Villain Fail
Characters: KureixJoker, implied FuukoxRaiha, ReccaxYanagi, mentions of others
Description: Five bids for ego, two attempts to gain affection, and Raiha's closet-villainy. Also, Yanagi's cooking saves lives.
Dedication: Azhwi, who has been poking me to write more FoR fics since she read what I have of it.
Rating: M (Because I like the F-bomb)
Warning: Crack, AU, Vast OOC, making fun of Kurei
Disclaimer: Characters and Flame of Recca do not belong to me, but to Anzai Nobuyuki. I am responsible for creating the situation, and the storyline only. Please do not take and use or post elsewhere without my express permission. Thank you.
A/N: In the same universe as Prelude to a Picnic and The Picnic. In fact, this would be a sequel spurred on by Azhwi's love of KureixJoker and Kurei's own inherent prickly-ness.

xXx

1. Kidnapping for Dummies

After coming to the realization that no one offered him the proper respect (and fear) anymore, Kurei decided to do something about it. So, he got all dressed up and did the biggest thing he could think of to piss the Hokage team off.

He kidnapped Yanagi.

Of course, being Yanagi (and thus fearless), she was quite amiable to the whole scheme. It could less be called a 'kidnapping' and more a 'persuaded visitation for dubious reasoning'.

I.e., when Kurei showed up and informed her she was being kidnapped, she forced him to wait an unreasonable amount of time while she packed an over-night bag ("I shouldn't need more than that; Recca will come get me by morning- is this the new game you guys are playing? I think it's lovely that you're bonding so well!") as well as some food for the both of them.

He told himself that he put up with it for her cooking. It was either that or Joker's cooking, he reasoned, and he really didn't feel like going to the hospital. His pride (and reputation) could only bear so much.

xXx

When they got to his choice of a hideout, Joker and Raiha were waiting. Both seemed intensely curious, but obeyed his orders without questioning him (even if Joker did muse that he was being awfully gentlemanly). Everything went smoothly from there. Sort of.

The heroes came, they kicked everyone's asses, and rescued Yanagi. His reputation was intact! Until...

"Oh, and Kurei-san is so kind! He let me order a pizza, and then I cooked, and then Joker-san and I played a board game but I lost, and Raiha-san made sure I was comfortable with a lot of books and-"

Kurei slinked off, fuming, at the indulgent look on his little brother's face. Fucking minions.

xXx

This is actually directly inspired by a line in The Picnic:

"He went ignored, as usual. He should get that fixed soon; no one feared him anymore."

And of course Azhwi prodded and prodded until my muse gave up sulking at her for working him to death and this story was born. There are 7 parts, in total, all relatively short and already written. So I'll be posting one chapter a week (hopefully). Enjoy and review.