Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, Legolas, Scooby Doo or
Rivendell. Happy?
A.N: The whole American thing was not intended to offend anyone, and I'm sorry if it did. Matharin is not in any way a Sue, just the manifestation of lots of frustrated fan fiction authors. And, hey, not all Mary Sues are bad, its just the general standard of writing in the stories is so awful that most people associate Mary Sues with some kind of plot-less, unbelievable load of bullshit. Some Mary Sue stories are quite good, but they are in an alarming minority.
'.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.'
Matharin looked up, and grimaced. Not another one! So far, Legolas had brought in over six hundred girls that had fallen into Middle Earth from a planet called Earth, that were all beautiful, and that had fallen in love with Legolas. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! They all knew what was going on with the One Ring, and pretty much the entire population of Rivendell was fed up with them. As they all knew about the quest to bring the ring to the fires of Mount Doom, they were all invited to the secret council of Elrond. It wasn't going to be difficult for the young hobbit to make it to into Mordor, with an entire army of Mary Sues behind him, but it was so annoying!
Silently, she got up and followed the blonde prince and his companion. They reached Elrond's study, and he bade her to wait outside while he went in to talk to the Elven lord. The girl waited, giggling and looking around her in interest.
'Greetings! I am known as Matharin.' The girl nearly screamed, but realised that the voice was friendly. She wore the strange clothes of many from that world; a tunic that did not even reach her waist, and a pair of indecently tight blue trousers. 'I am to help you prepare for the feast tonight held in your honour.'
'Omigod, this is so cool! You're, like, an elf! Omigod, did you, like, say a feast held in my honour? That is so cool! I can tell we're going to be best friends!'
Matharin barely repressed a shudder. It was bad enough that none of the Mary Sues spoke the Common Tongue (although most, strangely, were completely fluent in a garbled mixture of Sindarin and Quenya), but was it too much to ask that they spoke their own language correctly?
'If you would like to follow me, please? I'm sure you must be very tired. Imagine! Falling from the sky!' She led the girl up to her apartments, and entered, shutting the door behind her. She was fluent in English (with all these earthlings running around, I was hard not to be) but she could barely understand what this girl was saying.
'If you could wait here, please?' She went into her bedroom and, in the wardrobe, retrieved an axe that she kept hidden there. Tucking it under a green dress that she picked up, she went back to the girl, who was smiling stupidly. 'I think this would suit your colouring very well.'
Letting the dress fall to the ground, she walked forwards holding the axe. As she set to work, some backing music struck up, to the same tune as Scooby Doo.
Mary Mary Sue, Where are you? Do you believe in rebirth? Cause I'll hunt you down, And I'll kill you, For what you've done to Middle Earth.
Some time later, she slung the body over her shoulder and left her rooms. She met several other elves in the corridors, and all gave signs of relief when they saw the corpse.
Legolas nearly ran into her, a worried look on his face. 'Matharin, have you seen...oh.' His face fell.
'Cheer up, Legolas. It was for your own good.' She left him standing in the corridor, and made her way down to the river. She dumped the corpse, and started to walk back up to Rivendell.
A.N: The whole American thing was not intended to offend anyone, and I'm sorry if it did. Matharin is not in any way a Sue, just the manifestation of lots of frustrated fan fiction authors. And, hey, not all Mary Sues are bad, its just the general standard of writing in the stories is so awful that most people associate Mary Sues with some kind of plot-less, unbelievable load of bullshit. Some Mary Sue stories are quite good, but they are in an alarming minority.
'.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.' '.,_,.'
Matharin looked up, and grimaced. Not another one! So far, Legolas had brought in over six hundred girls that had fallen into Middle Earth from a planet called Earth, that were all beautiful, and that had fallen in love with Legolas. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! They all knew what was going on with the One Ring, and pretty much the entire population of Rivendell was fed up with them. As they all knew about the quest to bring the ring to the fires of Mount Doom, they were all invited to the secret council of Elrond. It wasn't going to be difficult for the young hobbit to make it to into Mordor, with an entire army of Mary Sues behind him, but it was so annoying!
Silently, she got up and followed the blonde prince and his companion. They reached Elrond's study, and he bade her to wait outside while he went in to talk to the Elven lord. The girl waited, giggling and looking around her in interest.
'Greetings! I am known as Matharin.' The girl nearly screamed, but realised that the voice was friendly. She wore the strange clothes of many from that world; a tunic that did not even reach her waist, and a pair of indecently tight blue trousers. 'I am to help you prepare for the feast tonight held in your honour.'
'Omigod, this is so cool! You're, like, an elf! Omigod, did you, like, say a feast held in my honour? That is so cool! I can tell we're going to be best friends!'
Matharin barely repressed a shudder. It was bad enough that none of the Mary Sues spoke the Common Tongue (although most, strangely, were completely fluent in a garbled mixture of Sindarin and Quenya), but was it too much to ask that they spoke their own language correctly?
'If you would like to follow me, please? I'm sure you must be very tired. Imagine! Falling from the sky!' She led the girl up to her apartments, and entered, shutting the door behind her. She was fluent in English (with all these earthlings running around, I was hard not to be) but she could barely understand what this girl was saying.
'If you could wait here, please?' She went into her bedroom and, in the wardrobe, retrieved an axe that she kept hidden there. Tucking it under a green dress that she picked up, she went back to the girl, who was smiling stupidly. 'I think this would suit your colouring very well.'
Letting the dress fall to the ground, she walked forwards holding the axe. As she set to work, some backing music struck up, to the same tune as Scooby Doo.
Mary Mary Sue, Where are you? Do you believe in rebirth? Cause I'll hunt you down, And I'll kill you, For what you've done to Middle Earth.
Some time later, she slung the body over her shoulder and left her rooms. She met several other elves in the corridors, and all gave signs of relief when they saw the corpse.
Legolas nearly ran into her, a worried look on his face. 'Matharin, have you seen...oh.' His face fell.
'Cheer up, Legolas. It was for your own good.' She left him standing in the corridor, and made her way down to the river. She dumped the corpse, and started to walk back up to Rivendell.