This is my first Homestuck fanfic, so... yup. I ADORE GAMZEE. NO APOLOGIES.
Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA.
You are not normal. Countless amounts of trolls have told you this, but you used to think it was rubbish. They didn't understand. They just didn't understand what it was like to grow up without somebody to look up to. Without anybody at all.
Your lusus once said that your time would come. Where you would finally know where you belonged, where people would look up to your and respect you. Little did you know that meant killing your friends until fear was their default emotion. Nobody told you.
All you were really trying to do was find your place in the world. You were sick and tired of people calling you stupid, stoned, stupid, stupid, stupid. Maybe they didn't know that you knew about the slime. You were trying to protect them. Protect them from yourself. But they never knew, and so they never cared.
And even when you drank in their desperation, their terror, their blood, you still didn't feel like you belonged. You were almost more alone than before.
But nothing compares to now. Nothing. Your don't have your destiny of death, you don't have the people you care about. Because they either hate you or they're dead.
Miracles.
You can't even die. You've tried to kill yourself so many times and failed, over and over again until you've screamed and cried louder than anything you'd ever imagined.
Nobody knows. They will never know. They don't deserve the pain like you do, nor do they crave the pain like you do. So you don't give them the pain of watching you cry. You don't want to be a burden. Actually, you know what, they don't care about you anyway. You don't need to worry about them.
And they will never have to worry about you ever again. You're leaving them. You don't even know where you're going, but you'll find somewhere better than here. Anywhere.
You begin to walk. Your feet are silent against the floor, your head silent, your eyes unblinking. You open a door, and Karkat's lying in his Recuperacoon, sound asleep. He looks peaceful when he sleeps. He always does.
You stroke the top of his head, whisper something in his ear, and glide away. You may miss him. You may not. But it's always better to make sure you say goodbye.
Even if nobody cares. They will never care.
Your name is Gamzee Makara. And you will never, ever, ever meet a single troll or human or WHATEVER that understands you.
Because how can somebody else understand you if you don't understand yourself?