Don't know what this is, or if it's going somewhere...or where?
One day the truth will out and all will be visible, all that I have done will be visible. To my colleagues, to my superiors… to you.
I fear that day has come.
And the only opinion that truly matters to me, is yours.
Always yours.
Someone said the truth will set you free, who was that? I can't recall who said it, or from where it came. See how I suffer without you, you would know at once, you would tell me with a glint in your eye and all would feel easier.
Well, when the truth does out, Ruth, I suspect I will be anything but free. I suspect I will be suspect. And I know any glint will be far from your eye.
All that you have ever accused me of will be true.
I will be the "heartless bastard".
And you will be right to have turned me down. Your assessment of the things I've done, the things I've seen will be an assessment of a life full of secrets, full of decisions filled with death.
And you will turn from me afresh.
And your eyes will never hold anything but contempt.
And that I can not bear.
Please do not try and see me.
Please, no secret meetings.
Please, no need to feel anything, for my sake, for old time's sake, for any sake.
I will miss you Ruth.
More that you will ever know. More than you can ever imagine. More than I should.
I can not ask your forgiveness, for you will not be able to give it.
I will not ask for your help, for I have not earned it.
I must not be tempted to seek you out, for I do not deserve it.
And so, I must say it…..again.
Goodbye, Ruth.
Forever, Harry.