"I'm tired, Kaz."
"Yeah, Inej, you should go back to bed. You aren't supposed to be up and walking around yet," Jesper interceded, worried. He had been quite the mother hen since Inej had been rescued.
The look that Inej gave him shut him up immediately.
Turning back to Kaz, she continued, "I'm so tired of this… this game, this dance that we have going on. I've secured passage on a ship. I'm leaving to go back to Ravka tonight." Nina gasped and Wylan covered his mouth in shock. "There are so many things I want from you, but I know them all to be impossible. And despite everything, you've never asked the impossible from me. So I won't ask you for the truth. No matter how much I want to know I won't ask you about yourself, about your past. But I will ask this of you, Kaz Brekker. I will stay here, in Ketterdam, if you tell me that you want me to stay."
The others in the room all shifted uncomfortably. They knew they shouldn't be here, witnessing this scene, but they couldn't bear to leave and break the trance that held onto the main occupants of the room. Jesper bit his tongue to keep from crying out. Inej had told him that she was considering leaving, but he hadn't thought she would actually go through with it, and not this soon.
"We need you to stay," Kaz said slowly.
"For the plan." It wasn't a question.
Kaz nodded. "Yes. No one else can make the climb that I have in mind."
Inej bit her lip. "And you say 'we'. You've included yourself in that surely, but what do you want Kaz?"
"We need you to stay," he repeated.
Inej looked away, bitter disappointment clear in her features. "That's not the same thing Kaz,." she whispered. After a beat, she turned away and padded silently out of the room. No one moved.
Once the door had fallen shut behind her, Jesper exploded. "What the EVERLOVING FUCK is WRONG with you?" He rounded on Kaz, getting dangerously close. "Do you not have eyes, Kaz? Do you not see that that girl loves you? That she would do anything for you? Hell, she has done just about everything for you! She's stolen for you, she's spied for you, she's killed for you. She's saved your sorry ass more times than you've ever deserved!" He slammed Kaz against the wall, realizing his mistake as the black cane clattered to the floor, but refusing to back down. He gritted his teeth, expecting the worst. But Kaz just fixed him with a frigid glare.
"She's made it clear that she has always intended to leave Ketterdam and return to Ravka." He said, Jesper's hands pinning him to the wall.
"Sure, Kaz, sure. She's always talked about leaving this shit hole, but who hasn't?" He gestured wildly around the room with one hand. "That girl followed you into literal hell and back, and came out of it four million kruge richer. She could have bought a solid gold chariot with the king's own stallions to pull her back to Ravka, and yet she's still here," he hissed. "She could have left months ago, and yet she stayed."
Kaz took advantage of Jesper's distraction and suddenly lunged forward, grabbing the tall boy's face and slamming it down against the desk. "And look where that got her," Kaz shot back. "She's still here, in this shit hole that we all call home, and almost got herself killed once again."
Jesper shook Kaz off and took a step back, anger mingled with panic flaring in his eyes. "You do realize that she wouldn't be in this predicament if it weren't for you. She wouldn't have almost died if it weren't for you."
"Yes, Jesper. And you know what else I realize?" His voice went dangerously low. "I realize that if it wasn't for me, Inej would have been dead long ago. And if she wasn't dead, she would still be working in the Menagerie, where she might as well be. She doesn't belong here, she's not like us. She doesn't-" he stopped abruptly. "She doesn't deserve this."
"That's the smartest thing you've said all night," Jesper growled as he turned and stalked out of the room. Wylan hurried after him, desperate to be as far away from Kaz and his wrath as possible. Nina and Matthias exchanged worried glances. She nodded, and he followed Wylan out the door without a word.
"You might as well leave too," Kaz growled from where he was still frozen in place.
Nina picked up the cane that he had dropped in the scuffle with Jesper. She examined the silver crow's head and then handed it to him, silently. Kaz took it from her just as silently. Nina sighed. "I can help you."
"No."
"Kaz, you can't hurt me." She raised her hands for emphasis. "I can help you slow down and work through your emotions. You're not doing anyone any favors like this."
"I said no," Kaz replied, still locked in place.
"You know, I get it. Sometimes it's necessary to play the part of Dirtyhands, of the monster under the bed. But sometimes, sometimes it's necessary to be human too," Nina murmured. Then she turned and left, leaving Kaz alone.
Kaz Brekker was always alone.
AN: Hi hello I'm new to this fandom and haven't read Crooked Kingdom yet but I just have a lot of feelings about these character? This takes place sometime after the events of Six of Crows. So uh... enjoy? Also I've got the same name on Tumblr, please feel free to come and scream about this book with me!