Disclaimers: All rights to Marvel. Characters and lines from Marvel movies Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor and The Avengers. 'Cards in a glass case' from chalantness' right where we're supposed to be (a story where he's still dead, but worth it). I own nothing.
Title from Iron Man 2, Coulson talking to Tony: "I will tase you and watch Supernanny while you drool into the carpet."
2nd story in my Welcome to Level 7 series series following Deep Blue.
Authors Note: I don't like to read the movie lines repeated at the stories. But Coulson didn't have all the attention he deserved and his actions were spread in four movies. So, here they are, a few movie lines, related to Phil, quoted. This take place after the Avengers, but still in 2012. I hope you enjoy!
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Super-nanny (aka Babysitting the Babysitter)
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Resting in his new room at Stark Tower, Philip Coulson thinks about the last days. Surreal. If there's one word to summarize it.
In his 47 years, he saw many crazy things. Working for government agencies, first CIA and then S.H.I.E.L.D., he's used to the bizarre. But being killed by a demigod and rescued by his childhood hero really tops the list. It's definitely something beyond anyone's imagination.
Tragedy is not unknown to his life since his mother Julie committed suicide on the 5th year anniversary of his father Robert's death. But his file has always been impeccable, perfect. And empty, like his life. No special ones, no friends, just co-workers. No weaknesses. Until he was officially declared dead in May 4th, 2012.
"Agent Coulson is down."
The experimental – highly-secret-never-tested-before – treatment that he was subjected to didn't have a good chance of success. But he owes Fury for that. The director put Phil in that special room instantly after his death. The doctor said that time was the key to saving his life.
It was Steve Rogers' unstoppable driving force, however, that moved everybody to work hard, to fight for Phil's life. Steve had guaranteed that Phil would receive the best care anyone could possibly – and sometimes impossibly – have. At the end, everybody needed to have faith and something to believe on.
"With everything that's happening and the things that are about to come to light, people might just need a little old-fashioned."
And amusingly enough, Steve's right hand was the outstanding Pepper Potts. Phil's was thrilled when he learned how she instantly volunteered to help after Steve had broadcast the news about Phil's survival. They met and became a team because of Phil, for him. He thinks his life is nothing but blessed.
Even Jennifer, the cellist, came back for him. It was completely surreal and scary. To face a demigod, well that's easy. To be loved by a wonderful woman… that's terrifying!
He's just Phil, a kid from Boston, though people treat him like some kind of hero now. Confronting Loki alone was a brave act. Stupid, Phil had to admit it, but brave.
"You're going to lose. It's in your nature. You lack conviction."
Funny – and tragic – that Phil had to die to understand his role in the world of superheroes, and to call them friends. Yes, they're more than co-workers now. But he remembers when it all started…
He helped Pepper when Obadiah Stane attacked, in 2008. It was when Tony Stark declared "I am Iron Man", and Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division finally got shorter.
"Just call us S.H.I.E.L.D."
2 years later, Natasha was undercover at Stark Industries, and Phil had to ground Tony to study Howard's work which led him to discover the new element that saved his life.
"I've been authorized by Director Fury to use any means necessary to keep you on premises. I will tase you and watch Supernanny while you drool into the carpet."
No surprise when Tony showed up at Phil's room with all the 7 seasons of Supernanny. After 4 years of almost civilized antagonism, Phil discovered the soft side of Tony when, in the middle of Loki's crises, he was willing to help him with the cellist.
"I'm just saying, pick a weekend. I'll fly you to Portland. Keep love alive."
Tony flew Jennifer back and Pepper got her a new job. Believe it or not, they are like matchmakers.
Phil also remembers when he and Clint met Thor, at his majestic mortal form that still made his S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, "some of the most highly trained professionals in the world, look like a bunch of minimum-wage mall cops". But Thor was a sweet, honored and honest man after all. At whom Phil couldn't help but care.
"Know this, Son of Coul. You and I, we fight for the same cause, the protection of this world. From this day forward, you can count me as your ally if you return the items you have taken from Jane."
The god of thunder didn't really need anything, but keeping Jane safe was the closest thing Phil could have done for him.
"As soon as Loki took the doctor, we moved Jane Foster. They've got an excellent observatory in Tromso. She was asked to consult there, very suddenly yesterday. Handsome fee, private plane, very remote. She'll be safe."
Thor brought her to visit and she was very kind. Phil believed she had forgiven him for the incident in New Mexico, when he confiscated all her life's work – he was just doing his job. Phil is good at his job, and that's why he had been willing to die to stop Loki.
Maria told him how Fury used his death and his cards to push the Avengers.
Suddenly his eyes land back at his Captain America trading cards collection, all signed, now in a special glass case. Steve Rogers… life can't be more fantastic than that. There aren't enough words to explain what finding him in the ice meant to Phil. He didn't even know what to say when he finally talked to the Captain.
"I gotta say, it's an honor to meet you officially. I've sort of met you. I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping. I mean, I was present while you were unconscious from the ice. You know, it's really just a huge honor to have you on board this…"
And because Phil's life is nothing but marvel-ous nowadays, his alarm goes off interrupting his thoughts. It's lunchtime at the soon-to-be-called-Avengers Tower!
Punctually, Steve's smiling face greets him. "Good morning, Phil. How are you feeling today?"
Life is strange – Phil, among all people, knows it. But having the world's first superhero – his favorite Super-soldier – babysitting him and telling the stories of his adventures really makes Phil feel like a kid, believing in heroes who will save the world! And they proved him right!
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End Notes: Jennifer is the name of Clark Gregg's wife.
From his S.H.I.E.L.D. files (blu-ray extras props) Date of birth: 04-02-1965, birth place: Boston, MA. Formerly CIA. Deceased: 05-04-2012. Father Robert Coulson, deceased 09-22-1987 and mother Julie Coulson, 09-22-1992.
At Deep Blue, Dark Goddess 1487 pointed that Pepper didn't knew Steve before, so I'm fixing it here! (please check her story Project Destiny)
English is not my first language. The mistakes are mine. Thanks to aushapasha (please check her story The Assignment), I'd be lost without her help!
Please, review it and PM me, if you want to. :)