First of all I don't own Ouran High school host club I just use the characters

also I son't own the title of the story , originally it's a title of a poem that i like a lot ~

this story will include other host club members

WARNING : BOYXBOY/ cursing

a Season in Hell

Kaoru POV

I set on my corner of the room doodling on my notebook and listening to hard rock music. Nothing matters in my life and I can spend days in my place. Depression is eating me alive day after day , I pushed everybody away after he left me here all alone . my friends in the host club , may parents and even my therapist. I stopped talking to people and shut myself in my own world. Every day I thought about death yet too afraid to commit suicide so I had to put on with my daily life. Taking this corpse to college everyday then walk my way back to the house and that's it I didn't want anything to happen to me. I had eating disorder , our fancy food looked disgusting just like everything else.

"Kaoru , it's your lunch time " my mom said entering my room. I looked up at her " I don't want shit mom! Just leave me alone!" I shouted at her, of course they all treat me very strange that they created a lunch time only for me. "oh my god !.. I am tired of you , look at yourself , you have lost a lot of weight " she shouted " you don't sleep or eat or study ! all you do is listening to crappy music and doodle shit! Everybody is worried about you!"

" I don't care! Leave me alone!" I said drawing a small skull

"listen to me , I've said that already , we can pay for you to move with hik-"

"SHUT UP! I DON'T FUCKIN' WANNA MOVE WITH HIM ! WHY DON'T YOU GET IT !" shouted and threw my doodle book at her and walked to the door "you know what mom , here's the truth that you don't want to know , actually , he's the one who doesn't want me to move with him.. why don't you get it already ? I am sick of you, mom.." it is still hard for me to deal with rejection even after a year from Hikaru's travel to studying abroad with Haruhi. I am never good enough for him. I always believed that Hikaru knows about the kind of feelings I developed for him so he decided to run away and now I am afraid of the whole world , I am actually afraid of him , he's the reason of all the pain and sorrow I am suffering for a year now. "Kaoru , get out please. I've never imagined that Hikaru is the one to refuse it. " my mom said from behind the bathroom door " I am sorry, son " yeah that's all she can do , apologize .. as if this can fix anything. "FUCK OFF" I held the shampoo bottle and threw it at the door. "all I am asking for is.. isolation ".

Third person's POV

"dear diary ,It has been a year now since I left Japan with Haruhi. And tonight is the last night for us here in Canada before we fly back to Japan. I can't wait for more 6 hours to see Kaoru again , I miss him a lot , he never agreed to do video chats with me and there has always been something missing. I still exactly remember what happened back in time when I told him I am leaving " Hikaru wrote in his notebook before taking a deep breath and drifting in his memories.

One year Before (flashback )

The twins were sitting on Kaoru's room when finally Hikaru decided to break the news for his brother " well Kao .. there's something that I wanted to tell you for a quite some time.."Hikaru looked down at his feet moving his hair away from his face and giving Kaoru a glance before continuing , Kaoru put his book under the pillow and moved to sit beside his twin "what is it Hika?" he spoke in a worried tone , of course Kaoru could notice the strange look in his twin's eyes and that he was hiding something for weeks now "you know ..I have been in a relationship with Haruhi for the last year and yesterday she got accepted in the University of Ottawa and.." Hikaru stopped and held his brother's hands "..I guess I must move with her there and study in that university as well" Hikaru looked at Kaoru who didn't look that surprised or even sad " eh..are you okay with that?" said Hikaru in shock , " well I can always visit you right ?" Kaoru said , "wha..!" Hikaru couldn't figure out how is Kaoru going to always visit him if he is living in the other side of the world " I mean in which side of the country is Ottawa?" Kaoru said and Hikaru figured it out , his brother thought that Ottawa is a university in Japan since the name sounds Japanese "Kaoru .. it's in Canada" Kaoru opened his eyes wildly in surprise "what are you saying Hikaru?" he stopped and sniffed " you can't leave , we have plans for our future" he pulled his hands from Hikaru's " you said , we are going to have a future twice the fun than normal people..HIKARU YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!" he screamed out at his brother's face "wha ..!Kaoru calm down please, it's only for a year ! and it's better for us to be apart and so we will find our individuality and ..I really want to live with her Kaoru , I really love her " Kaoru stood there without saying a word just staring at Hikaru while getting his heart to sink in numbness and pain.

He just stood there not knowing what to do and how to feel, tears fell down his eyes as fast as ever even though he couldn't show any face expression. Hikaru stood up and wanted to wrap his arms around Kaoru for a hug, he saw that coming and in the other hand he didn't want to let go of Haruhi for Kaoru's sake. He thought that Kaoru will always be there since he's his own brother but Haruhi is not , she could pick any other guy and totally forgets about him. He didn't believe in long distance relationships or that he'll ever find a girl like Haruhi. Hikaru convinced himself that Kaoru can sure get over it just like how he got over Hikaru's relationship with Haruhi in the beginning with , he got hurt but then he thought that his brother dealt with it when all that Kaoru actually did was hiding his feelings and acting fine when he was not. "Hikaru, get out of my room " Kaoru said while pushing Hikaru away to the door and slamming it behind him , locking it with the key "Kaoru ..you're going to be alright , you are strong. Anyways , I'll leave tomorrow morning..please take it easy it's only for a year and we can always have video chats you know , I'll always check on you" he sighed " you know I love you so don't make it hard for me Kao , I got to pick who makes me happy-" Hikaru just noticed what he said, even though it is the truth , staying with Kaoru wouldn't bring him any happiness " I- I AM SORRY FOR MAKING YOUR LIFE MISRABLE " Kaoru screamed from behind the door and sniffed "Kao .. I didn't mean that, I just ..we are 18 now , it's normal for us to move with new people , this doesn't mean you're going to stop being my dear twin brother" Hikaru said lying his back to the door "THAT HAS STOPPED LONG FUCKING TIME AGO ! " Kaoru said suddenly opening the door wildly " SINCE YOU GOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT BIT- GIRL.."even in his anger Kaoru considered Hikaru's feelings first , he moved his tears away "you have been away ever since , and I have been lost and hurt, I can't lie anymore " sniffed " I am not fine , I am always alone.. " he sobbed and hid himself in Hikaru's chest "I don't..I don't want you to go" Hikaru wrapped his arms around his shaking brother and fondled his back " I love you but..that's something I always wanted to try , I promise I'll come back to you. Just let me try this Kaoru..please " he held Kaoru's face and raised his chin and looked straight to his teary eyes promising him that he'll come back. Kaoru moved his tears away and nodded" whatever that makes you happy " inside of him he was damaged he thought that he really doesn't deserve to be loved or respected, he broke down and hit a wall . thinking of how is he going to trust anyone anymore. He held himself and went back to the room " how about I sleep with you tonight" Hikaru felt guilty, he cuddled with Kaoru who sobbed all night in his sleep and woke up twice to a nightmare. In the early morning Hikaru kissed Kaoru's forehead and left him sleeping as the car that will take him and Haruhi to the airport arrived. He left Kaoru on the bed , alone. After that day nobody has ever seen Kaoru smiling.

(End of flashback)

in next chapters, Hikaru and Haruhi will go back to Japan but for their surprise , a lot of things and people have changed to the worst.

are they going to be able to fix anything ? read to know :)

XxXx

Thanks for reading , I'll upload the next chapter soon .

leave reviews and tell me if you like the idea and if you have anything to add please tell me ~