TITLE: Drowning
WRITTEN BY: Drea Jackman
EMAIL: DreaJackman@Literati.co.uk
RATING: R
SUMMARY: Suddenly cast out of the only life he's ever known, Alec is alone and dealing with it
the only way he knows how. But, who'll be there to throw him a life line when he's going under?
DISCLAIMER: I own none of the characters involved. They belong to Cameron/Eglee
Producions :(
ARCHIVE: If I've said yes before I'll say it again, otherwise email me 'n' lemme know.
FEEDBACK: Don't make me beg, please? ...D'OH!
A/N: Well I'm kinda terrified of publishing this on the net, but I suppose it's gotta happen
sometime hasn't it. My first non-M/L or Logan, or Max related fic. Welcome to the travesty that
is my very first Alec-fic,hopefully first of many cause I hafta admit he's growing on me more and
more :) If I don't have his character down exactly, please bear in mind that I've not seen season
2 in the UK yet and that he IS at the end of his tether here!
Please Review here cause I'd really appreciate the feedback if I'm ever going to continue writing
for Alec.
___________________________________________________________
"You okay there pal?"
"It's all good," a distance voice quoted.
"If you say so." The barman shrugged and finished filling the stranger's glass before moving
further down the bar to serve.
The stranger himself sat bathed in shadow at the top corner of the bar staring almost wearily into
his now full beer glass. It was times like these he found himself wishing it didn't take so much
effort to get drunk. Drowning your sorrows wasn't the easiest task for an X5, but as Alec had
learned over the past week or so, it was something that got easier with practice.
Gone were the days that actually gave his now very sorry life meaning. Back at Manticore he
had a pretty good set up, at least for him. Being able to disregard his conscience came in pretty
handy there and life wasn't nearly as complicated. Out in the real world was so different to
anything he'd ever known before.
Life as X5/494 had been just that. His life had consisted of him and only him. There'd never
been anyone else to think of first, no one to look out for and certainly no one to give a damn
about him. He was all he had in the world.
Downing the remnants of alcohol Alec welcomed the slightly drowsy feeling the drink was
beginning to bring. It wouldn't be long till the warm embrace of the drug would quiet the
problems in his troubled mind and let him forget for at least a little while. Ordering up another
beer, this time a pitcher, the barkeep looked at him a little warily, but thought better of adding to
the hassles of a guy he'd seen so down in there almost every other night that week.
"Thanks."
Alec's words were strangely appreciative as the other man set the pitcher down in front of him.
Pouring himself another pint glass he began the process that lead to eventual, yet blissful
ignorance.
Freedom was more confining than the supposed Manticore prison had ever been. Out here he
had to face things the likes of which would've never been necessary before. Social relationships
were probably the biggest part of it. Even with the X5's, he'd always been part of a team, even if
he himself was the only 'I' in it. Much as he hated to admit it, it did bother him that the others
saw him as a waste of time. Some stupid screw up that didn't care about anyone or anything,
the dick who was only out for himself.
A few beers later and Alec was finding it a little easier to ignore the blatant truth that he hated
more than anything else. He was afraid; frightened of a world that didn't want to give him a
chance and scared to try to prove that he was worthy of one. Seeing Max and the others relate,
having friends, people to count on who were there to care about her no matter what, it was all
new to him. He'd been the only one he could count on for so long that he didn't know how to be
a friend, but the one thing he never questioned was why no one ever wanted to be his. Afterall,
he was just some smart Alec that didn't give a damn about anyone right?
"Wrong," he mumbled staring at the now empty pitcher.
The barman approached cautiously and picked up the empty pitcher looking at Alec with mild
disinterest.
"That's it pal."
Alec didn't reply or protest, only stood up abruptly sending his barstool clattering to the floor.
His eyes burned with the rage of denial. There was only one thing pushing against better
judgement, foggy as it was at that moment and that was the simple mantra inside his head.
'It's not enough, it's not all gone yet.'
"Look you've had enough, time for you to be gettin' outa here while you can still walk," the
barman said with more authority.
"I'm not leaving till it's all gone," he replied thumping some more money down on the bar. He
was referring to the thoughts and memories that still plagued him, but who were they to
understand that?
"You've had ENOUGH!"
"Problem man?" a burly man in his mid-twenties asked approaching the bar.
"That's okay Joe, this guy was just leavin'" the barman said turning his attention back to Alec.
Alec stopped glaring at the man long enough to launch an ill-aimed punch at his face. The other
man his side of the bar easily avoided it, twisting his arm around behind him to hold him steady.
He even managed to rob him of the dignity in fighting back, just hauling his drunken ass away
from the bar where he released him suddenly, letting Alec slam into a nearby table. Other
people in the bar stopped to turn and stare, the music in the background growing suddenly
silent.
It took Alec a few seconds to register and react, gripping the end of the table to stop himself
falling over completely. Undignified as his last stance was, he took it anyway, standing up
slowly before raising his hands in surrender. Staggering backward towards the door he collided
with tables and chairs sending them to the hard floor as the strangers stared and pitied. Finally
making it out into the alleyway outside he fell against the wall and let the heavy rainfall wash
over him.
Hands braced shoulder width apart on the wall in front of him Alec breathed deeply, the cold rain
ebbing and flowing through his dark hair to wash over his face. He was glad it did for it
successfully concealed any evidence there may be that he may have felt anything for what his
life had become. He was alone. No one to talk to about what was had happened, no one to
simply sit there and provide company.
The rain fell hard and heavy in straight sheets. As Alec turned to lean back on the wall he
looked up at the blackened sky, thunder rumbling over head as lightening streaked the sky. It
just wasn't enough. No amount of alcohol he consumed would ever do the job right, he'd never
be able to forget it all completely.
The sting of the rain on his face, the burning in his eyes, it was all reminiscent of the worst six
months he'd ever spent at Manticore. When they'd found out 493, Ben, his twin, had been
unstable they'd been afraid that it was genetically linked, so he'd been taken to some obscure
wing of the facility and locked up for the entire duration while doctors performed all sorts of
painful procedures, where commanding officers carried out the most torturous scenario's, all just
to get inside his head and try and break him down to determine whether or not he really was like
his brother.
All Alec really wanted now was a chance to prove that he was his own person. That being that
person didn't mean he was cold or heartless. He didn't always have to be the pathetic screw up
that nobody cared about. Manticore didn't really teach it's kids to do alot of soul searching or
anything like the sort of teachings that'd help with self reflection. Alec didn't know how to be
anything else, and more to the point, he had no one to show him how to become something
more.
He didn't even know who he really was anymore. Where his place in a world of freedom lay and
what use he could make of his life, it was all shrouded in mystery. But the biggest hurt of all was
the fact that he wanted to change; wanted to be like Max and adapt. To be happy and know
what it really felt like to enjoy freedom. For him, freedom was more of a prison than the prison.
Joshua had the whole innocent thing going for him. Max had bonded with him so quickly that
he'd even found himself envious of the canine transgenic. Everytime he thought about it he'd
get angry, countless arguments inside his mind being thrown back and forth.
'Why the hell should I change?'
'Because who I am doesn't matter to them.'
'Why don't I do something about it?'
'Because I don't know how.'
'Why should I care anyway?'
'Because I don't want this!'
'Don't want what?'
'To be what everyone sees in me! To be the screw up!'
Exasperated as self reflection finally took hold, Alec finally hauled himself up from the wall in the
darkened alley and managed to lay one foot in front of the other. Staggering, he made his way
out onto the street where he disappeared from sight into the storm, the thunder peeling loudly
over head as lightening blazed across the sky setting it ablaze.
WRITTEN BY: Drea Jackman
EMAIL: DreaJackman@Literati.co.uk
RATING: R
SUMMARY: Suddenly cast out of the only life he's ever known, Alec is alone and dealing with it
the only way he knows how. But, who'll be there to throw him a life line when he's going under?
DISCLAIMER: I own none of the characters involved. They belong to Cameron/Eglee
Producions :(
ARCHIVE: If I've said yes before I'll say it again, otherwise email me 'n' lemme know.
FEEDBACK: Don't make me beg, please? ...D'OH!
A/N: Well I'm kinda terrified of publishing this on the net, but I suppose it's gotta happen
sometime hasn't it. My first non-M/L or Logan, or Max related fic. Welcome to the travesty that
is my very first Alec-fic,hopefully first of many cause I hafta admit he's growing on me more and
more :) If I don't have his character down exactly, please bear in mind that I've not seen season
2 in the UK yet and that he IS at the end of his tether here!
Please Review here cause I'd really appreciate the feedback if I'm ever going to continue writing
for Alec.
___________________________________________________________
"You okay there pal?"
"It's all good," a distance voice quoted.
"If you say so." The barman shrugged and finished filling the stranger's glass before moving
further down the bar to serve.
The stranger himself sat bathed in shadow at the top corner of the bar staring almost wearily into
his now full beer glass. It was times like these he found himself wishing it didn't take so much
effort to get drunk. Drowning your sorrows wasn't the easiest task for an X5, but as Alec had
learned over the past week or so, it was something that got easier with practice.
Gone were the days that actually gave his now very sorry life meaning. Back at Manticore he
had a pretty good set up, at least for him. Being able to disregard his conscience came in pretty
handy there and life wasn't nearly as complicated. Out in the real world was so different to
anything he'd ever known before.
Life as X5/494 had been just that. His life had consisted of him and only him. There'd never
been anyone else to think of first, no one to look out for and certainly no one to give a damn
about him. He was all he had in the world.
Downing the remnants of alcohol Alec welcomed the slightly drowsy feeling the drink was
beginning to bring. It wouldn't be long till the warm embrace of the drug would quiet the
problems in his troubled mind and let him forget for at least a little while. Ordering up another
beer, this time a pitcher, the barkeep looked at him a little warily, but thought better of adding to
the hassles of a guy he'd seen so down in there almost every other night that week.
"Thanks."
Alec's words were strangely appreciative as the other man set the pitcher down in front of him.
Pouring himself another pint glass he began the process that lead to eventual, yet blissful
ignorance.
Freedom was more confining than the supposed Manticore prison had ever been. Out here he
had to face things the likes of which would've never been necessary before. Social relationships
were probably the biggest part of it. Even with the X5's, he'd always been part of a team, even if
he himself was the only 'I' in it. Much as he hated to admit it, it did bother him that the others
saw him as a waste of time. Some stupid screw up that didn't care about anyone or anything,
the dick who was only out for himself.
A few beers later and Alec was finding it a little easier to ignore the blatant truth that he hated
more than anything else. He was afraid; frightened of a world that didn't want to give him a
chance and scared to try to prove that he was worthy of one. Seeing Max and the others relate,
having friends, people to count on who were there to care about her no matter what, it was all
new to him. He'd been the only one he could count on for so long that he didn't know how to be
a friend, but the one thing he never questioned was why no one ever wanted to be his. Afterall,
he was just some smart Alec that didn't give a damn about anyone right?
"Wrong," he mumbled staring at the now empty pitcher.
The barman approached cautiously and picked up the empty pitcher looking at Alec with mild
disinterest.
"That's it pal."
Alec didn't reply or protest, only stood up abruptly sending his barstool clattering to the floor.
His eyes burned with the rage of denial. There was only one thing pushing against better
judgement, foggy as it was at that moment and that was the simple mantra inside his head.
'It's not enough, it's not all gone yet.'
"Look you've had enough, time for you to be gettin' outa here while you can still walk," the
barman said with more authority.
"I'm not leaving till it's all gone," he replied thumping some more money down on the bar. He
was referring to the thoughts and memories that still plagued him, but who were they to
understand that?
"You've had ENOUGH!"
"Problem man?" a burly man in his mid-twenties asked approaching the bar.
"That's okay Joe, this guy was just leavin'" the barman said turning his attention back to Alec.
Alec stopped glaring at the man long enough to launch an ill-aimed punch at his face. The other
man his side of the bar easily avoided it, twisting his arm around behind him to hold him steady.
He even managed to rob him of the dignity in fighting back, just hauling his drunken ass away
from the bar where he released him suddenly, letting Alec slam into a nearby table. Other
people in the bar stopped to turn and stare, the music in the background growing suddenly
silent.
It took Alec a few seconds to register and react, gripping the end of the table to stop himself
falling over completely. Undignified as his last stance was, he took it anyway, standing up
slowly before raising his hands in surrender. Staggering backward towards the door he collided
with tables and chairs sending them to the hard floor as the strangers stared and pitied. Finally
making it out into the alleyway outside he fell against the wall and let the heavy rainfall wash
over him.
Hands braced shoulder width apart on the wall in front of him Alec breathed deeply, the cold rain
ebbing and flowing through his dark hair to wash over his face. He was glad it did for it
successfully concealed any evidence there may be that he may have felt anything for what his
life had become. He was alone. No one to talk to about what was had happened, no one to
simply sit there and provide company.
The rain fell hard and heavy in straight sheets. As Alec turned to lean back on the wall he
looked up at the blackened sky, thunder rumbling over head as lightening streaked the sky. It
just wasn't enough. No amount of alcohol he consumed would ever do the job right, he'd never
be able to forget it all completely.
The sting of the rain on his face, the burning in his eyes, it was all reminiscent of the worst six
months he'd ever spent at Manticore. When they'd found out 493, Ben, his twin, had been
unstable they'd been afraid that it was genetically linked, so he'd been taken to some obscure
wing of the facility and locked up for the entire duration while doctors performed all sorts of
painful procedures, where commanding officers carried out the most torturous scenario's, all just
to get inside his head and try and break him down to determine whether or not he really was like
his brother.
All Alec really wanted now was a chance to prove that he was his own person. That being that
person didn't mean he was cold or heartless. He didn't always have to be the pathetic screw up
that nobody cared about. Manticore didn't really teach it's kids to do alot of soul searching or
anything like the sort of teachings that'd help with self reflection. Alec didn't know how to be
anything else, and more to the point, he had no one to show him how to become something
more.
He didn't even know who he really was anymore. Where his place in a world of freedom lay and
what use he could make of his life, it was all shrouded in mystery. But the biggest hurt of all was
the fact that he wanted to change; wanted to be like Max and adapt. To be happy and know
what it really felt like to enjoy freedom. For him, freedom was more of a prison than the prison.
Joshua had the whole innocent thing going for him. Max had bonded with him so quickly that
he'd even found himself envious of the canine transgenic. Everytime he thought about it he'd
get angry, countless arguments inside his mind being thrown back and forth.
'Why the hell should I change?'
'Because who I am doesn't matter to them.'
'Why don't I do something about it?'
'Because I don't know how.'
'Why should I care anyway?'
'Because I don't want this!'
'Don't want what?'
'To be what everyone sees in me! To be the screw up!'
Exasperated as self reflection finally took hold, Alec finally hauled himself up from the wall in the
darkened alley and managed to lay one foot in front of the other. Staggering, he made his way
out onto the street where he disappeared from sight into the storm, the thunder peeling loudly
over head as lightening blazed across the sky setting it ablaze.