DISCLAMER: I don't own dgm and if I did I'd probably make Kanda uke =3= and DGM would be yaoi if I did own it
Sad news got to into everyone in the Black Order. Kanda isn't going to come back. Never again. Lenalee didn't believe it but what is left there to do for her? She went to seek comfort in her brother's arms...Lavi only looked down at Kanda's coffin; not letting his tears fall down. It would be an act of breaking the laws of being a Bookman. Allen was very sad, but he did not know why he was crying for the stoic samurai when it was clear that the raven haired boy hated him...or so he thought. A finder gave him a letter. It was from Kanda. Now he was rather pissed at that. If he writes anything about me being cursed or rude, he should've told me in personal! Those thoughts died when he read the letter.
Baka Moyashi,
I hate you, no...I lied. Everything was just a big fat lie. If you think I hate you for who you are, you're dead wrong. Keeping everything to my goddamn self is the hardest thing I've ever done. All this time I really wanted to tell you but all our fates is already chosen and I couldn't do anything about it. All this time, whenever I'm with you, my heart beats fast. I always tried my best to keep a good distance between us because I knew that being far away from the start is what's better for us. Each and one of us. I never wanted things to go in a way it shouldn't be. It's the least I could do, so I wouldn't get in your way. Even if it meant that I'm hurting myself for doing so. I believed in what you could do for the world and we, dare I say it, your "family" helped you along the way. Your situation couldn't have been harder than mine. I had my share of pain, but I never let you sink your teeth in it. And yet you still did, and I got mad, not at you, but for you getting involved. I'm such a moron. And now I had to face the truth. That you're a part of who I am now. Not a mere memory. Not a simple face. Not even a peril lurking behind your shadow.
And I ended up hating myself. Now that the last of my petals is falling, few days are left for me to live. How could even I tell you? Confess? It may be too late but I want you to know...I loved you. Helping me find "that person" and fighting along with me, despite the fact that I hurt you...I'm all grateful of that. I don't care if you hate me for this. All I want is to see you smile, truthfully. I don't think you'd love me back, anyway...
But you know what's important? That I'm back. Tadaima, minna...Tadaima, Allen Walker. And goodbye...
As Allen finished reading this letter, he clenched his fist. Who would think that Kanda felt this way? It was a bitter truth. Sweet lies are better, Allen thought. What's the use of you going back when all you do is lie down in the coffin? He shook his head. No, I must say something nice, at least to show him that I liked him. And somehow...I feel the same way with him. I hate you, no, I lied...to myself and to you. A sad smile was seen on his face but those genuine words proved his unknown feeling. Then he found the right words to say, at last.
"Okaerinasai, Kanda Yuu. Aishteru...BaKanda."
How I wished you smiled for me...