A scream came from the back of the huge house. The sound bounced around the walls, dissipating slightly before reaching my ears. It would have still been audible to a human anyway, but because of my vampire hearing, it was like I was standing next to the creature in pain.
I still remembered the agony of my own transformation, all the more painful because I had already been dying, because I had had no morphine to help with the pain, and lastly, because it was far from what I had wanted – still didn't want.
This life … I hated it. Everyday there were deaths – some natural, some freak accidents, some planned. But none were mine. None of these endings were mine. Most people would think that I was insane for my longing to join those resting beneath the gravestones. What did it matter? I was already dead. But my funeral had been almost a century ago. I hadn't been able to attend it – to see my parents, friends one last time before leaving. I was too new to the life, too strong to be restrained. I had been transported away right after I'd transformed.
I wanted blood. I wanted to have it flowing through me. I hoped, foolishly, that maybe if I drank enough human blood, my dead heart could begin pumping again. I could be alive; I could live a natural life…Impossible. It had hurt Carlisle to put me through pain. I knew that I was being too selfish to acknowledge his attempts to save me, but I longed for death in another way…
Bella screamed again. I wondered why; was the morphine ineffective against the venom? I knew that Edward was probably watching her with agony, probably wanting to take the pain in some way. The fool…if he so cared about Bella, he wouldn't let her become what she was going to be! Not even if Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper and Emmett wanted her to change. Not even if it would mean another immortal member of our family, Emmett's new source of entertainment, Edward's bride forever, Alice's best friend and another daughter for Esme and Carlisle...because we would have to leave once again.
I was happy for Edward; I really was. It was usually buried in my head somewhere, under all the bitterness of my musings, my love and lust for Emmett, and my shallowness. I knew that Edward hated it when I thought myself. But it wasn't my fault. Fate dictated that my parents were who they were; Mother Nature decided that the good-looking genes would be mine. Then evil and good came along and mashed together a monster that naturally (or unnaturally) enhanced looks in the creation – a vampire.
An immortal, eerily beautiful, inhumanly strong, extraordinarily fast vampire…outliving every friend, every relative that I'd ever known.
Who would make that choice willingly? Bella doesn't seem to understand the consequences. Yes, she would be impossibly graceful, strong and beautiful. Yes, she would be by Edward's side for all eternity. Yes, she would always be with us. But we all knew her friendship with Jacob Black and the rest of the Quileute tribe. She would have to leave them behind forever. And Charlie, Renee and her human friends – she was willing to give them all up for a single person. Could she live with that? Could she live every day of forever knowing that if Edward left her, there would be no one else to comfort her? Every single day of forever…
I sighed. Emmett, hearing the sigh, plopped down onto the loveseat beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him and closed my eyes. Emmett said nothing; he had realized what my brooding was about this time. He let me be. Edward was the only one who understood – and Bella, because I had pleaded to her…
I was jealous of Isabella Swan. Not because Edward wanted her and not me initially – but because I knew that she had had a soul. I was jealous of the wholeness that she was throwing away – because that was all that I wanted.
A/N
I reread what I had on my computer and decided that I actually liked it, even though it's been years since I ever liked Twilight. So I'm updating this, or will try to when I have time.
As a side note, though, this will not be a historically accurate fic. It basically follows what we know of Rosalie already: Royce, the rape and Emmett. I don't know how people acted in the early 20th century (specifically - I know it was way more conservative, but I'm not sure how people would have asked to marry), so I'm kind of making it up. I could go and research it, but this is just for fun and I'm not interested enough to look it up. If anyone reading wants to tell me the particulars, go ahead, I'll try to use your suggestions in later chapters.
And that's about it...
Peace out, y'all.
S.H.