Could it be? Could it possible be true?
I'm staring down into my dragon's eyes and he knows and sees me too. I barely have time to smile at him before our unstable surroundings force us to flee.
Flee. We can actually flee! The crystal that had trapped us was gone and others were fleeing as well. On my dragon's back I lean forward in my saddle, spurring him towards the exit of this awful place.
As we burst through the exit I realize: we are free from the Shadow Track. We are actually free from the Shadow Track!
I catch a glimpse of a young man clad in blue, gold and a bit of red before I zip past him in my great desire to put distance between me and that horrible track where I couldn't escape my fears.
The wind is whipping past me and I have never enjoyed it more so than I do now, and I'm sure my dragon felt the same. The Shadow Track is behind us, and so are our fears that had kept us trapped there. My dragon is practically flying homeward and I can tell, feel, that he is as happy as I am.
We're finally free and homeward bound!
My heart is full to bursting with joy as I realize that I can really see them again! Mother, father, my comrades! My face hurts from smiling so much. Racing around the last corner my dragon skids to a stop... and I feel his despair mingle with my own as my insides curl in horror.
Home is not there. Instead only ruins, bleak and dismal, stand where home should have been.
We stare at it disbelievingly, desperately hoping it's all a mirage and that when we blink home will be there once again. When home does not appear we split up and search the area, each of us searching for our own individual families and comrades.
He searched the surrounding hills and I searched the ruins. I stumbled through the ruins, seeing in my mind's eye where things should have been, and seeing with my eyes how things actually are. There are no bright rooftops, no solid walls, no paths, only crumbled walls, the odd shingle choked by dead weeds and the paths are long gone. I walk slowly to where my home should have been. I close my eyes and look. Home is there! I smile with tears in my eyes as I realize I can see my mother's outline behind a curtain. I can hear her calling me in for supper, but I made the mistake of blinking and the image disappeared. My heart plummeted to my feet, crushed. There is no house, no curtains concealing my mother. There aren't even any remains of the house, just an empty space where, once, my whole world was stationed. I heard my dragon's anguished roar in the distance before I just blanked out.
How long I stood there, staring at the empty space where I had seen my mother's outline, I do not know. I knew a deep choking sensation and a deep sense of loss in my body. I wanted to scream but knew that if I started I would never stop. I think the only reason I didn't fall apart then and there was because my dragon had wrapped me in its tail and had pulled me close.
I think I cried because I remember my face was wet. I can't recall if it was from my tears or from my dragon's saliva as he licked my face. Maybe it was from both, I don't know.
My dragon moved me from that spot and set me down just out of what should have been our village's boundaries, and that is where I came to my senses, though I wish I hadn't. He had settled next to me, pulling me close. He was warm and I felt him vibrate as he crooned to me. He must have been hurting too, but he put his own despair aside to help me with mine. I've always known I could count on him and I've never felt more grateful that we met than I did right then.
My dragon turned his head to face me. I stared into his eyes without really seeing him. I was lost somewhere in a time long before.
"Whoa, check that out. The hag was actually telling the truth." One of my male comrades spoke, pointing to the rock wall before us. Above us the moons of Drakkus and Abandonn were aligned and the entrance to the infamous Shadow Track had appeared where nothing had been before the shadow of the Eye of the Needle had touched the wall. "She was actually telling the truth." He had cast a smirk in my direction, which I returned with a glare.
"Remember, no one goes in." I ordered, glancing from my comrades on my right to my comrades on my left.
"What, scared?" I glared at the speaker, an old friend of mine. She smirked at me in the same infuriating way her twin had. "Do you want to run home to your mommy, little leader? I didn't think her apron strings stretched this far out."
"Shut up," I muttered, glaring at the Shadow Track entrance. Just a few more minutes and it would be gone and we could leave.
"Scaredy hatchling!" She and her twin cackled, their laughs mixed with the snickers of my other comrades.
"Silence." I hissed, annoyed. "I've lead you all in and out of battle countless times. How dare you question my bravery?"
"Then show us, oh fearless one," the twins spoke as one, bowing me towards the track entrance. I glared at the smirking, leering faces around me and snarled, "All right! I'll show you all!"
I lunged forward with my dragon, the surprised cries of my comrades ringing in my ears. I raced forward, ignoring the cries from my friends.
"We were joking! Wait, no, come back! Stop!"
I entered the Shadow Track, burning with rage and blinded by it. Would I never escape my mother's shadow? Would they never stop teasing me because my mother wouldn't let me out of her sight until I was well past my twenty-first year? Would they never stop calling me fearless leader? Of course I had fears! The fearless were crazy. I wasn't crazy.
But I had been at that moment. Crazy. No, not crazy...
Just stupid.
I came to my senses but it was too late. I had entered the Shadow Track, and I was trapped, for the door disappeared behind me as the shadow of the Eye of the Needle retreated as the two moons came out of alignment.
I asked my dragon to forgive me as the cave came to life, its energy creeping out towards us. I had seen the fate of the others still in there, trapped in some sort of crystal. No doubt that was our shared fate because of my rashness, my mistake. I leaned forward to shield my dragon's head as my last act.
I awoke at home but soon came to realize that I was in a nightmare. I couldn't conquer my fears. I spent countless ages locked in the Shadow Track, consumed by my fears. I admit it: I was a coward. I couldn't face my fears, but locked in the Shadow Track, I couldn't escape them either.
But then after several eternities of being tormented by our fears, the crystal had retreated and we were free. We were all free.
However, coming to where home should have been, I realize that my nightmare will go on. I realize my fears have become my reality. I've been freed from the Shadow Track. But for what? Everyone I knew and loved is gone...
My fears had all rooted from the same souce. My greatest fear was that I'd lose those whom I loved, that I would lose those I held precious. In the Shadow Track I had been submitted to my losses as I had imagined them, over and over again. I had lost my loved ones in the Shadow Track repeatedly.
And now, waking up and coming out of the Shadow Track, hoping that they'd all be waiting for me at home, I find they're all gone anyway. I don't know how, exactly, just that they're gone.
Gone.
They're all gone, and I sense that this time they're gone forever.
I might be free from the Shadow Track but I might as well still be in there. If I was still in the Shadow Track I'd still see them. I'd lose them, but I'd see them. They would speak to me, laugh with me, touch me. They might be taken from me over and over but I'd still have them.
I'm such a coward.
Before entering the Shadow Track I had done all I could to prevent my fears from becoming reality. I had been alive and they whom I had loved had been alive. After entering the Shadow Track I did all I could to protect them in my never-ending nightmares but I lost them anyway. Escaping the Shadow Track I find I'd rather spend the rest of time in there if it only meant I could see my loved ones again.
My name is Merri. I lived in times of war, and I loved in times of war.
It's my love that traps me now. My love is holding me here to this place I had called home, where those who I loved had lived.
They whom I loved are gone, and it is the pain from my loss of them that traps me in my mind, robbing me of my senses.
The memories of those whom I loved play over and over in my head, stealing my will to live in reality. The memories of those I loved trap me within my mind.
I might be free from the Shadow Track but my fears still have their grip on me.