Welcome to Harry Who and the Pink Magical thong.
Warning: Please do not read if you are under the following conditions:
You LOVE Harry, Draco, Ron, Hermonie, Dumbledore, or any other Harry Potter character.
You have bad back problems, heart problems, are pregnant or nursing, or have recently come out of surgery. If taking any pharmaceutical drug while reading this story, and complications occur, please consult a physician immediately.
Harry Who and the Pink Magical thong is not responsible for any items that have been lost or stolen when reading this story. Nor is it responsible for that nasty rash that may occur during the story.
Harry Who and the Pink Magical Thong are also not responsible for random shouting due to wedgies while reading this story.
Please enjoy and keep hands and feet inside at all times for the duration of the story.
Chapter 1-
Written by: Samarah-chan and Cherushi...because we can and because we want to.
It was late at night...and it was scary... because it was late at night. BOO...anyway. Harry Who could not get to sleep. He sat up and stared out his window, still shocked about all the surprising announcements that Hogwarts had issued today...
FLASHBACK!! (You know you love 'em):
"Further more," Dumbledore said as he addressed the whole school in the dining hall. "I have a few announcements that will shock and amaze Harry Who and the rest of you magical losers. First off! I QUIT! YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU HEARD ME! YOU ALL CAN TAKE YOUR WANDS AND SHOVE IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE! BITTTCCHHESS!!"
Everyone's eyes popped out.
Then Dumbledore cleared his throat and talked calmly again. "After I make the rest of the announcements I will then take the position of the tooth fairy...something I always wanted to do." He confessed. He took out his wand and tapped himself on the forehead and with a magical poof sound, his clothes changed into a purple tutu. Some of the students gagged at the sight of this, for his hairy legs were out and he had a bony chest that made the tutu sag. Dumbledore smiled.
"I'm a little teapot short and stout-" he began.
"GET ON WITH THE REST OF THE ANNOUNCEMENTS YOU TOOTH HUGGIN' LOSER!"
Everyone turned to see that the announcement had come from some nameless kid in the Huffle Puff section.
Dumbledore glared and pointed his wand. "WAGGETY LAGGETY!" he yelled and the wand shot out a yellow beam, hitting the nameless kid and turning that kid into...A PURPLE DILDO!!
Everyone gasped. Then a girl from the table snatched it up and excused herself, saying she had to use the bathroom...
"Now," Dumbledore said. "Before I leave I wish to announce that one of our very own students...has become a sex toy."
Ron gulped.
"As you have just seen, I still have my powers and now I shall name the student who has become the sex toy so that someone can send him home to his parents. That kid is-"
"ALL RIGHT! I CONFESS!" Ron shouted and stood up. Everyone looked to him. "FOR MONTHES I'VE BEEN SECRETLY HAVING SEX WITH DRACO MALFOY! I'M HIS BITCH! I CONFESS I CONFESS!"
Harry Who cleared his throat and tugged on Ron's sleeve. "Ron," he whispred. "He's talking about the purple dildo kid."
"What purple-"
"You missed it. You were eating."
"Oh." Ron said. He looked around to see that everyone was still staring at him, and that Draco was shaking his head and hiding his face in his hand. "Oh my. Carry on then Dumbledore," he said and sat down. He blushed and put his head on the desk.
Dumbledore began to laugh. "Fuck what I was saying, let's talk about YOU! Ron Weasley? A bitch to Draco Malfoy? OoOoh this is too good to be true!" he said and began to giggle.
Yes giggle...Giggle like a schoolgirl who had just been tickled.
Ron turned redder and began to lightly bang his head on the table...and everyone else began to laugh at him. Then at the same time, Harry and Hermonie reached out and patted Ron's back sympathetically as he began to cry...like the little bitch he was.
END FLASHBACK!! (Get over it)
Now as Harry stared out the window, he felt like he was going to cry too...but he sucked it up! He looked around to see that everyone, including Ron, was asleep and went over to the trunk at the end of his bed. Opening it, Harry dug down deep. Past his many Barbie dolls, past his many porn tapes, and past his many...eh...other various shit until he found what he was looking for and pulled it out.
He smiled and hugged, his pink magical thong. Then he sniffed it. Even tasted it a little...the sick bastard.
"I'm so glad I have you, pink magical thong." He whispered to it. "Knowing you're in my life makes me feel like I can-"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
There was a horrible scream and everyone in Harry's dormitory awoke. They looked around at each other, all still sleepy but scared. No one said anything...
"'Arry," another nameless kid said, with his accent. "What's that ya got there 'arry?" he asked. "That liccle pink thing, there."
"Eh. Mind your damn business." Harry said as he shoved it back into his trunk. The nameless kid scowled.
"I SAD GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! GOD DAMN IT DOESN'T ANYONE REALIZE A HORRIBLE CRY OF DISTRESS WHEN THEY HEAR IT?" came the voice again from outside.
"Hey," said the sleepy Ron. "That sounded like it came from outside."
NO SHIT!!
Harry ran over and opened the window. The boys dormitory for Gryffindor overlooked the cliff at the back of the school. Harry scanned through the dark and scary night, trying to make out where the scream came from.
"Over there!" another nameless kid said from behind Harry. They all looked to the edge of the cliff to see Professor Mogonagal, hanging to dear life at the edge. Her fingers were starting to slip and a few feet away, her wand was broken in too.
"'Ey Professor!" The nameless kid who had asked Harry about his thong called. "What are you doing hanging over a cliff at this time of night?"
"I-I was sleep walking and I fell and broke my wand and tumbled over the cliff...NOW HELP ME UP!" she cried. "OR ELSE I'LL TAKE AWAY ALL YOU HOUSE POINTS!"
All the boys looked to eachother. Then back at her. Then back at eachother...
"Night Professor!"
"Can't take away House points if you fall and die!"
"Yeah...AND DON'T SCREAM! Some people here like their sleep!"
"Help me you stupid gits!" she cried out again, but this time forgetting why that she was holding onto a clif for dear life and let go to make hand genstures.
You would think she would have fallen, but somehow she was able to grab onto the cliff again before she went splat.
"That was close. NOW SOMEONE HELP ME!" she screamed the last part, but it did not matter for a large foot stepped on her hands, causing them to break and her to fall.
"Aye thought aye 'eard somethin," he said in his accent that makes you want to pelt him with large stones covered in bird shit.
"Dere mus' be somethin in me ear," he said talking in another annoying accent that PublicDisaster cannot write.
He stuck his pinky in his ear and began to dig things out. Three basket balls, two tennis rackets, nine cows, and one car later, he could hear again.
"Oh well, I guess it was nothing," he said walking off, his accent normal because PublicDisaster is lazy and she likes it.
"HEY YOU IDIOT! THAT'S NOT YOUR ACCENT!" a randmon student shouted, but Haggrid did not hear nor see them, that is why the student now lives under his shoe.
Down below you could see a body of Prof Mac, she was alive, until she was crushed by a car that fell from the sky.
The next morning at breakfast was a happy one, for Professor Dumbledork and Professor Macbitch were gone. The only thing that made it suck was the fact that Professor Snape was in charge, which was bad, for everyone but a certian slut that shall not be named until furthur into the story for we do not want to give anything away.
"Since Dumbledork is off his rocker-" he would have finished, but a Zeus like lighting bolt come from the fake sky and shot him in the ass, whic proceeded to light on fire.
"Son of a monkeys bitch-ass uncle," he shouted and ran from the room, returning a minute later acting like nothing had happened.
"I will be taking over," he finished and sat back down in his chair, but then stood up again
"So fuck you all, Slytherin house rules!" he said, and again sat down.
Everyone stared at him like he was crazy, which we was, and then began to eat again.
"Hey Harry, were's that chick we hang-out with all of the time?" Ron asked, though Harry was busy squirming in his seat and did not hear hom speaking.
"I'm right here," came a voice, but not a voice of a girl.
Ron looked up, and was in love. Before him was a god, well in his opinion it was a god, to everyone else it was a wiry little twit with no sense of fashion that needed a hair cut. Ron forgot about Draco for the moment and focused on woeing this new guy.
"My fair lord, where have you been all of me life?" he asked as he bowed to the new guy, whose name will be revealed in a moment, unless you have already decided to stop reading
"Ron, it's me, Hermione. Well now it's Ted, Ted Enoimreh," Hermione, who's new name is Ted Enoinmreh for some reason or another, said as he/she sat down.
"Hermione? What happened to you? Not that I'm complaining or anything," Ron asked after he got over his initial shock, or in other words, after he closed his mouth and stopped drooling.
"Well, I was trying a new spell to change genders, and when it finally worked I found that I prefer being a male," she said, though her voice was pretty much the same, it went with her new male body which is kind of weird.
"Plus, I have a thing for Lupin and he's gay. I also have a thing for Cho and she doesn't do girls anymore, or so she says," Ted said offhandedly as she piled a plate with sasauge, which looked an awful lot like dildos, but no one seemed to notice
Ron was thrilled by the news of Ted liking men, and worked on a plan to win his newly male heart.
"I must kill Lupin, and Cho, and I'll kill Pansy just for the hell of it," he thought he thought that thought, but he did not think that thought, but said that thought out loud.
"Ron, you said those thoughts you think you thought outloud again," Harry said, finally done squirming and getting into the conversation.
"Harry, are you wearing your pink thong again?" Ron asked, not so secretly wanting to see him in it, and also trying to change the subject of the conversation of his thoughts that he thought he thought but didn't
"What pink thong?" Ted asked, very curious, and also wanting to see Harry in a thong.
"Oh well, see Harry has this magical pink thong that he likes to prance around in. Dumbledork gave it to him, it was his fathers," Ron said as he blantantly stared at Ted's ass, even though he was sitting down eating his dildo-sausage.
"Thank you for the vague explaination Ronald," Ted said sarcastically through a mouthful of dildo-er-sasuage.
"You're welcome," Ron said, not undertsanding what sarcasm is
"Hey Ron, we heard your confession this morning and figured since we're your brothers that we should show you some kind of support," one of the twins said, not sure which one, but who really cares.
So before Ron could say anything, they reached down his pants and brought the back of his underwear to rest over his head. While Ron was struggling one of the twins took out their tiny little bat and started beating him with it. The beating lasted five minutes before the twins got tired and left.
"Poor Ron, you should really go and see that Pom-Pom lady," Ted said, still eating that damn sasauge.
Harry was again squirming, so he did not know what had happened, he also did not see that Draco was coming their way and he looked really pissed.
I have a belly button! And now back to the A/N-which is this, which is what I'm typing...shut up hobag! Hey, feel free to flame us, it's kinda cold in my house, which sucks, maybe I should put some clothes on, or not, or yeah, or not...gawr.
Anywhoozles, you hate us, we love reviews...figure it out and get back to us. Oh, and if you could understand anything that happened in this fic, you need to re-think your mental status.