I write how I feel. Right now, I feel this. Deep topics of suicide are talked in this. May be a bit dark in this fic which is unlike my usual works. I was planning on finishing a new chapter of Volunteers Dreams but IRL events have put me in a depressed state of mind and I can't write cheery things at the moment. It was either write something quick as a completely unrelated story or do something to VD that I would regret later on. So I went with the 'write something unrelated' idea. I'm writing this as I go so I don't know what path this will take. This is a story I won't take serious and, most likely, will never update. It's just to take my mind of things so I doubt I will fix any kind of grammar\spelling errors if there are any.

Enjoy.

No Text Decoration - All Speech\Plot\Details\whatever

Bold - Psychic Speech\Telepathy (doubt this will be in here, but it might be, don't know)

Italic - Thoughts of main character

All it would take is one precise cut and it would all be done. All the pain in my life would be overwith. Hell, people I know and consider 'friends' would even be happy to have me gone. I have no point in living anymore. All my day consists of waking up, playing a video game of some kind for an hour, then sleep the rest of the day away so I don't have to deal with the real world.

And that's not even an exaggeration.

I sat there, just eyeing the blade. Just do it, pussy. You can't. I sighed, my own brain working against me. Life is too much for me. People always tell me "Oh get over yourself, Ryu, people have it harder than you," and, while that may be true, I don't give a flying fuck.

I wanted nothing more than to feel the warm liquid that is my blood run down my arm as I closed my eyes on final time. I wanted that sweet release from this hell-hole called life. Yeah, maybe it'd hurt my family, but it would be for the better if I did, right? I've been told I'm nothing but a mistake by the kids I went to school with. I was told I'd be better off dead.

Faggot. Cunt. Bitch. Gay. retard.

So many names. I can't count how many times I'd cut because of the pain. I looked down to my arms at some of my old scars, remembering the old story behind each of them. Some were because of the names, others because of the insults, and a couple from those who physically hurt me.

You may be wondering, 'Ryu, why don't you go see a therapist?! Don't your parents know how you are?!'. And with that, let me say parents do know. They care a lot about the way I am and know each scar on my body whether it be from a previous surgery or from self-harm. They care a lot and, while it does mean a little to me, and I can't emphasize 'little' enough, it doesn't work. They do take me to a therapist and he doesn't help at all.

All I do is sit there, talking about why I'm upset. He simply just jots down some notes in a little three-ring notebook and, sometimes, he'll make a little grunt showing he is somewhat listening. My family is wasting money trying to help me.

They have asked what they could do that would help me and, truth be told, I told them nothing. I couldn't, and still can't, think of anything they could do to help. I'm stuck in a rut of self-pity and worthlessness and nothing will help me out of it. They tried to understand how I felt but never did. They'd offer to have a few of my 'friends' over, take me to see a movie, and at one point they even offered to buy me a whole new gaming computer to keep me occupied. I told them none of it would help and returned to my slump right after.

Again I sighed and set the blade down. It was the one blade I'd always used when I cut. It had been a week since I last did and, while some say it's a good thing, it's hard on me. I don't have a release of any kind and it hurts, knowing I have nothing to vent to. When people here of my depression, they always brush it off as some small time teenage hormones and that I would 'get over it eventually'. And to that, I always respond with a big "FUCK YOU!".

I stood up and walked over to my dresser where my mirror was and took a good look at myself. I had shoulder length black hair and I had a few zits throughout my face. Most were hidden by my hair but very few were on my cheeks. I had glasses due to my gaming history fucking up my vision. I guess that's what I get since I used to sit in front of a computer all day playing MMORPG's. I wore a purple t-shirt with a picture of an Eevee on it and, underneath the picture of the Pokemon, read the name "Eevee" in big black letters.

I turned, looking away from the mirror. I need to take a walk. I quickly put on my shoes and walked downstairs where my parents were. They both were in their early fourties and were your typical parents. They were sitting on the couch, watching the news as I entered the room. They both looked at me, "You okay?" Mom asked.

"I just need a walk. I'll be back soon," I said as I walked out the door. Before she could protest, I was gone.

It was now dark out. Well, it was sort of dark when I left but now it was pitch black out. Our house was right on the outside of town and I had this special spot that I always went to when I needed to think about life or to get away from my own thoughts.

It was at a cliff that overlooked a large lake. Where I sat, I could see a large bridge that connected the two sides, leading from Route 120 to Route 121. Around the lake, there was large grass, allowing bigger Pokemon a place to stay hidden from Pokemon trainers.

I'd never wanted to be a Pokemon Trainer. It never appealed to me. I was the lazy type of person who preferred having things handed to me. That being said, I knew trainers traveled nonstop in hopes of becoming champion of their region or whatever region their gym challenge was taking place. It just never appealed to me. Because of that, I had never gotten a Pokemon.

After 10 minutes of walking through the tall grass, I had arrived to my destination. Overlooking the lake was a large cliff which provided an amazing view under the moonlit sky. I sat down on the grass and just admired the beauty it gave off. It was such a beautiful thing to observe when you're alone and can actually value nature for what it is.

It was such a beautiful night out. There were a few clouds scattered across the night sky, a pleasant breeze could be felt. It gently brushed upon my skin and always sent goosebumps on my body. It was by no means cold out which is what most would consider tonight as. To me, though, it felt perfect.

I scooted closer to the edge of the cliff, allowing me feet to dangle. It was around a 30 foot drop straight into the lake. At the bottom, however, rocks were pointed and jagged from the constant wave movement the lake had. Nobody knew how their were waves here as the wind never was strong enough to cause them. The waves just.. happened..

I looked over the edge, past my feet. The rocks came into view. The second I laid my eyes on them, my thoughts had returned. What if I just jump and end it right here, right now? It would be such a quick and painless death, so much easier and less gruesome than if I bled out.. Surely they wouldn't be able to find my body with how deep the lake is. They'd classify me as a runaway and the case would be closed. Maybe now is the time..

I sighed, standing up. Maybe now was the time. I stood on the edge, eyeing the ground below me. Or maybe now isn't the time. Maybe I could wait it out.. for a different day. I don't even have a goodbye letter like I said I would when the time comes. Yeah, tonight is not the night.

Nobody knew about me leaving a good bye letter. I hadn't told anyone I would because the second they see me writing something, when I never write on my own, they'd know what was up. And I didn't want to bare with the fact they'd know when my time was. Because, whether or not they tried to stop me or not, they'd just be prolonging my demise.

"I'm worried about him, dear," I said, looking to my wife. She nodded,

"I am too. But there's nothing we can do. The therapist is obviously not working, no matter how much we say it is, he looks to be getting worse, and he won't say what could cheer him up. I wish there was something we could do," She looked down sadly. That's when I got an idea.

"Maybe there is," I said. She looked at me confusedly and I continued, "I don't know if it will work, but it's worth a shot. I want you to trust me on this, will you do that?" She nodded frantically,

"Anything to help my baby boy,"

"Glad to hear, hun. I want you to set an alarm so we can get up and leave early, we don't want him knowing where we went,"

"Where will we be going?" She asked. I hugged her and said,

"You'll see tomorrow dear. When I was a kid, I had a friend who had the same thing going on in his life. His parents did what I want to atleast try and, slowly, he got better. Now he's the biggest ray of sunshine," I smiled. She nodded, a small smile on her face,

"Only if you're sure it will work,"

"I'm sure it will."

I had arrived home just after midnight. Everyone in the house was asleep so the house was dead quiet. I tiptoed to my room, being quiet as to not wake my parents. While I may be depressed and hate a lot of things, I still had respect for those who are asleep. I walked into my room and took off my shirt. I quickly climbed into bed and laid my head on my pillow, quickly falling asleep.

I had awoken as the sun came throw my window. My bed was directly facing my window as I had requested when we arranged my furniture when we first moved in so this would be a natural, quote-unquote, 'alarm clock' for me. I yawned, getting out of bed to start my day. Or, whatever today would consist of. I grabbed some clothes, a pair of jeans and a tanktop, and went to take a quick shower.

As I got out of the shower, I decided I'd eat some breakfast. This was the most exciting part of the day as my mom always cooks the best meals. She'd come up with ideas that always seemed like they'd be rediculous and, while they are rediculous, they always turn out to be some of the best things ever.

Walking out of the bathroom, I walked into the livingroom, expecting my dad to be there but he wasn't. I thought nothing of it and walked in the kitchen to find my mom wasn't there either and hanging off the counter was a note. Written on it said,

Be back soon. Dad wanted to go do something and said that we should be back by noon. Breakfast is in the oven already cooking. Since I couldn't prepare a full meal for you dear I decided to just make you some cinnamon rolls. They're already cooked and are sitting in the oven to stay warm. Be careful, they may still be hot.

We love you dear,

Mom.

I sighed and nodded. They did tend to come and go at random times and I thought nothing of it. Looking towards the oven, I noticed a light fragrance lingering in the air. Hunger taking me over, I quickly grabbed an oven mitt and opened the oven, letting out a much stronger aroma of fresh baked dough with a sweet smell of cinnamon. Just the smell alone was enough to make my mouth water.

Cinnamon rolls are truly the best morning meal anybody could have.

After half an hour of driving, we had finally arrived to where I wanted to go. My wife looked on in amazement, "When you said you had an idea, I didn't think this was it. I can honestly say that this might work!" She smiled happily.

"You doubted me at all?" I said, jokingly. She swatted at my arm playfully,

"Shush it. Come on, let's go in." I nodded and followed her in.

Inside the building, there was a counter with a lady behind it. It was still early in the morning so nobody had arrived yet which gave us first priority over anybody else who'd show up at a later time. "Hello," the lady said as we got closer, "My name's Jane. May I help you?" We both nodded,

"Yeah. Our son has been going through depression for a long time and nothing has helped get him out of it. We were thinking that maybe this might help," I answered. She nodded,

"Well we're always welcome to try!" She said, "Follow me. I'll take you out back where the Pokemon are located," We both nodded and again followed her outside where various Pokemon were located. For it being so early in the morning, multiple Pokemon were already up and playing. Upon seeing Jane, they all stopped their games and antics and rushed over to her, greeting her. She giggled,

"Good morning everyone," She said. They all replied with a good morning,

"Oh my god they're so cute!" My wife exclaimed, kneeling down to them. They all had happy smiles on their faces and one ran over to her, nuzzling her lightly. She picked him up in her labs and just pet it like no tomorrow. I chuckled at her sudden change in behavior.

"So," Jane said, "What kind of Pokemon are you looking for?" She asked.

I shook my head, "I wish I could say, that's what I was kind of hoping you'd help me figure out," I said. She nodded,

"I understand. What's his favorite type of Pokemon?"

"Again, he never said. He never really had an interest in being a trainer so never learned too much about them. Sure, he can name any you show him, but that's about it," I answered.

"Don't worry about it!" She smiled, "What's his personality like? What does he like to do?"

"Well," I thought for a moment, "He's very lazy. All he really does is sit on his butt all day either sleeping or playing his video games," I answered. She nodded and I continued, "For his personality, he's very sad on the outside 90 percent of the time. That's due to his depression. You see, he's always been bullied at school, harrassed, even beat up before and nobody knows why. He's your typical teenager and can get along with just about anybody. When he's having a good day, although rare, he's a very happy kid. He'll put others before him in efforts to make sure they're happy before he is," I said.

Jane looked off into the distance for a moment and said, "Alright. I have a few that come to mind. And I'm sorry for what you have told me. It's a shame he has to go through that," She said, standing up.

"It is," Was all I said as she walked off to retrieve the Pokemon. I looked over to see my wife still playing with the Pokemon, "Enjoying yourself?" I asked. She nodded happily,

"I knew Pokemon were cute, but holy cow, these are just adorable," She said as she held up an Eevee who happily nuzzled her arms. I smiled lightly,

"Yeah, they are. I'm just hoping this works."

I sat at my computer, eating my breakfast. I was on YouTube watching one of my favorites YouTube 'stars' as he played a game called Prop Hunt. It was a game where there are two teams and one team is able to become various items found throughout the map and the other team has to find them. The guy I watch always screws with the ones who he plays with and it's always funny. It was one of the only things anymore that actually made me laugh.

"First off, I hope gender won't matter to you. Males are popular trainer starters so we only have females at the time being," She said.

I shook my head, "Unless there's any major differences between male and female, then no," I said. She nodded and began,

"So, here we have Cerise," She said, indicating to the small, red canine. She had, well.. red fur all over her body. She multiple tails that all curled up at the ends. Her eyes were a deep brown and she had on the cheeriest expression I'd seen in a long time. "She is a very well trained Pokemon and loves humans, don't you?" She said, bending down to the Pokemon. The Pokemon happily nuzzled into her touch, murring with each pet, "She's very smart for her species and is very understanding of other people."

"How active is her species and everything like that?" My wife asked.

"Generally, the Vulpix species are not too active but do like to go on walks every once in a while. They're considered lap-Pokemon meaning that they love to cuddle and be close to people. They're very well kept and don't ever shed. They're highly recommended for beginner trainers and they only evolve through a Fire Stone. As you may be able to figure out by the previous statement, she is a Fire Type," She said. We both nodded.

"Next we have Biscuit," She said, pointing to the other small canine, "This Pokemon here is top of the line. They're considered to be the most loyal Pokemon out there that will follow an order without a second thought," The Pokemon being described was a small yellow-orange one. It had black stripes on it's back and legs that made it look somewhat more tough than it was. She had a large tuft of white colored fur on her chest and her head. The Pokemon's tongue was hanging out lazily, with her panting lightly. "They're very fast learners and are very easily house-broken. I heard you say that your son has no interest in being a trainer so this breed is very well recommended.

"Much like Vulpix, Growlithe only evolve via Fire Stone so you have no worries of her roughly quadrupling in size unless she comes into contact with a Fire Stone," We nodded again.

I had finished breakfast and put my dishes away. I decided I'd leave out the remaining morning delights known as cinnamon rolls because I'd likely eat more as I passed by them throughout the day. That and, if my parents decided, they could also eat some. Now that my morning routine of breakfast and YouTube was over, I had nothing to do.

I walked over to the couch and decided I'd try my luck with the television. I wasn't much into television so it was a little difficult to find what I'd like. After a couple moments of searching, I gave up and went to my room. I decided I'd play some video games like I would usually do. I sat down in a chair close to my television and switched on my Xbox, it roaring to life.

Looking at my rack of games, I decided I'd be playing an arcade shooter that was very popular by the name of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. It was a game I'd come to enjoy playing online with others as I wasn't too bad at the game. Hell, I'd even go as far to say I was better than most at the games. Most games I'd play would result in me having around 50 kills with around 20 or so deaths.

Maybe it was my love of death or maybe it was the fact I was good at the game, but it was one I'd thoroughly enjoyed.

"Now, we have a Normal Type for you to meet," She said. We looked at the Pokemon she was presenting. It had a very long body that was mostly a very lightly brown color with darker brown rings around the end of her body. She stood on two legs and her two paws she stood on were the same dark brown as the rings on her body. Below both her eyes were two brown streaks also the same as the dark brown found on her body.

"Now, this Pokemon is known to be slightly.. hyper. She is very well mannered and can get along with anybody. Her species are very well with small children and love to lend a helping hand, literally as that's one of their moves, at any time," She said with a smile. "Generally, Furret are very good family additions and are some of the most affectionate out there," She smiled. I looked over to my wife and asked,

"See any yet you're liking for Ely?" She nodded.

"I actually like all of them. Are there any others you'd like us to meet?" She asked. Jane nodded,

"One more. This one here," She said, pointing to a black canine. It had a fierce on it's face that showed it was tough. However, if you looked her in the eyes, she'd look away showing she was submissive to you and that you were her 'alpha' as Pokemon call it. Her fur mostly gray but, along her back, where her fur was longer, it was a pitch black. Much like the Growlithe, her tongue was hanging out lazily. "Now, she may look fierce and scary, but she's one of the sweetest Pokemon out there. Being a Dark Type, she is often left for dead in a moments notice due to superstition of Dark Types being 'evil'. However, this girl here, is the sweetest thing ever. She's super affectionate and can always bring a smile on someone's face," She said, leaning down and petting the Pokemon.

The Pokemon leaned into her and happily licked her hand, enjoying her strokes. I couldn't help but smile. "Do you mind if I talk with them all in private about what it'd be like if they came with us? I don't want them to be pressured to go with us to find how our son is," I asked. She nodded,

"Of course! Just come in when you're ready!" She smiled. I nodded and she left.