So You Think Your Day Sucks...

Company's Thanks:

Dear consumer,

On behalf of the Ai Zhao Dao Products Industry, I would like to thank you for choosing, So You Think Your Day Sucks... As promised, we will attempt to make your day brighter with these non-relevant oneshots. I would like to bring to your attention to the fact that the anime, Neon Gensis Evangelion, does not belong to the Ai Zhao Dao Products Industry in any way, shape, or form with the exception of wildest dreams. Another issue concerning ownership is that the following stories are in fact based off of real stories concerning real people. For your entertaiment, the Ai Zhao Dao Products Industry has rewritten these stories with our own Evangelion twist. Once again, I would like to thank you for your endorsement and hope to continue our business with you in the near future.

Yours Truly,

Ai Zhao Dao

Scenario 1: Listen to Yui

Somewhere in an alternate universe on a bright and cheery day, Gendo was working on his motorcycle on his patio and Yui was in the kitchen.

"Dear," called out Yui, "Stop playing with that bike and eat your breakfast."

"Yes," replied Gendo. "I'm almost finished."

"Really now, you're just like Shinji. If you don't hurry up, you're breakfast will get cold."

"Yeah…" After a few more tweaks, Gendo started racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. "Oh mother-…" Gendo, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

Yui, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. "Oh my gawd! What happened?" she asked concernedly.

"…I'm bleeding."

"Yes, I can see that, but what happened?"

"…I'm bleeding."

"This has something to do with that bike, doesn't it?"

"…"

"For goodness sake, Gendo! You see what happens when you don't eat your breakfast right away!" she scolded as she kicked Gendo in the side.

"OW! Woman, can't you see that I'm losing a lot of blood here!"

"Oh, right!" Finally noticing the small puddle of blood forming around her husband, Yui ran to the phone. "Hello, 911? It's my husband, he hurt himself. He's on the floor bleeding. Yes he's still alive. No, I did not try to kill him. Okay, thank you."

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, she went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics, both of which were in their early 20's; one with brown hair that reached his shoulders and the other with glasses and hair streaked back.

"So where it he?" asked the man with glasses.

"Inside of the house, follow me." Yui started to lead the way up to the house.

"Okay, let's go Hyuuga!" ordered the man with long hair, pulling out a stretcher.

"Will you be okay?" Yui asked Gendo as he carried off.

"Yes, don't worry, I'll be back."

"You better not die on me or I'll tell Shinji that you left us for that Akagi girl."

"I won't, dear."

After the ambulance transported the Gendo to the hospital, the wife righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. "What a mess. He just wants me to do more work doesn't he?" Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the Yui got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

Not very long after, Gendo was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.

"…I should've listened to Yui." He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet, and assumed that infamous pose of his. "…I should've listened to Yui." he repeated as he started to smoke a cigarette. He continued to wonder why Shinji hated him so much, and then grew even more emo. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl, while seated. Yui, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming.

She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin.

"OH MY…! What did you do this time!"

"My balls are burnt!" cried Gendo as tears started flowing from his eyes. "And so are my wiener and sexy ass!"

"Don't move! I'll call the ambulance again."

"If I tried to move my ashes of dick would fall off!"

Yui again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. "Yes it's me again. Yes, my husband. Yes, I'm sure I'm not trying to kill him. No ma'am, I am not a husband beater. No, I don't want the cops over here! Great, thanks!"

The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the Yui met them at the street.

"Well, well, we meet again!" said the long haired paramedic as he pulled out the stretcher.

"In the house?" asked the other paramedic.

"Yep."

When they reached the bathroom, the paramedics spotted Gendo lying on the ground with his hands covering his burnt goods and quietly chanting to himself, "…I should've listened to Yui"

"Ooh, ouch," Aoba said painfully upon seeing the poor bastard lying on the floor.

"…I should've listened to Yui."

"Who's Yui?" Aoba asked as he loaded Gendo onto the stretcher with the help of Hyuuga.

"That would be me," replied the person Shinji saw getting freaky with his dad just before he blew up the world.

"How exactly did he get burns this bad?" Hyuuga inquired as they began carrying Gendo to the street.

"…I should've listened to Yui," Gendo repeated.

"Well you see…" she explained the story as she escorted them down.

The two snickered, at first not believing it. "Are you serious?"

"Very!"

There was a little pause before…

"BWAHAHAHA! HOLY…! That is the craziest thing that I have ever heard! Oh my… OH SHI-!"

Aoba was laughing so hard that he slipped on one of the steps and tipped the stretcher, dumping Gendo out. He fell down the remaining steps and by the time he had reached the road, not only did he have burns in a very uncomfortable area but a freshly broken arm to go along with it.

"…I should've listened to Yui."

A/N: Yes, yes, yes, Gendo got messed up. Ai Zhao Dao Products Industry isn't real, just incase you didn't know. There will be more, if you want me to continue this and may I say that it only gets better... or worse, if the people get more effed up would that be better or worse? Whatever, Kirby rocks.