Goodnight My Angel
I t was almost midnight as Lily Evans crept unseen with the aid of James' Invisibility Cloak into the Library at Hogwarts. A tall, long figure stepped out from the shadows cast by a nearby bookcase and into a beam of moonlight that was streaming through the window across the room. The figure appeared gangly in the shadows but a closer inspection would have found a well-muscled youth under those billowing robes. His hair was long and black, but shone silver in the moonlight. It contrasted greatly with his porcelein, complex.
"Lily?" the figure whispered.
"I'm over here Severus", Lily said as she took the hood of the cloak off revealing a fair skinned angel, with flowing red hair, and eyes that shone a bright emerald green.
Severus quietly walked over to her and pulled her into a soft embrace, so that he could smell her perfume.
"Thank you, for coming Lily."
"Of course, I came. You're my best friend Severus." Lily with a smile.
A sound outside in the hall startled them. Severus pressed a finger to Lily's lips to quiet her, and quickly led her back into the far corner of the library. Severus sat down on the floor against the wall and beckoned Lily to sit next to him. Lily took the cloak off and draped it over herself and Severus as she sat down.
"Now what was it you wanted to talk about Severus?"
"This." Severus said as he rolled up his right sleeve and indicated his bicep.
Lily leaned in closer to have a look. Before her eyes was a tattoo of a skull with a snake entwined around it. She let out a gasp that Severus quickly muffled by covering her mouth with his hand.
"But only Death Eaters have the Dark Mark. Severus, please tell me that you didn't join Voldemort." Tears where welling up in Lily's eyes as she said this.
"It's not what you think" he said with a smile, wiping a away a tear that had escaped down her cheek. "I have joined Voldemort, but not to support him" Lily gave him a confused look. "I'm a spy, Lily, for Headmaster Dumbledore. I joined the Death Eaters so that I can feed information to him and help to destroy that monster, Voldemort." The mention of that name sent shivers down Lily's spine.
"Does anyone else know?"
"Just Headmaster Dumbledore, Alastor Moody, Head of the Aurors, and now you" he said looking deep into her emerald green eyes.
"Why did you decide to tell me, Severus?"
"Because you're my best friend Lily, and I didn't want you to hear rumors and get the wrong idea."
"Do you realize the danger that your in? Your family is one of "his" strongest supporters, there are Death Eaters everywhere nowadays, not to mention Voldemort himself if he were to find out. Aren't you scared?"
"Yes."
"But then why are you risking your life, Severus?"
Severus took a deep breath, trying to get the confidence to do tell her everything that he ever wanted to. As she stared at him waiting for an answer he cupped her face in his large strong hands and spoke.
"I'm doing it for you, Lily."
"Me!?" Lily said speaking much louder than she had intended.
"Lily, I love you,"
"But Severus?"
He pulled Lily into his chest and held her gently in his arms as he spoke. "Please Lily, you just have to know how I feel. My parents never taught me about love or friendship. They taught me to hate Muggles. They said that to love a Muggle was the mark of a weak wizard. But when I met you and saw how beautiful and vibrant you were I knew that my parents were wrong. I was weak for never allowing myself to open up to anyone. You made me feel comfortable enough to do that. You made me understand what love is, and you showed me that Muggles have even more spirit than the most pure breed wizards in our world. When I found out that Voldemort was going to exterminate all of the Muggle-born and halfling members of our world, I knew that I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't just stand back and not protect the one person in this world that I love more than anything." Severus stopped.
Lily was crying so hard that she was shaking. Between sobs she managed to say "I never knew Severus, I swear I never knew. If it would keep you from going I'll call off my marriage to James."
"NO! In June you will be married to James Potter." This was more of a command than a reply. "For as much as I hate Potter, I see the way that you look at him, Lily. Your love is pure. I could never, with a good conscience take that away from you, I love you too much to do that. But that's why I became a spy. I knew I couldn't have you, but I am still going to protect you. If I have to die in the process, Lily, I promise that no harm will come to you from Voldemort."
He held her closer to him, wiped her tears away and kissed the top of her head. How he wished he could stay like this forever. Slowly, Lily pulled away from him. Tears were still streaming down her cheeks as she looked straight into his piercing, black eyes. She took the hand that he had been caressing her face with and placed it over her heart.
"I can never repay you for what you are doing for me, Severus, but I promise that there will always be a part of my heart that will belong to no one but you."
Like magnets they leaned forward, and their lips met in a passionate kiss. Severus knew that even if James could call her wife, part Lily would never be his. The sweetness of Lily's lips was mixed with the salt from her tears. Severus would never forget the taste of that bittersweet kiss, as long as he lived.
Severus Snape fell out of bed with a loud thud. He was covered in a cold, sweat and breathing heavily. Why was he having that same dream again? Why did he have to be reminded of that broken promise? Lily had kept her promise, but he broke his. He had been too late to save her. This broken promise had consumed him for the past 15 years. 'Stop it Severus' he thought to himself. 'You have finals to give today. Those students brains are going to be so fried , their going to need the Christmas Holiday to recover.' Severus chuckled at this. Nothing brightened his day more than the prospect of actually making students have to use their brains. He picked himself up off the floor, and walked into his bathroom to clean up. He looked into the mirror, his heart fell at the sight. His once porcelein skin was now sallow. The hair he had taken so much pride in, was now a greasy mess. And his muscles, oh the strength he had in his youth, were but a memory; now he was simply, gaunt. But he deserved every bit of this suffering for letting Lily die. Lily. He was thinking about her again. This was driving him nuts. He grabbed a nearby bottle of something or other and smashed it against the wall. 'That didn't help anything Severus, it only made a mess. But it felt good, maybe I should destroy my entire dungeon? No, this is my punishment and I must face it like a man.' Severus grabbed his wand from the nightstand and vanished the mess he had made. He then quickly washed his face and clothed himself in clean, black robes.
The black robes that Severus always wore matched his attitude toward life. Since the death of his dear Lily, Severus had seen his existance as nothing more than a meaningless void.
' Your a waste of flesh, Severus. You couldn't even keep a simple promise. You're pathetic. You hurt the only person you ever loved. You're a monster.' These self destructive thoughts hammered around in Severus's head as he walked to the Great Hall for breakfast.
When he walked through the doors of the Great Hall, Severus's eyes were met by a shocking vision. He didn't see the usual sea of groggy students forcing themselves to wake up over bowls of hot porridge and steaming plates of sausage. No, he saw the Yule Ball that was held during his seventh year at Hogwarts. Everything was just as it had been, from the frost covered pine trees, to the twinkling lights of the fairies fluttering overhead. Then his eyes came to rest, on something that made his soul wrench in pain. Lily and his younger self, dancing, and laughing together.
'She asked me to dance that night,' Severus was recalling to himself. 'She didn't care how angry James was with her for that. Our one and only dance together.'
The image was shattered by a scream, and a flash of green light. In the next instant, Severus saw Lily's broken body lying prone on the floor in a pool of blood. His head spun and he sunk down to the floor against the door frame.
The students in the hall who had witnessed the event where shocked at their professor's strange behavior.
"My goodness, Severus," was all that a surprised Professor Flitwick could mutter.
Dumbledore who had at that moment been discussing plans for the Christmas decorations with Flitwick, turned and saw Severus slumped on the floor.
"If you'll excuse me for a moment, Professor," Dumbledore quickly said as he hurried down from the head table to Severus. Kneeling down, Dumbledore shook Severus gently to rouse him. "Severus. Severus can you hear me?"
"I'm sorry," Severus said pathetically as he opened his eyes. "Headmaster Dumbledore, I didn't realize it was you. My greatest apologies." As he was saying this Severus picked himself up off of the floor and tried to compose himself. Dumbledore put a paternal hand on Severus's shoulder and led him out of the hall.
"Severus, are you feeling alright? You don't look well."
"I'm fine, Headmaster."
"Severus, I will not pressure you to tell me, but it is very obvious that something is wrong. You know where my office is if you care to talk."
"Thank you, Headmaster."
Snape quickly loosed himself from Dumbldore's fatherly grasp and began walking toward the dungeons.
"I wasn't hungry, anyway."
The day continued on it's downward spiral. Everywhere he looked in the castle Severus saw Lily. Well, memories of her anyway. These memories, and his encounter with Dumbledore caused him to develop an excruciating headache. If this wasn't bad enough it was compounded by a fit of heartburn during the 5th years finals. Draco Malfoy had thought it would be cute to put a handful of cobra fangs on Neville Longbottom's stool. This caused the already clumsy boy to jump and turn over a whole cauldron of Nonanimus motus potion. Severus was so irate that he deducted 50 points from Slytherin, promised Malfoy he would have a detention to serve after holiday, and awarded Gryffindor 10 points because Neville actually made a potion correctly. It was so good, in fact, that poor Neville was in a zombie-like state all afternoon. Malfoy was speechless, Snape had never taken points away from him, let alone given him a detention. Since Severus had found out that Lucius Malfoy had returned to the service of Voldemort, and his son had followed in his footsteps, he no longer showed any favoritism toward the little worm. After the class ended, Severus collapsed into the chair at his desk and buried his head in his hands.
"Why Lily? Why are you haunting me, now of all times?" he asked as if he really expected an answer. "I'm sorry, I tried to protect you, I really did. You know I never ment to hurt you. I did my best." As he pleaded with the demons that were ripping at his soul, tears began to run down his cheeks.
"Severus, why didn't you tell me that this was about Lily?" came the fatherly voice of Albus Dumbledore.
Severus looked up at the old wizard in the doorway with an expression of horror. He had only allowed Dumbledore to see him this broken once before, and that was immediately following Lily's death.
"I didn't think it was appropriate to discuss" Severus said as he tried to collect himself.
"You know that I find no topic of discussion inappropriate if it can help a person to feel better."
"I know Headmaster, but I would prefer not to discuss my feelings about Lily."
"Severus, I know that Lily's death was very hard for you. I know the things that you risked trying to protect her, but her death was not your fault. You must realize that."
"I said that I did not wish to discuss Lily" Severus said slamming his fists on his desk.
Dumbledore fell silent and just gazed at Severus. He knew that he was looking at the shattered remains of a man.
Finally, he spoke. "Severus I think it would do you good to get away from here for the evening. There are a few things that I need from London. I would like it if you would get them for me."
"I mean no disrespect Headmaster, but..." Severus started, trying to contain his growing rage.
Dumbledore cut him off, "I am not asking you Severus, I am telling you. This will be good for you. Here is the list," he said handing a piece of parchment over to Severus. "A carriage is waiting to take you to Hogsmeade so that you can apparate." Dumbledore turned to leave, but stopped when he reached the door. "Severus, please try to enjoy yourself tonight."
With that he left. Severus's eyes buried with rage. 'How does he expect me to enjoy myself when he knows that I allowed my only reason for living to be killed at the hands of a madman?' He swore loudly, grabbed the list and left.
I was nearly 9 o'clock when Severus finished getting all of the items on Dumbledore's list. The snow was beginning to fall heavily now, the Christmas decorations that adorned the shop windows were glittering, and Severus actually felt a little better. 'Dumbledore was right,' he thought, 'I just needed to get out of the castle for a while.' As he was adjusting the weight of the packages in his arms, a very pleasant aroma filled his nostrils.
"Fish and Chips" he muttered to himself, "it's been ages, since I last had those." His stomach growled, "I guess I didn't realize how hungry I am. A short stop off into that pub can't hurt anything."
Severus entered the pub, and sat down at a table next to the large, front window.
"What's your fancy, love?" The rather rough looking, middle-aged waitress asked.
"An order of your fish and chips, if you please."
"Would you care for a nip from the bar? We just received a fresh shipment of Guinness, if you fancy ale."
"Just the fish and chips, thank you."
"Suit yourself." the waitress said as she walked back to the kitchen area to put his order in.
The waitress returned quickly with his order, and Severus began to relax, as he ate his dinner and watched the snow falling outside. This momentary release was shatter by the piercing screams of Muggles from outside. Severus instantly withdrew his wand from the inner pocket of his Muggle jacket, and ran to the door to see what was happening. As he stepped outside, a horrifying site met his eyes. A group of five Death Eaters were chasing a cloaked figure up the street towards him. No one on the street was safe. Many of the Muggles that happened to be in the way of the Death Eaters were struck down by the Cruciatus curse. Severus saw one of the Death Eaters hurl the curse at a woman and her small child.
Without hesitation he roared "DEFLECTO".
This had bought the two enough time to seek refuge in a nearby shop. As the cloaked figure swiftly approached, Severus thought to himself ' The Ministry will be here soon enough to tend to the Muggles, I have to stop them from killing there target.' The figure ran past Severus and he followed, determined to save this person from those damnable Death Eaters. They ran up the street until they came an alley. He and the figure turned right, down the alley. Severus ran faster than he had in years, trying to lose the Death Eaters. They turned left, right, right again, left... Dead End. The Death Eaters had them cornered. The cloaked figured remained calm, and backed up against the wall. Severus on the other hand was furious for being trapped, all of the rage, self-loathing and hatred for Voldemort welled up inside him. He didn't care if he died but he was not going without a fight. The five Death Eaters closed in on them.
"Well, isn't this an added bonus?" came a cold drawling voice from under the hood of the middle Death Eater. "Hello, Severus."
"Lucius Malfoy," Severus spat out with contempt.
"That's right," Lucius said as he lowered his hood. "Look at me, Severus. I want you to have a clear imagine, of the person that will finally kill you and Potter."
"You may kill me Lucius, but the Potter boy is stronger than you can ever imagine." Severus said bravely.
"I don't mean the boy, you fool. I mean his mother," he said as he cocked his head indicating the cloaked figure behind Severus. Severus turned to the figure in shock and disbelief .
"Long live Lord Voldemort!" Lucius shouted as he raised his wand. "Avada..."
Severus whirled around ready to take the full brunt of the blast to protect the figure. 'Lily or not, I won't let this person die in vain,' he thought. But the incantation was not finished, for in that instant the cloaked figure raised it's hands and shouted "DEBILITO". A blinding beam of golden light shot from it's hands struck the Death Eaters. The force was so great that their wands disintigrated and they were thrown into the wall at the far end of the alley.
Severus turned around and approached the figure saying, "How on earth did you do that?"
But no response came. Instead, the figure collapsed to the ground, and the large hood on the coat that it wore fell off revealing...
"Lily!" Severus exclaimed rushing to her side. "Lily's speak to me. God please don't be dead! Lily!" He quickly scooped Lily's weak body into his arms. "Don't worry, Lily. I'm taking you to Hogwart's, you'll be safe there." With a 'pop', Severus disapparated with Lily in his arms.
When Severus apparated into the small village of Hogsmeade he had only one thought running through his mind, get Lily to Dumbledore. He secured his arms around her and broke out into a run in the direction of the castle. In ten minutes time, Severus had arrived at the entrance to the grounds of Hogwarts. His muscles ache, his lungs burned and he felt as if he would collapse at any moment.
'I have to stop,' he thought. 'I can barely stay standing, let alone.'
Then he looked down at Lily's face, her beautiful, but almost lifeless face, and a new fire blazed in his soul, his strength had returned to him, and his eyes blazed with deteremination. He began running even faster than he had before.
"Don't worry Lily, we're almost there," he said pressing her body closer to his.
Severus reached the stone staircase to the entrance and ascended them, taking the stairs three at a time. Just as he reached the top of the stairs, the door was thrown open by Hagrid. Severus was slightly startled by the formidable looking half-giant, but these feelings quickly subsided.
"Evening, Professor Snape. 'Ere let me get those packages for you."
"Hagrid, get Headmaster Dumbledore. Immediately!" Severus barked, as he pushed his way into the entrance hall.
"But..?" Hagrid began.
"Now, Hagrid! Bring him tot he hospital wing."
Severus sprinted up the stairs to the infirmiry. When he arrived he kicked the door open, and rushed inside.
"What in heaven's name is going on out there?" Came the startled voice of Madam Pomfrey, from inside of her office.
Severus ignored her inquiry and rushed Lily to the nearest bed. He laid her down gently and tucked a blanket around her.
"Professor Snape, what exactly are you doing?" Madam Pomfrey asked indignantly from the behind him.
"Poppy, get your equipment quickly she's hurt." Severus ordered.
"What happened? Who's hurt?" Poppy said as she pushed passed him to get to the bed. "Saint's preserve us," she gasped, "It's..."
"Lily Potter." Severus finished for her.
"But it can't be, Lily's been dead for fifteen years." Poppy stammered as she backed away.
"Poppy, listen to me," Severus growled as he grabbed her forcefully by her shoulders, "if you do not help her she will die."
"But we all know that she's dead, that can't be her, it just can't be, I was at her funeral." said Poppy as she edged near histerics.
"Poppy, snap out of it!" Severus bellowed as he raised a hand to strike her.
' Don't hit here Severus. She didn't do anything wrong, just calm her down so that she can help Lily.' His conscience took over; he dropped his hand and loosened his grasp on her shoulders.
"Poppy, just calm down. I know your shocked but, there is something terribly wrong with Lily and if you don't collect yourself and tend to her she may die." he said as Poppy continued to stare at Lily's body. "Poppy, look at me. Look at me! You are a damn good nurse, and you have never cracked under pressure. Now collect yourself and help your patient."
Poppy took a deep breath,
glanced from Severus to Lily back to Severus, and said
"Your
right there will be time for all of this later, right now I have a
patient to attend to."
"Thank you," Severus said as Poppy began to rush around the room gathering her instruments.
Severus drew a chair up to Lily's bedside and took her right hand in his hands.
"It's okay now, Lily. You're here in the infirmiry at Hogwarts, and Poppy is taking care of you. You remember Poppy Pomfrey, don't you? She was one of your good friends while we where in school. Of, course you remember. She is a wonderful nurse now, can cure anything."
"Severus, I need you to help me take her coat off so I can examine her more closely." Poppy said.
"Yes, of course. Lily don't worry we are just going to take coat off so Poppy can examine you." He gave her hand one last small squeeze before placing it back onto the bed. As he held her up in a sitting postions, Poppy removed her arms from the coat sleeves and removed a satchel that had been around her neck.
"Okay you can lay her back down."
Just as Severus laid Lily's head against the pillow, the door to the infirmary opened and a rather winded looking Albus Dumbledore entered.
"Severus, what's the emergency? Hagrid said that it was an extremely urgent," Dumbledore paused when he caught sight of Lily's body lying on the bed. "Severus, kindly step outside so that I might have a word with you," he said.
Severus hesitated, not wanting to leave Lily's bedside.
"Now, Severus."
"Yes, Headmaster."
Dumbledore ushered Severus out of the room and closed the door behind him.
"Severus, I want you to explain to me how you found her?"
"I was finishing my dinner inside a small, muggle, pub when they attacked."
"Who?"
"A small group of Death Eaters, led by that scum, Lucius Malfoy. I saw them chasing someone and attacking Muggles out on the street, so I decided to help. I figured that they were just making sport out of a Muggle. Something inside of me wanted to protect this person, so I ran after her. We ended up getting caught down an alley way. Lucius was about to use the Killing Curse when I heard Lily performing a powerful incantation. The Death Eaters had been knocked unconscience. When I turned to question her, she collapsed. I decided that she would be safest here at Hogwarts."
"You did right by bringing her here, Severus. You have undoubtedly saved that girl's life. Did Malfoy say anything to indicate why they were after that poor girl?"
"No, but it was obvious that they wanted to kill Lily because of her new powers."
"What kind of powers?"
"She was able to perform a highly difficult spell, of explosive proportions without a wand. The Dark Lord doesn't even have the kind of power that Lily displayed tonight."
The door to the infirmiry opened and Poppy beckoned them back into the room. A look of relief had formed on her face.
"How is the girl, Poppy?" Dumbledore asked
"She's still asleep, but that's to be expected. She's had a terrible shock, that's weakened her body. She is also running a fever, but aside from that she's perfectly healthy."
As they spoke, Severus returned to Lily's bedside and gently stroked her forehead with his hand.
"Do you have any idea when Lily will wake up?" Severus asked
"I'm sorry but there is no telling, it all depends on when her body gets it's strength back."
"Well, then I think we should let her rest. It looks like you could use some rest yourself, Severus. Why don't you go to bed? "
"I'd rather stay with Lily, Headmaster."
"I understand your concern for the girl, Severus, but you've had a rough day. You should go shower, and sleep." Dumbledore said firmly. Severus glared defiantly at Dumbledore. "I am sure that Poppy will be more than happy to let you know if her condition changes at all. Won't you, Poppy?"
"Of course. Now go shower Severus, before I have to throw you out for contaminating my infirmiry."
"Fine," he spat out. Gently he bent down and kissed Lily's forehead. After one last look at Lily her turned abruptly, "Goodnight, Headmaster," he said coldly before leaving the room.
"Albus," Poppy said, "do you have any ideas how this could have happened?" As she said this she pointed to the sleeping Lily.
"The best answer I have is this isn't Lily Potter." said Dumbledore kneaded his brow in thought.
That night although he was still furious with Dumbledore for not allowing him to stay with Lily, Severus slept well. It was the first time in fifteen years that he was not lulled to sleep by the constant thoughts of self loathing that normally ran through his mind. Instead, he drifted off on a sea of serenity, knowing that his true love was alive and he had kept her so.
For the next two days, Severus's every waking moment was spent at Lily's bedside, holding her hand, wiping her forehead with cold compresses, and talking to her. Then on the evening of the third day, Lily came to. Poppy had gone to dinner, and left Severus to look after Lily. Just as he was about to lay a fresh compress across her forehead, Lily opened her eyes. Their eyes met for the first time since Severus had found her.
"Lily," was the only word that Severus could make his lips form.
Lily just stared at him slightly confused for a moment, and then the recognition hit her. "You were the man that was with me in the alley," she said. Severus couldn't find his voice to speak so he just nodded. "You saved my life, Mr. , I'm sorry I don't know your name."
"Lily, it's me, Severus. Severus Snape. Don't you recognize me?"
"I'm sorry Mr. Snape but," Lily stopped abruptly as another thought entered her head. "Why do you keep calling me Lily? My name is Rose Fontane," she said.
When Severus heard these words all of the life and love that had found their way back into his heart shattered. His eyes that had been so bright when he first gazed upon her immediately returned to their dim state, and within seconds Severus's head was pounding with the mocking voices in his head.
'No, it is her. It has to be her. Are you that big a fool Severus, to think that Lily would just turn up after being dead for 15 years and rush into your arms? But it has to be. It's not Lily, Severus. You let Lily die, YOU LET HER DIE!' This was ended when he heard Rose's voice.
"I am very greatful to you for saving me, Mr. Snape, but where am I?" she asked.
"Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." came the cheerful voice of Albus Dumbledore, who was entering with a plate of food for Severus. "I am happy to see that you are wake, my dear. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Albus Dumledore, Headmaster here at Hogwart's. And you are?"
"Rose Fontane."
"A pleasure to meet you Rose. Severus," Dumbledore said, "I've brought you some dinner if you're hungry."
"No thank you, Headmaster," Severus said getting up from his chair, "In fact if you will excuse me, I would like to go to bed."
"Severus, you're looking quite pale, do you feel alright?"
"I feel fine," He said firmly. "I just need to lie down."
"Alright then. Goodnight, Severus"
"Sweet dreams, Mr. Snape"
Snape winced slightly at these words, and left the room, never once turning his gaze to Rose.
"Will he be alright?"Rose asked
Dumbledore remained silent for a moment before answering. Then turning to her he smiled and said "Yes, in time he will be."
Dumbledore and Rose sat in silence for a moment, but the silence of the room was broken by a loud, hollow sounding, growl.
"My word," Dumbledore said with a chuckle. "You must be famished, dear."
"Yes sir. I am a little hungry."
"I know exactly what you need," Dumbledore said as he got up and approached the fireplace at the far end of the room.
Rose watched him open a small jar that was sitting on the mantle. He took something out of it and through it into the fire turning the flames a bright green.
"Dobby, " Dumbledore said into the fire.
"Yes, Professor Dumbledore, sir?" a squeaky voice replied.
"Would you and Winky kindly bring a large bowl of hot soup and a mug of cocoa to the infirmary for our guest?"
"Yes, sir." The squeaky voice answered. "Dobby and Winky will be bringings it right away, Professor Dumbledore sir."
"Thank you, Dobby."
Dumbledore returned to Rose's bedside and took a seat with his back to the fireplace. Rose stared fixedly at it until to her great surprise, two tiny creatures carrying trays emerged from it. Rose couldn't help but gasp when she saw them. They had large bat-like ears, and eyes the size of tennis balls, not to mention that one of them was dressed very strangely. It was wearing soccer shorts, a necktie with no shirt and mismatched socks. The two brought the trays over to Rose.
"Your soup, Miss. Dobby hopes you will be liking it," said the oddly dressed creature as he placed the tray on her lap.
"And cocoa too, Miss," said the other creature in an even higher pitched voice.
"Thank you," Rose said, still in awe.
"Winky is glad that you is better now, Miss. Now Professor Snape will not be yelling at Winky when she comes to light the fire."
"Bad Winky," said the thing called Dobby. "Good Professor Snape was only worried about Miss. He thought you was making to much noise."
"Thank you, Dobby. Thank you, Winky, " Dumbledore said to break up their banter. "You may both return to the kitchen now."
Dobby and Winky bowed and ran back through the fireplace. Rose just continued to stare dumbfounded after them.
"You should eat up, Rose," Dumbledore said. "There is much that we must discuss tonight."
After hearing this, Rose turned her attention to the bowl of soup in front of her. However as she was about to take a bite, curiosity got the best of her.
"What were those things?" she asked Dumbledore.
"Those were house-elves, by the names of Winky and Dobby to be exact. House-elves are extremely, loyal and hard working little creatures. Quite friendly, too. I must say that Winky does tend to be temperamental though."
"Wow, real elves. I knew about wizards, but it never occurred to me that elves would be real." With this said, Rose began to eat. Dumbledore sat quietly thinking, as Rose had her dinner. When Rose was finished with her soup, and cocoa she placed the trays on her nightstand.
"Thank you, Mr. Dumbledore. I do feel much better."
"You're welcome, Rose. And please, call me Albus. Now Rose, I need you to be honest with me, so that I can help you."
"Okay."
"Severus, has told me that you are able to perform magic without a wand. Is that true?"
"Of course I can."
"Would you mind showing me?" Dumbledore said with intrigue.
"Okay. Well let me see, what to do?" Rose looked around the room until her eyes can to rest upon the trays on her nightstand. "These will do," she said. Then she raised her hand to the dishes and calmly said, "Repirete Kitchen."
The dishes vanished before Dumbledore's sparkling eyes.
"Amazing, absolutely amazing," Dumbledore said. "How long have you lived in Britain, Rose?"
"Ever since the Colonel adopted me ."
"How long ago was that?
"It's been a little over 15 years, since then."
"How odd that you were overlooked."
"Albus, what do you mean?"
"You see Rose, all young witches and wizards in Great Britain, are identified by the Ministry of Magic and upon turning eleven years old they are sent an invitation to attend Hogwart's for proper training. As a child did you or your adopted father receive a letter informing you of your abilities?
"I wouldn't know," Rose said dryly.
"Why is that, dear?"
"Because I was around 19 when I was adopted. I have no recollection of my life before the day, Sigmund found me."
Dumbledore sat back in his chair and examined Rose's youthful appearance closely
"How is it then that you still look like a young woman?"
"I haven't a clue. Sigmund told me that it's because of my magic."
"Yes, back to your magic. You mentioned earlier that you knew about wizards, and obviously you know about your powers. Tell me how you came to learn about our world?"
"I suppose that the story really starts the day that Sigmund found me in the woods, by his estate in Kent, 15 years ago. I had a terrible bump on my head, a chill, and no recollection of who is was. He took me in and nursed me back to health. Anyway it was a month after that when the strangest thing happened. Sigmund looked me right in the eye, and said 'you have the gift.' I had no idea what he meant by it so I let it drop. Sigmund took a shine to me, and adopted me as his own. As time went on, I began to worry about why I didn't age. Sigmund had noticed my worry and after dinner he told me about the world of magic and my gift. He carried an old trunk out of the basement, and opened it. He said it had belonged to his deceased brother, Jonah, who had been a wizard."
Suddenly Dumbledore interrupted, "So Jonah Fontane's older brother was your adopted father?"
"Yes, did you know Jonah?"
"Jonah and I were in school together. He was a good friend and a great wizard. It was a terrible loss for all of us when he died. I remember Sigmund, now. He was the kindest Muggle I had ever meant and he was so proud of Jonah. It was a pity that he had no magic in him." As Dumbledore said this his eyes sparkled with happy memories. "I am sorry for interrupting Rose. Please continue."
"Anyway, the trunk was filled with all of Jonah's old spell books. Sigmund told me all he could about Jonah and Hogwarts. I was worried about about not having a wand, but Sigmund told me that I had more magic inside of me than anyone he had ever known and I didn't need a wand. It turned out he was right. Within two years I had learned to control all of the spells in Jonah's old books. Unfortunately, Sigmund wasn't alive to see all of my powers. He passed away, not long after he gave me Jonah's things."
Rose had to stop. She was trying to blink back the tears that were welling up in her eyes.
"I'm sorry" she said as she wiped her tears on her sleeve. "He was the only family I ever had."
"It's all right, Rose," Dumbledore said warmly. "You are only crying because you cared about him, and there is nothing wrong with that."
As Rose tried to smile at him, she was stopped by a need to yawn.
"Oh, pardon me," Rose said.
"Of course, you must still be exhausted. You should go back to sleep now, Rose. I will have plenty of time to explain the rest to you tomorrow." Dumbledore said as he got out of his chair.
"It's okay, Albus. I'm awake, and I would really like to know the rest." Rose pleaded.
"I suppose, if you are feeling up to it."
"Oh, I am," said Rose with a new found vigor.
"All right, but if Poppy asks, this was your idea." said Dumbledore chuckling.
"Who's Poppy?"
Immediately after leaving the infirmary for his chambers, Severus's head was filled once again by the tormenting voice of his sub-conscious. 'You fool, did you really think that... that girl was Lily? But she looks just like, Lily. Wrong! She looks like Lily did fifteen years ago. That girl you saved is a child, a beautiful child, who wouldn't bother wasting a thought of love on a monster like you. Yes, Severus you are a monster, a lying, hateful, bitter monster.'
"Shut up!" Severus screamed as he clutched his head.
This outburst made the voice subside long enough for Severus to change into his nightshirt and fall into bed.
'If I can just fall to sleep' he thought wearily. But his own self-loathing manifested once again in the voice, 'Running from your punishment, Severus? You brought this on yourself Severus. You never loved, Lily.'
"But I did," he moaned.
'If you really loved her then you would suffer through your punishment like a man. Remember Severus, she died because of you.'
"I know it was all my fault. And I know that the only thing for me to do is suffer." After he spoke these words, the voice was silenced, and Severus was plunged into the darkness of a nightmarish sleep, the like he had never experienced before.
Upon waking the next morning, Severus decided that the only way to fulfill his suffering was to never lay eyes upon Rose again. His appetite lost, he skipped breakfast and descended into the dungeons to work. 'If I remain here I won't happen to meet her in the hall,' he assured himself. The hours went by and Severus worked uninterrupted. 'I'm sure that Dumbledore has told the rest of the staff of my need to be alone,' Severus rationalized. It was after 8:00 PM when an unexpected knock came at his door.
"Come in," he growled.
"Good evening, Severus." said a very cheerful Albus Dumbledore as he entered.
"May I help you, Headmaster," Severus said through obviously forced politeness.
"Yes, in fact, I was going to speak to you at dinner, but since you were absent, I decided that I would come and find you."
"Well, you've found me, haven't you." Snape said tersely
"Indeed," said Dumbledore ignoring his rudeness. "As you know, Rose possesses inordinately great powers, plus an uncanny resemblance to Lily Potter, which has made her a target for Voldemort." The mention of Rose and Lily, made Severus's insides twist in torture. "Because of this I have asked her to remain here a Hogwart's."
Dumbledore smiled expecting Severus to show some sign of happiness.
Instead Severus just said, "What does this have to do with me?"
"Well," began a slightly disappointed Dumbledore, "Rose is highly proficient in Charm work and spell casting, however, she lacks training in all other areas of magic. I feel that it would be to her benefit to teach her these other skills. Minerva spent the day with her in Hogsmeade buying supplies to begin her studies. All of the other staff members have arranged times to meet and begin working with her after Christmas. But she was insistent that she begin her study of Potions immediately. In fact I believe she was hoping to begin as soon as tomorrow, if you would allow it."
Severus knew Dumbledore to well to think that he actually had the option of saying no. But he didn't want to be forced to see her again. He had no choice, he had to say yes, but he didn't have to like it
"Fine," he said coldly, "if she insists on immediately, then tell her to be here promptly at 9:00 tomorrow morning, ready to work."
"Wonderful, I know she will be thrilled." Dumbledore said as he left the room.
The next morning came and Severus again skipped breakfast and went directly to the dungeon to prepare for his lesson with Rose. At 8:45 he heard a knock at the door.
"Come in," he said as coldly as possible.
"Hello Mr. Snape," Rose greeted as she entered.
Without looking up from his papers he said, "Take a seat at that front desk, Miss Fontane and since I am now your instructor you are to address me as Professor Snape. Got it?"
"Yes sir, Professor Snape."
Severus had looked up to see her reaction, and what met his eyes was phenomenal. Rose was wearing long, emerald green robes, that made her eyes shine even brighter than normal. Her red hair was cascading over shoulders, and on her lips she wore a smile that could have dimmed the sun. He could not take her eyes off of her, as she took her seat and set up her work area. 'Stop gawking at her, Severus. You have work to do,' he thought. With those thoughts out of his head, Severus was able to remain extremely cold during the entire lesson. However, no matter how cruel he tried to be to her, he was unable to bring himself be anything but indifferent, and cold.
"That will be all for today, Miss Fontane," Severus finally said near mid-afternoon. "You may go."
Rose gathered her supplies, and was about to place them back in her satchel, when a small box and a card fell out.
"Oh, I nearly forgot," she said.
"Another question, Miss Fontane?" Severus said trying to sound exasperated.
"No, sir," she said approaching his desk, "I never got to thank you properly for saving my life, so yesterday I bought you this as a token of my appreciation." She handed him the box and card, but he did not take it.
"Thank you, Miss Fontane," he said blandly without even looking up. "You may go now."
Rose quickly gathered her things and left the room. Severus looked up and saw the package she had left for him. 'Why would anyone go to this trouble?' he asked himself. He opened the box inside was a beautiful, golden, potion bottle. His hands trembled as he picked it up and imagined her delicate hands, lovingly picking it out. He sat the bottle back in the box, and turned his attention to the card. It read:
Dear Mr. Snape,
I want to thank you for saving my life. I know that nothing I can give you, or say to you can ever repay you for what you have done for me. Albus told me how you watched over me day and night to make sure that I got better. I do so wish that I could repay your kindness. I know it is not much, but when I saw this golden potion bottle I thought of you. I hope you like it. Thank you again.
Love,
Rose Fontane
PS I would love it if you would join me for dinner one evening, so that we could get to know each other better.
Severus's cold heart, melted when he read this letter. 'She signed it Love. She wants to have dinner with me. But why would a girl like that want a monster like me?' he thought.
"It doesn't matter anyway, though," he said, "I can not allow myself to fall in love, or be happy again."
Suddenly Severus heard a new voice, it was as soft and gentle, like a summer breeze. 'Why not Severus?' it asked.
"Because I broke my promise to Lily." he answered
'Lily wouldn't have wanted you to suffer, Severus.'
"But.."
'It is time that you heal the wounds of the past. Rose can help you heal them, and you know it. Go to her.' And as quickly as it had come, the voice stopped. Severus remained silent, and his eyes returned to the letter that he held in his hand.
"Perhaps it is time for me to heal," he said laying the letter down and getting up from his desk.
As Rose made her way to dinner that evening, she was filled with the anticipation of possibly seeing Severus again. However, her anticipation turned to disappointment when she reached the entrance to the Great Hall and did not see him inside. She began to walk inside but stopped when she heard someone clearing their throat behind her. She turned around to find Severus standing behind her.
"Good evening, Professor Snape," Rose said happily.
"I thought it might be a nice change of scenery, so I decided to take you up on that dinner offer," mumbled the extremely nervous Severus.
"Wonderful! I hoped that you would," said Rose smiling lovingly at him.
"Shall we go inside then?" he asked motioning to the Great Hall.
"Of course, sir."
This dinner was the start of something wonderful, and Severus knew it. Over the following days, Rose was almost never seen unless by his side. She spent all day working with him the the dungeons on potions, and spent most of the evening talking with him about anything either one could think of. The mocking of Severus's sub-conscious was controlled only by that soft voice which had urged him to heal. He was happy again. Rose's name didn't matter to him anymore, because to him everything she did was Lily. The way she walked, the robes she wore, her hair, her rose-scented perfume, and the way she laughed, all of these things she did just like Lily used to. At the Christmas Feast, she sat next to him, smiling her loving smile, which he now knew was only meant for him. They pulled crackers, drank wine, and exchanged gifts. Severus had bought her a long, emerald green, silk ribbon, for her hair and matching gloves. Rose gave him the newest addition of Most Potent Potions, which he absolutely loved.
However, during all of the times they spent together, Severus and Rose never once touched. That is until New Year's Eve, when they were once again working in the dungeon.
"Ouch!"
"Rose, what's the matter?" Severus said frantically rushing to her side.
"It's not a big deal. I just burned my hand," she said showing him her scourged palm.
"You should go see Madam Pomfrey, immediately."
"It's all right Professor Snape, I can handle it. Watch." She placed her good hand over her burned palm and said "Curate. See it's all better," she said extending her hand for him to inspect.
Severus reached for her hand but stopped, unsure of what to do. 'It's okay, Severus.' whispered the gentle voice. 'She is asking you to hold her hand.'
Hearing this reassurance, Severus gently took her hand in his and looked it over. It was indeed healed, but that wasn't what he was paying attention too. 'Her skin is so soft,' he thought. He placed his other hand on top and began caressing her palm. He did not look up until she placed her free hand on top of his. What he saw was a look of passion in Rose's eyes. Motivated by this, he drew her out of her chair, away from her cauldron and toward his desk. He sat down in his chair, and she sat on his lap. Rose's hair was tied back with the ribbon he had given her, so ever so gently he untied it, placed it on his desk, and ran his fingers through her silky hair. While he did this, Rose caressed his face and neck with her hands.
"Can I hold you?" Severus breathed in a hushed voice.
"I thought you would never ask," Rose answered.
Rose rested her head upon his chest, and Severus held her tightly. He rubbed her shoulders and breathed in the perfume of her soft hair, while Rose twirled a strand of his long, black hair around her finger. They sat like this for a long while before either one of them spoke.
"Severus," Rose said. The way she spoke his name made him tremble, for she had never said it before. "Severus, I can never remember a time in my life when I felt as whole, and complete as I do right, now. From the first time I saw you, you made me feel warm inside. I am the happiest I have ever been when I am around you. What I am trying to say is, Severus, I love you" She sat up when she said this and looked deep into his eyes.
"I love you, too, Rose," he whispered.
He drew her closer to him and their lips met, in a truly passionate kiss.
But this moment was not to last, it was shattered by the return of the voice of his sub-conscious. 'YOU HAVE DESECRATED, LILY'S MEMORY!' the voice bellowed. 'YOU HAVE NOW DEFILED THIS, INNOCENT WITH YOUR POISON OF DECEIT! YOU MUST SUFFER ALONE FOR YOUR CRIMES. SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYWAY, SHE PITIES YOU, BECAUSE SEVERUS, YOU ARE A PATHETIC CREATURE WHO KILLS WHAT HE LOVES!' With these last words, Severus pushed Rose away.
"Severus, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly
"Get out," he said coldly.
"But, Severus, I thought.."
"I said GET OUT!" he screamed. "I never want to see you again. EVER!"
"But you just told me that you loved me," Rose said as tears began to stream down her cheeks.
"I am incapable of loving anyone," he raged, "Now I SAID GET OUT!"
Blinded by her tears, Rose darted from the room.
'How dare you try to love again, Severus.' the voice said coldly. 'You are no longer allowed to have anything that brings you the slightest bit of pleasure. You are to destroy it all and then yourself.' These inner demons took control of Severus, and he began to destroy his dungeon. He turned over cauldrons, splintered desks, smashed bottles, and set numerous fires. When there was nothing left for him to break or burn, Severus took out a knife that he kept in his desk and placed it over his heart.
Rose ran from the dungeon, tears streaking down her face and the sounds of Severus' hateful words ringing in her ears. 'The only man I have ever loved, hates me.' she thought. 'How could I have bee so foolish as not to see that. I just want to die.' She ran until she reached the entrance hall when she ran into a very solid figure.
"Rose," said a very worried sounding Dumbledore, "what's the matter?"
"I'm leaving," Rose managed to say through sobs. "It's to painful to stay here any more."
"But Voldemort..." Dumbledore began but was cut off.
"I don't care, I want him to find me," Rose said wrenching out of his grasp, "I want to die. I have nothing at all worth living for now, that I know he doesn't love me," these last words were barely heard as she ran out of the front doors.
"Rose, come back!" Dumbledore shouted
"Albus, what's happened?" Professor McGonagall asked as she came down the stairs to investigate the screaming.
"There is no time to waste, Minerva. Rose has run off toward the forbidden, and I am afraid she may do something rash. I want you to try and stop her, I need to find out what caused this."
"Yes, sir," Minerva said as she tore out of the Castle at top speed.
Dumbledore turned quickly on his heel and made haste to the dungeons. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that Severus was involved with this.
As Severus placed the knife over his heart, he saw the flames of the fires he had started reflected on the blade. 'My own personal Hell' he thought. 'I have suffered in it for 15 years. I never should have allowed myself to live this long. Death will be the ultimate form of my punishment.' He refocused his attention on the blade, and with a look of pure anguish on his face began to plunge the knife into his chest. But before the knife penetrated his skin, a golden flash of warmth and light embraced him. This force shattered the blade and what was left of the knife flew out of his hand, crashing against the wall. Severus tried to look around to identify the force that had stopped him from taking his life, but his eyes were blinded by the golden light that had entered the room
"Oh, Severus," came a soft, female voice from inside the light. "Once again you have shown me how deep your love for me runs."
Severus' mouth hung open with shock as the light disappeared revealing the angelic form of Lily Potter. Lily walked toward Severus, and knelt down next to him. The warmth that surrounded Lily embraced the trembling Severus.
"I'm sorry, Severus. I never meant for this to cause you pain," she said.
"Lily? You're... you're an... an,"
"Angel?" Lily finished for him. "Yes, I am."
"Lily, I am so sorry I broke my promise. It's all my fault that you're dead. I should be dead, too. I shouldn't have ever allowed myself to go on living after that day."
"Severus calm down. You always were far to hard on yourself." Lily said with a smile.
"But I broke my promise and let you die," he said with great frustration.
"No, Severus. You kept your promise to me and did everything within your power to keep me alive. You didn't know that Peter was going to betray us."
"It's not just that Lily, I desacrated my love for you by allowing myself to fall in love again."
"With Rose, right?" Lily asked.
"Yes, but how did you know?"
"Because Rose was a part of me, Severus."
"I don't understand," Severus said
"Do you remember the promise that I made to you that night in the library?"
"You promised that there would always be a part of your heart that would belong to no one but me."
"Yes, and when I died I realized that the only way to keep my promise was to send that part of my soul back to Earth to be with you. With the Lord's permission, my soul was severed and Rose was created. She was meant to be yours and yours alone, Severus. However, when I realized that you would not willingly allow yourself to fall in love with her I decided to try and ease your sub-conscious doubts. I guess I didn't do such a good job of that." Lily said with a slightly embarrassed smile.
"It was you all along that kept telling me to heal." Severus said as the revelation hit him.
"Yes, it was me."
Severus buried his head in his hands and moaned, "I've ruined everything. I just told her that I never loved and can never love her. Lord, what have I done?"
"There is still time, Severus. Just explain what happened, Rose loves you as much as you love her. She will understand."
"I don't know where she's at, she ran when I yelled at her."
"She ran toward the Forbidden Forest," came the astounded voice of Albus Dumbledore from the doorway. "I sent Minerva to try and stop her."
"The Forbidden Forest!" shouted Severus jumping to his feet. "She could be killed!"
"I think that's what she is aiming for, Severus" said Dumbledore.
"Go to her, Severus," Lily commanded. "Rose is your's now, protect and love her as you did me."
"Thank you for everything, Lily."
"I had to make sure that I kept my promise." As Lily said this Severus turned to rush out the door. "One last thing, Severus. You should make amends with Harry. He never knew about the great sacrifice you made for all of us, once he knows he will understand you."
"I will Lily. I promise."
"Good bye, my dear Severus."
"Good bye, my Love."
As Severus ran out of the room, Dumbledore remained where he was and stared at the angel.
"Her powers, her appearance and her love for him; it all makes perfect sense now, Rose is part angel," Dumbledore said jovially clasping his hands together.
Lily smiled and nodded to the wise, old, wizard, before disappearing in a flash of golden light.
Severus ran to the entrance of the castle, like a man possessed. He slowed briefly, in front of the closet where the staff kept their traveling brooms. 'I can cover more ground on this,' he thought as he grabbed his slightly battered CleanSweep. Severus exited the front doors and immediately kicked off the ground. He flew as fast as the broom would go until he reached the edge of the forest, where he saw Minerva McGonagall, signaling him to decend to the ground. He shot toward the ground and made a hard landing next to her.
"Where is she Minerva?" Severus asked urgently
"In the forest," Minerva said rather out of breath. "I couldn't keep up with her. Hagrid took his boar-hound went after her."
"Which direction did they head in?"
Minerva pointed to the eastern part of the woods, and without a moments hesitation Severus kicked off the ground again and flew into the wood. Severus flew below the forest canopy to ensure that he wouldn't miss seeing Rose. He pushed the CleanSweep to it's limit as he zoomed through the trees. He expertly dodged the trees and their branches as if he were on some kind of slalom course. Unfortunately, his long billowing robes kept catching on the branches, but Severus flew on not caring how much damage his robes received. He had been searching for nearly a half an hour without any luck, when he heard her scream. 'She's nearby he thought' he thought and tried to whip the broom around in the direction of the scream, but in his haste to do so he smashed head long into a thick branch. Severus was knocked off of his broom and plummeted to the ground twenty feet below. When he hit the ground, his head was spinning and his vision was blurred by something dripping into his eyes.
"I'm bleeding," Severus marveled, has he wiped his eyes. "Nevermind that. Rose I'm coming," he bellowed and remounted the broom.
Within minutes Severus broke through the trees into a clearing, and saw Rose lying on the ground shouting at a pack of wolves.
"Are you afraid to kill me?" she screamed. "I want to die! Can you hear me? Kill me, tear me limb from limb and put me out of my misery!"
The wolves just circled her, trying to decide if it was wise to attack the crazed young woman. Their hesitance angered Rose.
"I said Kill Me!" she screamed smacking one across the face with her hand.
Wise or not this action had caused the wolf to lunge at her, inciting the rest of the pack to join. Severus saw the pack swarm her.
"NO!" he screamed and went into a terrific dive directly into the middle of the pack.
His wound was still bleeding profusely, but he blinked the blood out of his eyes and concentrated at breaking through the pack where Rose lay. He straightened the broom about a foot off of the ground. This knocked two of the wolves away from the pack, he kicked another one away with his leg, and nailed the fourth with a mighty back-hand. This gave him a clear shot at Rose. He grabbed her around the waist with his free arm and pulled her onto the broom with him. He directed the broom to fly above the tree tops back to the castle. Rose was so shaken that she did not speak until they landed back at Hogwart's.
"Why did you save me?" Rose asked moving away from him. "I thought..."
"Because I love you Rose, " Severus cut in. "I made a terrible mistake when I said those things. And I never would have forgiven myself if you would have been hurt. I didn't understand how special you are to me. Oh, Rose there are just so many things I need to tell you, if only you would forgive me for my foolishness. Please forgive me."
Severus didn't need to ask twice.
"Of course, Severus" Rose said rushing into his arms. "I couldn't bear living without you. I love you, Severus."
"And I love you, Rose" Severus said.
Gently he raised her chin and touched his lips to her's. A sea of warmth rushed over him, washing away all of the self-hatred that he had harbored in his soul, and for the first time in 15 years he knew that he was complete.
Severus and Rose were wed the day after New Year's, and that night after giving themselves to one another, Rose fell asleep cradled by Severus' arms. In the darkness, he hugged her closer to his chest and kissed the top of her head.
"Goodnight, my angel," he whispered gently, and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
~ fin~