Magic of WakaLaka: HI! This is my first Soul Calibur fanfic so you know that it is going to be bad. This is comedy so a lot of characters are going to be OOC. It will be random.

None of these characters belong to me (unfortunately) so I hope you enjoy my fanfic!

They will also look like how they look like in Soul Calibur 3 because in Soul Calibur 4… they look ugly.

Raphael: UGLY? I LOOK HORRENDOUS. I LOOK LIKE JOHN CENA! –sobs-

Nightmare: I look like a big… purple… fireball… of LAMENESS. –sobs along with Raphael-

Lizardman: WHAT ABOUT ME? I'M PROBABLY NOT EVEN IN THE FOURTH ONE. THAT'S NOT BALLING. –sobs-

Voldo: I look like I should be in Star Trek. –eyebrow raised-

Astaroth: I look like a Koopa.

Nightmare: Who cares about you?

Raphael: Seriously.

Astaroth: … -unloved-

A small child, dirty and smudged from being choked in the grip of poverty, ran down the deserted street, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"HE'S HERE! THE MONSTER IS HE-!" the child's cry was cut short and was followed by a sickening silence. The other townsfolk, who was carefully hidden in there houses, didn't dare make a sound. They know that right out their window is…

"BOOM BABY!" Nightmare yelled, jumping through a window of a random house. Nightmare landed expertly and by expertly I mean landing flat on his face.

The family that was hiding stared at him with their eyes wide and mouths gaping in fear. Nightmare slowly got up and stared at them, his fiery eyes blazing.

"LOL, HEY GUYS. DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE YOUR SOULS? LOL." Nightmare yelled. The family was too stunned to stay anything but just stared. Nightmare stared at them back and for a few moments time stood still.

"OKAY, THEN!" Nightmare yelled and swung his huge sword over his head, aiming to chop the poor people in little itty bitty bits.

"WAIT, PLEASE!" the youngest cried. "YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I'M HARRY POTTER!"

Nightmare stopped in mid-motion of slicing their heads off when he stopped and stared at the little kid.

He had green eyes, black hair, and a lightening bolt shaped scar on the middle of his forehead. Nightmare pondered this for a moment, killing Harry Potter would destroy a whole story line, mean the end of the wizard world, and leaving a certain British author dirt poor.

"OH WELL, YOU WILL LIVE ON IN FANFICTION!" Nightmare screamed and sliced all their heads off. Nightmare proceeded to run around the house, waving his sword above his head and slicing everything in his path. In a few moments the village was in ruins and Nightmare was tired. "OH, WOW. THAT WAS TIRING." Nightmare screamed as he took a long sip from a can of Orange Soda that appeared out of nowhere. Standing next to a tree, a few meters away was Tira. She gazed angrily at Nightmare while he sat down on the ground to paint his claw nails. "How come he is so powerful and he acts so stupid." She muttered under breathe as Nightmare continued to paint his nails and gaze at a TV that was suddenly there playing Desperate Housewives. "TIRA, TIRA, COME HERE QUICK! LOOK AT THAT CHEATING WHORE. ADL-UT-ERY!" Nightmare yelled motioning frantically to the television screen. Tira rolled her eyes. "Master, we should get moving. Who knows how many people are after the Soul Edge." Tira turned around to go. Nightmare stared at Tira for a moment and then started to whimper. Tira whipped around quickly, afraid that she hurt Nightmare's feelings.

Which she did.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaah, I –sniff- I'm SWORRY. –sniff- I just want to have FUN." Nightmare eyes got big and watery and he sat down on the ground and started to sob. "Aww, I'm sorry Nightmare… I didn't really mean it, Master." Tira bend down to hug Nightmare. Nightmare grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her up into the night sky. "MEAN BITCH, GET AWAY FROM ME!!" He yelled. Nightmare stood for a second before sitting down back on the ground and starting to cry again. "I'M ALL ALONE." He cried.

Nightmare turned around slowly when he felt the auras of two other beings…

"YOU'RE NOT ALONE!" Lizardman cried happily and jumped on top of Nightmare. "OWIE! OW! OW! OW!" Nightmare cried out, Lizardman really did have sharp feet. "LIZARDMAN!" Nightmare sobbed happily hugged Lizardman. "DO YOU REMEMBER ME NIGHTMARE?" a voice said as Nightmare looked up and gasped happily. Raphael Sorel came running from behind a tree, with a big grin on his face. "NNIIIGGHHTTTMARE! I'VE MISSED YOU!"

"RAAPPHAAEEEL!" I'VE MISSED YOU, TOO!" Nightmare pushed Lizardman off him and ran towards Raphael in a field of daisies and butterflies. They ran to each other in slow motion, arms outstretch, to reunited a friendship that had been apart for too long…

"YOU STUPID BASTARD!" Raphael yelled as he punched Nightmare in his stomach. Nightmare recoiled and fell flat on his back. Nightmare got up quickly and glared at Raphael.

"YA! TAKE THIS!" Nightmare screamed and stomped his foot on Raphael's.

"OUUUCCCH! HIII-YA!" Raphael did a turn-around kick at Nightmare which send him back on his back.

"YAAAAH!" Nightmare yelled, taking out his huge sword as Raphael took out his sword.

"RRRARRH!"

"YAAAAH!"

"RRRAARRH!" The camera zooms up on Raphael's face.

"YAAAAH!" The camera zooms up on Nightmare's face.

Lizardman closes his eyes and opens them again to see Raphael and Nightmare playing the Nintendo Wii that appeared out of nowhere.

"What the…?" Lizardman asked.

…………………

Kilik was alive.

For the time being.

Xianghua found Kilik's secret "treasure chest". "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STOP SNOOPING THROUGH MY STUFF!" Kilik screamed, trying to keep hold of the few shreds of dignity that he had. Xianghua stared at Kilik with no expression on her face, she opened a magazine and read aloud: "Ms. Buxom Betsy tells us how she expertly massages every inch of her body, with full-color pictures."

Maxi, who was watching from a distance, was giggling insanely, while Kilik's face drained of all its color. Xianghua finished reading and glared at Kilik. "WELL? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?" she screamed. Kilik cowered and started to mumble something unintelligible. Xianghua took out her weapon and started to pat it against her hand, glaring at Kilik while her battle aura surrounded her.

"WELL?"

"I'm sorry, Xianghua." Kilik bowed repeatly. Xianghua seemed satisfied and returned the weapon to its hiding place and who knows where that is. Maxi sneaked over and was about to grab the magazine when a painful caw filled the forest area they were in. "What? What was that?" Xianghua cried, looking around her, while Maxi opened the magazine and started to flick threw it. Kilik's holy stone started to glow and he grabbed it. "It must be… the soul edge!" Xianghua gasped loudly while Maxi barely lifted his gaze from the magazine. "You surely can't be serious!" Xianghua exclaimed and grabbed her weapon… again. "Of course I'm serious… and don't call me SHIRLEY!" Kilik yelled at her. The sky turned an ominous color and the beating of the wings of birds was getting louder and louder! "This reminds of that movie 'The Birds' by Alfred Hitchcock." Xianghua murmured as she saw in the distant a large moving mass of black. "Imagine the bird poop," Maxi commented. Xianghua turned back and rolled her eyes when the mass appeared right above them. Xianghua and Kilik was in their battle positions and Maxi yawned and turned a page in the magazine. Three figures, shrouded by the birds and the dark sky, landed in front of them. Kilik readied his weapon and then gasped at what he saw.

It was Nightmare alright, dressed like a girl, with a blonde wig and everything. Lizardman was dressed like a DJ and was scratching the vinyl records on a stand with headphones around his neck. Raphael Sorel was dressed like a rapper, with a gold chain and a spinning 'R'. Xianghua and Kilik stared at the scene in front of them with their eyes wide and mouths gaping open. "YEEAAAH!" Maxi jumped in front of the two and threw a microphone at Nightmare. Nightmare caught it and a beat started playing.

"IT'S BRRRIIITNEY! BITCH!" Nightmare sang into the microphone while Raphael grabbed it from him and started to rap:

"RS3 comin live from the PS3, heard the video game lost life when I gotta leave

Both the Feds and State want to eat with me

The whole city got berserk he got 3

Another noble got a hit but shawty he not me

Who set the city on fire as soon as he got freed, which was me

The king is back now ya'll d on't know how to act

Hit the club stippers give nekkid before I sit down."

Nightmare punched Raphael in his face and grabbed the microphone and started to sing:

"We can get down like there's no one around

We'll keep on rockin' (Lizardman: Keep on rockin')

We'll keep on rockin', rockin' (Lizardman: Uh-uh)

Cameras are flashing while we're DIIEEERTY dancing

They keep watchin' (Lizardman: They keep watchin')

Keep watchin and is sure feels like the crowd were like saying…"

"ENOUGH!" Kilik screamed and smacked Nightmare in his face with his giant pole. "NOT THAT HORRIBLE SONG!"

Nightmare reacted by taking off his wig and putting it on Kilik's head. Kilik's face went blank as thick silence flooded the area. "GIMME MORE, GIMME MORE!" Kilik started to sing and dance while Nightmare grooved to the beat with him.

Xianghua screamed as she saw Maxi and Raphael dancing to the music as Lizardman had his headphones to his nonexistent ears and nodding his head to the music. "MAXI! KILIK! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THEY ARE THE BAD GUYS!" But that truth fell on deaf ears as Maxi started to break-dance with Raphael.

"This is useless," Xianghua said as she quietly slipped into the forest by herself.