Muahahaha.

I'm on a mad writing spree, and came up with THIS little ditty.

I really have to stop writing at night. Unless this actually turns out to be good. Then I'll write not but night. I make no sense. :P

Disclaimer: I own not Smallville or Days of our Lives, or any shred of sanity at this point.

~*~*~*~

Announcer: As the meteor rock fragments pass through the hourglass, these are the Days of our meteor wrecked Lives.

Cue the cheesy music.

We open in the talon. Pete is sitting with Clark, chatting.

Clark: Ahhh…Lana Lang. I love her so much.

Pete: Dude. Make. A. Move.

Clark: But she's going out with Whitney!

Pete: That never stopped you from flirting with her constantly, not to mention dropping everything if she needs you, or from stalking her with your telescope-

Clark: Ok ok! I get it! But…it wouldn't be right! I'd be taking advantage of her! Of him! Of the situation! Oh woe is me!

Pete: You are hopeless. And blind.

Clark: Huh?

Pete: Dude! Chloe wants to get wit ya!

Clark: What do you mean?

Pete: She wants to roll your jellies!

Clark: Still not getting it

Pete: She wants to do the horizontal boogie with you! Tongue wrestle! Get yo freak on!

Clark: *Blank face* Riiiiiiight….what?

Pete: Dude! Do I need to spell it out for you? Chloe…has….the hots….for you!!!!

Clark: You're gonna have to say that again, I wasn't paying attention, Lana just walked in.

Pete: You are hopeless man…. :::shakes head:::

Announcer [hereby now known as Narrator]: Lana Lang, high school fairy tale princess, has just walked in [as Clark stated]. Her hair floats behind her magically, her makeup impeccably done. Dressed in an evening gown [hey, this *is* a soap], she strikes a pose, causing the prepubescent boys of Smallville to not get up from their tables for a while [wink wink, nudge nudge]. She struts over to Clark.

Lana: Hey Clark, how've ya been? Havn't noticed you staring at me through your telescope lately.

Clark: Yeah, well, I have a science project due, so I have to focus more on celestial heavenly bodies then earthly ones ::::gives megawatt smile. She grins back. They stare. Pete shakes his head.:::

Lana: Well, I have to go back home to do…something. See you later Clark. :::struts off:::

Pete: WELL. That was interesting.

Clark: Sure was :::stares at Lana's retreating figure…or the back at least :P:::::

Narrator: A figure darkens the Talon doorway. People gasp. Children scream. Old ladies feint. Clark grins

Clark: Hey Lex!

Pete: Ugh, Clark, you know I can't stand that bald q-ball SOB. I'm out of here

Pete leaves.  Lex walks over

Lex: Clark, how've you been?

Clark: Never been better! Sure, I'm so completely in love with Lana I can't see anything else around me, and my Dad's farm is going bankrupt, but hey!

Lex: Well, if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here.

Clark: Nahh, I'm fine.

Lex: Seriously Clark. If something's bothering you….something that your hiding and no-one else knows it…you can ALWAYS come to me without fear.

Clark:: Lex, I'm fine. Happy happy happy!

Lex: Clark. We're friends right?

Clark: Yeah.

Lex: Good friend?

Clark: The best!

Lex: And you like me right?

Clark gives strange look, then realizes what's going on.

Clark: Ahhhhhh….I see what's happening

Lex: You do?

Clark: Yup!

Lex: Look Clark. I didn't mean to hurt our friendship at all, I had the best interests at heart.

Clark: I'm sure you did. And I want you to know, I'm flattered.

Lex: What the?

Clark: It's ok Lex, you don't have to hide anymore. You're secret's safe with me.

Lex: MY secret? Looks puzzled But what about you-

Clark: Look, as much as I like you, I don't think we'll ever get to that level of friendship.

Lex: Uhhh….what are you talking about?

Clark: Lex. I realize it now. And I'm totally ok with it. You live the life you want to! :::pats Lex on the back:::::

Lex: Clark. What do you mean?

Clark: Lex, :::leans in to whisper ::: I know you're gay.

Lex looks totally shocked

Lex: What! Me gay? I would never-well there was that one time – but that didn't count! And well maybe- no never! I could never-but no wait. Clark! I like you! But in a totally non sexual way!

Clark: Lex, you don't have to deny it. I'm ok with it.

Lex: Clark. Look. I *cannot* be gay. I banged Whitney's sister just last week! I mean uhhhh….totally anonymous female with whom I know has no relatives in Smallville.

Clark: Uhh….ok then ::::Gives Lex strange look, but it passes::::

Lex: Anyways Clark, I just came here to invite you to a dinner party I'm having tomorrow.

Clark: A dinner party?

Lex: Yes, in other words, a party in which you eat food. Really good food. Whitney, Lana, Chloe, Nell, my father, my sister whom you people have never heard of even though we're close….reeeeally close… and Pete are already coming. You in?

Clark: Pete's coming? But I thought he hated you?

Lex: Yeah, he does. Man, it must have killed him to see my family run his father's business into the ground.

Clark: If he hates you so much, why is he coming?

Lex: I dunno, I guess some higher force made him do it.

Both look at each other, then into tv/computer screen.

Clark: Well Lex, even though my father won't want me too, and will probably do everything to keep me from coming to your party, I'll come!

Lex: Great! My house at 6! Be there… :::::gives cute, little sultry look::::::

Lex leaves the Talon. Clark finished his coffee, and leaves as well, walking off into the sunset…

Narrator: So! WILL Clark's Dad prevent him from coming to the Luthor dinner party? Just why is Pete going, if not to be the comic relief? And will they serve pate? Find out next time on…Days of our metor wrecked  lives!!!

~*~*~*~

WELL. That was something! And this is a parody WITH A PLOT!!!!

SO ANYWAYS. Reviews are nice. And earn people cameos, especially if extra nice and with ideas/things your want to see in a Smallville parody of a

Soap opera.

AS WELL.

Note to all!!!!!

I am offering my services as a Beta Reader. If you want to see how I write when I actually put effort and thought into this, check out my fic Of Mice and Men. I may suck of thinking of titles, but it will make sense as the fic progresses. E-mail me at anjelic_alex@hotmail.com OR anjelic_alex@yahoo.com. Either is acceptable.  Thank you have a nice day!!!