Dear Friend,

I thought this might help, writing out my thought and whatnot. I was inspired by Perks of Being Wallflower. I know it's not the newest book or movie in the world, but I just saw it for the first time the other day. I fell in love with it and the idea of writing anonymously. So here I am, writing about my life and changing all the names.

You can call me Jenna. I'm 21 and about to go into my third year of college. I live with 5 other adults, a child, and a dog. I'm hoping to get my own apartment next year. I want to work in the movie industry someday, preferably animated movies. I've never been in a romantic relationship. I've never even had my first kiss.

I'm having a hard time with people right now. I'm trying to get over someone. We'll say his name is John. I love him. He made it seem like he loved me too. We met mid-way through my first year and hung out a lot during my second year and this summer. I'd liked him for about a year when this summer started.

We did everything together and hung out together almost every day. And one night we just sat in my car talking from about midnight until three in the morning. He told me that night that if someone had said something we'd probably be boyfriend/girlfriend. He told me he'd have considered me his girlfriend. I got scared because he was leaving soon and I felt so strongly. I kind of laughed it off and told him that I'd have considered him my boyfriend too. I cried so much that night afterwards.

All I could think was how stupid I was, how I'd missed such a perfect opportunity to tell him how I actually felt. One of my roommates found me crying in the hallway around half after three. And while talking to him I decided I had to tell John how I felt and that I'd do it the next day.

I didn't tell him the next day. I didn't tell him for a good week and a half. But I finally did it. I told him how I liked him and didn't know if I'd been obvious or anything but that I should've told him sooner. He told me that I had been kind of obvious and that I should've told him sooner. But that if I had told him sooner that he probably wouldn't have reciprocated because he's looking for something really specific. He didn't tell me what he was looking for, just that it was really specific.

About two weeks later he graduated and moved back over to the other side of the state, leaving me behind. It's been a little over a month since he left. The first two days were filled with me crying, trying to not think about him, and then more crying. It's been getting a little easier… but there are still those days where I miss hanging out with him. We talk about once a week and watch stuff online together, but it's not the same. If anything, it makes it harder sometimes.

The other night I got really depressed, missing John, and a bit angry over the whole thing. So I re-downloaded Skype and started talking to a friend from high school again, we'll call him Bill. This probably isn't the best idea since I had feelings for Bill for four years. He's the type that hasn't gotten a job since graduating a year ago. He lives with his parents, plays video games all day, and just doesn't really have much of a drive to do anything with himself. It makes me sad because he's really smart and a great person. I want the best for him… but talking to him when it was so hard for me to get over those feelings in the first place might not be the best idea.

But it helped that night. We talked for about 2 hours about the stupidest and most random stuff. It was the happiest I've been in a while and that scares me.

I've been making some new friends too though. I've started going to a local bar for trivia and karaoke. I don't drink much, but I've found people to talk to. I've even been invited to a few parties and an outing since meeting them. I'm not much of a partier but the smaller one where we all went to karaoke together was actually a lot of fun, despite my getting really depressed at one point.

That's all I really have to say for now friend… thank you for listening and not judging me. I wish the best for you.

Love always,

Jenna