Chocolate Effects, a trauma center fanfic

This is the result of holiday boredom. For everyone's information, all characters are not mine. Trauma Center FTW!

"Let go!" Angie said angrily, tugging at a Hershey's chocolate bar.

"Never!" Derek growled back, pulling the other way.

"You have an operation to perform!" Angie lied.

"No I don't! You can't fool me!" Derek yelled. "Why won't you give it to me?!"

Angie clenched her teeth and pulled harder. "You'll go crazy like last time!!"

Derek stopped pulling for a second, but kept his hold on the candy bar. He stared blankly at the blonde nurse. "What?"

Angie rolled her eyes. "You don't remember," she sighed.

"What did I do last time?" Derek asked, scratching the back of his head.

"You ate a Hershey's chocolate bar and you went crazy!" Angie said.

Derek was still confused. "Crazy? How?"

Angie glared at him. "You aren't as smart as you look, Derek. Are you dumb?"

"No," Derek said defensively. "Just—I have a bad memory!"

It was Angie's turn to stare. "That was a rhetorical question."

"I know that," Derek grumbled. "Just tell me what I did!"

"Well…you ate a candy bar and ran around Caduceus screaming 'Ninja!' and had a 'ninja duel' with Tyler using scalpels and antibiotic gel to heal your 'wounds', then you shouted 'DJ STILES! Bringing you your favorite tunes from Radio Caduceus, 98.6', then you shouted 'FEAR MY HEALING TOUCH!' and carved a star on the wall, and started running around super fast—"

"That's what my Healing Touch does!" Derek cut in. "I move so fast time slows! And if I concentrate hard enough I can stop time and—"

"Shut up, Derek! And then you knocked over a few test tubes on accident, and Victor got really angry—"

"Victor?! Holy shit, he's gonna kill me!" Derek moaned.

"Serves you right!" Angie huffed, then continued. "So he chased you and you had enough sense to fire the Healing Touch, which was a little strange because normally you'd only be able to use it once without collapsing of exhaustion—"

"Sweet!" Derek whooped. "I've only done that once in that X-7 Savato operation and I passed out after that!"

"DEREK STILES!" Angie thundered. "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH?!"

"Yes, ma'am," Derek mumbled meekly.

"So you fired your Healing Touch and stopped time, and you ran away shouting 'HAHA I'M KAKASHI NOW!' And then something happened and you snapped out of it and passed out."

"Darn," Derek muttered. "I passed out again."

Angie sighed. "I have one question—who in the world is Kakashi?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"Well, you're the nerd, so I thought you would know!"

"Just cuz I have glasses doesn't mean I'm a nerd!" Derek sniffed, wiping his eyes. "I'm sensitive to that!"

"I'm sorry, Derek."

"Okay, I forgive you."

The medical duo sat there for a few minutes (Derek was trying to untie a knot in his laces, but gave up after a while. He's bad at this stuff, okay?)

"What type of chocolate was I eating?" Derek asked.

Angie thought. "Dark chocolate, I think."

Derek punched the air with his fist and fell to the floor. Angie facepalmed herself in exasperation.

Derek got back up with an expression similar to one of a child when he has just discovered something totally new and radical. "If it was dark chocolate, then I can eat milk chocolate and nothing will happen!"

"We can't take risks!" Angie protested, but she was too late. Derek grabbed the candy bar and peeled off the wrapper. He took a big bite of the chocolate.

"God, please save us," Angie prayed. Derek chewed the chocolate and swallowed. Angie gulped, crossing her fingers.

Nothing happened.

Derek stared at Angie. Angie stared at Derek. Cybil Myers stared into the room in which Angie and Derek were staring at each other. Victor, in his laboratory, stared at the test tube he was holding and used his Victor powers to turn the liquid purple. Tyler stared at the frothing purple liquid. His little sister Amy stared at the rabid squirrels.

"Derek?" Angie asked cautiously.

"Ya?" Derek answered.

"Are you okay?"

"Why the bunnies wouldn't I be okay?" Derek answered.

Angie's jaw dropped open. "Did you just say 'Why the bunnies?' "

Derek tilted his head. "Yeah, I just pancake-flippin' said bunnies. What the pony is wrong with that?"

Angie groaned. "I think I know what milk chocolate does now…"

She grabbed Derek's wrist and dragged him down the hall. "Come with me, Dr. Stiles."

"What? Where the sparkles are you taking me to?"

"Director's office! Now shut up!"

"I'm not—"

"Derek Stiles, you will do as I say!"

"Yes, ma'am, whatever you flippin' say."

Victor stuck his head out of the laboratory and caught sight of Derek. His eyes turned deadly and burst into black flames as he saw him.

"Derek Stiles, you—" he began.

Derek cut him off. "I'm wing-flappin' sorry for knocking over your hoppin' test tubes. Will you turkey-fryin' forgive me?"

Victor stared, confused. "What the hell?"

Angie moaned. "He ate some milk chocolate, and now he substitutes cuss words with random adjectives, verbs, and nouns!"

Victor shook his head sadly. "How long do you think it'll last?"

"I don't know!" Angie moaned again.

Tyler and Cybil saw them.

"Hey, Angie, Derek!" Tyler greeted.

"Hi, Dr. Chase," Angie said wearily.

"What's frappin' up," Derek said happily.

Cybil stared. "What?"

Derek was confused by her response. "What the glitter did I do?"

Tyler was lost. "Huh?"

"You're all too bakin' confuzzling!" Derek groaned. "I don't jumpin' get it!"

Again, Angie related to them what had happened.

"Oh," Tyler and Cybil said in understanding.

"Oh, Heil Hitler," Derek grumbled. "I still don't high-flyin' get it."

"I think he said 'Oh, hell,' " Cybil pointed out helpfully.

"I—" Derek started. Angie told him to shut up again.

Sidney Kasal, the director of Caduceus, walked towards the little gathering. "All right, what's going on here?"

"I'm sorry, Director," they all said, except for Derek who said "I'm slappin' sorry, Director."

"Don't make me slap you!" Angie growled. "Be nice!"

"Okay, okay, I'm spankin' sorry!"

"I'm sorry, Director!" Angie wailed. "I—"

Sidney stopped her. "Why don't we let Derek explain? He seems to be fine, just…using a very imaginative way of speaking."

"Okay," Angie said warily.

"Finally," Derek grumbled (again.) "Well, I ate a wrappin' Hershey's Milk Chocolate bar and I started to talk all poppin'-fresh-messed up like this. And I don't trippin' know how to stop, and Angie is snappin' pissed at me!"

Sidney rubbed his chin. "Hmm."

"Is there anything we can do, Director?" Angie asked hopefully.

"I don't see anything we can do except wait for it to subside. Once he fully digests the chocolate, he should be fine."

Angie sighed. "I guess. Come on, Derek." She grabbed his arm and yanked.

"Hey! What the fraps, that's my bouncin' pressure point! That—"

"SHUT UP, DEREK!" Angie screamed and slapped him.

Tyler, Cybil, and Victor all gasped. Sidney winced. "Angie, you shouldn't—"

"Ow! What the hell was that for, woman?" Derek said indignantly, rubbing his cheek, where there was an angry red mark in the shape of a hand.

Everyone stared. Victor said, "Derek, say something."

"What?"

"Derek, you've lost your Healing Touch ability!" Victor shouted.

"What are you talking about? I've still got it," Derek said. "See?"

He was about to fire his Healing Touch, but Victor kicked him in the shin. "I don't want to see it, idiot."

Derek cringed and rubbed his leg. "You guys are mean to me," he whimpered. "What did I do? I'm a good doctor!" he added quickly.

"Looks like he stopped talking like that," Tyler noted…obviously.

"Congrats, Angie," Cybil said. "You found the cure."

Angie beamed. "Derek, let's go back." She waited for him to get up this time.

Derek stood and stared at her cautiously. "Are you going to hit me again?" he asked, holding up his hands in self-defense.

Angie tapped her foot impatiently. "I will if you don't start walking!"

"Yes, ma'am," Derek said quickly and dashed back to his office, running so fast no one saw him move.

"I see the Healing Touch is also good for escaping," Cybil observed. "Angie, maybe you should try to be less imposing. I think you scare him."

Angie shrugged. "He's scared of everyone."

"I FRAPPIN' HEARD THAT!" Derek shouted.

Angie nearly fainted. "He ate the chocolate!"

There was a "Oh, skittles" heard from Derek's office.

Angie stormed down the hall, screaming insults and stating in detail the punishment Derek was about to suffer.

Victor laughed. "I think Derek meant 'Oh, shit.' "

The end. Holiday boredom. Again. And I'm not a good writer, cuz I don't stick to anything for a very long time, so I got super lazy and sort of ended it.