After what HE had done to her, she couldn't trust anyone. Every night was spent reliving every moment. The burn of pain as the knife pressed against her neck. The scent of metallic blood filling the air mixed with the saltiness of her tears. Her sobs of despair and screams of absolute agony were the only things that echoed in that room. She could still feel his rough hands as he tugged her clothes off. Her own private hell. She could still smell the stench of perspiration and his cologne mixed together, his breath on her face..his hands touching her.
She was stuck in this place, misogynistic dinosaurs surrounding her with the personality of a bloody doormat! What did she do to deserve to be stuck here? Hadn't she put up with enough shit throughout her life?
She got out of bed, stretching as she walked towards the bathroom. She looked at her deathly pallor and sunken cheeks in the mirror. She'd lost too much weight, buried herself in baggy clothes. Her spark had gone, but she couldn't eat, her nightmares getting worse. She pinched her cheeks to try and get some colour to return to them and sighed before opening her make up bag and beginning to get ready for the days work ahead of her...
As she entered CID, she felt every person look at her and suddenly began to feel very self conscious. What were they staring at? She swallowed, clearing her throat and walked to her desk, sitting down without saying a word.
He was getting worried about her now. The pale, pained expression that she held. The smile that never reached her eyes and her wonderful figure...gone. And in it's place was a bag of bones. He'd tried speaking to her, but she just put her walls back up. Wouldn't let him in. What could he do? It wasn't like him to be like this with a woman, but she was different. Her whole persona drew him in, he thrived off her presence every single day and just a minute away from her made him long more and more for her. He wanted to protect her, to save her from whatever was going on in her head.
She didn't know how much more of this she could take. She was a psychologist for goodness sake! She wasn't supposed to be weak, she was a headstrong feminist. But right now, he was ruling her life. She was alone, he'd taken everything from her. She dug her fingernails into her palm as tears stung her eyes. She willed herself not to cry as she pretended to concentrate on her work. The words swam before her on the page. It was no use, Alex Drake was broken.
The day slowly drifted on, Alex fighting sleep as she trawled through the pile of paperwork. There were no recent cases on and she was incredibly bored. As the day came to an end, Gene left his office. "Coming fer a drink, Bolls?" He asked. "I'll just have one." She replied, pulling her jacket on.
They left the station together and went over to Luigi's, ordered their drinks and sat down together. Alex didn't say much, lost in her own thoughts. "What's eating yer?" Gene asked, eventually breaking the silence. Alex froze, her heart pounding in her chest. "N..nothing." She stuttered. "It's just been a long day, I'm tired." She forced a smile. Gene once again noticed it didn't reach her eyes. Luigi's was practically empty, most of the team had gone to play football. He placed his hand over hers. She flinched, but didn't move it away. "Talk to me Alex." He pleaded. "Not here." She whispered, the familiar burn of tears forming in her eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Now is not the right time either." He sighed, looking at her. Icy blue eyes locked with hazel orbs. "Please?" He asked again. She hesitated for a few seconds before nodding. "My flat?" She suggested. Gene threw the rest of his drink down his throat as Alex stood.
Once they were in her flat, Alex felt the fear build up inside her. Her stomach churned, her mouth dry. She was sure that Gene could hear her heart beat, it was pounding that much. Could she really trust him? Open up to him? She didn't know and just had to wait and see what would happen. She poured them a measure of whiskey each: she needed it to calm her nerves. Her hand trembled as she handed him the tumbler, this didn't go unnoticed by Gene. He exhaled softly and sat back on the sofa. Alex sat beside him, staring down into the amber liquid. She licked her lips nervously before clearing her throat. "I don't really know how to tell you." She said quietly, her voice almost a whisper. "Take yer time." Gene said, his usual gruff tone, softer and his eyes understanding. A tear trickled down her cheek, her head bowed. "Before I came here, I was captured whilst I was on my way to work." She began, her voice shaky. Her hands trembled and a sob tore itself from her throat. She couldn't compose herself and she didn't even care. "I woke up in an abandoned building, I didn't even know where I was. My clothes were ripped...bruises, scratches and cuts all over me. I was held there for days before my team finally found me. I can remember every single waking second of it." She pulled her hair aside to reveal a thin, white scar on her neck. "He almost killed me." She whispered, tears now falling freely. She didn't feel Gene slide his arm around her waist, mutter soothing words into her hair and wipe her tears away. "It's okay." He whispered. He finally understood why she pushed him away. What he would give to have five minutes with the scrote that did this to HIS Alex.
"Tell me, Alex. Did he rape you?" Gene asked softly. She just nodded, tears falling freely. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her, embracing her. This was totally out of character for him, but she needed him. And he was going to be there to make sure she was okay. Eventually her sobs subsided and her tears dried up. She wiped her eyes, taking a deep, shuddery breath. "Bolls?" Gene said softly. "Yes?" She asked, looking at him again. "I'm gonna help you.. Help you to get over this and I'm gonna kill the bastard that did this to you." He growled, feeling very protective of her. She just nodded, smiling wanly before she yawned widely. "You need some sleep Bolls." He spoke gruffly. Her eyes widened with fear and she shook her head. "No... I...I'm not tired." She said, her voice quiet. "I can't sleep." Even though it was partly a lie, she couldn't sleep at night, the images still haunting her everytime she closed her eyes. His voice in her head. Nine times out of ten, she managed to get an hour or so of sleep due to exhaustion. "Come on Alex, you're dead on your feet." Gene tried to reason with her. "No..I can't..." Her eyes filled with tears. "I don't want to go to sleep...he's always there when I tried." A tear escaped the corner of her eye and she wiped it away. "I'll stay with you, Bolly. Do you think that will help?" He asked. She nodded timidly. "Come on then." He stood up.
She emerged from the bathroom wearing her pyjama's. Gene had removed his shirt and was just wearing his vest and trousers. If she wasn't so god damn tired and traumatised, she'd have pushed him onto the bed and had her wicked way with him. 'God, he's gorgeous' she thought to herself as she climbed into bed. He climbed in beside her, pulling her into his arms again. She switched the lamp off and settled down. "Thank you Gene." She whispered before she closed her eyes. He pressed his lips to her forehead and smiled.
For the first time in years, Alex slept soundly all through the night.