The Sasuke Replacement Society
Yugao
Summary: It was Sunday morning and Naruto told them he had failed.
Author's Note: This was a rather evil idea I got. This would take place some time after Sasuke left but before Naruto left, so basically a bit before the timeskip. They would still be twelve (or thirteen, depending on the character). So I guess this one is basically NaruSaku with a lot of side pairings. Tell me what you think, okay!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I did conceive the Sunday Morning Sasuke Replacement Society (SMSRS). Do I get cookies for that?
"I failed."
Naruto didn't expect any of them to be shocked and demand what he meant by that, but he guessed he wasn't expecting to be completely ignored, either. He felt his right eye twitch unconsciously (since Naruto was a bit of an attention hog) at this. Kiba was sitting on the curb playing with Akamaru (who by the way was no longer a puppy but it was growing and Naruto was certain that sooner or later it'd be bigger than Kiba himself); Shino was sitting to one side of the Ichiraku, staring (or not, Naruto could never really tell) into space; Lee and Neji were bickering about Team Gai's training agenda for the following day; Shikamaru was looking on with a bored look on his face and Chouji… wait, where was Chouji?
"Sorry I'm late!" Chouji called as he ducked into the Ichiraku as if on cue, heading for the empty seat beside Shikamaru and ordering himself an extra-extra-large bowl of miso ramen (all the while ignoring Naruto). Rubbing his hands together as if to warm up for his meal, he asked, "What'd I miss?"
Shikamaru shrugged before mumbling, "Naruto was just being his troublesome, dramatic self, as usual. That's all."
"Troublesome? Dramatic?" Naruto half-whined, half-demanded. He flailed his arms around exaggeratedly as he went on with, "You guys aren't even listening to me! Cut me some slack! I'm not being dramatic!"
Okay, so maybe he shouldn't have thumped his chest for dramatic effect, and he should have lain off of the melodramatic pose he was taking against one of the stools of the Ichiraku. He was probably even blowing this whole thing out of proportion anyway, but he just had to tell them, right? It was their unspoken mission to pull all this off, and he failed, with a big fat E-P-I-C-P-H-A-I-L.
The Sunday morning after they came back from the failed Sasuke retrieval mission, they all coincidentally found their way to the Ichiraku, and ended up talking about how crushed their female teammates seemed to be over his departure (because Sasuke had too many fangirls to count, whether they were blatant ones or not). They met the next week the same way, ended up talking about the same thing, and soon it became a ritual, even for those of them who would usually not be caught dead in a situation like this (like that Hyuuga in the corner).
They'd come to jokingly call themselves the Sunday Morning Sasuke Replacement Society. Their mission? Help the girls forget Sasuke ever even existed.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes and gave him the trademark leveling Nara glare. "We're listening now, Naruto. What did you fail at…" … this time, Naruto could practically hear in the Chuunin's voice, but he didn't bother to call him out on that. The others began to turn their attention to him now, which was good. He guessed.
"I failed. At getting Sakura-chan over Sasuke."
Kiba shrugged nonchalantly. "Give it some time. We're twelve, for kami's sake. She'll get over him soon enough. No need to bawl about it."
"Yes, Naruto, I do believe that Sakura-chan is a flower with youth strong enough to get her over anyone, even Sasuke!" Lee piped up.
"Pfft. Drama queen. How troublesome," Shikamaru said under his breath.
"Easy for you to say!" Naruto countered, (fortunately) not hearing the Nara's remark. "Easier for all of you to say! I mean, Sasuke-teme was our teammate. Sakura's the one most broken up about it. Your girl teammates weren't as close to him as Sakura was, and it hurt her more than it could ever hurt any of them."
And just because he wanted to start a self-righteous tirade, he pointed to Neji and Lee. "Tenten hardly ever even looked at Sasuke. Why should she when it was pretty obvious that she had something going for white-eyes in the first place? I'll bet she only almost had a mild heart attack because she knew Neji was hurt in the mission." The rest of the rookie ninja hardly thought it possible, but the Hyuuga Neji was turning a bright red and they were pretty sure it wasn't from extra spicy ramen. At this Lee sniggered, but was promptly silenced by a Jyuuken straight to a couple of important chakra points, causing him to collapse instantaneously.
"Achoo!"
"Are you okay, Tenten? You might be coming down with a cold," Hinata commented as she checked to see if her friend was all right.
Tenten sniffled but grinned. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a sneeze is all."
"And you!" Naruto now set his sights on Kiba and Shino, the grin still wide on his face as he tried to prove his point, "I have absolutely no idea who Hinata-chan likes but it doesn't seem to be the teme because she never even talked to him and eventhoughIdon'tknowwhoshelikesyetI'llfindoutsoonenough!" The last part he said with unbelievable speed that the others could hardly understand what he was saying.
Kiba, however, understood every word and was laughing his ass off at the irony of it all.
"Achoo!"
Ino groaned. "Not you, too, Hinata. Geez Tenten I hope what you have isn't contagious!"
"No, no, I'm fine, it's okay," the white-eyed Hyuuga girl said meekly.
"And now you guys!" Naruto then pointed to Shikamaru and Chouji. "You…"
Shikamaru cut him off. His voice sounded almost bitter as he argued, "What, are you going to say that Ino never liked Sasuke? You're delusional. All of us saw that. You're at a loss here, Uzumaki. Ino liked Sasuke. Just like Sakura did. Does."
"Hohoho, someone's jealous," Chouji chided in between spoonfuls of miso.
But all it took was a withering glare from the Nara to shut him up for the rest of the morning.
"But at least there are two of you! And Ino and Sasuke weren't that close, anyway. It couldn't have affected her as much as it would've affected Sakura-chan. At least she has both of you guys to keep her happy," Naruto reasoned.
Chouji broke his promise to himself and coughed, making it sound suspiciously like "See Shikamaru, keep her happy".
"Achoo! Achoo!"
Tenten raised an eyebrow at the blonde. "Looks like you've got it even worse than we do, Ino," she observed, a skeptical expression on her face."
Ino shrugged, saying laughingly, "I'm sure it's nothing. Who knows, it could just be people talking about us somewhere."
"But Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan was way closer to Sasuke than any of the others were. They were friends. She'd be hurt the most by his leaving," he finished, almost all the energy gone from him now (after having spent most of it on half-yelling at people and making girls sneeze elsewhere in Konoha). His blue eyes were downcast as he added, "I don't think I can do this. I can't get her over him. And I doubt I ever will."
"Get who over who?"
At the sound of that familiar voice (oh yeah, it was one of those 'speak of the devil' moments) Naruto wheeled around to see, but lost his footing because inexplicably Akamaru's tail was right behind his foot. The dog yipped and on instinct bit (hard) on a bright orange pants leg (unfortunately, it also bit the leg itself). The Uzumaki yelled, flung his arms out in front of him, and waited for the impact.
Somehow it wasn't as hard or as painful as he imagined.
"NARUTO!"
Oops.
He looked up just a little to see that he had pushed Sakura to the ground and had fallen on top of her on the impact, putting them in a rather awkward position for all of Konoha to see. It took him a few more seconds to realize he was lying down right on top of Haruno Sakura, whom he'd been crushing on since he was a zygote, and so Sakura took the liberty of speeding up that realization.
She pushed him off of her, drew back her fist, and punched him so far they didn't even see where he landed.
Gaara had been looking up at the sky when a strange orange meteor fell right in front of his eyes. It was a moment before he realized what it was, and he pointed to it, saying, "Naruto."
Sakura dusted off her hands and silently walked away, and Shino commented, "She seems okay to me."
"Yeah, she does," Neji answered, "Meeting adjourned?"
"See you guys Sunday."
Author's Note: And this is what you get when it's raining outside, I have no homework, and I'm in a good, crack-filled mood. Sorry if it didn't make sense, I just had fun with this. Hahaha. Forgive my randomness okay? xD