Hello everyone! This is a one shot, inspired by all the retarded fangirls of Twilight in love with Edward. Enjoy!
"Edward, no!" Bella shouted, running between him and Jake. The last thing she wanted was a fight.
"He hurt you, Bella." Edward hissed. "I won't let him do it again."
Suddenly, a bright flash of light came from the wood line twenty feet away, followed by a giant CRACK! Ten seconds later, the same thing happened again, twice. Three men emerged from the area, all wearing the same mottled cloak and quiver; all of them held bows in their hands. They were shaking their heads and mumbling to themselves. Then, Edward got over his shock and ran up to them. "Who are you?" he demanded.
Halt glared at him, then replyed, "Stop shouting young man! You're making my head hurt." He rubbed his temples, then turned to check on the two younger men beside him. After that, he looked back at Edward, and froze. He stared at Edward for a minute, bewildered, the said, "Why are you sparkling?"
At that, Jacob started belly laughing. He was laughing so hard he was on the ground, clutching his sides. Edward gave him a brief death stare, then replied, "At least I'm wearing normal clothes."
"I'd hardly classify that as 'normal'." Halt observed dryly, gesturing to the purple and black sweatervest Edward was sporting over a white dress shirt and black pants. Jacob laughed even more at that. Edward was shocked that he had been outmatched with retorts.
Then, he took a firmer stance, looked Halt in the eye and said, "I think you'd better leave."
"I think you'd better get over your self and out of my way." Halt walked past him, followed by Will and Gilan. He approached Jacob, who was still laughing. "I hate to disrupt what ever you people were doing here," he said, motioning with his arm towards Edward, who was now holding Bella in his arms protectively, "but I'd like to get back home, so if you could please tell us where we are?"
Jacob chuckled a few more times, then said, "Yeah, sure man. You're 'bout ten miles out of Forks."
"Halt frowned at that, and said "Forks? I've never heard of such a place."
"In Washington?" Jacob added.
"Washington?" Halt repeated, confused.
Edward then came over with a bemused look on his face. "You've never heard of Washington?" he said superiorly.
"You've never heard of minding your own business?" Halt shot back without looking at him.
Before Edward could reply, Will, who was the same age as Edward, looked at him and said, "Why are you so annoying?"
"I am not! For your information, I already am engaged, own a car, and am very rich. You?"
"I'm not annoying." Edward gave him an angry look, to which Will raised one eyebrow.
Gilan laughed to himself, and Edward switched to glowering at him. "What are you laughing at?" He asked threateningly.
Instead of being intimidated, Gilan simply laughed louder and said, "You!"
"THAT'S IT!" Edward yelled, and went to pounce on Halt. Before he even finished the first word, Jacob leaped up into the air, shifting into a ginormous wolf at the same time. He flew into Edward and pinned him to the ground.
"Stop fighting! Just stop fighting!" Bella yelled out, running to get in between them. Gilan, however, reached out and stopped her.
"I don't think that's such a good idea."
"I'm fine!" she snapped back. She was so tired of men stronger than her telling her what to do, or stopping her from doing something. For her safety.
` "Let her go!" Edward yelled back. Jacob growled at him, which only made him even more mad.
"Alright, boys, calm down." Halt ordered. "Wolfboy, get off sparkly. Sparkly, don't attack anyone else. And Gilan, let the girl go." Meekly, everyone complied. Everyone except Edward, that is. He ran up to Gilan and Bella, placing himself between them.
"If you even touch her again, I'll-"
"Oh, shut up!" Halt interrupted. "She's not a little girl, for god's sake! In fact, so far, she's been more mature than you have." Edward glowered at him, but remained silent. "Now, young lady, will you please tell what sort of madness is going on here?"
Bella glanced at Edward and Jacob, then said, "Jacob got upset when he found out me and Edward are engaged," Jacob growled at that, "and squeezed my arms a little too tight. So now they're mad at each other."
"Why is he mad?" Halt asked. "I thought friends were generally happy when one another are engaged."
"He thinks I'm killing her." Edward said slightly sarcastically.
"Um, what? I think I'm missing something here." Gilan said.
"Edward's a vampire, and we have a deal. I'll.. marry him.. if he turns me into a vampire."
"Ahhh, I get it . I'm guessing wolfboy over there is in love with you too." Gilan replied. Bella nodded.
Then Will piped in, "So choose this guy," he said pointing to Jacob, who was still in wolf form. "he's cooler than sparkly."
Jacob nodded his head in agreement. Edward said, "Well, that's too late. She's already chosen me."
"Actually, he's right." Bella said, walking over to Jacob. "I think I'll chose Jake. At least he lets me have fun."
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Edward screamed.
"It was just my opinion, she chose." Will said.
"I agree with him. Jake is cooler than you." Bella said, cuddling up against him.
"What?" he said, shocked.
"He turns into a wolf," she clarified, "You sparkle."
Well, that's my take on them. I'd like to wish you all a happy New Year, and if you're an Edward fangirl about to write me hate mail, I appreciate your enthusiasm and compassion. Peace!