I wonder how many nights it will take for me to finally be able to sleep properly. Tonight is not that night, though. I've been woken up by the sound of loud rain thumping on my windows. Figuring I won't be able to go back to sleep anyways, I go downstairs and make coffee for myself, Maggie and Meredith, and I get an early start on the day. Meredith must've heard me downstairs because only a few moments later I see her walking down the stairs.
"Amelia, what are you doing up already? You okay?" she asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep. Coffee?"
She smiles a soft smile and nods. I hand her a mug of coffee and take a sip of mine.
"I'm going to head into work and finish some things up before everyone comes in," I say. I grab my purse and walk out the door before I allow Meredith to say anything in response.
Arriving at work, I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach, almost like someone's punching me. I ignore it, figuring it's just because I didn't eat breakfast, and get out of my car and head inside. The first person I see is Owen.
"Hey you, what are you doing here so early? You're usually the late one," he laughs and puts his arm around me.
"Just thought I'd come in early and finish some of my post OPs," he must've noticed the bland look on my face and the dry tone I used.
"You okay?" he asks.
"I'm fine, thanks, just a little tired."
"You sure? Something is bothering you Ams, I can tell. Spill," he pries.
"I don't feel too great actually," I admit. "A little nauseas. But it's probably nothing, I'll be fine. I'll see you later?" not letting him respond as I did with Meredith, I go to the attending's lounge, forgetting about the post OPs, and rest my eyes for a little while. A little while must've turned into a few hours, because I'm woken up by Meredith gently shaking my shoulder.
"Amelia, are you sure you're okay? You seem really tired, why don't you go home and call in sick for the day?" she asks. I know her intentions are great but I'm not going home. Not because of this.
"Mer, I told you I'm fine. I was just resting my eyes before my big surgery today," I smile, gather up my things, and walk out.
Hours later, I'm in a surgery on a little boy who just hit his head too hard while playing tag. This little boy is someone's child, someone's friend, someone's grandson, and I have to do everything I can to make sure he walks out of here that way. The surgery was going fine, I was 4 hours into it, only 3 more hours to go. But then my legs started to feel a little tingly, and I became extremely light headed. I tried to shrug it off but Meredith, and Dr. Wilson, who was on my service today, both looked at me as I stepped back and took a deep breath. I was doing everything I could in the moment to not vomit inside of this little boy's head. Jo must've noticed where this was heading.
"Dr. Shepherd, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Wilson," I hesitate for a few seconds, then decide that that was my best answer and I should just push through. It seems as though pushing through is only my brother's thing, I guess. Because a few minutes later, I put down my scalpel and suction, and look at Meredith who was also looking at me, concerned. She raises her eyebrows in a way that silently asks me if everything is okay. Everything is not okay. Not right now.
"Meredith take off my mask," I say, since my hands have blood on them and that seems pretty unsanitary. I only have ten more seconds until I vomit through this mask, onto the O.R. floor.
"What?" she asks, her eyes suddenly grew larger.
"Take off my mask. Now," please, Meredith. I asked you and not Jo in the first place because you were closer but if I'd known that you'd take seventy years to do this I would've asked someone in the gallery. Oh God. The gallery. I look up, Dr. Warren, Dr. Robbins, Dr. Pierce, three interns I've never seen before, Dr. Edwards, and Dr. Hunt all have worried looks on their faces and I see them muttering words to each other. Great, a show for this puke disaster that's about to happen. By the time I've stopped rambling thoughts in my head, Meredith rushes over to me and unties my mask as quickly as she can. Right when the mask comes off past my mouth, I hunch over and get rid of that coffee that took me 30 minutes to make, and last nights dinner, that took Meredith 2 hours to make. I feel Mer's hand rub circles on my back, her motherly instincts coming in. I can only imagine the looks on the faces in the gallery right now. When I'm done, I notice someone brought in a chair for me to sit on. I reluctantly sit, and take a drink of the water a nurse was handing me. Out of breath, I look up at Meredith who looks very concerned and confused.
"Dr. Wilson close up, Dr. Grey assist," I say, eyes watering, still out of breath. Then I walk out of the O.R. and find the nearest bathroom.