AN/ this is fluff wtf I guess? Right? Anyways, there is one single flashback in the story, I hope you get it, I separated it with this
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OOO
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Okay? So if you don't see the OOOO in between the dots, that means the story is still going in the same timeline :D Still working on my main goal Kintsugi. Hope you enjoy.
OOOO
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Mandarin
Weightless, worthless, ghostly. The kind of sensation where you just float around your own thoughts, not troubled, just absent. Enticed in the obscure void that you have created for yourself and you've become nothing but a maladaptive dreamer, wander lusting through the infinite ether, feeling… Absolutely nothing.
Being realistic,
You are just dead.
"Right ladies and gentleman? If any of you have anything to add to the lecture then yo-" A collective sigh had the educator sniggering and when her first students started leaving she decided not to elongate their travail and allow the rest of her class leave, "Next gathering at 8:30am people, if any of you care that is."
Some snickered and some others just left. Bidding her farewells, the old lady's scrutinizing gawk couldn't be less perceptive but notice one of her utmost withdrawn students leaving from the seminar's back door, she remembered what she had on mind since the class started. Disengaging from one of her student's after-class speech and with one simple apology, the old woman decided to catch him up. Her rapid pace soon clipped up with the young adult's own promptness, calling his attention from behind proved futile, she opted for daringly tug at his sleeve.
"Mr. …uh" she hesitated "Saotome!" her lips pursed in determination as he called his name again, this time louder than before. "Excuse me, Saotome Ranma!"
Breaking out of his daydream, he stopped his legs from walking any further and adamantly turned to the agitated lecturer, "Mrs. Kawasaki."
"Oof," She almost bumped on him and once in front, she struggled to catch her breath "you sure have a quick pace" She huffed "Mr. …. Saotome."
The alluded unconsciously lifted his right eyebrow, his impolite demeanor did not make his teacher back off and the ill-mannered gaze he gave her told her he was a bit strained of being in her presence "What is it?"
"Some of the students and I," she informed, "well," She stopped to look at both of her sides and then back to the blue-eyed man "personally I wanted to make sure you were doing fi-"
"That hasn't have anything to do with this university whatsoever," he snarled "or any of the courses for that matter." His hardened gaze warned her to simply, stop.
She exhaled, unaffected, "I know Ranma but…" she moved to reach for her leather purse only to snatch a couple of papers out of it, she intended to hand them but he remained unresponsive, "Your grades were excellent just a couple of months ago," Once she noticed his indifference, she saved them back in their respective folder "This semester your grades have been drastically floppin-"
"As soon as I get the required 60 points to pass, it should keep you out of my business." He derided, the raven's façade was unmoving "Call me out if I ever ask for your assistance to pass"
She shook her head, frantic "Listen…" her voice dropped an octave as her tone proposed reliance "I know, I understand but it's just that I like to think I am more of a humanitarian mentor than just your archetypal professor."
"Good for you."
A reliance, he didn't wish to achieve, nor he though he needed it. Turning around, the young man started walking to where he was destining and being stopped once more by his professor's hand, Ranma made sure to growl and throw in a distrustful gaze, "What?"
"I know you still haven't found him."
His breath hitched and the world fell in crumbles to the floor, if only for an instant, his frontage fell dead. Distinctively widening his eyes, he turned around as he viciously retorted, "How the fuck is that your business." It wasn't a question, Ranma's eyes squinted as he tried quickening his pace, he was done. Before going any further, she pulled at his sleeve for a second time, her voice quivered before she even started.
"I lost my daughter when she was thirteen, she was murdered" She subdued again, nodding distantly, she felt her voice flake "we only found what happened 5 years ago. She would be 30 this year," her own throat constricted "I can empathize."
He stopped, allowing a full minute to take its course and not giving her anything more than his back, Ranma proceeded to speak, "Good for you." With that, he followed his pace not without grunting in exasperation as he heard the dried leaves cracking underneath her stilettos, she was still insistently following him.
"No I mean…" She struggled to find the words, "it hurts," she confessed "It did for a long time. It still does." Her hands went to her chest "I just want to tell you that I know the hopelessness, I know the powerlessness you may be experiencing through these difficult times but withdrawing from the rest might only hurt you more," She ended with a reassuring smile "I… I can help you."
His breath was cut short, his eyes were darkly hooded by despair and for an instant, foolishly, he embraced hope "How?"
"Y-you can talk to me."
He sighed, then snorted loudly. Deception washed over him and he cursed, what was he expecting anyways? Distinctively upset Ranma once again started walking, "As if that could bring him back." This time she stood where she was, she watched his silhouette disappear in the clouded haze. The eldest swallowed the thick lump that obstructed her throat from swallowing, her eyes watered as she listened to what he wanted of her "Stay away from me, I need everyone to stay away from me."
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OOOO
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"This is so ridiculous Youki, where are we going?" Ranma was grinning, his eyes were being denied of any vision by having wrapped a black scarf around his head, Youki was leading them somewhere only God knew.
"You'll see boy" Youki teased, his lips stretched to an impish leer, he was using a wooden scull for rowing them to the most tantalizing depths of the blue lagoon. They were both sitting inside a tiny boat made to fit them perfectly and Youki's serene smile could be only guessed by the black-haired. The crickets sang as they made their way through the marshy lake. It unequivocally smelled like fresh water and the aroma was slowly growing into the sable's stalwart will.
Unerringly still, Ranma moved his head disapprovingly, jokingly, "Let me guess; you are going to take me to squeal at swans?" the raven's tongue clicked "That's so painfully cliché Youki."
"What a moron," Youki scoffed "what if I was actually taking you to see some? Rude." Shaking his head reproachfully, the maroon haired then smirked when he heard a faint sound bursting from the farthest expanse. He turned to face Ranma's arm crossed form and jestingly snarled "Now shut up and wait 'till I tell you to."
"… 'aight, you tell me."
The young brunette huffed in tiredness but kept on rowing nevertheless, his aquamarine eyes sparkled in spellbinding cheerfulness and he breathed in bewilderment as the wooden paddles broke through the tranquil crystal clear waters to make their way through them. Frogs jumped their way out and left their green tree leafs behind, the view was virtuously astonishing "I will…"
Tree's lianas dangled from the robust weeping willows that shadowed the exceptionally widespread sapphire pond, the water's color reminded Youki of the eyes he was covering and when his own eyes devised the place where he was supposed to take Ranma to, he couldn't contain his cheerful shriek to himself, startling Ranma at first, he rapidly recognized the squeal as a gleeful one and blindly sneered back. "Wow, you sound happy."
"I fucking am," Youki gibed, he paddled rapidly to be near his objective, beaming enthusiastically, his cheeks colored by the effort as he finally stopped rowing, he moved the heavy rackets to his side and reached for his boyfriend's hand, the sudden contact caused the raven's nerves to fluster feverishly, "Are you ready?" Ranma nodded "I didn't hear you~"
"Better be something impossibly amazing or el-"
"Ready?!"
"Yes, yes," he jeered "Jesus fucking Christ," After hearing his boyfriend's sly impatience Youki eased his breath out. He was pleased, absolutely enthralled to show the place to his partner and sitting just in front of him, Youki unobtrusively allowed his forehead to press against Ranma's. Silently waiting for his excitement to come down, he allowed a whole minute to tick by, Youki's warm breathing over the raven's yearning lips made the later wonder what was the meaning behind the exhilarating waiting "Youki? Are you going to kiss me or not?"
The alluded chuckled, "No, I'm just," He exhaled and separated their foreheads, he was glad Ranma wasn't looking at his colored cheeks "They are so fucking cool! I'm trying to relax."
"What? Can I take this thing off then?" The jet-haired reached behind his head to unknot the loop that wrapped the scarf together, Youki's unforgiving hands stopped him from fastening it loose.
"No wait!" Youki demanded "I will tell you when"
Ranma groaned but still smiled, it was in moments like these that he noticed just how differently they communicated their enthusiasm, because he couldn't lie to himself, he was as eager as Youki, but he was more silent about it "Okay," He quietly conceded.
"Alright, here," Softly pecking on the raven's blushing cheek, Youki grinned in sheer exhilaration as he started his loud countdown to three, Ranma could only huff as noiselessly as he could, his stomach was starting to flutter and he blamed it on the lengthened anticipation, "On the count of three.."
"...'Aight."
"One," biting his bottom lip, the hazel-haired chuckled as he teased, "two~"
Youki's hands unknotted the nub behind Ranma's head just as he breathed as steadily as he could, "Three!"
…
…
…
"Ducks?"
"Aw come on Ranma!" Youki slapped his shoulder, "These aren't just any kind of ducks, these a-"
"I wasn't that far was I? With the cliché swans."
"Don't be an ass, look at them! As I was saying," Youki's eyes became delighted sparkles and Ranma couldn't help but roll his eyes up, his lover's nerdy-hippie side was always a mix of amusement and sided annoyance, not to say adorable; the slate-haired groaned in seeming irritation as Youki continued "these are widely regarded as the most beautiful ducks in the entire world!" he exclaimed proudly, pointed at them, the younger brunette allowed himself to feel mesmerized by the view of the multicolor species, "These are the Mandarin ducks and they are native to China and here, Japan, but you once said you never saw one."
"Yeah," Ranma snarled, bored "why would I want to watch ducks?"
"Ranma!" Youki suddenly snatched both of his lover's hands and held them close to his chest, "These are the ultimate symbol of love, closeness and intimacy."
The raven's cheek blushed once again, looking obstinately away from Youki's keen gaze, he hastily withdrew his hands from Youki's corporeal warmth and he growled, menacingly. As he heard Youki sigh in admiration, Ranma's right eyebrow lifted as he noted the ducks indeed swam in pairs, disregarding their embellishment even on him, Ranma proceeded to point uninterestedly at them, "what? Those things?"
"Those 'things' as you call them-" Youki cleared up his voice "Those ducks choose a partner for the rest of their short lives, they swim together and they don't care if their partner share their same gender."
"You mean like-" Ranma snorted amusedly "gay ducks?"
The emphasis had Youki huffing, "Gay, het, it doesn't matter, they love their partner at whatever cost, even if that means to never migrate," Youki toned pitifully at the creatures smearing around their boat "They might die if they ever separate, they never recover."
The younger of the two heaved in a loud breath and then continued to share what information he knew, "They mean love and marriage, they even stay faithful to their partner through their whole life."
"And if they are gay ducks? What if one wants to leave heritage?"
Youki stopped to stare at Ranma, an accusatory vexed glare to which the ebon-haired responded with an even more rhetorical stare, Youki respired and he ultimately decided not to fight, "They just mate, they don't care if they will have any offspring in the future or not," Youki guffawed at a polychrome duck that jumped just below his marveling contemplation "What they have at the moment is what they care for, they never want anything but their partner and if that doesn't seem beautiful to you then," Youki turned to face at his beloved frowning one, the younger's beryl eyes softened as their gazes clashed and Ranma's cheeks colored in dramatic cerise yet again "I don't know what is."
The wind combed their loose hairs and his lover's characteristic fruity perfume made the sable-haired swallow thick, he didn't fully comprehend the effects the young curly-haired had on him yet; he heard Youki's luring voice peeping in again "I've read these ducks are known to be very peaceful with each other, they have shown true-companionship traits and they rarely fight, mostly live their togetherness in absolute peace."
He understood one thing, it was easier for his own bearing to argue or joke around with someone like Youki, especially Youki. At least easier than being as affectionate as he knew he could be, he never once said he preferred not being loving though, but that was one thing he would not admit. "Yep, much like us" Ranma defied with glee.
"That was sarcasm how nice but see," Youki sustained as peaceable as he started "Did you ever wonder what that well-known Chinese saying meant with: 'Two Mandarin ducks playing in the water' It means, 'a loving couple' much like those famous lovebirds' references"
Ranma inhaled tranquilly, "And if…" His teal eyes then fixated on a rather strange looking duck, instead of having that vibrant rainbow coating on his feathers like the rest of ducks, that one duck happened to be full of melanin, black as the onyx pebble, as dark as his own raven hair; sitting in one isolated corner, seemingly alone, "What if they never find their pairing? What happens?"
Youki shrugged his lover's distress off, "They always do," he reassured, "another saying goes like this: 'Rest assure; your Mandarin is yet to come' and as you and I know, there is always a burnt soul for a scalded heart …." Ranma nodded, satisfied with the response, his eyes kept glued to the ugly black duck; his azure eyes lit in anticipative vivacities as another unusual brown colored duck swam near the black, noticing how they interlaced necks as a welcoming gesture Ranma's cheeks stained and he exhaled in relief.
The ugly black duck was in love, with another graceless brown duck nonetheless.
Ranma kept his eyes absorbed in the peculiar pairing, his eyes captured yet another perfect scene of pure companionship as the black duck rustled the other's duck feathers with its own peak, it seemed like a cuddly stroke; the darker duck proceeded to flap his wings just to soak his partner with tiny droplets of water. Ranma chuckled, the other just shook the wetness off and proceeded to flutter his own brown wings back to his partner causing the onyx colored duck to get soaked as well. After a while, they started whirling around each other.
Ranma laughed quietly, for more than a second, Ranma imagined they were laughing, flirting, joking, making each other smile, just like Youki and him often did; he couldn't restrain the restless butterflies' flusters inside his stomach.
Youki soothing voice sliced through their placid silence however, this time Ranma was content about it "You see," he inferred, pointing at them "I've heard that their love for each other is so profound that if one of them dies or disappears, the duck left behind will be everlastingly devastated." His tone wilted slightly "Isn't that tragic?"
"Tragic? That's awful." Ranma whispered absentmindedly, his attention snapped back at his lover once he noticed how his hand tingled already to feel that of his partner, willfully awaiting for a response, Ranma self-confessed his attentiveness as Youki seized his concluding words with an elegiac suspire "Yes it is, without his or her mate, the remaining duck will have no will power to live anymore and death is soon inevitable."
"They decide when they die?"
"I guess they stop eating, the rest leaves them behind, they sit in the cold and simply wait…." Youki muttered gently as his hand grasped his lover's warm hand. The reciprocated loving smile opened a welcoming silence to settle between them.
…
"Youki," his voice remained gentle, the alluded turned to face him while letting his jaded eyes inquire, "Did you notice…?"
"Notice what?"
"The black duck was waiting for his couple, the brown one"
"It was?" Youki queried, "I didn't see it alone."
"He was seemingly alone at first." Ranma observed, "The rest even left them behind, but the black still waited."
"Oh? Was he waiting for the brown?" Youki probed, "That's adorable," he exhaled dreamily as he noticed Ranma's genuine interest in the ducks he once vetoed.
"Yes they are." Ranma agreed. "Oh and by the way," he decided "those two ducks are gay."
Youki snorted loudly, he was wittily entertained "How do you know they are gay ducks?" He certainly disagreed, "I see the brown significantly smaller," Youki pointed "it could be a she?"
Shaking his head in negative, Ranma grinned as he saw the graceless pair twizzle together, "No," he was definite "I have a feeling I'm right."
The ducks were visibly excluded from swimming with the rest, Ranma noticed that once they tried to incorporate, the others swam their way away, Ranma pondered if it was because they looked incredibly different from the colorful rest.
Following Ranma's interest in the atypical pair, Youki also noted the obvious rejection the pair faced whilst keeping their togetherness, his smile only broadened when Ranma started talking "Imagine finding each other to be extremely weird, while also being capable of noticing they are no different from the 'excluded' one. They are ducks, seemingly mindless birds and still, both found another just-as-rare companionship for the rest of their short lives."
Youki nodded in agreement, "Yes." he then pinpointed, "The rest don't want to swim with them," he empathized "do you think they notice it?"
Ranma moved his head in negative "they don't care Youki," He solidified "look how happy they seem," he pointed heartily at them "they just love each other, look at them."
"I'm sure they do," the airstream moved the weeping lianas as the russet haired stroked his lover's hand, his voice offered smoothness "they will love each other for eternity" He nodded as he concluded "They don't care if they aren't pretty, they like each other's ugly dark feathers."
"Hey!" Ranma objected "What are you talking about?" His childish pout made his younger lover leer charmingly "They are the prettiest ducks" He stated, "I love the brown one." His frown spoke for itself, his cheeks incensed as he finished "He cute."
"You think so?" Youki's tone relented as his eyes softened, Ranma was surely seeing something else in that duck, rather, someone else. "You like him?"
"Yes." Ranma whispered serenely, "More than you know." Youki was sure now, he silently beamed as he rested his head on the raven's shoulder.
"In that case I prefer the black one." He admitted, he shared that same perception after all.
The raven's arm wrapped around the caramel-haired beauty, his calm demeanor disclosed the genuine enthrallment he felt of being so far away, with the only person he could ever want to be away with, simply alone; frogs and crickets sang along with the placid breeze as Ranma realized the pair of unique ducks swam side by side, to a further line through the breaking edge of the unfathomable smog "The ducks…" He pointed at them before losing them of his sight, "Where do you think they are going?"
Youki's eyes condensed its fogged focus as the flapping of their playful wings disappear to maybe, never see them again, the strange fondness towards those birds caused Youki to close his eyes with wistful regard, "Who knows," he breathed pensively, his voice reduced to a faded murmur as his hopes flowered on their distilled air "Maybe they went to find happiness…"
"I'm sure they already have it," Ranma differed, his voice remained quiet as their eyes met, leaning to press his lips to the corner of his lover's mouth, their warm lips melded passionately just after Ranma's whisper was left to embellish the enchanted twilight dusk, "Remember, they are together."
.
OOOOO
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Walking with tear stained cheeks, Ranma couldn't quite tell how much he spent on walking until he reached at his final destination. Hours back, he witnessed the early morning taking hold of the hoary moon and the same force take an irrevocable hold of the sun, the skies were painted in burgundy to later abandon him in a mystifying murkiness with just the heaviest rain upon his head.
He strutted past the city that once felt like home only to get deluded in between the secluded forest of exurbia. His breath heaved noiselessly as he approached that one pond that once held the magic of their union between its forbearing breasts; Ranma let out a muted gasp, the scorching agony throbbed underneath his skin and the subdued quietness of the leaves only fueled his urges to scream.
The pond, the crickets, the frogs, the lianas, the mist, they were all there, untouched, unscathed, unmoved… but Ranma noticed, the magic was gone, the thrilling was dead, all that bottomless sensuality was long gone, chasing after that untamable soul that was his young lover when he lived, when he ran and felt, when he was there and his scent kept him awake and still…
Ranma disagreed with any merciful figure that he could believe was watching, intently and he screamed and cried and begged 'Youki… Youki was too young to go away' but the tenses in which Ranma spoke and thought pertained in the past and he knew, he knew there would be no present tense for his lover and there would be no 'us' in any future, not in the one he was chained to live.
"Why did you leave me behind…"
A statement to nowhere outside the sun, listlessly quiet, Ranma's broken hopes dragged his weary feet to the water's edge and he slumped, his appreciations noted that nothing could be appealing about the ghostly place and he smiled miserably upon it, how was it possible for Youki to find the place perfect for a date?
Truth is, Youki rowed all the way to the depths of what seemed a fairy-tale lagoon with fable creatures and mythical airs and just thinking about it, Ranma couldn't quite pinpoint it, what was it that felt dreamlike? He remembered he was introduced to Mandarin Ducks, he recalled they explored intimacy outside the conventional disheveled sheets and he could still taste the sweetest and softer pair of lips against his and objectively, Ranma couldn't come up with anything but the hollow feeling of having had everything between his hands and blinking only to have what was left about death; absolutely nothing.
How could Youki's sole existence bring magic to an abandoned swamp that he never notice was this ungraceful, The subdued playfulness and that indiscreet fondness that held the place in one meaning were all gone. Because it all goes back to when Youki lived and Ranma noticed, magic existed, in this place nonetheless, he tasted the magic, it once was magic, but it all went away when Youki did.
His cold hands gripped the wooden sculling notch and pulled the secured rowing boat nearby his feet, his eyes closed, Ranma was not there in a hopeless try to see his lover's dancing silhouette somewhere in the profound musk, he was not there to drug himself up in hopes to hallucinate with his body against his. He knew Youki was gone, as was his scent, his taste and the sound of his voice.
He was there for one sole purpose, that one purpose that pushed him out of bed today, that one thing he had done with everything and anything that came close after Youki left; because there wasn't anything he wanted, nor even his thoughts and now the only thing he had was him, it was his own body and his own mind the only railings that chained him to pain and he wanted to prove himself, prove the world that saw him succumb, he didn't need anything else, he didn't want anything else, not even to be alive.
.
He did not wish to lose hope the first night his lover disappeared, even after praying, he couldn't shun off that morbid, hunting feeling that his Youki was no longer alive. That night, that fateful night was the searing beginning of his very own end.
They never found a body, not a note, nor any kind of hint that Youki could have being planning to hurt himself, his therapy card only indicated Youki was gradually getting better, that he still struggled but was positively getting there.
Ranma recalled with anger and powerlessness how police behaved after seeing at his lover's clinical history, authorities were quick to disregard his disappearance as suicide, but holes were deep and gaps were wide, unanswered questions, probing details, there were too many details to take into account before disregarding his case in the biased, unprofessional way they did.
As per Ranma's knowledge for that day, Youki was supposed to skip therapy so he could attend the lunch date he settled for them. But when Ranma arrived, he sat and waited, ordered a drink and waited, looked at the menu and waited, waited for more than his usually thin patience would have allowed and the first thought was that Youki stood him up. He remembered sighing and promising himself not to skip his own duties for another silly date with Youki but without stopping much to think about it, he knew it was strange for Youki to forget.
Youki Onoko:
[12:30, the new pastries spree, u know where, wanna give u something 3 ]
Sep 12 07:24 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:25am
Ranma Saotome:
[…I'll pass, ugh too gay]
Sep 12 07:25 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:26am
Youki Onoko:
[lol come on]
Sep 12 07:26 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:26am
Ranma Saotome:
[im sighing youki, kay]
Sep 12 07:26 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:27am
Youki Onoko:
[yay! good boy! :* 3 3 3 *inserts doge emogie that I cant find*]
Sep 12 07:27 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:27am
Ranma Saotome:
[.l.]
Sep 12 07:28 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:28am
Ranma Saotome:
[emoji* dog*]
Sep 12 07:28 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:29am
Youki Onoko:
[ doge :( ]
Sep 12 07:29 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:29am
Youki Onoko:
[ lol see you then :-) 3 ]
Sep 12 07:29 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:29am
Ranma Saotome:
[K]
Sep 12 07:30 am Sent from Messenger
Read 07:31am
Ranma Saotome:
[youki you stood me up wtf?]
Sep 12 01:36 pm Sent from Messenger
He asked for his ticket, tipped the waitress and drove off.
Youki was seen at school that day, there was nothing unusual about his behavior, details had the power of destroying Ranma's disposition as days after, he was informed by some of his classmates that Youki bragged childishly about having a date, they recalled him being enthusiastic and especially talkative that day. There was no reason to believe Youki could have been forecasting in disappearing, less hurting himself.
1 week after his disappearance Ranma was informed by the city's security department that they had something he would want to see and Ranma wondered if he really wanted to. Shippo and Ranma were offered to watch a convenient store's CCTV recording of the day Youki disappeared and Ranma was left speechless, he immediately recognized Youki walking from one street to another, near the convenient store, his imagery only lasted three seconds but he was certain it was Youki; he was holding a bouquet of roses.
There was no other recording, there were no witnesses, there was no further information, somehow, somewhere in between those unvigilant streets, Youki disappeared without leaving any trace of what happened, how and more importantly, why.
Ranma cussed out loud, still in the city's security department, he recalled feeling dizzy, he asked quietly, devastatingly, how was the recording not enough to prove Youki did not hurt himself, how? How it was not enough to keep the investigation open? Wasn't it a disrespect, that he, that Shippo were aware of their carelessness? "He was obviously heading to see me." Silence overpowered the room and Ranma absentmindedly nodded, "Those roses were for me…"
Ranma never received a decent answer, not from the authorities, 'Why didn't I go for him?' nor from himself. Hearing without listening, a young investigator suggested the pair of friends some counselling. Just when Ranma closed his eyes, Shippo finally snapped.
"Something horrendous happened to my fucking brother and you think you can have me sit here and pretend as if not?! You think I'm stupid enough not to see you are being fucking unserviceable pricks who can't do your fucking job?! Because it's easier? It's easier to report he committed suicide rather than unveiling a fucking homicide?! What am I supposed to do then? What am I supposed to do?"
Ranma recalls leaving without even speaking.
They never found Youki.
.
Rowing, Ranma grunted in tiredness, he stopped only to grip at the wooden breast hook of the wooden boat; the timbered quagmire and weeping paddles allowed his grit to lessen as some beautifulness made him sigh. Ranma stopped the paddles from breaking through the fresh water as his heart stopped when he beheld what seemed a very familiar duck.
"I thought that by this time of the year, you would have migrated long ago."
His heart trembled in cold shivers as the black duck swam recklessly taciturn, Ranma procured following his slow pace, "Why didn't you migrate? It will get cold in here. Actually It is cold already…" He smiled, the duck remained as graceless and black as he remembered it to be, "Now noticing, where is your brown duck?"
The duck quacked in casualness and the isolating stance made Ranma think he was especially talking to him, "you lost him like I did?" The duck quacked back and Ranma convinced himself it wasn't casualty, they were, indeed communicating with each other, 'pain does that, it dehumanizes you'.
"I see," Ranma started rowing back to the middle of the swamp, "We are so lonely without them aren't we?"
The duck followed the rowing boat and Ranma's eyebrow lifted, "The rest left you, they migrated already… or tell me… was it you who chose to leave them behind?"
His breathing came out in unease "Because I did."
The duck's wings flapped and Ranma once again stopped, "what?" He smiled, "You want to see what I'll do?" The duck jumped to the inside of the boat and Ranma's heart dropped again, his lips stretched to a miserable grin, "Hop in, we are literally in the same boat. My name is Ranma, you are?"
"Ugly," He named him "Okay, nice to meet you." The raven haired smiled, "Do you remember… the young man that was by my side when we first met you?"
Ranma shook his head, "Yeah how to forget about him right?" The duck sat across him, "He liked you, he was very sweet you know?" his eyes were absent "But hey, your partner was just as cute. I think."
He raised his gaze up to the darkened skies, even the crickets left them to immerse in silence "Where do you think they went?" The duck quacked and appeared to roll in to itself, Ranma wondered if it went to sleep.
"Yeah I don't know as well… I wonder… if he…" he snickered "thanks for ignoring me by the way" Ranma shook his head again, he suddenly stood and the boat's brusque stirring made the newly surprised duck flap his wings, "Easy, I'm not going to last long."
His icy hands gripped the considerably big knotted rock that accompanied him since he decided to leave his house, "How deep do you think it's in there?" Ranma pointed at the water, the duck quacked, "To think it better?" he moved his head in negative "Nah, I've waited for this feeling to go away, it has been such a nightmare to wake up you know..."
The onyx duck flapped his wings again, "Are you seriously talking me down? Or is it because you don't want to be alone?"
Ranma wrapped the thick rope around his waist with knotting expertise, taking a hold of the colossal rock, Ranma turned to watch the melanin-victim duck lay down again "Sorry Ugly," he whispered "I am not the one who should wait for you."
"By the way, eat something, you are thinner than I remember." The duck closed his eyes and Ranma imagined it being asleep, with his own eyes closed and shaking hands, Ranma gave a step closer to the edge and without breathing, he let the rock fall in the depths of the profound, unfathomable, congealing lagoon, hastily dragging his body underneath, just one last thought crossed his mind as he started to suffocate; 'Youki'.
.
"Where?" Ranma whispered, the heady sound made the younger brunette smile and tighten his hug, "Where were you?" Tears blossomed again, since Ranma opened his eyes, all he had the heart to welcome were the enormous gushes of relief and tearing respite, the since spilled tears kept on running without intending to stop.
"Where were you Youki?" He repeated, stoic and clearer, Ranma slide off the joyous embrace that held his universe together. As soon as his form separated from that one person he wished to hold for far more than he ever imagined, the raven hurriedly reached out and brought him as close as his own skin again, the paranoia of his relief being unreal held a substantial anger that made him shift the desire to let Youki go of his safe embrace, he wanted to hold him forever, he desired this to be reality and not a dream.
He still felt desperate.
The last he remembered was jumping to his own death, from the rowing boat he so hesitantly shared with a melanin coated duck, he remembered his struggling, his suffocation, he remembered dying very well.
"Youki…." He called in again, desperation held him close to the neck as he realized this was probably a dying man's hallucination, a dying man's last breath and just the human's brain playing the cruelest of hoaxes.
Ranma repeated in his head that this was probably not real, he tried and repeated the words again and again inside his skull, all to avoid deception and grief, his lungs respired the silken scent that argued otherwise but Ranma persisted, he was not holding Youki and life was no more suitable for incarnation, that nothing was actually real, that he was dying and that things were as he remembered them.
Lightless.
"Where was I?"
The onyx-haired scoffed at Youki's response and as he hid his face on his lover's curly vast hair, Ranma tightened his arms until he made the younger boy gasp, a vivid heave of breath that only made the raven's heart beat against any forecast to perish and the warmth he resolute in feeling returned him back to life, the cloistered heartfelt sigh made him argue against that one fear that he once allowed to bring him on his knees.
The frail body trapped between his arms soon shifted and as smoothly as he could, Youki traced an untying line between their bodies and with a dismayed stare, Youki noticed his lover's anxiousness to any further separation between them, the young brunette smiled, after all, Ranma was holding onto dear hope even against his own will.
"I was waiting for you."
Truth is, love can't be forced upon something, nor someone but once it's in it, it's impossible to force it to fade. Not even when it's inflicted to terminate, some bonds, are told to go against any comprehensible limit and some may or may not find silence, in that loud, lurid and soundly lesson that separation is ought to teach.
But if we see beyond the basic grounding that a lesson and an eager student may determine, you might say that not all heedless students are bad, ignorance is the base of finding, and not knowing can forecast discovery and discovery may, or may not lead you to happiness. What you discover is only the epilogue of what you sought. Or some may argue it's only the prelude. Ranma was sure it was only at its best. His face expressed nothing but genuine happiness and he understood.
He understood the wink that timeless determination and longing offered to his decaying soul; faith, not resignation but dignifying hopefulness of seeing the person he loved the most again. On his timeline, with his own eyes, with his same skin, with the same scent he once gifted, with the same hands he once explored with. He was him, and Youki was Youki, he just assumed they were far, just like the first time they visited the pond, excluded but sincerely happy, not to say willfully together, everlastingly, in the evermore and more importantly; finally.
Ranma understood something, he was not alive, truth is both were not alive, yet and more significantly, not dead, because those who departed the telluric headiness can't love, dead men can't feel and artlessly Ranma meandered, he could in all certainty feel the world-shaking kiss he was finally able to steal from the young brunette.
"Is this real Youki?" Ranma mumbled, the sensitive flesh on his lips tingled everywhere Youki's lips landed, it reminded him of the aliveness in their gasping breath and the taunting snicker didn't bother the onyx-haired as yet another balmy kiss fumed between their souls, "Are you real?"
"Aren't you sure yet?"
Ranma simply moved his head, no.
Taken aback, lips melding again and hands shaking, Ranma once again allowed the erupting warmth and pleasant sensation take over his body that felt much fevered to be that of a deceased. "I patiently waited…" Youki muttered against his lips, appeasing, he smiled "as much as he did."
"Who?" Ranma turned his face from the lip-mingling talk, his eyes followed Youki's pointing finger as his eyes slit open, the raven gasped in astonishment.
The familiar brown duck swam nearby their boat, flapping his wings when finally and much to Ranma's shattering heart, the melanin obscure duck made his sudden appearance only to fly clumsily and desperately fast to his long lost partner, Youki beamed happily, "I heard you named him Ugly."
Ranma nodded, speechless, he saw the Mandarin duck he shared the boat with, rustling the other's duck brown feathers in what seemed a genuine gesture of having missed his partner, Ranma conceded his mind to amble in the final thought of this being real, of having died only to find there is life behind demise and that the hereafter is only worth it if it's walked with someone you love. Youki waited as much as the brown duck did and Ranma was as happy as Ugly was.
Ranma smiled at their epitome, Ugly died the same moment he did, and the brown now-named Gay duck waited. Ranma laughed quietly, he just remembered how he noticed the ducks laughed, flirted, joked around each other, and how much they must have missed that. Just like he missed Youki, once again, he couldn't restrain the wide smile that spread across his face, Youki's eyes hooded as he neared Ranma, "The ever-after isn't as tragic anymore right love?"
"Absolutely not," Ranma decided, "I am starting to live, just now."
.
"Where are we going?" The sable-haired muttered against his lover's still panting lips, having noticed the boat moved by its own accord, both decided there was skin they required to taste, there were sounds they desired to hear, and there was pleasure they needed to feel. An intense action that reminded them of their boundless hunt to be happy, to lastly reunite again. Impossible, fantasist and somehow, unbelievably real.
They were still face to face, with clothing serving as sheets.
"Who knows…" Youki swallowed thick embellished air, sitting up on their own exquisite mess, the hazel-haired grabbed Ranma's discarded hoodie and wordlessly watched the unearthly horizon, smiling only because it seemed to be awaiting for their unequivocal arrival, the young brunette's face lit up in a majestic green, "Maybe to go find happiness."
"I'm sure we already have that," Ranma held with a smile, sitting up shirtless only to hug his beloved one "Remember we are finally together."
Youki laughed vividly, Ranma noted. The boat rowed its way to the fining bottom line, ironically endless, only to be disappear… God knows where, but together nonetheless.
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OOO
AN/ Happy ending I guess? I didn't or couldn't bring myself to check it for mistakes, otherwise…..meh I wouldn't have the courage to upload this. This started as one of those discarded one-scene stuff I made not too long ago, it started with the mandarin ducks speech about forever love and me being me, had to build a story around it. Sorry if I did this before? Also ugh sorry about the awkwardness :v still improving. I had a hard author's block, I think my ideas are drying lol
Hope you enjoyed your nasty fluff (it had tragedy lol) but it was meant to be happy :) here is the info where I learned about Mandarin ducks
goodlucksymbols
.com
/mandarin-ducks/
Till later,
Batya000
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