Listen to your heart
A/N: Isn't it funny to become attached to a tv show or better sitcom although it's finished since more than 10 years? Well, it's not the first time that something like this happens to me so actually it doesn't really surprise me anymore. That crazy mind of mine *lol*
Summary: Another Dummy Twins – continuation... I know I know, there are millionth of them out there and I've read them all (well, all I could find *lol*) but… I just needed to write down my own musings about this special episode.
Feedback: This is my first english fanfiction story which is published for others to read. English is not my native language and I also have no beta-reader so please be careful with me. Besides that, feedback is very appreciated.
It was dark outside, already past 8pm. There weren't many people outside on the streets anymore, most of them were already at home.
C.C. Babcock left the Sheffield house with slightly shaking legs while she still kept hearing Niles' words in her mind.
'Where are you going to be ten, twenty years from now? You're going to be saying "Merry Christmas" to your friends in rehab and wondering what might have been!'
She felt a shudder running through her body remembering the whole scene. She had never seen him so… serious and hurt when giving her the speech. He had opened his heart to her several times during the last days and what had she done? All she did was laughing in his face and making fun of it, not recognizing that he wasn't joking anymore. 'But isn't this understandable after everything that happened during the last twenty years?' she thought sadly. How should she have known that he was serious, that he really meant what he said? She had been so sure that this was another of his usual pranks that she just had reacted the way she always did.
She had never been good with emotions especially when it comes to love. Emotions had never been important for her family, especially for her mother. B.B. had always explained them as useless and not important except you could use it to get any financial profit with it.
C.C. remembered she had agreed with her mother just for the peace of the day but when she was honest to herself she knew that she did not think the same about love.
Now wait, why was she suddenly thinking about love? Niles and love? Nah, that couldn't be. Could it? When she was honest she had to admit hat there was this little voice inside her heart which so longed to hear these famous three words from Niles. But she had always moved these thoughts aside, too scared to admit that she had feelings for the 'help'. Her mother had made clear that Babcocks do not mix with the help in any kind of relationships. Servants were merely accepted for doing their work but nothing more.
Absent mindly she waved for a cab and climbed into it. After giving the driver her address her thoughts kept wandering back to what happened short time ago. Niles' hurt eyes appeared again and his voice echoed through her mind. Suddenly she felt a pinch in her heart and hidden tears stung in her eyes. What the hell had she done? She looked out of the windows to keep the tears from falling. She just couldn't let them come now, a Babcock never cried, at least not in public.
They were passing Central Park when the driver turned up the volume of the radio. CC felt anger rise in her but then the words of the radio guy catched her attention.
'Hello friends out there. What a beautiful night we have. My name is Kyle and tonight I want to present another one of our show "Love stories". You know, guys, I'm sure you agree with me when I say the most important thing in life is to find the one person who really loves you deeply and truly. There can never be enough love in the world, right guys?…"
'Yeah, sure', C.C. thought. She knew this radio show, she had heard it last week on her way home after a long and boring business related dinner. It was strange to hear people talk about their private love stories and she knew she would never share her experiences in public. 'Well, what experiences actually?' she wondered. This show was about real love and not just about all the little affairs people have with each other on their desperate way to find the true love.
'I don't even have affairs', C.C. thought sadly and again her thoughts went back to Niles. That sting in her heart started to hurt more and more, his voice and his face haunted her and she desperately tried to ignore it. But it didn't help. Tears stung in her eyes but again she forced them down. Not here, not now.
The cab had to slow down because of the heavy traffic and C.C.s attention went back to the radio. They had played some slow love songs and now the radio guy was talking to a woman on the phone. Obviously she had called the station to tell another of these sappy stories but something in her voice made C.C. listen.
"So, Mary, which story do you want to share with us tonight?", Kyle addressed his female caller to encourage her to speak.
The womans voice was quiet when she started to speak. "First of all I know that you prefer stories with a happy ending in your show, Kyle, but mine is a sad one. Still I want to share it with the people out there. I once made a big mistake, the biggest in my life, and because of that I lost the only one person I really loved and still do. Even now after so many years it's a bit difficult for me to talk about this but I hope that if someone out there is now in a similar situation like I was that time he or she will do the right thing after hearing me out."
"Wow, Mary, I can't wait to hear your story", Kyle said in awe after a second of silence. "Go on, please, and take all the time you need for this."
C.C. listened intently. Mary hesitated a moment as if to gather her thoughts.
"About fifteen years ago I had a boyfriend named... well, let's just call him Don right now. Well, after a very ugly fight he dumped me and throw me out of our apartment. It was a warm summer night so at least I could walk around without getting a cold or so. After the fight I was completely devastated on one side because we had been together for about five years and I had dreamed about settling down, starting a family and so on. But on the other side I had also felt some kind of relief because the last months with Don had been terrible. We had started arguing in the morning and hadn't stop until we went to bed in the night. There was no romance any more, no love."
She took a deep breath and continued talking. "Well, anyway, thinking about it now it was clear that the thing between Don and me had to end this way…." She paused for a second.
"After that I started to live my own life again and some weeks later I met a guy named Joe in a bar not far from my new apartment. I had been there with my friend just to have a bit fun and have a good girls talk too. I remember that from the first moment I saw Joe he instantly got my attention. He was a tall dark-haired man only a few years older then me and he was not only good-looking but also well-mannered and so charming that it took only a few minutes until I felt like walking on clouds."
C.C. could hear a smile in Mary's voice and she thought about Niles again. Sure, they had their usual bickering and bantering every day but that was their normal way of communication. She had once told Nanny Fine that there was no real hate between the two of them, that this all was just some kind of game they played. And then there had been occasions like the Broadway Guild Awards where Niles had actually saved her by escorting her and being so very charming that a lot of other women in the room were bursting with jealousy. And she couldn't deny that she had enjoyed these occasions so much.
Her mind was yanked back to the radio again where Mary had continued speaking.
"Joe and I had a wonderful time. He was so different compared to Don and I can only say that this was the greatest time of my whole life. Until that unfortunate day..." She stopped talking probably slightly overwhelmed by the memories of the past.
Kyle's warm voice came up again. "Okay, folks, let's give Mary a little break in here and play a bit music. After this she will continue her story. Am I right, Mary?"
"Yes, I will tell you everything."
Meanwhile the cab had received at C.C.s apartment and after paying the driver she went upstairs in her lonely penthouse. She locked the door behind her and strolled over to the bar. God, she needed a drink after this horrible day, maybe the pain she felt in her heart would get better then.
While sipping her drink she turned on the radio just in the right moment because Mary was on the line again.
'Well, here we are again with our show "Love Stories" ', the voice of the radio guy was heard, 'and on the phone we still have Mary. She once has met a nice guy named Joe who seemed to be the love of her life until something happened. Now, Mary, would you please go on with your story?'
Marys voice came through the speakers. "Yes, I will. Well, as you already said I had a great time with Joe and everything seemed to be perfect. Then one night we were at a summer party and after some dancing we decided to get some fresh air and went out. It was a warm night and the stars were out so we watched them for a while talking and cuddling."
Listening intently C.C. could almost imagine the whole scenery while Mary went on.
"It was perfect but suddenly Joe turned to me and out of the blue asked me if I wanted to marry him. I must admit I was very surprised and almost a bit shocked because I surely hadn't expected this. I said earlier that i had thought about settling down with Don and starting a family but we had been together for several years until I had that thought about marriage and all. With Joe I had been together for only a few weeks and although all was running so great between us I still was feared that this whole was only working for limited time."
She trailed off and Kyle finally asked. "So you mean you liked him very much but still were not sure if a marriage at this early state of your relationship would really work out for you two? Am I understand that right?"
"Well, yes, partly. At that time I thought it was too early for a big decision like this because we should get to know each other better but now after so many years I'm sure it would have worked out and I'm also sure that he meant it and would have never disappointed me. But I made the decision with my brain and not with my heart, refused his proposal and told him that it was too early for me. We talked about it and he tried to convince me to trust him and that his feelings were honest but at the end I couldn't overcome my fears and he was so hurt that he left me. Since then I feel so bad about it and wish I could change it, even now after fifteen years."
She took a deep breath before continuing. "And that's why I have called you tonight. I just wanted to say that sometimes it's more important that you listen to your heart and trust your feelings. Don't rationalize too much when it comes to love and just take a risk..."
C.C. felt tears well up in her eyes again. God, this story could be hers. It was so similar to the situation between her and Niles right now that she felt that ache in her heart even more. The only difference was that Niles had never exactly told her why he wanted to marry her. Did he have feelings for her? Was it possible that he could even love her? And then there was this fear regarding her family. What would they think? C.C. just could not forget what her mother had told her. All of this was burnt in her memories although she had never really agreed with her about this. But it was so difficult to overcome it.
It all was confusing her so much but there was also this tiny little spark of hope in her. He had proposed to her four times and although she didn't believe it then she knew now that he had really meant it.
C.C. wiped the tears from her face and got up from the couch. She had to find out his real feelings and she had to do this now. She couldn't let him go without knowing the reason for his proposals. Blindly she grabbed for her keys and left her apartment without turning off the radio. It didn't matter now.
So, that was chapter 1. Now what do you think? Is it a story worth continuing?