Author's Note: Okay, so basically, Abby's the only character that I've actually actively disliked on ER. This is like the first time that I actually felt sorry for her or anything, you know? So now she's not quite so hard to handle. I hope that doesn't sound horrible. :/ Anyways, this just sort of came to me when I was watching that scene. Reviews would be nice. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own ER or Hurt (that's Thousand Foot Krutch).
And It Hurts When You Need Me...
"I don't want you in my life right now, okay?"
He may as well have slapped her in the face. Actually, that would have preferable. Or he could have just slammed her hand in the door, except that he'd said, "I don't want to hurt you." Well, he just had.
Abby was stunned. She heard the unspoken "I don't need you" behind the statement, and that hurt as much as the fact that he didn't want her help. No, it hurt even more. She watched in silence as Eric backed away from the door and their mother emerged.
"I'll call you when he's settled," Maggie said.
"Don't bother," Abby replied. She turned and walked down the hall, her face a combination of shock and disbelief. Behind her, she could hear her mother calling after her, but she didn't stop.
"Abby, don't do this. Abby! Abby!"
Too late for that, Abby thought grimly. They didn't want her, didn't need her, fine. They could go ahead and be their own little exclusive club for all she cared. She was done.
At least, that's what she tried to tell herself. She felt numb.
How could he say that? He's always needed me, I've always looked out for him!" she ranted. Then a dreadful thought occurred to her, and she felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Maybe he's never really needed me. Maybe he's never wanted my help. Maybe all our childhood was just a lie. Maybe his insecurity was my security. Maybe we were never close after all. No, no, that can't be true, she thought fiercely.
And then, He needs help! He can't do this on his own! He doesn't know what he's doing. He's going to be like Maggie, and she's keeping him from getting better. If she were gone, I could make him do the treatment. It's all her fault! she screamed silently.
"But I'm here now," she mocked. You were never there for us, you left us on our own! You have no right to come back now, you have no right to be our mother, you have no right to take my brother away from me! As the numbness wore off, the anger began, only to quickly fade and be replaced by pain.
He's all I have left. Had left, she corrected herself. And now he's gone. Why couldn't Maggie be more responsible? Why do I always have to be the responsible one?
Because you make yourself be, came the answer. Abby brushed it away. I had to.
My little brother. He's gone. He's gone.
Again the pain, the feeling of loss.
What is the point? I have no one, not really, she thought dully. Carter doesn't count. Carter thinks Maggie is right, I can tell. How can he? He had to go through rehab. He knows that strictness is necessary. How can he not understand?
Unthinkingly, her thoughts turned to Luka. Sometimes it seemed like…but no. She had lost Luka, too.
Nobody gets it. Nobody understands. I'm lost. I'm all alone.
There's this song called Hurt by Thousand Foot Krutch (if you haven't heard it, you should totally look it up – it's an awesome song), and I was listening to it and the one stanza really sort of reminded me of this. Anyways, that's where the title comes from. Hope you liked it! I might write more with her brother and all, but I'm not sure yet. Thanks for reading! :)