A/N: This is my first english story, and the first story after a very long while. My beta-reader let me down, so probably there are lots of mistakes in this very short stroy. But I thought it's time to publish it anyway. I hope you like it.
I hate this part
I hate this part right here, when my brain starts to analyze my feelings. I hate how good it feels to let you come close. I hate the voice inside my head, who tells me that I can't. I hate that I have to stop kissing you, to be able to get my thoughts straight. Damn it, I try to calm down myself. I hate how my eyes flipped open, still that close to you. Damn it, I try to ignore your sent. And I hate the sorrow in your breath and the gentle expression on your face. I just can't take it, how you pronounce my name. That's the hated part when I start to run away, make fast steps away from your presence. I rush into the elevator, not expecting you to fallow me. I hate to feel this way right now. I try to get my feelings away which want to push me back to you; hit my head several times. A cool breeze touches my skin, when the doors of the elevator opened. I sigh and distract myself by listening to the knock of my shoes on the floor of the parking lot. I hate that I'm not able to run right now, to get away from here, to not give myself back in your arms that easily. I push the button of the key to unlock my husband's car, once, twice until I hear that sound, and it blows away the guilt I feel. I hate this part right here, when my brain starts to consider my feelings. Those take over the control, just for a second and I hurry back to the elevator, because I know that this guilt, this voice in my head will come back soon. I hesitate to push the number of the floor where we're play along with laws. It reminds me of my husband and how deeply I loved him once. It reminds me of what he did to me and it reminds me of your care. I push the button hold it long pressed, to make sure that I do not have to push it once more, because I'm not certain that I can do this decision again. My voice gets to my ears: "This is not a good idea." There is no way back now, when the doors open you will see me. I know I will not be able to deny you, if you step towards my direction. I know that I can't hide after the doors are open – too few walls, too much glass in this office. And the moment came and I hate to find your office bare. You're gone. Maybe you are searching for me right now. I hate how you force me to decide between staying or driving home. I met one colleague right before, and I hate that I lied to her. Your tenderness will make me a liar if we find each other in love. You are my boss. It's not right. I cannot be a mess everywhere I go. I need this job, I need distraction. And I hate that I need you. I need you as a friend – don't have any left. I taste fear on my tongue and so I step back in the elevator. I sigh as I start the engine of the car. My cell phone rings. I know it is you. Your kiss brought me close to tears, from your voice I fled. So I hung up to drive home.