SOMETIMES
This is just a little something that popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down. Hope you like it. It's up to you to decide whose thoughts these are.
Sometimes I get so tired of this job. Tired of the pain and suffering that I see everyday out there on the streets. Tired of hunting down scumbags just to have them released to do the same thing over again. Tired of wondering each morning when I wake up if I'll make it back home that night or end up on a slab in the morgue.
Sometimes I just need some time by myself. Time to regroup. Time to relax. Time to think about my life and my future. Time to do all the things I never seem to have time to do.
Sometimes the pain is more than I can bear. Physical pain. Emotional Pain. The pain of losing someone I love. The pain of wanting something I'm afraid I'll never have. Sometimes just the pain of living.
Sometimes I'm afraid. Afraid of dying alone. Afraid of living my life alone. Afraid of losing the most important person in my life, my partner and my best friend. My true soul mate, the other half of my heart.
Sometimes I wish I could tell the world how much I love him. I wish people wouldn't judge us because we're in love and we're both men. I wish I could put a ring on his finger to show the world that he belongs to me. I wish things could be different for us. I wish we didn't have to keep our love a secret.
Sometimes I hope the future will be kind to us. I hope we'll have decades left to be together. I hope neither one of us has to be the one who's left behind. Left behind to go on alone, to die a little inside each day, to pray for death so we can be together again. I hope it's me who goes first and not him.