AN/ My first attempt at GG. Just something that entered my mind while trying to make sense out of season 4. Let me know if I should continue with this or not.
Un beta'd. Any and all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: Gossip Girl does not beling to me. All chacters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar
Blair Waldorf laid back on her designer sheets, pulling a decorative pillow against her chest. She closed her eyes then let out a frustrated breath. Nothing was turning out the way she had planned it. She had lost so much in the past few years. Her hopes for Yale, a life with Nate, later to be replaced with a life full of love, happiness and wealth with Chuck. She was a failure.
Her recent firing from W magazine had ensured that. Then to top it off, Chuck, who she thought would wait for her to get all of her ducks in a row, was chasing after Raina, like a love sick school boy. It hadn't taken him long to move on, Blair thought. She was tired of this. Tired of fighting a loosing battle with him, it seemed. She knew in her heart that she had been the one to walk away this time but did he love her at all? It didn't seem that way. He jumped from her, straight into Raina's arms. Sure at first, it had been a ploy to get Raina to side with him against her father, for Bass Industries but Blair knew that wasn't the case anymore. Chuck had moved on. He was in love. She had lost him.
All because she had to be an independent woman first. She was the one that did not want to be seen as only an extention of the great and powerful Chuck Bass. She wanted to be seen as the strong woman that she knew, was there, somewhere buried deep, inside of her.
But couldn't a strong woman, also have love? Why did she have to be so selfish and think that she couldn't have her strength and Chuck too? Her own vainglorious pride had cost her the only love she had ever known. Blair screamed into her pillow. How could she have been so foolish? Why did she have to put her ambitions before her relationship with him? Chuck didn't care if she was as powerful as him or not. Only she had. He, only wanted to be with her. She, like a fool had turned him away.
Blair stood up and began pacing her room. There was so much she needed to sort out. She needed a plan. A real plan. Not some little girl fantasy that she had kept secreted away in a journal under her bed. It was time to let the past lie where it belonged. In the past. She needed to make a fresh start. Concentrate on her future and forget about Chuck. She had made her bed, now it was up to her whether she wallowed in it or made the best out of her situation.
She thought about calling Humphrey but decided against it. She wasn't sure exactly what was going on between her and Dan but after waking up curled next to him on the couch this morning, she was scared that he liked her? That was all she needed. Another one of Serena's exes deciding if they couldn't have the golden-haired beauty, they would settle for her best friend. Blair couldn't think of one person that had ever wanted her, just for herself. Except for Chuck. Even that was debatable. After all, she had been his best friends girl and a challenge to him at the beginning. Jack? Just after a way to use her in order to hurt Chuck. Marcus? Seeing a cover for his elicit affair with his step mom. Nate? Only after he had settled for second best. Carter, a means to an end to hurt Chuck. Now Humphrey? Was she forever to be in someone else's shadow?
"Maybe that's where I belong." Blair mumbled to herself. Her insecurities threatening to over run her. She yearned for some semblance of control. That old hidden part of her, threatened to rear its ugly head. She felt an ungodly need to place her knees on the cold hard tiles of her bathroom and purge herself free of all the doubt that coursed through her body. But she was better than that. She was Blair fucking Waldorf and it was time that she remembered that and so did everyone else.
"No more of this poor pitiful me crap, Wardolf." Blair said out loud, needing to hear someone, anyone say it. "Its time to start over. Move on and get your act together."
"Are you talking to yourself Blair?" Dan said as he entered her bedroom without invitation.
"What do want Humphrey?" Blair tossed over her shoulder as she reached into her closet pulling out her favorite pair of Louboutin's.
"Why did you run out of the loft so fast this morning Blair?" Dan asked as he sat down on the edge of her bed.
Blair cocked an eyebrow in his direction, wondering why he felt entitled enough to barge in and make himself at home in her bed. As if they were a couple. " Oh Humphrey. How you amuse me. Imagine you, in anyway thinking I have to answer you." Blair smirked at him.
"Back to that are we Blair?" Dan laughed as he stood up, picking his backpack up that she hadn't noticed to begin with. "We slept together Blair. Don't you have anything to say about that?"
"You did what?" Blair noticed Serena standing in her doorway, all color devoid from her face. Her room was turning into grand central station this morning, it seemed. " How could you Blair?"
" How could I what S ?" Blair slid her shoes onto her feet, placing her hand on Dan's shoulder so she didn't loose her balance. "Sleep with Humphrey? How could you ask that? You know what a good cuddlier he is." Blair winked up at Dan. "And what does it matter anyway? Weren't you out slumming it with Ben?"
"Of all the crap you have pulled in the past Blair, this is the worst." Serena said, her voice cracking. "You have no shame."
"Oh cry me a river Serena. You can't have them all." Blair ran her hand up her thigh smoothing out the wrinkles in her stocking. She tossed a flirtatious smile up at Dan, when she caught his eyes roving, where her hands teasingly traced. "You are the idiot that let Brooklyn here go. Don't blame me if I am wise enough to take what you threw away."
"What?" Dan looked at Blair in confusion. What in the hell was going on here. "Serena?" He almost jumped out of his skin when Blair traced her fingernails up his chest.
"Oh snookums, let her be. She had to find out sooner or later." Then Blair Wardolf did something that shocked the hell out of everyone in the room. She wound her fingers into his hair and pulled his mouth down to receive one hell of a kiss.
Blair smiled against Dan's almost frozen lips, then snaked her tongue inside when he would have let out a protest. She was sick and tired of Serena and her assumptions. Dan and his thoughts of entitlement. Screw them both. The bitch was back and to hell with anyone that stood in her way.
She tormented Dan's mouth, pouring all of her frustration into her kiss. She was shocked as hell, when he began to play along, battling her tongue with an attempt at dominance. She quickly withdrew her tongue from play, biting his lip with enough force, to remind him that she was the dominant one in this role. She met his eyes, smiling at the hazy look that had seeped into them. It was nice to know that she still had it, if she choose to use it. Curling her hands further into his hair, she pulled Dan's ear down close to her lips. She nibbled along the outer shell for a moment, teasing him, trying to control her laughter at his soft moan. "Is she gone?"
"Uhm?" Dan muttered, placing gentle kisses along the column of her neck.
"Is she gone?" Blair whispered again, tracing his ear with her tongue.
Dan pulled his lips from her neck, glancing quickly to Blair's now closed bedroom door. "Yes." He replied as he began running his hands up and down Blair's back.
"Good. Now would you please get the hell off of me." Blair pushed against his chest, knocking Dan away from her. " God, I swear I can taste the subway on you. Don't you believe in oral hygiene Humphrey?"
"What in the hell is going on Blair?" Dan ran a shaking hand through his hair. "What was that all about?"
"Just a game Humphrey." Blair smiled up at him patting his cheek as she walked by. She grabbed her new, black Valentino bag, then pushed Dan towards the door.
"No games Blair. That meant something and you know it." Dan turned and grabbed Blair, pulling her against his chest. " I know you felt something in that kiss. Even you aren't that good of an actress."
"Lets get this straight right now Humphrey." Blair traced her hands up his chest until she reached his lips. "It meant nothing," She gave him a sharp pat against his cheek, looking into his eyes that sparkled with mischief. " and I am that good."
Dan grabbed her hand holding it against his too warm face. "You realize that Serena thinks we had sex don't you? Not that we slept together as in getting some shut eye."
"I know. It just infuriated me that she would assume that I would lower myself enough to sleep with you." Blair tugged her hand out of his grasp. "Just to be clear Dan, that will never happen. Whatever is going on in that head of yours, as far as I am concerned, is never going to happen. I will never sleep with you. But she doesn't have to know that." Blair smiled at the look of confusion that crossed Dan's face. Sometimes, for someone so smart, Dan could be incredibly dumb. "She was jealous Humphrey. People don't get jealous if they don't care. If you want her back, away from gentle Ben, I can help you get her. You in turn can help me."
"I don't like it Blair. I am not into playing games." Dan said as he sat down once again on her bed. "Someone is bound to get hurt."
"Who would that be Dan? Me? Are you scared that I will fall in love with you, while pretending to be your new flame? Let me assure you that it will not happen. I have no more love in me to give." Blair impatiently tapped her left foot against her plushly carpeted floor. "The question is, Do you want her back?"
"Part of me does but I don't want to manipulate her in order to do it." Dan said.
"Don't think of it as manipulation. Think of it as a way of getting Serena to open her eyes to what has been waiting for her all along." Blair said a bit of pain lacing her voice. She knew what she had done to Serena was wrong. But in the heat of the moment, she had decided to play this out. She was tired of seeing her best friend toss away the only true happiness she had ever had. After loosing Chuck to her own foolish pride, she was not willing to see Serena do the same thing. Even if Serena ended up hating her for toying with her emotions. "She needs to finally acknowledge what you have together Dan. Its the only way either of you will ever truly be happy. Together, forever, making all of the rest of us sick to our stomachs with your pure love." Blair smiled at him, hoping he would agree.
"And what is in it for you Blair? It did not escape my attention that you said I would also be helping you out." Dan stood up, once again settling his backpack over his shoulder.
"Why Dan Humphrey, how wise of you to ask." Blair winked at him, pulling her bedroom door open. "You are going to help me, finally get over Chuck Bass and give him something he thought he would never see."
"Just what might that be, Waldorf?" Dan let out a small groan when she slid up to him, placing her left arm around his waist.
"Me, blissfully happy in the arms of another man." Blair squeezed Dan, laying her head against his shoulder as they descended the stairs together.
"Does the fact that Chuck hates me with a blinding passion, have any barring on this crazy scheme of yours?"
"It will make my victory sweeter." Blair laughed. "So are you up for it Humphrey?"
"Its against my better judgment and I am not sure it will work but yes." Dan sighed, wondering just what in the hell he had gotten into.
"Oh it will work." Blair pushed the button, calling the elevator. She smiled, delighting in the shiver that ran up her spine. Finally, there it was. That spark that she had been missing. The part of her that she had let go. The queen B was back and damn any an all that stood in the way of what she wanted most of all. Chuck Bass, for once feeling the pain of her loss, to see his face when he realized that she too had moved on and could live happily without him. So what if it was a scam. She would play her role with Dan so well that Chuck would wonder, as she had, if what she felt for him had ever been real. Then, maybe she could finally move on. "Let the games begin."