So I watched a sad movie and then thought 'hey, let's cry even more' and yeah this came out of it.
"Mommy says it's been a year," Henry said as he crouched down beside his bed, his hands intertwined underneath his chin. "We went to see you today, did you see us?" He added as he lifted his head up to look at the ceiling. "Mommy said you could, she says from heaven you can see me all the time. I hope that's true," Henry paused hoping his dad would reply.
JJ sat listening behind the closed bedroom door. She shut her eyes as she took in her small child's words.
"I started kindergarten last month and I've made some really good friends. My best friend's Kayla and you'd like her, she's really funny and she shares her fruit snacks with me. I wish you could meet her. I told her you're up in heaven now and she hugged me so tight and told me her grandma is too. Maybe you could watch us together," Henry recalled. There was so much he wanted to share with his dad. Tears ran down JJ's cheeks as she listened on.
"I sleep with my nightlight on still. But I'm not afraid of the dark anymore. I leave it on in case you come home, and kiss me goodnight like you used to. Sometimes when I can't sleep, Mommy lets me sleep on your side of the her bed. She brushes my hair and tells me stories about you. I like hearing them. She tells me how you met and how you moved across the country to be with us. And how'd you read me stories before bedtime. She doesn't need to tell me that, I remember. You and Mom would take turns reading my stories from my bookshelf. But my favourites were when you would make them up just for me. I wish I could hear another one of your stories and fall asleep in your arms," he said, his memories of his dad were fading but he would always remember those times, even if he couldn't remember the stories he was told.
"When are you coming home? Mommy says your not, but I really want you to," he said. "Good night Daddy, I miss you so much."
JJ waited for awhile after she no longer heard her son's voice before standing up from the hardwood floors. She ever so slowly opened the bedroom door and saw Henry's room illuminated by his nightlight. She closed the door and headed across the hall to her bedroom.
JJ completed her nightly pre-bed routine and brought the covers up over her. Her eyes laid upon the ceiling.
"I'm so angry at you. Why did you go in there? Why didn't you turn around and see me calling for you to come back. We could have had forever, we should have had forever. We were meant to raise that little boy up together. And now he has to grow up without his daddy," JJ began. She wanted to talk to Will, actually say the words. She felt like she couldn't at the grave, not with Henry there. And this was the first real private moment she'd had since then.
"He didn't understand when you didn't come home. I think he still doesn't. Everytime he heard a knock on the door, he would run over hoping it was you. And when it wasn't, he would look up at me with such a pleading look in his eyes, and I knew I'd have to explain it to him all again. He was too young for that, he'll always be too young for that," telling Henry his father wasn't coming home would have been hard at any age but telling a four year old was all the more difficult.
"You didn't just leave him, you left me. You were right, we should have got married. We shouldn't have wasted time. We were apart for so long and now it feels like it was time just thrown away and we'll never get it back," she paused before continuing. "A year with you felt so much shorter than a year without you. I still can't believe it's been a year since I saw you, since you walked into the bank. It feels like forever since I last looked into your eyes, held your hand, touched your lips. Each morning I wake up expecting you to be there beside me, and that maybe this is all some horrible nightmare, but it never changes."
"Why did you go in there?" she begged, wanting to know, even though she already did. "It's just so unfair."
"I miss you every day. I love you."
As her tears stung her eyes for the thousandth time in the last year, she drifted off to sleep, not ready for the new day ahead.
What did you think? I'm not used to writing this style, so feedback is very much appreciated.
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