Once long ago there was a tiny planet out in the vastness of space, home to a small ape like descended species called humans. The planet was called Earth by the humans, for this that and the other reason.
Ultimately though the name of the planet really doesn't matter much. Why you ask?
Well to put it bluntly. At the other end of the very vastness of space was a world called Asgard. Home to a race of beings similar to humans, but descended by wolfish monkey like creatures, dutifully called Asgardians.
This fact about the Asgardians leads the rest of us to another. Which is that due to their genetic heritage "pack mentality will often prevail" hence the name of the Asgardians being the same as the name they chose for their planet.
It is important we understand the Asgardians alongside the humans, because the story, of which we are reading, starts on Asgard.
To go into better detail our story starts specifically in a gaudy golden throne room.
A very large, spacious, giant golden throne room, that would make many of the greedier human beings of the planet earth, wet themselves in a sign of excitement.
Not to mention the effect it would have on the Pirates of Sherabunana, however will discuss more on them later.
At the moment we enter an important discussion between the Leader of Asgard, Odin & his son Thor, within the golden throne room. Where Odin sits upon his great, golden chair, & listens as Thor tells his father of the recent events that took place on the planet Earth. A retelling that unfortunately makes Odin want to toss his own head into the nearest black hole available.
"So you see father. Clearly something must be done! Loki must be dwelt with," said Thor his voice thick with mixed feelings.
"Indeed. I must think long and hard on all that has happened. Are you quite sure that the Midgardians (Asgard term for earthlings) will not be engaging in any hostile activity in retaliation?" asked Odin thinking himself to sound very important.
"As I have said before Father. The earthlings were merely alarmed. They wish us no ill will in fact I have been asked by Lord Stark to join him in a drinking festival." Replied Thor smugly.
"Ah. Well then," huffed Odin, as he rose out of his favorite golden chair, shifting his weight so that no one could hear his limbs crack ever so slightly from the constant pressure of being stuck in the same position for too long.
"I shall go at once to address your brother."
"I leave it to your wisdom," said Thor as he watched his father Odin leave the Throne Room; he reviewed the things that had transpired on Midgard as best as his mind could. His thought pattern if put into sentences looked something like this:
My brother lives.
Mead!
My brother has gone mad.
Earth is a pleasant place, but very green.
I wonder how my woman Jane is? Should I call upon her later?
A metal man is attacking me?
My hammer needs to be polished.
Why is Loki so upset?
More Mead!
My brother has gone very mad.
Earthlings are strange.
I need a cup of mead.
Stupid Loki.
Ironically enough, the last thought number 13, was very similar to another's being's first thought, residing even more so incredibly on the same planet.
Deep in the cells of Asgard Loki was extremely pissed off. Never had he imagined himself to have been so utterly, inexorably stupid! He'd made a mockery of things this time, and what's worse is he hadn't planned on making a mockery; therefore he couldn't enjoy the sweet chaos it usually brought him, when the unexpected occurred. No, this time he'd gone and messed everything up. How stupid?! If he had to compare it to how stupid it was, he suggest it was the equivalent of a child deciding to sled off a cliff. Sure the ride was fun, but the landing? Well. That's what hospitals were for.
As Loki continued his internal rant of self-hatred, he paced his little cell. Back & forth, back & forth, noting every now & then that the strange pile of things in the decrepit corner was the cell's last resident. Also the paint was peeling over the walls, not to mention that if they're had been heating obviously it was no longer running. Leading him to conclude that the cell was much like many cells very uncomfortable.
"How could this have happen?," he spoke aloud voicing his thoughts on his current state. He hadn't bathed in a total of three days, four including the trip he took in space. His lack of hygiene care was starting to bother him on top of it all. "There's no way I'm getting out of Asgard alive entirely intact, not without being stripped or maimed by Odin. Once Thor tells him of my attempt to take over Midgard. That's it," he spoke sullenly.
Already he could imagine all the horrible punishments Odin would inflict upon him, an unwanted, questionably loved, kidnapped, trouble making, Jotunn monstrosity, of a step-son. He felt himself panic slightly. Only allowing a small tremor of the shoulders to give away his level of trepidation. "No," he said simply, "it just won't due. I have to escape."
Little did Loki know that at the exact moment he had this thought, Odin had gotten detained on his way down to punish Loki by a weeping Freya.
Normally, Freya was what many considered at one point on the planet Midgard or (1200s Earth-time to be more precise) a peaceful, caring Goddess, often forgetting that she rode on chariots with a helm of her own. On the planet Asgard, though Freya was seen as being the calm, gentle, quiet ruler, Odin had been privy to a simple truth. An angry Odin is one thing, an upset Freya quite another.
Thus when met by his hysterical wife, in the corridor on his way to the dungeons, for the first time since a seven year old Thor had gotten in trouble for breaking his Mother's beloved ( )Odin felt himself grow cold with fear.
"Odin! What in the entire universe is going on with my son! Why is Loki in chains? Where did Thor go the other day!? You will explain!" Freya snapped, one hand flying in the air in dramatic gestures. The other placed firmly upon her hip in that age, old universal description, "I mean business bucko! Or heads will fly!"
And fly they would, if Odin didn't answer her question.
"Well you see wife, it appears that our son Loki," Odin began
"Loki! Blessed be! He's alive! My precious mischief sweet!" interrupted Freya, hands clasping together in joy!
It must be said that despite, Loki's assumptions, he had been fully missed by his stepmother Freya. She like countless other good step-mothers before her had wept for at least a day or more after his supposed fall to death off of the rainbow bridge. And despite his attempts to murder his father in his bed, take over Asgard, nearly back hand his brother to death, and above all skip over her annual bring a son to tea time party, she had truly missed him.
Besides in Freya's mind it was all just signs of their sons pre-bus cent immortally speaking way of showing he was still growing.
"Yes wife. Loki did survive," began Odin a second time,
" Wait dear husband? Why has our son not returned home to us if he was alive?" cried Freya suddenly realizing that if Loki had been alive. There had been no reason for him to miss her teatime with a son party.
"Wife it would seem Loki still does not accept that we cared for him despite his ….adoption, into our," Odin tried to explain only to have Freya interrupt yet again.
"What! I knew it! I knew it! What good is that rotten all-seeing eye of yours if you can't even see that you're doing a poor job explaining to our son his history!" shrieked Freya in aggravation. She had spent a great deal on that tea for the party, it had been from the remains of a crystal that once shredded down into a powder tasted like a fine peppermint with a dash of silver. It had cost a bloody fortune!
"Yes. Well, despite my attempts our son it seemed not only vanished, but made a few unpleasant friends," replied Odin carefully, watching his wife's fists clenching tightly at her side. Her face turning a rather unflattering shade of red, it didn't take his magical eye to see she was growing upset & fast.
In attempt to placate her, he began telling his wife, of their stepsons' attempts in taking over earth. Starting with Loki's ever so wonderful deal with (what Freya called in short the devil) to the moment where Thor had gone down & picked a fight with a native of Midgard, ending with Loki's received thrashing from a gigantic, green, (brutish, Freya added) native of earth, to the finale moments when Thor had brought his brother's arse home to Asgard.
By the time Odin was done telling Freya every little detail of what is now known as the popular blockbuster hit, in a parallel universe, called the Avengers. She was ready to take the entire pot of tea and dump it on her two sons along with her husband's heads! Luckily for them, it just so happened that last Asgardian week she & her friends from the LAU, (Ladies of Asgard United) had drank all said tea.