Lost and Found
Edward returns to Forks to discover that the Bella he once knew and loved is not the same girl. BellaxEdward. AU
Dedicated to/Written for: (You. Know. Who. You. Are.)
Chapter One
…My Angel...
"B…Bella, is that you?" I asked struggling to make the words meet, stumbling forward, trying to reach her past the crowds of people, stopping me from powering forward towards my love. She looked beautiful with her long curly brown hair flowing down her back like feathery wings.
My Angel.
She saved me once from my own personal hell and she was here again to save me.
What a beautiful angel!
"You…" She hissed. "You bastard," She cried out.
"What?" I asked stunned, but I guess I deserved a cold welcome into her life at least, I guessed it but I was living in the fantasy she would run across the street and straight into my arms.
"How dare you come back here!" She pointed a long finger at me before leaping towards me at incredible speed.
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up Wake up, the Arcade Fire
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"Edward, it's been such a long time. I guess it was a good thing we got there when we did or Bella may have tore you limb from limb," Carlisle said, as warm as ever. I'd been welcomed back with such warm friendly arms. Typical.
Carlisle's young face looked hinted that he was both happy (I was back) and in pain. It would seem that there was a distinct strain on my family.
The living room had changed drastically since I was gone but I wasn't too interested in noticing the small differences however the sofa's were now rather close together as opposed to being far apart unlike before.
I wonder if Bella provoked this change.
"When? When was she changed? WHY? Who did this?" I snapped. Bella stood next to Rosalie arms crossed not impressed with me. I could see that in her far apart eyes.
"Edward," Esme soothed. I turned to look at my beautiful mother's face the was such sadness in her eyes but also her pain. Her loose curls cascading around her face, framing it nicely. She had welcomed me with such a loving hug- one I didn't deserve but accepted none-the-less.
"Don't tell him anything, he doesn't deserve to know," Bella spat. Despite her ugly attitude she still looked divine to me.
"Bella, calm down please," Esme sighed.
"I have every right to know why you're one of us, who?" I asked, directing my question at her.
The front door swung open and shut loudly. Emmett.
And Jasper.
"Har har har… Edward? EDDIE? You've got to be kidding me!" Both Jasper and Emmett rushed into the room.
"Brother! Where have you been? How are you? Did you bring me back a souvenir?" Emmett asked, laughing. I guess he chose to ignore the cold wall between Bella and me.
I felt a wave of calm wash over me and the confusion was leaving my system.
"Yes, here it is," I balled my hand into a fist and held it out an inch or two away from his face.
"Aw, come on brother," Emmett said, laughing.
"Where did Bella go anyways?" I asked. It would seem I was still unable to read her thoughts.
"No, Edward," Rosalie butt in.
"Rosalie, stay out of this- this is between Bella and I," I said. She let out a low hiss but stayed away. I took the stairs two at a time.
"Edward…"
"Alice,"
I turned on my heel to face Alice was at the top of the stairs.
"Bella… she's not the same,"
"I know- I want to find out what happened you all keep standing in my way and stopping me from learning the truth about her- let me find her let me learn… from her,"
"Fine… go. We all tried to warn you," Alice waved her hand at me, gesturing me to go on.
You're old room.
"Thank you," I said, practically running over. I took a second to gather my thoughts and swung the door open.
"Do you not knock anymore?" She asked, glaring at me.
"I need to know," not taking in my surroundings. All I wanted to see was her.
"Know what?"
"Why. Who. When. You've changed," I said, trying to get closer to her but I could see how that made her turn away and react.
"After you left, apparently you can die from a broken heart," Bella said, the sarcasm dripping from her fragile lips as she spoke those words. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders as if she was cold but I knew that wasn't a possibility.
"Bella, I don't understand- please explain, make some sense!" I said.
"EDWARD! When you left do you have any idea about what happened to me when you left me in forest that time? Do you understand how… how lost and hurt and unloved I felt after you left and then and then you never. Came. Back. I was alone, Edward. My heart never healed- for that I doubt I could ever forgive you," She said, the words each hitting me like a ton of bricks.
"Who," I asked. Who had changed her?
"You listen! You were so freaking afraid of your kind hurting me but you forget to think about how much what you had done would hurt me- the transformation hurt nothing like that, nothing like having you're heart ripped from your chest by the one you love and thrown away," Bella said, looking down at her knees. She looked so pretty, the light hitting her pale skin and sparkling like a million tiny diamonds. I'd always admired the sparkles. They were always pretty. She looked like a goddess. She was stunning. My heart sung at the sight of her beauty.
"I see… do you want me to leave again?" I asked. She hated me I was sure. She spoke with such hatred she'd love to see me dead.
She didn't move for a while before speaking, "No,"
"You want me to stay?"
"…Yes" She spoke before realizing what she had said. "Only because Emmett misses you, not me," She said.
"Alright, I'll stay," I said, looking into her pure amber eyes.
"Edward?" She spoke softly.
"Yes, Bella?"
"Did you honestly think that you leaving would help me?" She asked, a raw harshness and power to her voice.
"I don't know what I was thinking but I know I'm an idiot," I said.
"You are."
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The minutes turned to hours and hours to days. I only left my old room to hunt once with Jasper, it felt like nothing had changed with him.
As horrible as it sounded he was glad to see me come crawling back. Groveling to be welcomed into the family again.
It had made him feel stronger emotionally. Like he wasn't a disappointment to Carlisle anymore. And because he felt that way he could accept me back, flaws and mistakes.
However the hatred Bella felt for me still killed him inside. Her hatred and my pain.
He told me she hadn't stopped hating me and what I did to her and he knew that when she came back the hatred never faltered if anything she hated me more.
I knew that I deserved it. I took her heart and threw it away and for that she will never forgive me.
Fortunately I was able to piece together her death from everyone's thoughts.
She'd told me herself she'd died of a broken heart but then Emmett revealed that she'd started doing some reckless things but nothing fatal then she'd jumped off of this cliff down at La Push. What she was doing down there I'm not sure or why she had jumped I doubt I'd ever learn but basically Alice saw this and came back to Forks and managed to save her life until Carlisle came and bit her giving her immortality.
It would seem her heart was frozen in the process.
She stood motionless over on her side, it had been established when I came here that her side was on the left and my side was the right. She only ever crossed the line to leave the room.
I found it hard to believe that both of us stood there, on our sides, motionless for days.
I desperately wanted to say something to fall to my knees and beg her to speak; to ask for forgiveness; to apologize for turning her into a heartless monster.
I hope she'd laugh and tell me she'd take me back- accept my apology. I had a sneaking suspicion that she would laugh and tell me I was an idiot.
"Edward," Bella choked out, from her side of the room. My thoughts were interrupted but I didn't mind.
"Yes, Bella? What would you like?" I asked, turning to see her cold, white face. She still set my heart on fire.
"Will you take me to your meadow?" She asked, painfully. You'd think she was dying of a fatal disease from the way she chocked out those words, like she saying them on her last breath.
"Yes," I said, happy that she was talking to me after days of silence. She came over, "Now?" I asked.
"Yes, when else?" She asked, sarcastically rolling her topaz colored iris'.
"Alright," I said, turning and heading off.
We dashed down the stairs, she sure was a speedy little thing wasn't she?
On the way I saw Alice's face- hidden in the shadows watch us intensely like she knew something I didn't as we ran towards to door.
I started my Volvo, while Bella sat next to me, not bothering with the seatbelt.
I wondered… I turned the stereo on, yep. My car hadn't been touched, the radio was still set on the same station it was when I left.
"No." She said, coldly.
"Bella, if I'm taking you to the meadow, then I should get a favor back," I said, looking at her face as I reversed out of the garage.
"No,"
"I need you to stop being a bitch and calm down," I said, staring at her face.
"No, and stop staring at me like that," She said, madly crossing her arms over her chest. I sped off down the woodsy pathway to the Cullen house.
The fresh smell of pine, moss and animal blood seeped into the car.
"No," I replied.
"Okay, maybe this was a bad idea!" She declared as I reached the gravel road.
"Well, we can still turn around," I snapped, stopping immediately, coming to a screeching holt.
I saw her face, thinking. She looked out the window to the small town of Forks, she eyebrows twisted into a tight frown. "No, I want to go. Drive," She said, finally.
"Please?" I smirked. I just knew this was killing her.
She remained silent as stone.
"Say it," I demanded.
"…please," She whispered softly.
I smirked.
"Just go Edward!" She snapped. I hit my foot on the accelerator and floored it. "And can we turn the radio off?" She asked, not looking at the speed dial as it climbed higher and higher.
"My car. My rules," I said, smugly. She hissed in anger and defeat. Regardless I turned the radio off "I didn't really like that song, much," I said, not looking at her beautiful face.
On the way, she hung her head and ignored me.
"Why?" I said, as the scenery flew by the window.
"Because," She said. I looked at her mad face. She looked at me intensely. "I tried to find it when I was alone…" She trailed off.
"Clearly you didn't find it," I said, looking ahead.
"No, I didn't," She said.
"Why? Why do you want to go back?" I asked.
"Because I never stopped loving you,"
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"…It's impossible to love someone when you're heart is broken," She said, sitting cross-legged on the damp moss.
"There is no apology on Earth that I could give you that could ever take that pain away and I know that and I'm surprised you're even talking to me now," I said.
"You seemed happy when you first saw me," She said, looking at me, staring me down. The full moon reflected blue light onto her face.
"I was, I thought… maybe you were the same girl but you're not," I said, carefully. "You're a different person,"
"I'm not the Bella you fell in love with?" She asked.
"No, you're not,"
"Good, she's dead," She said, harshly.
"I can understand- but you look just like her," I said. Just more breathtakingly beautiful than ever before.
"Sorry," She said.
"Don't be,"
Then we fell into an awkward silence.
"Do you think… we could ever be?" She asked, slowly.
I looked at her face with a sense of relief and pain.
"I'm not sure, I'm still in love with Bella," I said. "I don't think you could fill that void. Sorry,"
"Right, I know,"
I lay myself down vertically.
I felt drained. Emotionally that is.
The girl I once loved was gone.
She lay herself down next to me.
"Do you mind?" She asked, softly.
I remained silent. "…Yes, it hurts," I said, finally, taking in the smells of the meadow. Just like I remembered, the trees, the flowers and the animals were all the same.
"Why?"
"Because I still love her, more than anything and it hurts me to know she's in pain!"
I felt her rose petal lips on mine. Slowly she pressed her lips against mine, softly and gently.
I wanted to kiss her back so badly but I knew that wasn't what she wanted so instead I pulled away angrily.
"Bella, thi-… what?" I asked, angrily, standing up.
"Edward, this is so confusing! Why'd you have to come back? I want to love you I really do! I want to hold you and I want you to hold me and when you say things like that I go crazy I forget what you put me through!" She stopped, "but I want to hate you so much- I want to tear you apart so badly, just so you can get a glimpse at my pain and suffering for you!"
"Then do it,"
"What?"
"Pull me apart and tear me limb from limb- I'll only rejoin in a few days…"
"What?"
"I deserve it, and… let's just get rid of this hatred. Tear me limb from limb and then let's try and sort ourselves out… maybe we can mend each others hearts," I said.
"Mend each others hearts?"
"Yes- I want my Bella back, physically you. Are. Her. Maybe if I let you take my anger out on me… maybe she'll come back emotionally," I said. "I just want her back,"
"And what do I gain in this?" She snapped, angry.
"You can let out you're anger- you surely can't be happy being this mad… at me," I said.
"Alright Edward, I shall take up your offer, I shall tear you limb from limb and we shall start over," She said, standing up and I followed suit.
She lunged at me and I knew this would be a painful experience…
I want to swim away but don't know how,
Sometimes it feels like I'm falling in the ocean.
Let the waves come and take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down
-Blue October, Into the Ocean
Anyhoo. Please review.
If I don't get any I shall not continue.
P.S. The songs don't add anything to the story- I just liked the lyrics and thought they were appropriate.
I own neither the songs nor Twilight or its characters and no money is being made from this story.