mom insisted that we have one meal together everyday. Jon and dad always come back late.
i was debating with my dad regarding colleges when our door bell rang. I was more than happy to leave dad hanging in the middle of our conversation , I wont be attending law school and thats final!
I opened the door expecting to see our maid but i was stunned to see a hot. Handsome AF man standing there. He was around 6'2 towering above my 5'4 self. His well structured jaw , his messy golden hair and his golden eyes ... Wait! Golden eyes?
it couldn't be ...
" Oh my ... You sure have grown midget , what happened to that 8 year old awkward girl i left behind " he spoke.
" Speak for yourself , jacey vacey " i retorted.
" You still remember that fucking nickname ... Damn" he mumbled?
" Midget? Really? You are 28 for gods sake " i replied.
while we continued bickering my mom rushed from the kitchen to see who it was.
" Jace! Oh my god! " she squealed before hugging him. Hearing this commotion my dad too came outside and squeezed the life out of him.
" I am gonna take a DNA test , they didnt meet me this happily " jonathan grumbled and stood beside me.
" what are you doing here buddy? We were supposed to meet tomorrow at the meeting." Jon said while hugging him.
" I wanted to meet my adopted family " he joked , But we all could see how serious he was. Celine and Stephan were never really around despite of them being our neighbours.
" Come inside son , we have alot to catch on" and with that my dad dragged him inside.
We all sat in the living room with Jace being the centre of attraction and he was gladly soaking it all.
After 20 minutes he excused himself and went to our kitchen to fetch himself s glass of water.
He came back soon with the folder holding my college options.
" Whats this? " he asked us.
" College options " my dad replied.
And with that me and my dad presented our debate.
my dad wanted me to go to a law college and i wanted to attend an Art school.
Jace pondered over something before saying
" i have a great idea. " with that my destiny changed.
********* line break ********
How simply our life changes in a matter of seconds.
One second its normal and the other it isn't.
One second everyone loves you and the other they dont.
One second you have it all and the other you don't.
One second you might have a family and the other ... You dont.
********* 1 year later ********
" why? Why cant we? " i questioned him for the umpteenth time.
" You know the answer , dont you? " he replied.
" I do ... But i want to hear them from your fucking mouth " i replied loosing my calm.
" Don't Clary ... Just dont. " He begged. His finger threading through his golden locks.
Just like mine had done last night. When I had grabbed his hair as tight as i could while he was ...
" ANSWER ME! " i screamed. Trying to distract my mind.
" BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BEST FRIENDS LITTLE SISTER " He screamed at me.
I was more than stunned at his outburst.
He never shouted at me ... Never. Not once in his life , Not even then when i dyed his hair purple.
" Andd...? " i pushed him further , Because i had to hear it .. Just once. It would do both of us good.
" And you are 10 years younger then me " he finished with a sigh. We stood there staring in each others eyes when suddenly he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, A telltale sign that he was upset.
" Do you love me? " i questioned him in a meek voice.
He opened his eyes and looked right into mine and without breaking the contact he slowly raised my fisted hand and unclenched my fingers one by one from my bleeding hand.
I hadn't felt the pain.
" I do. " he replied.
" But we cant be together , I wont be able to face dad ... Your dad and tell him that i fucked his daughter after taking her to England with the promise that i would look after you and keep her away from other boys .. I fucking cant. " He replied.
His eyes glinted with remorse , Sorrow and ... Disgust for his actions? Disgust?
" You should have thought about it before dragging me away from my date and taking me to your room and declaring your love to me " i said , My voice close to a whisper.
" Clarissa ... "
" You should have thought about it last night when you took my virginity after declaring your love , Or Fucking me as you termed it. " I interrupted him.
His stared at me with his eyes wide.
" You are 19 and I ... I am 29 , Do you see any future for us Clare? "
I stared at him shellshocked.
He never saw a future for us , Not even yesterday.
Yesterday I sucked it up and accepted the truth that Me an jace were never going to happen. He was 28 and my brothers best friend. I was on a date with a nice rich guy of my age who genuinely had an interest in me. Sebastian . His name was Sebastian. Everything was going as smooth as it could when suddenly Jace appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me and dragged me to his home. Pushed me in his room and told me that he loved me and then made love to me? Fucked me as terms it.
" Wow ... Wow "
" Clary ... "
" You know what? You are right , who wants to date a girl who is a decade smaller than you anyways right? " And with that i walked out of his home where i had resided for an year as it was near my college. His mansion to be precise.
" CLARY! " he shouted , I ignored him and kept on walking. Where the fuck am i going?
Suddenly someone grabbed my arm and turned me around. I was met with Jace's golden eyes and without any preamble or whatsoever he kissed me. Hard .
His long pianist fingers were tangled in my red curls while his other hand was clutching my waist as tight as he could. He dragged me closer to him , As close as it was humanly possible.
For a second i didnt respond and when my mind fell in its right place , I pushed him.
He stumbled back shocked and before he could do anything i slapped him as hard as i could.
His face was turned sideways with a red mark appearing on his cheek.
" DONT . YOU . EVER . KISS . Me " i hissed.
" Just now you told me that we couldnt date and now you kiss me?!" Who does he think he is . First he declared his love , then slept with me and then rejected me and now?
" I said that we cannot be together but i never said that I didn't love you. " He replied as If it was the most simplest thing in the world.
I gaped at him.
" You are pathetic Jace " i spat at him and turned my back towards him and continued marching forward
" Where the fuck are you going? " He questioned , I could barely hear him because of the distance.
" I am going to Seb's place. " i replied without stopping or turning around.
I expected him to curse or grab me and drag me back but what i didnt expect was for him to start screaming ... Personal things in the middle of the most expensive part of the town.
" I LOVE CLARISSA MORGENSTERN " he shouted.
I stopped walking and turned around.
" SHE IS 19 AND MY BEST FRIENDS SISTER " He shouted.
I could spot him standing 30 meters away in his sexy black coat and polished shoes.
I raced towards him.
" I DIDNT FUCK HER LAST NIGHT " before he could bark some more i pounced on him but that jackass was too strong to fall down.
" What the fuck are you doing?! " i hissed .
" Nothing. "
" what the fuck jace ? And ... And ... And YES you fucked me last night "
" I didn't " he replied calmly.
" Stop lying " i replied.
" I am not lying "
" yes you are "
" I didnt fuck you , I made love to you " i was too shocked.
" I am sorry clary , But I am too selfish to let you go even though its for your own good " Before i could tell him to stop being stupid he kissed me.
" I am sorry , I am sorry , I am sorry " He kept mumbling while ravaging my lips.
He dragged my body as close as humanly possible and attacked my lips with not an ounce of hesitation present in his actions.
We were so engrossed that we didnt hear The bang of a window being thrown open but we sure as hell heard the screaming.
" What the fuck is wrong with you both? " someone shouted.
We both stopped and looked at him before going back to our ...Business.
WE both were done caring about whats others thought.
We were free.
We were as happy as we could be.
No one could spoil it ... Or at least i thought.
************* line break *********
" YOU FUCKING BASTARD " Jon screamed while clutching the collar of jace's shirt so hard that i heard a ripping sound.
After coming back home after my fight with Jace in the middle of the street he took me to his bedroom.
I thought i was going to get a replay of last night or so i expected , But alas jace stopped right after removing my shirt.
" I am sorry , I cant do this " He said and left the room , Leaving me heartbroken, wanting and shocked.
After i pestered him he told me that wont cheat his dad twice. Our dad . Technically MY dad.
So we took the next flight home and told them.
The sound of glass shattering brought me back to present.
My dad was leaning on his desk in PURE SHOCK. His face was paler than i had ever seen. His eyes were wide and his hand were clutching his desk.
My mom was sitting on a chair in the far right corner of the room. Her eyes were closed and her head was in her hands.
My brother , well he was the only one reacting ... By beating the living shit out of his best friend. My boyfriend.
I sprung into action when Jon threw another expensive vase on jace.
" JON ... "
" SHUT UP " he roared. For a second his eyes left jace and settled on me and i was scared at what i saw. His eyes were black. He glared at me for a minute.
Hate.
I only saw hate in his eyes for me.
He turned his attention back to Jace.
He currently had his collars in his hands.
" Why? " Jon asked him very calmly. His calmness scared me more than his anger.
From the corner of my eye's I saw my mom dragging my dad out of the room.
" It wasn't planned . " Jace replied.
Jon had yet to strike him. Although he broke two vase's Jace was unscratched ... Yet.
" What wasnt planned? Fucking her? " he asked him In a challenging tone.
I couldn't help but flinch.
No one noticed my flinch but Jon.
He gasped.
" YOU DID! YOU DID FUCK HER! " he screamed.
With that he flung Jace away on the glass table. Jace went crashing down. The table broke and small shards of glass shattered all around.
I screamed and jumped on Jons back when he raised his fist to strike Jace.
But Jon was too far gone in his hanger and instead elbowed me hard in my stomach.
I went flying away and landed on the broken pieces left of the vase's.
I screamed in pain.
The shards of glass pierced my palms , My back and my thighs.
My dress was more of red now then the green i was wearing.
Suddenly i felt two strong arms lifting me gently.
I opened my eyes to find Jace staring down at me with fear in his eyes.
I moaned in pain.
My stomach was on fire and was throbbing where Jon just elbowed me.
" PUT HER DOWN HERONDALE! " Jon screamed from somewhere behind me. Before Jace could respond he grabbed ahold of me and snatched me from Jace's arms.
I screamed in pain. He was not being gentle.
I could feel hot blood Dribbling downn my body.
Black spots started swarming my vision.
The last thing i heard was a curse from my brothers mouth and a door being banged opened.
Hello everyone , I am back! ... sort of.
So i wrote this a while ago and decided to upload it before it gets lost.
I miss everyone present in this site so much.
I love you all. Bye for now.
I will be back soon.