A parody/humor fic I wrote just to prove to hikari-san that I am NOT suicidal. Umm.. its
really weird... I'm not good at writing humor. I've only attempted it once, and failed
miserably. *sigh.. I'll keep the author's note short this time. Please review!
Umm... Remalna-san, ff.net cut off my review to Marlene!! there's only 1 sentense...
warning: people here are somewhat out of character, especially Hitomi.
Standard disclaimers apply.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hostile Takeover - part 1
by Rubie aka Jenn
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Splat.
"Hey!!"
Folken sighed behind his retreat by the unsteady piece of cardboard. "Dilandau.... you're
shooting in the wrong direction."
"Shut up!"
He sighed again as he eyed his so called camouflage. The shirt was hopelessly tight around
his shoulders, and the pants were uncomfortably baggy. The thing was colored in patches
of dark green and black.
Camouflage?
He snorted.
Not when the ground was a nicely baked orange pie.
Splat. Splat.
"Damn you!!!"
He sighed yet again. "Stop shooting at the referee, Dilandau."
"Shut up!! That stupid guy's pissing me off!"
He eyed the poor man's bright pink shirt with a rather obnoxious target symbol on the
back. The front had a sickeningly cute purple alien with a dialogue box saying, 'We come in
-- WAR!!'
That was a nice shirt, he noted. He'll buy one when lunch break comes.
"There!!!" Dilandau grinned ferally.
"You're giving away our position."
***
Hitomi sprinted wildly. Her gun was weighing her down considerably. This has got to be
the stupidest game she's ever played. Capture the flag was fun when she was in grade
school... paintball was fun when she played with her friends... but playing capture the flag
while paintballing with homicidal freaks was not her idea of a Saturday.
Not to mention that there was no shelter between the two teams, except for a couple of
windblown cardboard boxes that smelled a little funny. Those were at least twenty yards
apart from each other.
Then... there was the flag. She had no clue what it looked like.
/Look for that pink thing./ the referee had advised.
Like your shirt? She wanted to ask. But of course she didn't say anything.
Her team's flag was an interesting piece of brown. Which looks great when you bury it.
Not that the rules had said anything against it, of course.
She seriously suspected that the opponents had hidden their flag in one of the members
pants. She leaned from experience...
How did Merle come up with that bizarre idea?
Splat.
Damn!
Her eye caught a bleached patch of hair and she stopped to cuss at him loudly.
Which of course was not a good idea. But did she care?
Of course not.
Especially since she was behind the referee.
"You *bleep!*" the poor man shouted.
Hitomi blinked. That word was not part of her vocabulary.
***
Chesta eyed the brown-headed boy sitting next to him uncomfortably. Migel grinned broadly
when he noted his friend's self-conscious glare and stifled a laugh.
"What...?"
"Nothing..." he murmured, looking away. "Interesting birth mark though...."
"Shut up!!"
Splat. Splat.
Migel instantly lowered his arms. It was a nice plan, he noted. The branches they found
laying around was certainly very useful if one knew how to use them.
And decoys were perfect, especially behind a large box in the far corner of the field.
Their camouflage shirts stretched across the sticks looked like people from a distance. And
their opponent was falling for it perfectly.
He sighed. Looks like the blue paint from those paintballs can't be helped. The camouflage
was fairly well spotted. He'll have to go without a shirt.
***
Van swore. Loudly. Being out of ammunition was not good. His position behind a box was
rather uncomfortable, especially since he was nearing enemy lines. Then again... what was
he shooting at before?
He could have sworn he shot those Dragonslayers at least seventeen times.
He shot Merle too, but that was an accident. She should not have jumped on him.
One down.
And then there was Allen... he almost envied him... His hair matched the sun scorched
ground perfectly. He could just sit low and crawl and he'll look like another one of those
cardboard pieces floating around. But of course he insisted on being fair, and left the game
when they realized they had one extra player.
Millerna was probably already out.
Two down.
He kept having this feeling that they were hopelessly outnumbered. Four against two was
not fun.
A string of politically incorrect words.
He blinked. That voice seemed to come from the referee. He eyed the man suspiciously.
Then, "That idiot's insulting me!!!"
A guy with impossibly pale skin dashed out from behind a suspicious looking box and ran
towards the man in an offensive position.
Dilandau looks disturbing in camouflage, he noted.
Hitomi shot out behind the referee and aimed at the quickly approaching figure. In
response, he followed. Instantly, two men from the far side of the field approached. He
blinked... shirtless? He must have been under the sun for too long... In the corner of his
eye, Folken approached with a gun dangling from the metal attachment.
Hitomi ducked deftly as Dilandau aimed with his gun. Forgetting ammunition, Van
pounced and waved his gun like his sword towards the offending figure. Bullets filled the
air from the two shirtless boys, and Hitomi responded with a string of curses.
This was war.
End of part one
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
umm.. don't ask.
Humm.. I wrote this out of experience, and I live in Southern California... the last time I
went paintballing was at a barren piece of land.. so I described their playing field as such.
Humm.. our groups were fairly large, but writing about a huge cast all at once is a pain. .
Umm... well... enjoy!
really weird... I'm not good at writing humor. I've only attempted it once, and failed
miserably. *sigh.. I'll keep the author's note short this time. Please review!
Umm... Remalna-san, ff.net cut off my review to Marlene!! there's only 1 sentense...
warning: people here are somewhat out of character, especially Hitomi.
Standard disclaimers apply.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hostile Takeover - part 1
by Rubie aka Jenn
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Splat.
"Hey!!"
Folken sighed behind his retreat by the unsteady piece of cardboard. "Dilandau.... you're
shooting in the wrong direction."
"Shut up!"
He sighed again as he eyed his so called camouflage. The shirt was hopelessly tight around
his shoulders, and the pants were uncomfortably baggy. The thing was colored in patches
of dark green and black.
Camouflage?
He snorted.
Not when the ground was a nicely baked orange pie.
Splat. Splat.
"Damn you!!!"
He sighed yet again. "Stop shooting at the referee, Dilandau."
"Shut up!! That stupid guy's pissing me off!"
He eyed the poor man's bright pink shirt with a rather obnoxious target symbol on the
back. The front had a sickeningly cute purple alien with a dialogue box saying, 'We come in
-- WAR!!'
That was a nice shirt, he noted. He'll buy one when lunch break comes.
"There!!!" Dilandau grinned ferally.
"You're giving away our position."
***
Hitomi sprinted wildly. Her gun was weighing her down considerably. This has got to be
the stupidest game she's ever played. Capture the flag was fun when she was in grade
school... paintball was fun when she played with her friends... but playing capture the flag
while paintballing with homicidal freaks was not her idea of a Saturday.
Not to mention that there was no shelter between the two teams, except for a couple of
windblown cardboard boxes that smelled a little funny. Those were at least twenty yards
apart from each other.
Then... there was the flag. She had no clue what it looked like.
/Look for that pink thing./ the referee had advised.
Like your shirt? She wanted to ask. But of course she didn't say anything.
Her team's flag was an interesting piece of brown. Which looks great when you bury it.
Not that the rules had said anything against it, of course.
She seriously suspected that the opponents had hidden their flag in one of the members
pants. She leaned from experience...
How did Merle come up with that bizarre idea?
Splat.
Damn!
Her eye caught a bleached patch of hair and she stopped to cuss at him loudly.
Which of course was not a good idea. But did she care?
Of course not.
Especially since she was behind the referee.
"You *bleep!*" the poor man shouted.
Hitomi blinked. That word was not part of her vocabulary.
***
Chesta eyed the brown-headed boy sitting next to him uncomfortably. Migel grinned broadly
when he noted his friend's self-conscious glare and stifled a laugh.
"What...?"
"Nothing..." he murmured, looking away. "Interesting birth mark though...."
"Shut up!!"
Splat. Splat.
Migel instantly lowered his arms. It was a nice plan, he noted. The branches they found
laying around was certainly very useful if one knew how to use them.
And decoys were perfect, especially behind a large box in the far corner of the field.
Their camouflage shirts stretched across the sticks looked like people from a distance. And
their opponent was falling for it perfectly.
He sighed. Looks like the blue paint from those paintballs can't be helped. The camouflage
was fairly well spotted. He'll have to go without a shirt.
***
Van swore. Loudly. Being out of ammunition was not good. His position behind a box was
rather uncomfortable, especially since he was nearing enemy lines. Then again... what was
he shooting at before?
He could have sworn he shot those Dragonslayers at least seventeen times.
He shot Merle too, but that was an accident. She should not have jumped on him.
One down.
And then there was Allen... he almost envied him... His hair matched the sun scorched
ground perfectly. He could just sit low and crawl and he'll look like another one of those
cardboard pieces floating around. But of course he insisted on being fair, and left the game
when they realized they had one extra player.
Millerna was probably already out.
Two down.
He kept having this feeling that they were hopelessly outnumbered. Four against two was
not fun.
A string of politically incorrect words.
He blinked. That voice seemed to come from the referee. He eyed the man suspiciously.
Then, "That idiot's insulting me!!!"
A guy with impossibly pale skin dashed out from behind a suspicious looking box and ran
towards the man in an offensive position.
Dilandau looks disturbing in camouflage, he noted.
Hitomi shot out behind the referee and aimed at the quickly approaching figure. In
response, he followed. Instantly, two men from the far side of the field approached. He
blinked... shirtless? He must have been under the sun for too long... In the corner of his
eye, Folken approached with a gun dangling from the metal attachment.
Hitomi ducked deftly as Dilandau aimed with his gun. Forgetting ammunition, Van
pounced and waved his gun like his sword towards the offending figure. Bullets filled the
air from the two shirtless boys, and Hitomi responded with a string of curses.
This was war.
End of part one
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
umm.. don't ask.
Humm.. I wrote this out of experience, and I live in Southern California... the last time I
went paintballing was at a barren piece of land.. so I described their playing field as such.
Humm.. our groups were fairly large, but writing about a huge cast all at once is a pain. .
Umm... well... enjoy!