There were times when he would sit in the darkness, times when he watched her sleep. Or so he thought. She was nothing more than a mere imagination of his mind. She was real once though, but not anymore. Her thoughts would make him sob uncontrollably. It was his fault after all. Arthur a lawyer, who hardly ever lost a case, could not win the most important case of his life: Pauline.
And so he sat in the darkness, nurturing the thoughts of her when they were happy. In the mood was her favorite song. She used to dance to it quite a lot. When she was happy, or when it was on, or even when she would put it on herself. Arthur would just sit there and watch her flawlessly move about the house. Her laughter and energy would fill the house. Arthur himself was not a very good dancer, but he would move along with her, mostly to see her laugh at how pathetic of a dancer he was.
And then there would be times when he would walk in the bright light and abruptly turn around. "No she is not there" he would tell himself. The bright light also made him think of Pauline. He was a lawyer and so he had met a lot of women. All beautiful and elegant. But none of them made him feel the way Pauline did. And he understood why. Because none of them were Pauline. She was so full of life, so ambitious. Yes she could be a bit too ambitious sometimes, but then again she was only human. The one thing that made him fall in love with her was her will to lead. No matter the time or the situation she could take charge. She could hold herself and others together when all seemed to fall apart. She was a strong woman, like no one Arthur had ever known.
It might not be love at first site, but something about her caught his attention. Amongst the crowd that had come that night to watch the show she stood out. She had this aura around her that blurred the world for him. Her white-blonde hair - equally spread around - made her look so beautiful. She wore a blue dress and hardly had any jewelry on. Her simplicity made her look even more beautiful. Her dress was the same colour as her eyes - blue. Oh how it suited her. She was so delicate, so statuesque that Arthur considered it his duty to take care of her from now on. To let no harm, hurt or danger come her way. He swore to make her his. And so he did.
Suddenly he wakes up from this nightmare of his. The day it all came to an end. Pauline always told him to keep work and personal life in two different boxes. He did, but not that day. All tensed from his case he fought with Pauline for the first time in almost 6 years. Did he not only fight with her, but he left her crying. The memory of her sobbing beside the bathtub haunts him to this day.
He came back as quickly as he had stormed out. But Pauline was missing. He waited for her to come back. As night fell and there was no sign of her, Arthur slept on the sofa. The sun rose, but Pauline's absence did not light things up. Three days it had been. The police only said, "We are looking for her . Don't worry."
But how could he not? He had to apologize to her. He had to tell her that he loved her. And that night Pauline did come home. But she was as still as a dead person.
"I am sorry . But we found your Fiancé dead in a bar near the … "
He could not hear it anymore. She was gone. Killed. And it was his fault. If only he had not fought. If only they had gone to dinner that night. If only.
Only one thing mattered in the end. The fact that she was with him - like she would always be - not as a memory, but as a soul. And that her memories will forever be both painful and comforting.