Don't mind me, I'm just killing Al's hopes and dreams and making him vain and indifferent to his own ambitions and capable of imagining girly romance scenes and stupid fantasy novel subplots...
Chapter One
Alphonse
What if I get my body back?
What if all the girls are instantly hypnotized by my amazing good looks, charming smile and formidable fighting abilities?
What if they swarm at my feet, fighting each other and begging me for love, sex and autographs?
What if I have to turn them all down, thus ruining their already angst-ridden lives?
What if they rebel against me for breaking their hearts and shattering their dreams?
What if I'm forced to dress as my brother (No one would chase a shrimp) and take the midnight train to a secluded beach to spend the rest of my days like a hobo in a hut?
What if, as I walk down the beach under the light of the full moon, I come across a young girl named Madeline?
What if Madeline saves me from my chronic fear of fangirls and, after three young years of living on the seashore, convinces me to return to Resembool?
What if all my friends and family (a worryingly small handful of people) greet me with open arms and teary eyes, saying 'I miss you' and 'who's that girl?'
What if Madeline and I get married in the light of the sunset with birds singing their evening songs in the distance as we kiss and the attendants cry into scented tissues at the sheer emotion captured in the moment?
What if Madeline and I live happily together in a comfortably sized house for a year before making the decision to have children?
What if we don't?
What if, instead of playing it safe, we have wild, crazy sex every night until the babies start shooting out like bullets from Hawkeye's gun?
Never mind, that plan wouldn't work.
What if Madeline and I start growing apart?
What if we start to fight over stupid things?
What if, after seven years of happy marriage, I find out that Madeline has been having a continuous affair with Ed?
What if I kill him as a result of pure, unadulterated rage?
What if I'm sent to court and found guilty?
What if I have to go to a mental institution for the rest of my suddenly meaningless life?
What if I wake up one morning to find a mysterious package on my cushioned floor?
What if it contains a note that reads 'tap the third panel from the left seven times and meet me at the Central city train station no later than noon tomorrow' and enough money for a train ticket?
What if I follow the instructions, escape the insane asylum and make it to the station sixteen minutes early?
What if I find a tall man wearing all black waiting there with a single silver coin?
What if he tells me to purchase my ticket and stay on the train until it stops moving completely?
What if I ride the train for eight days before finally stepping off of it onto freshly planted green grass?
What if, in the distance, I see Madeline tied up behind a wall of thin glass?
What if the only way to set her free is to give up my silver coin?
What if the glass shatters on contact and the ropes unwind themselves?
What if Madeline leaps into my arms and-
Oh, forget it. I'll just buy myself a cat and call it a day.
Well, what do you think he thinks about all night?