"A run to the store"
The platinum haired young woman hollered down from her bedroom to the living room downstairs. "Hey Hon, can you run to the store for me?"
The dark haired and eyes man that lay on the couch, channel surfing replied in the same tone; "I'm busy. You got legs, why can't you go?"
"'Cause I'm goddamn pregnant and don't want to get off my fat ass!" His wife yelled back.
"Being pregnant doesn't make you disabled." He yelled.
"Ares this is your fault remember. The list is on the kitchen table." She yelled knowing she'd win the argument.
Ares sighed, mumbling curses as he walked across their small house into the kitchen. "Babe, you know I hate shopping, I haven't been in so long."
"You really want me to drag my ass out of bed and trip down the stairs and have a miscarriage, all because you don't like shopping in the 21st centaury?!"
"I'm going Lyza, cut the drama."
"Love you hon." Lyza replied in a sweet tone. "Don't forget to change!"
"OH crap, I forgot." Ares straitened and materialized casual black clothes to blend in, his god of war outfit might attract some attention.
"Bring your cell phone in case you have any questions." Lyza hollered one last time before she heard the front door slam. Ares threw on some slick sunglasses and took off in his black Celica. The license plate read; "MK-WR-AN-LV" (make war and love.)
He weaved in and out of Londonderry traffic and pulled into a Market Basket. Once inside, he grabbed a cart and strolled down the first isle looking at his list. "'Run to the store'?! This will take me all night." He complained aloud.
He turned a sharp corner and crashed into a little kid. "Watch it." He growled to the boy sprawled on the floor.
Ares picked up things along the various couple isles. "What the hell?" He looked at the next item on the list; 'Tampax Tampons.' Confused, Ares caught up with a worker in a vest. "Hey, what's a 'Tampax Tampon'?"
The young male worker blushed. "They uh..they're.ya know..It's a type of uh, tampon."
"Tampon?" Ares asked even more confused by the employee's sudden flush.
"Jeez man, do I have to draw you a picture?!" Ares grew dark with irritation and the clerk continued in a whisper. "It's for a woman's.period."
Now Ares' face reddened. "Which isle?" He croaked.
"Isle 9. Tough break buddy." The clerk walked off.
"Oh gods, she must be mad at me." He said to himself entering isle 9. "Oh dear gods." He looked at the many feminine hygiene products. "Hey, I'll give you 20 bucks of you get me some," His voice dropped. "Tampax tampons." He asked a teenaged girl in the isle.
The girl giggled and picked it out while Ares pretended to look at shampoos across the isle. "Here you go."
"Thanks, just put it in the cart." Ares then handed the still giggling girl the money. He then covered the box with a box of cereal. "Well now that that's done." He quickly booked it out of that isle.
Next on his list were pickles. "Goddammit! She does this on purpose." He said looking at the large variety of pickles. Ares pulled out his cell phone and called home.
"Hello?" Lyza's soft voice answered.
"Do you know how many kinds of goddamn pickles there are? Why the hell would someone want more than one type?!"
Lyza laughed. "It's on the top shelf, farthest to the left, 'Kosser'." She could hear him mumbling as he searched for it.
"Found it."
"Well I'm glad. Talk to you soon." She taunted. Ares sighed and hung up.
He soon rounded another corner. "Finally, something simple." He said thowing in one bag after the other of Doritos and then frozen pizzas.
"Hello Ares." Lyza replied on the other end of the phone.
"Why did you put down cat food?" He asked.
"Because our cat does need to eat."
"We don't have a cat Lyza."
"Yes we do."
"No we don't."
Lyza laughed. "Yes we do Ares."
"Don't start messin' with my mind woman; I'd know if we had a goddamn cat!" He slid his hand down his face. There was a silence. "Lyza?"
"You're right. Must be the pain killers, sorry." She hung up again.
"That woman will be the death of me yet." He muttered.
After searching an hour for the remaining few items, Ares pulled up to a cash register. "Hi there, my name is Heidi." The perky clerk said ringing through some of his food.
Ares didn't respond only looked at her. Heidi came to the tampons, "Your wife made you do the shopping this time?"
"No, these are for me. Cant a guy buy some goddamn tampons and it not make headlines?!" He yelled having enough of this. "How you godsforsaken mortals ever survived I'll never know."
"Oh Kosser pickles, I love those. My grandmother used to make the best, she'd-"
"Does it look like I care?"
"O-kay, well that comes to $103.96 sir. Would you like to purchase our savings card? You can save up to 10%, and on your birthday-"
"No I don't want to buy any goddamn card!" He opened his wallet and a single 20 stared back at him. "Shit, I forgot to go to the ATM." Ares was really starting to lose any patience he had left.
"Would you like me to charge it sir?" Heidi asked.
Ares sighed. "Yeah." He pulled out Lyza's Visa, she wouldn't miss it.
Heidi rang the card through then handed it back to him. "Thank you sir, come again."
"Not if there's a god left on Olympus." He took his cart at the end of the line.
"Have a nice day sir." Another perky pimple faced kid smiled. That was it. Ares punched the kid square in the face on his way by. "Ah my nose! Help someone!" The kid ran off. Ares sighed in relief.
Once back to his suburban home, Ares managed to carry all of the bags through the door and into the kitchen. "Well look who's up." He said putting the bags down.
"I was hungry." The round woman replied shutting the 'fridge. She sifted though the bags, Ares was back on the couch. "You didn't get dough nuts?!"
Ares threw her over the car keys. "Goddamn mortals."
Lyza hobbled over to her husband and sat down next to him on their black leather couch. "Aww, I love you too hon." She gave him a quick kiss before returning to the kitchen.
"I didn't put beer on the list?" She said from the kitchen.
"You get Aspirin, I get beer."
Lyza pulled out an empty container. "Hey! Where's my sponge cake?!" She yelled, Ares' eyes widened.
The End
Disclaimer: I don't own Ares, Lyza however is mine. I don't own any of the products Mentioned here either.
The platinum haired young woman hollered down from her bedroom to the living room downstairs. "Hey Hon, can you run to the store for me?"
The dark haired and eyes man that lay on the couch, channel surfing replied in the same tone; "I'm busy. You got legs, why can't you go?"
"'Cause I'm goddamn pregnant and don't want to get off my fat ass!" His wife yelled back.
"Being pregnant doesn't make you disabled." He yelled.
"Ares this is your fault remember. The list is on the kitchen table." She yelled knowing she'd win the argument.
Ares sighed, mumbling curses as he walked across their small house into the kitchen. "Babe, you know I hate shopping, I haven't been in so long."
"You really want me to drag my ass out of bed and trip down the stairs and have a miscarriage, all because you don't like shopping in the 21st centaury?!"
"I'm going Lyza, cut the drama."
"Love you hon." Lyza replied in a sweet tone. "Don't forget to change!"
"OH crap, I forgot." Ares straitened and materialized casual black clothes to blend in, his god of war outfit might attract some attention.
"Bring your cell phone in case you have any questions." Lyza hollered one last time before she heard the front door slam. Ares threw on some slick sunglasses and took off in his black Celica. The license plate read; "MK-WR-AN-LV" (make war and love.)
He weaved in and out of Londonderry traffic and pulled into a Market Basket. Once inside, he grabbed a cart and strolled down the first isle looking at his list. "'Run to the store'?! This will take me all night." He complained aloud.
He turned a sharp corner and crashed into a little kid. "Watch it." He growled to the boy sprawled on the floor.
Ares picked up things along the various couple isles. "What the hell?" He looked at the next item on the list; 'Tampax Tampons.' Confused, Ares caught up with a worker in a vest. "Hey, what's a 'Tampax Tampon'?"
The young male worker blushed. "They uh..they're.ya know..It's a type of uh, tampon."
"Tampon?" Ares asked even more confused by the employee's sudden flush.
"Jeez man, do I have to draw you a picture?!" Ares grew dark with irritation and the clerk continued in a whisper. "It's for a woman's.period."
Now Ares' face reddened. "Which isle?" He croaked.
"Isle 9. Tough break buddy." The clerk walked off.
"Oh gods, she must be mad at me." He said to himself entering isle 9. "Oh dear gods." He looked at the many feminine hygiene products. "Hey, I'll give you 20 bucks of you get me some," His voice dropped. "Tampax tampons." He asked a teenaged girl in the isle.
The girl giggled and picked it out while Ares pretended to look at shampoos across the isle. "Here you go."
"Thanks, just put it in the cart." Ares then handed the still giggling girl the money. He then covered the box with a box of cereal. "Well now that that's done." He quickly booked it out of that isle.
Next on his list were pickles. "Goddammit! She does this on purpose." He said looking at the large variety of pickles. Ares pulled out his cell phone and called home.
"Hello?" Lyza's soft voice answered.
"Do you know how many kinds of goddamn pickles there are? Why the hell would someone want more than one type?!"
Lyza laughed. "It's on the top shelf, farthest to the left, 'Kosser'." She could hear him mumbling as he searched for it.
"Found it."
"Well I'm glad. Talk to you soon." She taunted. Ares sighed and hung up.
He soon rounded another corner. "Finally, something simple." He said thowing in one bag after the other of Doritos and then frozen pizzas.
"Hello Ares." Lyza replied on the other end of the phone.
"Why did you put down cat food?" He asked.
"Because our cat does need to eat."
"We don't have a cat Lyza."
"Yes we do."
"No we don't."
Lyza laughed. "Yes we do Ares."
"Don't start messin' with my mind woman; I'd know if we had a goddamn cat!" He slid his hand down his face. There was a silence. "Lyza?"
"You're right. Must be the pain killers, sorry." She hung up again.
"That woman will be the death of me yet." He muttered.
After searching an hour for the remaining few items, Ares pulled up to a cash register. "Hi there, my name is Heidi." The perky clerk said ringing through some of his food.
Ares didn't respond only looked at her. Heidi came to the tampons, "Your wife made you do the shopping this time?"
"No, these are for me. Cant a guy buy some goddamn tampons and it not make headlines?!" He yelled having enough of this. "How you godsforsaken mortals ever survived I'll never know."
"Oh Kosser pickles, I love those. My grandmother used to make the best, she'd-"
"Does it look like I care?"
"O-kay, well that comes to $103.96 sir. Would you like to purchase our savings card? You can save up to 10%, and on your birthday-"
"No I don't want to buy any goddamn card!" He opened his wallet and a single 20 stared back at him. "Shit, I forgot to go to the ATM." Ares was really starting to lose any patience he had left.
"Would you like me to charge it sir?" Heidi asked.
Ares sighed. "Yeah." He pulled out Lyza's Visa, she wouldn't miss it.
Heidi rang the card through then handed it back to him. "Thank you sir, come again."
"Not if there's a god left on Olympus." He took his cart at the end of the line.
"Have a nice day sir." Another perky pimple faced kid smiled. That was it. Ares punched the kid square in the face on his way by. "Ah my nose! Help someone!" The kid ran off. Ares sighed in relief.
Once back to his suburban home, Ares managed to carry all of the bags through the door and into the kitchen. "Well look who's up." He said putting the bags down.
"I was hungry." The round woman replied shutting the 'fridge. She sifted though the bags, Ares was back on the couch. "You didn't get dough nuts?!"
Ares threw her over the car keys. "Goddamn mortals."
Lyza hobbled over to her husband and sat down next to him on their black leather couch. "Aww, I love you too hon." She gave him a quick kiss before returning to the kitchen.
"I didn't put beer on the list?" She said from the kitchen.
"You get Aspirin, I get beer."
Lyza pulled out an empty container. "Hey! Where's my sponge cake?!" She yelled, Ares' eyes widened.
The End
Disclaimer: I don't own Ares, Lyza however is mine. I don't own any of the products Mentioned here either.