For the Honor
This is you. You're BlackRose. You're a legend; you're the one they'll tell all the stories about, you…horrible, horrible excuse for a teenage girl, you. Horrible.
You've got Squilla Demon guts on your torso. Which, by the way, is bare, or very nearly bare. It's an ode to your femininity, or lack of thereof. The tattoos are rather offsetting, come to think of it. Any chance of getting those removed? The girlier, the better. God knows you need all the help you can get.
Let's all speak in unison, shall we? "Oh, but of course, Kite, we'd jump into Gott Statue pits if you told us to. Fix your hair, perhaps? Orange isn't really your color…"
Well, it's not like he doesn't deserve it. You'd shine his shoes any day, you sick freak.
And on second thought, that could sound very wrong, so let's drop that.
How would Terajima Ryoko act? Well, first, she'd probably scream her little blonde head off and wring her hands a bit, maybe shield her head with her forearms. Yes. Think like a princess. A princess with a big axe. Makes you wonder if she chose that character class for the mini-wings and the halo rather than that big hulking piece of crap. No, stop. Think…think…they're looking at you funny…
You're not supposed to be here. You'd rather be outside, frolicking in the sun, exercising, playing tennis, flexing your goddamn muscles. Wouldn't you?
And what are you doing? Calmly brush off the green crap; it'll vanish in a second if all goes well. If it doesn't vanish, it's Kite's fault. Yes. That's a good train of thought.
No! What happened to the "think like a princess" idea? Ah, crap. Well, it's too late now. You're walking ahead of them again and you'd better be damn ready to take on the world, because it's flying at you kind of like that tennis ball two weeks ago. You've still got the bruise. It's kind of circular. Like…like a black and yellow Chaos Gate or something.
…Now that's pathetic.
You've been skipping out on tennis practice. Which you're not supposed to do. But at least those bitchy seniors are happy. You live to make people happy. The bitchy seniors don't have to piss and whine about how much better you are than them to your face.
Swing your sword again. Imagine the monster's wearing a face. Ah, that's a stress killer…pretend you've broken another racquet over another person's head. And yes, you've done that before. Super PMS Girl, to the rescue!
It's all Kite's fault. Yes. It's really easy to think that. Too easy. So easy that you consider it, and certainly not out of the goodness of your heart.
And besides, it's socially unacceptable to like a guy who is in fact two years younger than you. No! Damn it! Focus! Kill things! It's strictly, strictly hormonal. Just latch onto the leg of any guy with a Twilight Bracelet, because everyone knows that makes so much sense. Everyone knows guys with Twilight Bracelets are automatically twice as hot as Balmung of the Azure Sky or any Descendant of Fianna, for that matter.
Hot damn, you finally memorized Balmung's title. Go you. Tell him later so he can insult you for not learning it sooner. What an asshole. Tell him that, too.
But not now. For now, focus on vengeance. Yes. Kazu. He doesn't deserve this, and you're going to save his life! Let's have a party! And let's invite that Data Bug that most inevitably lies at the very last room in the very last floor of this Godforsaken dungeon! Nothing like playing Sherlock Holmes just to put yourself under the pretense that you're actually useful to anyone.
Keep thinking that there are more useless people than you out there. That's an order.
Don't want Kazu thinking that you didn't make an effort to save him.
Don't want mom thinking that, either.
Okay. Smile. It's not that hard. They're looking at you like you've got three heads or something. "What's up?" Ah, the perky "nothing's-wrong-with-me" tone. Good choice, loser. Greet the idiots. Greet Kite. Greet Sanjuro. You know, Sanjuro's a nice guy. You'd be better off liking him, not Kite.
But he's older. Like, a lot. Is that socially unacceptable, too?
"Are you okay?" God, you wish he'd stop looking at you like that. He looks all sad, like his kitten died or something.
Blink in disbelief. "Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay?" Smile, show some teeth. Desperately but silently hope he gets the hell off your case. If you start talking now, everything will just bubble up and over and you'd say a lot of things you'd actually mean.
Which you don't do often. So. Pathetic.
"You, um…"
Killed something more violently than usual? So what? Raise the eyebrow. Look a little confused. Just a little. You're not stupid.
Kite looks at Sanjuro for help. What a pansy. He smiles grimly and shake his head, saying he's gonna check out the next room. Throttle him, please. He thinks some amazing, majestic, gargantuan, world-changing event is going to take place in his absence. Well, guess what? It's not, so try to tell him without saying a word. You fail, and he's off. Stupid pirate-samurai old fart.
This'll be easy. Intimidate him enough to end the conversation, and then stride calmly through the doorway.
Lingering pause. The glare isn't working.
Maybe if you tilt a little to the side…
No. No, he isn't backing down. He inhales…probably issuing a death sentence. It'd do you good to cut off his head now and run, BlackRose.
"Just that…you haven't found anything on anyone or anywhere lately…I…"
You should've killed him when you had a chance. Mr. Clams-Up. Sounds like a dope in a costume, the star of a children's show. Maybe he teaches people how to count or something…no, that's not quite right. Vocabulary. Yes, Kite would teach children new words. Like—like catharsis. Catharsis was a good word. Catharsis, noun. A release of emotional tension as after an overwhelming experience that…
Damn it! No third grade vocabulary for you!
Strange how you still remember that, though.
"Yeah. Checked the BBS. All is well in the world. The World," you correct yourself, "is at peace. Let us all now join hands and spontaneously burst into song—"
"That's not what I meant…"
Smile. Kite's so delightfully naïve. "I know."
He's peering at you now, curiously, like he thinks you could blurt out the mysteries of the universe any second now. The meaning of life is 42, sleazebag. Was that directed at you or him?
"You haven't logged out for two days."
"That so?"
"Two days. 48 hours. You know."
"I know." Wow, he's doing sarcasm now? Why weren't you informed? When did this happen? Your world is now crashing down around your ears. Keep smiling, though you don't have much to cover up now. Now you're just smiling so he doesn't think you're a nervous wreck.
"Have you slept?"
"Not tired."
"Eaten?"
"I've contemplated devouring the neighbors."
That doesn't answer his question. Keep stalling. Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe Grunties can fly.
But he sees right through your sad excuse for an answer. God, do you suck that much? "BlackRose…"
"Yes?" you respond sweetly. Now you're just pushing his buttons.
"You're not okay."
"I'm not okay."
Spin around on your heel—wow, you could be a ballerina with those moves—and follow Sanjuro out, and maybe laugh in his face without actually laughing. Leave him standing there, dumbfounded and kind of hurt…
That's the clincher. Kind of hurt. No! Traitorous heart, thou shalt not break! And here comes the guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Let it wash over you. It's like that one time when Nuke thought it'd be funny to cast Cygnus in a very small, enclosed space… Yes. Cold. Not really that wet this time around. But cold. So, so cold… Alright, think, nimrod. So, on one hand, you have your pride and reputation, and on the other, you have a concerned, caring, sensitive, teddy bear. With level 99 daggers and a big, floppy orange hat. Don't make the wrong choice.
Sigh through your teeth and keep walking. Your vision blurs, but that's probably because you haven't slept in…forever, and the goggles are chewing at your formerly 20/20 vision. Keep walking; don't look back, he'll catch up eventually. No time for such petty emotions. It's not just for Kazu anymore, not just to maintain your focus on the mission; it's for the honor.