"I don't think I like it."
"Yes, you do."
"Not on me."
"It looks perfect."
No, it doesn't. "You might think that, but what about everyone else?"
"No one will care, Sara. Mom said it was okay. … I said it was okay. Who else matters?"
"Someone will say something."
"We love you, Sara. It's family. Besides, no one will even be looking at you."
The comment hurt Sara more than she would admit, even though she only had herself to blame for the discomfort. Someone had died and here she was obsessing over the way she looked.
But she also had to admit that she really wasn't that concerned, even though she should have been and part of her wanted to be. The woman that died was some distant aunt, a woman their mother barely remembered and who may or may not have given the twins several pieces of hard candy once when they were younger. It was only a blood tie, and a small one at that. No real connection. What Sara thought of herself was more important to her. She meant more than some stranger. Her identity meant more than some stranger.
Although, for the last few months her identity had meant more than almost everything, even those she truly cared about. But what was the point of making others happy when she wasn't happy herself? When she wasn't herself? Who was she? She was -
"Handsome," Tegan whisphered behind her. "You're handsome."
Sara rarely smiled anymore. The new equivalent was a sparkle in her eye, and Tegan saw it shimmer. She had said the magic words, boosted Sara's confidence.
Tegan wrapped her arms around Sara's tiny middle and rested her chin on her twin's shoulder. In the full length mirror Tegan saw that spark in Sara's eyes again as Sara eyed her sister's reflection. Tegan ran her hands over the flat chest of Sara's suit, watched Sara's mouth close, and placed a delicate kiss against her twin's neck as she both felt and heard the gulp forced down Sara's throat. She moved to Sara's ear, nibbling lightly on the lobe before whisphering, "Very handsome." Sara's body shivered, and Tegan smiled, knowing she had done her job. Tegan's hands moved lower, going the extra mile. They rested against Sara's thighs, one pinkie lightly touching the bulge at the seam of Sara's slacks. "I can prove it to you tonight, if you trust me now." Sara swallowed again and leaned back into Tegan, clenching her eyes shut as tightly as she could. These were the only moments when she didn't have to worry, didn't have to care, when she could lose herself completely, and she reveled in them. Sara nodded vigorously and her lips found Tegan's from memory, choosing to fill the moment with one last passionate embrace before the euphoria and Tegan's body were removed from her and she had to face the world again.