This is an old fic of mine that I reuploaded in order to fix some formatting
errors. I think it's pretty funny. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed
the old version!
I don't own GW. This is yaoi, and there is Relena bashing (yay!)
---
"Well, I'll flip you for the floor."
"The floor?" Heero scowled, "I'm not sleeping on the floor."
"Then we'll just have to share the bed… it's not very big, though." Duo turned to Heero with a mock-serious look on his face; "You don't… like… strangle people in their sleep or anything, do you?"
"Shut up Duo." He said, and started to get undressed.
---
"Heero?"
"Hn?"
"Are you awake?"
"I am now."
"I can't sleep."
"Why not?"
"I was thinking. You wanna talk?"
"Go to sleep Duo."
"Come on, just for a little while, I promise I'll go to sleep then, OK?"
"Fine. What do you want to talk about?"
Duo paused, unsure of how to proceed.
"Duo? You're the one who wanted to talk, so talk."
"Ne, Heero… have you ever… been kissed?"
"What?"
"You know, two people put their lips together and..."
"I know what a kiss is, Duo."
"So... have you?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"I was just wondering."
Heero paused, unsure how to proceed.
"I never have," Duo continued, "I was just wondering what it felt like."
"You've never been kissed?"
"No."
"But I thought..."
"What?"
"You... you and Hilde..."
"Me and Hilde? Jeez, Heero... what HAVE you been thinking about? Hilde and I are just friends. I've never kissed her or anyone else."
"No."
"What do you mean, `no'?"
"I've never really been kissed either."
"Really? But I thought for sure, I mean... you and..."
"Who?! The Queen of the world?! No way. Besides..."
"Besides what??"
"Don't you know? I mean haven't you noticed about her?"
"What? The strange effect she seems to have on everyone? She's totally annoying and yet, at every school she goes to all the girls worship her, I can't figure it out."
"Duo... think about it."
Duo turned in the small bed to face Heero. "What? I thought, maybe the way she's always chasing after you, maybe you were under that spell of hers, too."
"I don't think she is interested in me… at least not in THAT way."
"How can you be sure?"
"Duo, you mean you really haven't noticed?"
"Noticed what??"
"Relena is gay."
"WHAT??"
"Why do you think all the girls worship her so much?"
"But… no way! I mean, she's so interested in you."
"I think her obsession with me has to do with something else. I get to fight in the war, go out and protect the colonies. She has had two sets of parent's die on her, and she wasn't able to do anything. I think she wishes she were more like me, she's not in love with me."
Duo paused again, thinking, "Do you think... I mean, does she have a... a girlfriend or whatever?"
"Haven't you ever noticed that girl with the eyebrows?"
"DOROTHY?? No way!"
"Quit sounding so shocked, I can't believe you didn't notice before." This time Heero rolled over, turning his back on Duo and facing the wall. A few minutes passed, and Heero hoped that Duo had finally gone to sleep.
"Heero?"
"What is it now?"
"Have you ever wondered… about Quatre and Trowa?"
"What?"
"I mean, they seem pretty close, right, and they're always going off on missions together..."
"So are we."
"Yeah, but, well... you know what I mean, you must have noticed it before, right? I'm not just imagining things."
"No. I understand. The way they look at each other sometimes, I guess they do seem... fond of each other."
"Fond? They look like they want to eat each other for dinner!"
"Duo!"
"I'm serious! When they're around you can cut the sexual tension in the room with a thermal weapon!"
Heero paused again, thinking, "I guess you can't blame them, really. I mean, being a Gundam pilot isn't easy. Who better to understand you than another Gundam pilot? That's kind of why I thought... I mean, about you and Hilde.""
"Yeah, I guess Hilde is probably the only girl who could understand me, she's not a Gundam pilot, but... well, anyway, I can't see us ever getting together."
"So?"
"So what?"
"So if you can't get together with Hilde, and she's the only girl who can ever understand you..."
"What are you getting at, Heero?"
"Well, it's just that... I guess I can understand why you've never kissed anyone before, that's all."
"Is that why you've never kissed anyone either? You don't know a... anyone who you think could understand you?"
"Well, it's not like you can just meet someone and then in the middle of a date rush out to blow up a space colony or something."
"That's true."
"I mean, who would want to date a Gundam pilot, anyway?"
"Yeah. But..."
"But what?"
"I've always wondered what it would be like to... I mean... if I had someone, and we..." embarrassed, he whispered the rest in Heero's ear.
"In your GUNDAM?? Duo!"
"What? Like you've never thought about it."
"I don't think there would be enough room..."
"Oh! So you HAVE thought about it! Imagine that, Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier fantasizing about doing it in his Gundam!"
"Shut up Duo, or I'll kill you."
"You always say that... anyway, Heero, who was it?"
"Who was what?"
"Who was it you were fantasizing about? A threesome with Relena and that eyebrowed blonde of hers?"
"No! Why do you keep bringing her up, I told you, she's a lesbian."
"But you wouldn't be interested in her if she wasn't?"
"No."
"How can you be sure?"
"I'm sure."
"But HOW?"
"She's not my type, OK? Now go to sleep."
Duo rolled over again, so they were back to back. "Hey, wait a minute! If it wasn't Relena, who was it? It couldn't... was it Hilde?!"
"No!"
"Oh man! I would KILL you!"
"Isn't that MY line?"
"But you said you couldn't see yourself with anyone who couldn't understand the life of a Gundam pilot... so if it's not Hilde, and it's not Relena..."
"Duo, let's just drop it. Go to sleep."
Duo held his breath for a moment, trying to decide if he should take this further.
"Besides," Heero said, startling Duo by continuing the conversation, "Who was yours?"
"What?"
"You said you wanted to... well, you know... who were YOU fantasizing about."
"It doesn't matter, it would never happen anyway."
"Why not?"
"Well, for one thing he would probably kill me if I even brought it up."
"He?"
Duo froze for a moment. Had he really just let that slip?
"He?" Heero said again.
"I... I..." Duo stammered, "I meant... that's not what I meant... I..."
"Don't tell me it was...?"
Duo swallowed.
"Which one was it?"
"Wha... what?"
"You know."
"What? Know what? What are you talking about?"
"You're the one who brought it up. Which one was it?"
"Which one was what?"
"Trowa or Quatre? Which one did you fantasize about doing it in your Gundam with?"
Duo practically choked, "Trowa and Quatre!"
"Both of them?!"
"No, no, wait! Heero... I wasn't thinking about Trowa or Quatre! Let's just drop this, OK? I'm sorry I brought it up, just go back to sleep."
Heero turned over again to face Duo's back. For a moment Duo thought he was about to say something, but stopped.
"I can't believe it." Heero whispered.
Duo was sure his heart must have stopped, had Heero... had he guessed...?
"You want to do it with WuFei?"
"WUFEI!!??"
"I mean, he HAS kind of got that wounded warrior machismo thing going, but..."
"Heero!" Duo spun around to face him again, "What are you talking about?! I sure as hell do not want to be with WuFei!"
"Then who?"
"I told you to just drop..." But Duo was unable to finish his sentence, finding himself, for once, speechless -- Heero's lips covering his own.
~
I don't own GW. This is yaoi, and there is Relena bashing (yay!)
---
"Well, I'll flip you for the floor."
"The floor?" Heero scowled, "I'm not sleeping on the floor."
"Then we'll just have to share the bed… it's not very big, though." Duo turned to Heero with a mock-serious look on his face; "You don't… like… strangle people in their sleep or anything, do you?"
"Shut up Duo." He said, and started to get undressed.
---
"Heero?"
"Hn?"
"Are you awake?"
"I am now."
"I can't sleep."
"Why not?"
"I was thinking. You wanna talk?"
"Go to sleep Duo."
"Come on, just for a little while, I promise I'll go to sleep then, OK?"
"Fine. What do you want to talk about?"
Duo paused, unsure of how to proceed.
"Duo? You're the one who wanted to talk, so talk."
"Ne, Heero… have you ever… been kissed?"
"What?"
"You know, two people put their lips together and..."
"I know what a kiss is, Duo."
"So... have you?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"I was just wondering."
Heero paused, unsure how to proceed.
"I never have," Duo continued, "I was just wondering what it felt like."
"You've never been kissed?"
"No."
"But I thought..."
"What?"
"You... you and Hilde..."
"Me and Hilde? Jeez, Heero... what HAVE you been thinking about? Hilde and I are just friends. I've never kissed her or anyone else."
"No."
"What do you mean, `no'?"
"I've never really been kissed either."
"Really? But I thought for sure, I mean... you and..."
"Who?! The Queen of the world?! No way. Besides..."
"Besides what??"
"Don't you know? I mean haven't you noticed about her?"
"What? The strange effect she seems to have on everyone? She's totally annoying and yet, at every school she goes to all the girls worship her, I can't figure it out."
"Duo... think about it."
Duo turned in the small bed to face Heero. "What? I thought, maybe the way she's always chasing after you, maybe you were under that spell of hers, too."
"I don't think she is interested in me… at least not in THAT way."
"How can you be sure?"
"Duo, you mean you really haven't noticed?"
"Noticed what??"
"Relena is gay."
"WHAT??"
"Why do you think all the girls worship her so much?"
"But… no way! I mean, she's so interested in you."
"I think her obsession with me has to do with something else. I get to fight in the war, go out and protect the colonies. She has had two sets of parent's die on her, and she wasn't able to do anything. I think she wishes she were more like me, she's not in love with me."
Duo paused again, thinking, "Do you think... I mean, does she have a... a girlfriend or whatever?"
"Haven't you ever noticed that girl with the eyebrows?"
"DOROTHY?? No way!"
"Quit sounding so shocked, I can't believe you didn't notice before." This time Heero rolled over, turning his back on Duo and facing the wall. A few minutes passed, and Heero hoped that Duo had finally gone to sleep.
"Heero?"
"What is it now?"
"Have you ever wondered… about Quatre and Trowa?"
"What?"
"I mean, they seem pretty close, right, and they're always going off on missions together..."
"So are we."
"Yeah, but, well... you know what I mean, you must have noticed it before, right? I'm not just imagining things."
"No. I understand. The way they look at each other sometimes, I guess they do seem... fond of each other."
"Fond? They look like they want to eat each other for dinner!"
"Duo!"
"I'm serious! When they're around you can cut the sexual tension in the room with a thermal weapon!"
Heero paused again, thinking, "I guess you can't blame them, really. I mean, being a Gundam pilot isn't easy. Who better to understand you than another Gundam pilot? That's kind of why I thought... I mean, about you and Hilde.""
"Yeah, I guess Hilde is probably the only girl who could understand me, she's not a Gundam pilot, but... well, anyway, I can't see us ever getting together."
"So?"
"So what?"
"So if you can't get together with Hilde, and she's the only girl who can ever understand you..."
"What are you getting at, Heero?"
"Well, it's just that... I guess I can understand why you've never kissed anyone before, that's all."
"Is that why you've never kissed anyone either? You don't know a... anyone who you think could understand you?"
"Well, it's not like you can just meet someone and then in the middle of a date rush out to blow up a space colony or something."
"That's true."
"I mean, who would want to date a Gundam pilot, anyway?"
"Yeah. But..."
"But what?"
"I've always wondered what it would be like to... I mean... if I had someone, and we..." embarrassed, he whispered the rest in Heero's ear.
"In your GUNDAM?? Duo!"
"What? Like you've never thought about it."
"I don't think there would be enough room..."
"Oh! So you HAVE thought about it! Imagine that, Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier fantasizing about doing it in his Gundam!"
"Shut up Duo, or I'll kill you."
"You always say that... anyway, Heero, who was it?"
"Who was what?"
"Who was it you were fantasizing about? A threesome with Relena and that eyebrowed blonde of hers?"
"No! Why do you keep bringing her up, I told you, she's a lesbian."
"But you wouldn't be interested in her if she wasn't?"
"No."
"How can you be sure?"
"I'm sure."
"But HOW?"
"She's not my type, OK? Now go to sleep."
Duo rolled over again, so they were back to back. "Hey, wait a minute! If it wasn't Relena, who was it? It couldn't... was it Hilde?!"
"No!"
"Oh man! I would KILL you!"
"Isn't that MY line?"
"But you said you couldn't see yourself with anyone who couldn't understand the life of a Gundam pilot... so if it's not Hilde, and it's not Relena..."
"Duo, let's just drop it. Go to sleep."
Duo held his breath for a moment, trying to decide if he should take this further.
"Besides," Heero said, startling Duo by continuing the conversation, "Who was yours?"
"What?"
"You said you wanted to... well, you know... who were YOU fantasizing about."
"It doesn't matter, it would never happen anyway."
"Why not?"
"Well, for one thing he would probably kill me if I even brought it up."
"He?"
Duo froze for a moment. Had he really just let that slip?
"He?" Heero said again.
"I... I..." Duo stammered, "I meant... that's not what I meant... I..."
"Don't tell me it was...?"
Duo swallowed.
"Which one was it?"
"Wha... what?"
"You know."
"What? Know what? What are you talking about?"
"You're the one who brought it up. Which one was it?"
"Which one was what?"
"Trowa or Quatre? Which one did you fantasize about doing it in your Gundam with?"
Duo practically choked, "Trowa and Quatre!"
"Both of them?!"
"No, no, wait! Heero... I wasn't thinking about Trowa or Quatre! Let's just drop this, OK? I'm sorry I brought it up, just go back to sleep."
Heero turned over again to face Duo's back. For a moment Duo thought he was about to say something, but stopped.
"I can't believe it." Heero whispered.
Duo was sure his heart must have stopped, had Heero... had he guessed...?
"You want to do it with WuFei?"
"WUFEI!!??"
"I mean, he HAS kind of got that wounded warrior machismo thing going, but..."
"Heero!" Duo spun around to face him again, "What are you talking about?! I sure as hell do not want to be with WuFei!"
"Then who?"
"I told you to just drop..." But Duo was unable to finish his sentence, finding himself, for once, speechless -- Heero's lips covering his own.
~