It'll be OK
elmoruthPotterfan6
Summery: "It became all too overwhelming. The thirst. The hiding. The lying. All of it." Bella is a vampire. When it becomes too much, she hides and hopes Edward will follow her. What happens if he doesn't…but a young werewolf named Jacob Black did?
A/N: Hello readers! I thank you for reading this! I plan for this to be a ONE SHOT, but I doubt it will be one in the end. (Like my THIS LULLABY one shot) But if I get a big amount of reviews I will continue it a bit…or not. XD I don't know what I'll do if I continue it so… yeah. I just got the summery in my head and I waited until night, as always when my ideas get written, and the rest is history. I just wanted Bella and Jacob to talk after Bella became a vampire. If they did this is what I think it'll be like.
PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU LIKED IT, OR EVEN IF YOU HATED IT WITH A PASSION!
ALSO: I NEED A BETA!!
Disclaimer: not mine!! All from the wonderful world of Stephenie Meyer! I'm just playing with her world. I try not to mess it up as much as I can! THE STORY THAT YOU ARE GOING TO READ IS MINE though! Happy reading!
It became all too overwhelming. The thirst. The hiding. The lying. All of it. I didn't think it'll be this hard. I mean, I knew but I didn't know it would be this hard. A few months ago, I never imagined how complex this new life would be. I didn't need a new birth certificate, passport, driver's license, or anything. I kept all documents I would need for the next few years.
I didn't need much in my new life. I didn't need a bed, but I had one. I didn't need a room, but I shared one with Edward. Many times I was found in that room, alone. The little weight pushing on me for the last few months was lifted the moment I became a vampire. I thought clearer. It was like, instead of all my thoughts crammed into one, one way road, then I gained a full five lane highway. I heard sharper. And I could smell sharper though it was tuned onto blood, which I didn't like. From the beginning I knew I wouldn't be eager on that part. The smell now hungers and sickens me.
My sensitive ears picked up a squirrel scurrying quickly pass me, probably sensing my danger like humans. I sighed and picked up a twig. I knew I could easily make it mulch but I twitted it between my fingers. I was hiding; not very good, but still hiding nonetheless. I thought Edward would find me within minutes but it has been a few hours since I left the Cullen house and went into the forest.
Was he regretting his decision on what he did? Did he not want me anymore? Why haven't he came? I didn't understand.
I didn't want to think about it. Even vampires get misguided.
I looked at my left hand third finger. The ring finger, as we were told as kids. Placed there was a ring (of course). I started to love that rock. It was hard and cold. Like Edward. Like me. It was a symbol of how much he loves me. There was another too... being what I am; me still being…well not alive…but here shows how much he doesn't want to kill me. It's easier for him now as well as hard. He doesn't have to worry about killing me because that's almost near impossible. But he loved the human Bella, not the vampire one no matter how much he tells me he still loves me.
But then if he still loves me…why hasn't he been here by now? Maybe…that's why I'm depressed. Maybe that's why I stay in our shared room, on the unneeded bed alone. Maybe that's why I'm here by my self in the woods, wishing on my love that hasn't had the balls to show up. He probably thinks he's giving me space. I don't need space. I need him. I need to talk to him. I need him to tell me it's alright even though I knew that already. I need to hear it once more. From him.
The wind blew my hair into my face. I smelt something. It intrigued me, but I didn't move. I was too emotionally drained from trying to sort myself out. Slow seconds went by before instinct told me what sent it was from. I didn't believe it. I was on our side…right? We were still cool after me being changed…right? If those questions were right…then why do I smell…dog? Why do I smell werewolf? I heard shuffling of feet a good mile away. It was the werewolf. But which one I wasn't sure of. I never really smelt a real werewolf. I kept my distance from them, ashamed that I turned my back after they helped me in my time of need. I waited to see if they were going to stop by, for old time's sake. I inwardly dry laughed.
Then I smelt it stronger then ever and I didn't scrunch up my nose or flinch. I didn't look up from the leafy ground.
"Hey," I heard a male voice greet. It sounded unsure and a little shy. I looked up. Maybe I gasped. Maybe I didn't. But I knew for sure my jaw was hanging from my face.
"Jacob?" I could have laughed. I wanted a knight in shining armor to save me a few moments ago, and I got one- an old knight in shining armor, a different one.
"Yeah," he smiled his half smile. Now I could cry...if vampires could cry. It was his smile. Not a mixture of his and Sam's. But the smile he had before all the confusion and when he was my true knight.
"I-I didn't expect to see you."
He laughed, and I could have too.
"Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't think you would."
"It's just that…what are you doing here?" Shocked as I was, I was happy he was here.
He sighed and looked around, "I was just running when I… um… you know, smelt you. You are right on the line, you see? I can't go any further then I can now. For two reasons."
He didn't need to explain it. I knew anyway. One: the treaty. Two: the smell. I nodded. I didn't want him to go. He brought my sun with him.
"So how are you?" I asked shyly. He wasn't doing too well last time I talked to him.
He sighed and smiled, "I imprinted."
"Oh, Jake, that's great!" I feel like my old self.
He looked at the ground. "Yeah. Morgan's great! She's…everything. It's…just that…I still love you. Morgan is my world; she holds the gravity but its deep down where you're still there. It is confusing sometimes." He almost whispered at the end. It was like he was talking to himself. He looked back at me. He reminded me of the younger Jacob Black I knew. The Jacob that was a few inches taller then me, not several heads. I smiled back at him. "I'm getting better at my anger. When-when I don't think about…about what you did, I don't shake with anger. And when the guys joke about it, I don't get as angry as I used to."
"That's…good Jake. Good for you." He was doing something. And what was I doing? Hiding from everything.
"What have you been doing lately?" he stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned against a tree. "I don't see…Edward around." He almost shuttered when he said Edward's name.
"I came here by myself. I…I don't know where he's at, actually." My voice was a little hollow.
"Oh," he didn't want to press the matter more then he had.
"It's…alright. I just came…to think."
He nodded, looking back to the ground.
"Jake?" And he looked up. "You know I still love you, right?" He nodded, sadly. "It's that…I don't know if I moved on or not. Sometimes I think about you. Sometimes I think of what would have happened if I didn't become…what I am." I hated saying 'vampire' as much as he hated to say 'Edward'. "Sometimes…I wish I didn't change. Do you think that's silly?"
"Silly of you to become them? Or silly for you to want to be normal again?" he asked, a little ferocity behind it.
It hit me hard. It hit me because I was one of them now.
"A little of both it guess," I said in a little voice. I couldn't be normal and be one of them.
"You can't be both, Bella. You made your choice long time ago. You should have given me a chance and waited like I said."
"And what? Be left aside when you imprinted? Do you think I could handle it? Being second?"
Jacob scoffed, "That what I was for you."
"Jake, I didn't mean for it to. I wish I knew I loved you before I went to Italy."
It was quiet, even the animals were silent. Then he asked, "Would you still have saved him?"
"Honestly? Yes."
"Would you have still come back to me after?"
It took me longer to answer. "Honestly… I don't know."
"But that's the problem. You couldn't and can't have us both!"
"I know."
He sighed, "I don't know if you do. Really do, anyway."
"That's cold, Jacob Black."
He smiled, crudely, "Then I'm like you then. Cold that is."
I stayed silent, not knowing how to add to that. So, we said nothing, not looking at one another. I had to break the silence this time.
"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry? I'm sorry for hiding from you? From everyone? I'm sorry for causing you any harm? I'm sorry for not waiting longer? I'm sorry for not going to college before doing this? I'm sorry for dragging you into this? I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you sooner? I'm sorry I figured that out at a bad time? I'm sorry I loved you at all? I'm sorry I chose Edward instead of you? I'm sorry I stopped my heart? I'm sorry I still think about you? I'm sorry I still want to talk to you? I'm sorry I'm not there? I'm sorry I'm sorry at all? What? Tell me! Am I getting close?"
He was quiet, mulling it over. I had enough. I stood up and brushed my jeans. I didn't want to leave and he didn't want to or want me to leave.
"I-I…don't leave! Please?" he called, right hand outstretched as if he could grab me from ten feet away.
"Why? Why should I stay?"
"Because. I miss you."
My voice softened, "I know. I miss you too."
"Can you tell me something? Honestly?"
I sighed and smiled, "Of course, Jake."
Jacob looked in my eyes with all seriousness. "Are you happy?"
I thought. Was I happy? I wasn't sure if I was truly happy. It was a simple question with a 'yes' or 'no' answer. But it was hard. I was and wasn't. It wasn't fair. Of all questions, why did he ask me that? I was…I had a guy that loved me. I could live for eternity. I could do almost anything and dazzle myself out of it. I could turn every head. I wasn't…I couldn't have kids. I couldn't grow old. I couldn't have a 21st birthday. I would never be a human again. I would never hug Jacob again. I could never be more then anything for him. I would never be OK with my decision.
"Am I happy?" I repeated. "I am and not. I've always wanted a family. I can never have it now. The little family I envisioned having with you…I can't have that. And I really want it. But…then again I can live eternity with someone who loves me. I don't need to worry about death in my old age because I won't die nor get old. That's good…I guess." My feebly smiled. "What about you?"
He didn't take as long as I did. He knew this answer for a long time.
"I'm undecided. I'm happy and sad, like you. I have sort of moved on. I have Morgan to have a life with and I want to. I would like to have little…pups running around the house, though I wish that they won't share the same burden as the rest of us do. I'm sad because I don't see you. A part of me still loves you. I can't let you go no matter how hard I try. I've imprinted on Morgan and we…we love each other. It's just that…I miss you so much. I wish I can see you more then I have."
I punched the nearest tree and left an indent in it. Jacob laughed. I didn't see the humor.
"So this is how it is?" I growled, defeated. He nodded and I fell to the earthly ground on my butt.
He let me have a fit like a child. I didn't hurt him or any more trees. I just growled a lot into my curled up legs. I hated how my anger was easily lifted onto the surface. It was easy for me to be angry a lot more. I wasn't normally an angry person. It didn't take long for my anger to burn itself out. I just sat there after it died, feeling a little foolish.
"I have to go. This is how it is now. Maybe I'll find a way to talk to you more…maybe just on the phone or something. I don't want you to do anything drastic like what… Edward did when you jumped of the cliff. I still love you, Bells. He does too. Please be happy. Forget about me…"
"I can't. You know that. I can't forget about you."
"Yeah, yeah, I can't either. Just…try to think about me less. It'll be OK."
'It'll be OK….' The words I wanted to hear all along. It didn't bother me that it was from Jacob and not Edward. Maybe all along I wanted to hear it from him. I did. It wasn't a maybe, I did. I smiled. And nodded.
"It'll be OK," I repeated. He smiled my smile and ran into the forest and I lost him forever.
I smiled. "I still love you Jacob Black. I'm trying…really, really hard." I told the trees. I looked back at the innocent tree I put a hole in. I touched it tenderly.
My senses began on haywire. Edward.
'Oh now he shows up!' I thought.
"Hey," I told him before he came into my line of sight.
"Hi…did Jacob Black stop by?"
"…Why?"
"Because I asked him to talk to you…"
END!
A/N: PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! TELL ME IF YOU LIKED IT! OR HATED IT! OR WISHED I WOULD TAKE IT OFF! (tho I may not) PLEASE REVIEW!! Thank you! :)
P.S: Did you like the ending? I didn't know where to end. I have a bad sense on where to end. And R&R! the little button on the bottom!!