Fifteen years ago, according to all History and Science books, an asteroid had crashed into Antarctica, triggering a near global cataclysm most had come to call the Second Impact (and incidentally destroying the city of Leng and all the shoggoths there, which the people in the nearby Savage Lands would have appreciated a lot if it were for the earthquakes, fires, dust storms and new mutants that popped up because of it). Many had said it had been a miracle most of mankind hadn't been wiped off the face of Earth, and while casualties were indeed high all over the globe, especially in coastal areas, the loss of human lives hadn't been majorly crippling for humanity's continued progress. In fact, many hadn't even noticed, too busy arguing about about how President Kelly would suck. Yet, several things had changed.

Weather patterns had changed, including harsher summers for the Northern and Southern hemispheres alike. The level of the seas had raised drastically, sinking several islands; and that included large chunks of Japan (technically the Philippines sunk, but given how flooded they tended to get, not one really noticed anything except how there were less poor people for a few years). For Negi Springfield, who had been born five years after the Impact, and most his students, who had been born shortly after the cataclysm, it was difficult to imagine a time where you couldn't see the sea from the tallest hill of Mahora Academy's campus, despite having read about it in the books (those who could be bothered with books, at the very least. They had tablets now, you throwback!) Negi, however, hailed from Wales, a region that still retained an overall colder climate than the remains of half-sunk Japan (distinguishable from Scotland only because they got a hair more sunlight, and all the sheep walked funny). That was why, when he had been told about certain particularities of attending the oncoming Mahora School Festival, he honestly hadn't believed them at first.

Yet, he reasoned now, it made a moderate amount of sense (for Mahora, anyway). He had no idea why the temperature had gone up so radically over the course of the last week, especially when keeping in mind they'd had a snowy Christmas a few months ago, but there was no denying a tropical summer was upon them already. Shortly after the Festival, there would be a time to think about vacations under the sun (possibly up in the mountains where it was nice and cool and there were a lot of trees to give you cover. Beaches were a winter thing), and that only further lifted the spirits of most of Negi's students, but he wasn't too sure he was that appreciative of the intense heat himself. And mostly, he couldn't fathom why Chamo, his ermine familiar, was suddenly so enamored with the present circumstances, since his whole body was covered in fairly thick white fur.

"Won't you be cooking alive, walking around like that?" the red haired boy had once asked his faithful, chain smoking partner. "Maybe you should stay indoors with the air conditioner up until—"

"Nonsense, Bro, nonsense!" Chamo had laughed it off, smiling as he gazed, distracted, towards where Hakase Satomi, lost in thoughts, held two different sets of swimwear in her small hands, comparing them to each other. "No way am I going to miss having all that fun with you, heh heh heh heh…"

Negi frowned, looked towards Satomi as well, then back at the ermine fairy, and sighed. "Honestly, Chamo. Sometimes I almost think Anya was right about you…"

Mahou Sensei Negima! and UQ Holder are creations and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

Aa! Megamisama! is the creation and intellectual property of Fujishima Kosuke and Kodansha.

Fate/Stay Night is the creation and intellectual property of Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon.

To Love Ru is the creation and intellectual property of Yabuki Kentaro, Hasemi Saki and Shueisha.

Lobo is the creation of Keith Giffen and Roger Slifer, and intellectual property of DC Comics. Because you know, mainstream American system.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for the proofreading and editing.

Special thanks to Darkenning for inspiring the segments with the UQ Holder segment and providing the blueprints for it.

You Broke My Heart with Fanservice.

Chapter One: ... and a Cast of Thousands! In Beachwear! AND A MILLION ELEPHANTS!

"Hot..." muttered the short, black haired young man, as he uneasily stirred from one side of his bed to the other. He was shirtless and reduced to his boxers, despite his usual preference to sleep with some sort of shirt on, and yet he still felt too hot for comfort.

Back at Nekomi Tech, months ago, they'd had good air conditioners in the rooms of the Motor Club. Tamiya, Ootaki and Chihiro would pick them up from the junkyard, but working together, they could have them working at top conditions in little time. Which was quite a feet, since this was a Japanese junkyard they were talking about, and if it was there, it was only after being used as battle armor in a Mad Max movie. Ever since Morisato Keiichi had to leave for Mahora however, he'd found he wasn't that good at fixing air conditioners from junkyards on his own. He'd once mentioned it to Skuld, and to her credit she quickly worked on it, but the air conditioner she came up with was so powerful it nearly had frozen him to death over the course of a single night. That was too much, even for someone born and raised in Hokkaido, still Japan's coldest surviving area.

Keiichi could probably have had the kind of air conditioner he wanted had he asked for Emiya Shirou's help, but he wasn't that familiar with the younger man yet, despite having shared some time together in the general vicinity of Ala Alba already. Besides, he was aware Emiya was currently wrapped in Very Serious Matters that were literally of life and death, and he didn't wish to bother him any more than strictly necessary (since he knew how these things ended up, and one time going up against a gigantic vampire moon rabbit kaiju was enough for his lifetime, thank you very much). So he'd been spending the last few nights trying to sleep through the dry heat wave currently cooking the campus slow but steadily, ever growing as the full bloom of summer approached.

It wasn't easy. It actually was kind of a relief for Keiichi when his alarm clock rang, and he had to come out of his futon and his bedroom. He took the coldest bath he could and, feeling better already, put on a light undershirt and shorts. He began fixing a precooked meal and then took a moment to turn the TV on, intending to watch some of the news before heading for the Festival. He did it so mechanically he didn't even notice the suggestive nature of what he had just tuned into until he heard the loud, sensuous music blaring, after he'd already turned his back on the television to prepare his small bachelor table.

Keiichi tensed up when a low, feminine purr reached his ears from behind, sending small shivers up his spine immediately. He was a boy already past his teen years, even if barely so, and it was no wonder he would instantly recognize the kind of sound that normally only could come from a porn movie or his sister's room. But he hadn't contracted one of those channels, and he was pretty sure he hadn't left any movies in the DVD player last night, so what...?

Spinning around, Keiichi's brown eyes popped out as he saw two long, lean, tanned legs peeking from between the deep slits of a dark blue dress, swinging up playfully along with the provocative music. Like a good dog being told to sit, he dropped on his butt before the screen, leaning ahead in full attention, the breakfast and the Festival already well forgotten. His hands firmly gripped on his knees, since it wasn't time yet to start gripping something else.

The sensual, feminine voice from before purred huskily again, as the camera panned all over the exotic, buxom body in the blue dress, lingering on each well rounded curve in each and every right place. "Oh, very well..." the woman said. "But, just a little bit, fine...?"

Keiichi gasped loudly, quickly reaching for the box of paper tissues he would keep by the TV. For nosebleeds and spilled drinks, of course. Really.

The camera was now zooming in calculated circles around the mystery woman's large bust, well framed by her wide cleavage, a golden necklace hanging above it. Then it went up enough as to show the brown skinned female's chin and mouth, as she teasingly tossed some of her long, way silver hair around, with the flair of an experienced seductress. "Ah..." she breathed out. "It's really hot in here..."

"Y-Yes, you are!" Keiichi gulped, his thick black eyebrows twitching as he started to unzip.

Giggling but in a mature, sexual way, the woman sat up on the silky pink sheets she had been resting on, and extended a bare foot forward, so its sole took the focus of the screen. Morisato salivated slightly, leaning even closer, until... the foot came out through the screen and her toes gently patted on his nose.

"..." Keiichi said. It's worth remembering by this point this ordinary Japanese student had already met a goddess, several demons, a wolf boy, Batman, King Arthur as a woman (at least Negi-sensei insisted she was King Arthur, even if Keiichi still had a hard time believing him) Classes 3-A and 3-F, and weirdoes claiming to be from another universe. He took a foot coming out of his TV to touch it far better than any of us would have, even if part of his lack of reaction also came from sheer befuddled shock rather than adaptation to the strange. He sighed and zipped back up, realizing it was going to be one of those days.

After a few soft taps, the foot seemed to grow upset it was getting no real reaction from the boy, save perhaps a small tentative lick at the heel, so the next thing it did was strongly kick Keiichi across the face, sending him stumbling back against the floor. "Hey!" he cried, quickly turning back around and swinging his Pactio card out...

... Only to start gawking again as a major flash came from the screen, heralding the emergence of the sexy, sexy woman from the set, her hands holding on the edges of the screen as she pulled herself out. "Oh my Goddess," Keiichi swallowed, backing away, intimidated.

The woman looked at him, centering her cold, green eyes on his sweaty, terrified face. Her lips, full and coated in a soft layer of hot pink gloss opened, and again she spoke...

"Good morning!" she waved cheerfully, laughing in a way she had picked up from her Uncle Grandpa. While Keiichi gasped even further, she dusted off the shoulders of the long cape secured around her dress, and then quickly skipped forward to strongly pat Keiichi's shoulders in a way that reminded him too much of Tamiya for comfort. "So you're Keiichi, huh?! Good, good! Not too big, not that much taller than her, but not a circus midget like that nerdy kid either. But why were you wasting your time watching porn? You should be going to pick her up already! Dumbass!" she laughed again, punching him on a shoulder a little bit too hard and making him wince. "You've got wonderful Festival memories to make together starting as soon as you can!"

"Who, who are you?!" Keiichi asked.

She grabbed his chin with a hand, pushing it up to close his mouth. And she kept on talking. "Maybe taking her to the World Tree the first night is going too fast, but then, the third night is always too crowded and all the bushes will be taken... so what about the second night, huh? That sounds just right, doesn't it? Yeah, I knew you'd agree, what a smart boy you are..."

"Who are you?!" Keiichi repeated, struggling to open his mouth again.

"Now, she can be very headstrong, but trust me, deep inside she's as much of a romantic as any of us," the strange woman kept on talking a friendly, terrifying storm. "When she says 'No' while pulling a chainsaw on you, she just means 'Yes, but please go a bit slower'. Then you go a bit slower, but not too much, what is this, some wimpy manga where it takes the couple twenty six years to seal the deal? That's too much even for a goddess, we aren't all as patient as Belld-"

"Please, who are you?!" Keiichi all but begged now, slamming his hands together, more in prayer than menace.

"Oh," the temptress paused. "That's right. I haven't told you who I am."

"No, you haven't!" he said.

"Not any longer," she smiled smugly, stepping back while tossing her hair around again, striking a proud sexy pose. It looked like she did everything sexily. She probably even solved crosswords puzzles sexily. "I am the Goddess of Love! Urd, Skuld's big sister!"

"Oh, for the Ancients' sake," Nana Astar Deviluke muttered as she woke up all alone in her bed that fateful morning, looking aside to find the sheets on Momo's side all missing, not to mention Momo herself.

Already in a foul mood, the short, pink haired Princess of the Deviluke Empire got up from the bed, put on her underwear, a loose shirt and pants, stomped her way out of the bedroom, and made her way directly to Yuuki Rito's room down the hallway. Without bothering to knock, she kicked the door open. "Momo!" she shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you stop to doing that, dammit?!-?!"

Startled by the sudden yell, the orange haired high schooler in betweenthe naked and peacefully sleeping Lala Satalin and Momo Belia Deviluke sprang up with a cry of his own, eyes bugging out at the sight of the fuming, scowling Nana at his doorstep. "EEE-YAAAA! N-N-NANA-SAMA!"

"Good morning to you too, Pervert!" Nana hissed, taking a mental note, at the very least, he was wearing his full pajamas yet, not to mention he didn't have any body parts hanging out of them. That was why she had spared his life that morning. "Momo!" she shouted next. "I know you can hear me, so don't ignore me!"

Her shorter haired, cattily smirking twin opened her large, round but sharper around the edges eyes and asked in a tiny purr, long black tail lazily swirling around Rito, "Why do you get angry at me but not at Lala?"

"Because she's the fiancée, you're just a homewrecker! On more than one front!" Nana shrieked, unwilling to call her a cheater in front of the gasping, blushing Rito, who was currently trying to block his eyes with a hand while the other threw blankets on the still well asleep Lala. "Don't you have any shame, that's our sister's married life you're messing with!"

"W-We aren't married yet!" Rito protested while Lala finally stirred up, frowning as she sat up, with a blanket on her head and others slipping down her magnificent body.

"Why am I covered in blankets?" the eldest of the three Princesses asked, smacking her lips together in a sleepy fashion. "The weather's too warm, Ritooooooo… Oh, good morning, Nana. Came to join in? There's still room for one!"

Nana took her head back and screamed in anger. "WAAAUUUGHHHHHH!"

"Oh, don't be like that, I know you like sleeping clinging to Momo anyway!" Lala replied. "Besides, we can buy Rito a bigger bed if that bothers you so much…!"

Serving the plates of breakfast at the table of the floor below, the pineapple-haired Yuuki Mikan, wearing a light orange summer dress and sandals, sighed in mild exasperation. "I'm starting to consider becoming a follower of Lex Luthor," she shared to her red-haired cousin Nao, who sat indolently already nibbling on her meal.

Nao only shrugged in apathy. "Whatever floats your boat. What difference does it make, we're Japanese anyway. If they kill Rito, can I have his breakfast?"

"No. Show some respect," Mikan chided the older girl.

"His Playstation?"

"Nao, please."

"His bed?"

"I thought you hated the musky alien smells all over it?"

"I don't know, it's kind of growing on me."

"It's not that different from attending a large convention," the black-haired, bespectacled and rather curvy Fujiyoshi Harumi, one of the few relatively sane students of High School Class 3-F, explained as the three of them marched through the merry crowd strolling in all directions along the streets of Mahora campus. She wore a lime green bikini top along with Daisy Dukes that had the upper button open, allowing the top of the matching bikini bottoms to peek out.

"What are you talking about?" asked Inugami Kotaro, in sandals, an open light jacket, and wide, loose swimming trunks. As always when he was in sight of his new roommates, kept had his wolf ears and tail hidden. "I've been in conventions before and they never were like this!"

That was true, too, even though the conventions he knew used to be those the Yakuza and traffickers held, where he would often break in to take a contract target or another down. Those were great fun too, in their own way.

Kobushi Abiru, walking by his other side in a red bikini that covered far less than the amount of bandages all over her limbs, stomach area and hips, elaborated patiently. "She means manga conventions, Kotaro-kun. There, many will attend in costumes, you know, cosplay. This is pretty much the same as that, but well, with a vacation motif, since the summer break's just around the corner..."

"And because it makes more money that way, of course!" Harumi, let us remember, who was stable only by 3-F standards, grinned wickedly as she made a quick sign of counting invisible yen bills with her hands. Then she pointed towards the nearest stands selling memorabilia and souvenirs, of which there was no scarcity anywhere in sight. They almost always were heavily surrounded by eager buyers and customers, often standing in line under the bright sun, much to Kotaro's growing surprise. "See that? It'll get even worse, or better, depending on your viewpoint, when everyone's out of their beds already. You can make a fortune if you know what to sell in the Festival and have the looks for it!"

"Which is why Harumi-chan has such high hopes for her doujin circle's sales this afternoon," Abiru quietly added for the boy's benefit.

Harumi rubbed her hands like a certain stereotypical, racially offensive Internet meme image. You know which one. "Damn straight! A pity we can't sell the more explicit ones, though, but we'll make a killing regardless!"

Kotaro flinched as his sensitive ears caught on the whistling of a few drones zooming high above them, leaving behind a trail of confetti rain everywhere, adding to the Carnival feeling of the festivities. "Just like Rio De Janeiro," he mused aloud, remembering a few documentaries he'd watched with his mother before she thought they featured too much scandalous samba dancing and flipped the channels.

"Well, not quite, but we're getting there," Harumi smiled. "I doubt Rio has fighting tournaments, though, so you'll no doubt feel more at ease here, Kota-kun!"

"Oh, they have, it's just they're illegal and underground," Kotaro casually commented, swinging his arms behind his neck indolently. "That's what I heard, at least." From a capoeira nut he'd once beaten black and blue, naturally.

Abiru looked at him ponderingly with her eye that wasn't covered in bandages. "You seem to know a whole lot about illicit activities, Kotaro-kun. I'm not sure that's good for a boy your age."

"I like violent TV, that's all," Kotaro pretended innocence. "Cop shows and that stuff."

Then his nose twitched. Ah, finally, he thought, smiling to himself as they came across, at a crossroads and under a gigantic banner leading the way towards the theme houses and cafes, Negi Springfield and his usual immediate entourage of Chamo the ermine, Hasegawa Chisame, Hakase Satomi and Tsunetsuki Matoi.

Harumi was the first to give a greeting as both groups came to a halt. "Oh hey, good morning, Matoi-chan, everyone! Looking fine today! As expected from Sensei, being an early bird!"

"Girls," the short haired Matoi nodded sedately towards her two classmates. She wasn't wearing a swimsuit, but an ensemble of loose red shirt, summer shorts, sandals and a small floppy hat that made her look vaguely like an admittedly far cuter version of Gilligan. "Nice to see you, too."

"Yo, Negi!" Kotaro quickly made his way to his rival, who was shirtless but otherwise wearing swimming trunks and sandals as well, in matching dark blue tones. Negi smiled at him and the boys lightly bumped fists, the festive air apparently cooling off their habitual mutual tension. "Slept well last night, I assume? You'd better be in top shape for the fights, Glasses!"

"I assure you I'll be both giving all my best and *at* my absolute best, Kotaro-kun," the boy teacher promised, with more of an edge than he'd show almost anyone else. "You?"

"Okay, I can see where this is going, don't start it already, you two," warned Chisame, in a purple one piece with a sarong tied around her waist. "You can wait until tonight before giving each other more brain damage, can't you?"

"As snippy as ever, I see," Kotaro gave her a sullen look, which in turn made Negi frown disapprovingly at him. Since Harumi wasn't in the mood for a scene in public at the time, she forced a laugh and brought her hands together. She wished she could be as good at that as Haruna was.

"Well, it's a lucky coincidence we find you right now, Sensei!" she said. "You were going to that haunted house your club was working on, weren't you?"

Satomi, in a modest light blue tube top and fairly long shorts, nodded, gaining more interest than she'd shown ever since they had run into the others. "Oh, yes! Were you coming as well? I highly recommend you experience it firsthand before you submit yourselves to anything else in the Festival! I have worked on several incredibly lifelike and impressive contraptions to enhance the pulse pounding experience alongside Skuld and Lala-san!"

At that, Harumi and Abiru's faces went very pale and their mouths hung open. Negi, Chamo, Chisame and Matoi all sweatdropped, sharing a thought that they couldn't really fault them over their reaction.

"A-A-Actually, now that I think about it..." Fujiyoshi rasped uneasily, "I had an early commitment to my doujin circle, Paru must be there too..."

"Haruna-san told us that'd be later, that she would be working on the first shift at our attraction," Satomi pointed out.

"Um..." Abiru began, "I, I have premium tickets for the Great Tails of the World expo, and I wanted to cash on them early..."

"Nonsense, there'll be time for that later!" Kotaro said. "I wanna see what kinda goofy things Negi's girls have cooked up!"

"Goofy?" Hakase scowled. "That's namist!"

Abiru blinked. "Wait, how is that namist?"

Hakase blinked. "I don't know, it just felt namist, calling something 'goofy'"

Somewhere in OverMaster's backlog, Keys of The Kingdom sneezed.

Kotaro laughed. "I don't get scared by anything! Let's see what do you have to throw at me, Onee-chan! Try your worst, I'm waiting for it!"

"... you poor fool," Negi very quietly, very weakly said.

Kotaro huffed his way. "What was that, now?"

"Nothiiiiing."

"Skuld's sister?" Keiichi repeated, dubiously.

Urd frowned. "Do you have any reason to doubt that, after I came through a television screen?"

"N-No, it's just... well, she only mentioned having one sister, and her name was Belldandy! Hard to miss, she's a hardcore, kinda creepy siscon about it."

"I see," Urd said, taking the news very well all things considered. "So she never told you about me."

"No, Ma'am."

"Well," she folded her arms, "at least I'd hope she'd talk about Bell in a regular basis."

"Constantly!" he nodded, only to realize then he probably had just insulted her further. "Hardcore siscon stuff."

She didn't act surprised at all, however, choosing to just sigh while cocking her head to the side, eyes half-closed. "Figures. She's never given me the respect I deserve. Here I am, trying to improve her non-existent love life, seeing if I can get her to finally move on, despite the fact that'd only get me into deeper trouble, and what do I get? Any recognition at least? Nope! When will she grow up, honestly..."

"I, I sympathize," Keiichi gulped. "Sometimes my little sister acts as if I embarassed her, too..."

"Well, family's still family, Keiichi," the woman told him. Then she grinned again, shaking him by a shoulder. "And now you're family too, I'd still do this for you, even if not for her! Here, have some tickets!" she said, stuffing his hands with all sorts of colorful little pieces of paper. "Tickets for every attraction in the Festival! First row seats for the Tournament! The dudes will bleed and even sweat on your very faces! You won't even have to stand in lines thanks to your Nee-san! And this one! This one's important!" she chuckled maniacally, holding a large golden ticket up. "It's for the Science Fair, the quickest way to that brat's heart! You only have to nod and gasp at everything she says, and gawk at anything she describes and shows you, and you'll be set, boy!"

"Um, thank you, Ma'am, but... what, what ever gave you the impression Sku-chan was interested in me? She's always pissed off at me, and I'm always trying her patience, and, well, she's obviously a siscon-"

"Cheez, kid, it's as if you didn't spend any time around Negi!" Urd protested, forcing him to accept the golden ticket for two as well. "What, you in denial because you're afraid of being branded a Lolicon? Ship's sailed, buddy. Besides, this is Japan! And it's better than being branded a permavirgin!"

(The Opinions Held by Urd in No Way Reflect That of This Fanfic's Management. Urd is a Profesional Half-Devil Ancient Entity Beyond Human Concepts of Good And Evil. This Fanfiction's Authors Do Not Encourage You to Try and Pick Up Lolis Over the Alternative of Permavirginity. All Local Laws Apply. Thank You, Now We Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Fanfic.)

Urd and Keiichi waited for the disclaimer to be over before retaking the scene. "What, what does Negi-sensei have to do with any of this? And how do you know about him and his ties to Tsundere anyway? How much have you been spying on us?"

"How rude, it's not spying or stalking if you do it out of Pure Love," Urd piously replied, graciously shrugging her shoulders. "Just trust Nee-san's infinite wisdom, work hard on the first day to get her impressed with your plucky resolve, and tomorrow night, not too early and not too late, you take her under that tree, confess to her, plant a big wet one on that little soft mouth under the stars, and do it in the bushes like incestous loli twins! It's a perfect plan, there's no way it possibly could go wrong!"

"By saying that, you've just guaranteed it'll go wrong!"

"That happens when it's a human saying it! I'm a goddess! My word is an edict of nature!" Urd cackled, hands on her hips. "Never fear, I'll be hanging around at all times. Whenever you need advice, Urd will be there. Now go make yourself presentable, Skuld should be here-"

The door's bell rang.

Urd smirked, waving as she began phasing down and out of sight through the floor. "- Right now, see? Well, best of luck, loverboy! But remember, not a word of this to Skuld or you'll regret it! What happens between a man and a sexy woman indoors stays indoors (or under a bush, for that matter), or else!"

"But, but, Nee-san! I mean, Ma'am!" the young man cried. "You can't just drop this on me, I'm not even sure I-"

But she was already gone, and Keiichi only could sigh, as there was no sign she ever had been there at all. Even the TV was only showing the usual news again ('Famine! War! Economy Crisis! Kim Kardashian! A hippo makes it into a viral video! Great tragedy as two dogs die in earthquake!')

The bell rang again. "Coming, coming!" Morisato sighed, heading for the door. He was sure of one thing at least, he wouldn't tell Skuld about this Urd person just yet. He knew well how volatile Skuld could get, especially when asked about her background. And it looked like there was some bad blood going on between them. Last thing he wanted was to turn that fuse on...

"Well, finally!" Skuld said as he opened the door, pouting in an ensemble of white and blue stripped one piece, sandals, and a white brimmed summer hat, with a large bag hanging from her shoulder. Next to her stood a grinning and waving Akashi Yuuna, her roommate and 3-A classmate, in a black bikini Keiichi found very uncomfortable to be around, and white sports sneakers. She was growing up quickly, it seemed, and filling out accordingly. He only hoped they wouldn't run into her Dad while he was around, at least. He was too young and virginal to die. "And why haven't you dressed up yet? I've got a very busy schedule today, you idiot!"

"Ah, sorry, I was watching the news and lost track of the time," the college student apologized as he ushered them in. He had to wonder how they'd made it into the male dorm just like that, but then 3-A had ways men weren't meant to know. "Please sit down and have some juice while I get ready, and, um... Skuld?"

"Yeah?" the young Norn said.

Keiichi sheepishly held the golden ticket up. "It turns out, I had this ticket for the Science Expo on me. It's good for two, and I was wondering-"

Without flinching, Skuld quickly pulled a bigger golden ticket out of her bag. "Oh, yeah, that's right, I forgot to tell you. I had a Premium one good for four already, since I'm part of the Committee after all. I was thinking of going with you, Yuuna and Makie, since someone needs to get some culture into your heads for once..."

"Oh joy," Yuuna rolled her eyes while Keiichi blanked. Then something caught her attention. "Sempai? What are those paper towels doing by the TV?"

"I, I had spilled some juice while watching TV!"

"Oh, yeah, I don't doubt you did..."

When Negi, Kotaro, his lovely companions and that weasel arrived at the rebuilt Aisaka Manor, now made to resemble an ancient, spooky castle with threatening, blood curling banners proudly hanging over each door and window (Haruna had a real flair for disturbing, unsettling mottos and slogans, and to no one's surprise, so did Tsunetsuki), they saw a long line of visitors already standing before the front door, several of them chattering amongst themselves. Many a boyfriend were holding an umbrella to prevent skin cancer.

From what Kotaro could overhear, many of them discussed the wisdom of trusting their lives and safety to something built by 3-A students, including two members of the local Mad Science Council. But the overall consensus seemed to be it'd be a golden opportunity to sue the Yukihiro and Suzushiro estates (naively, most students ignored the lengths the lawyers of both families were willing to reach in the line of duty, not to mention not bothering to read the Evilly Used License Agreement that stated they had already voided their right to do so by standing in line) so nobody was leaving yet, despite how slowly the line was moving. As was usual in this situation, at least three enterprising students where nearby selling cold drinks, ice-cream and offering alternate swimsuits.

Behind a desk at the entrance sat Misora and Cocone, both sweating under the meager protection of a portable electric fan, in nun habits stained with large spots of false blood and stamping on the tickets of the visitors before ushering them in. Misora had a deadly bored expression on her face as she worked that made her twin to her partner's usual expression, at least until Cocone tugged on her sleeve. "Hmmm? What is it, Coco- Oh!" the young nun grinned, her face brightening as she saw Negi. "Sensei, Sensei, c'mere!" she quickly beckoned him and the others over. "Nice to see you this early, guys! C'mon, skip the line, you get a pass!"

"Hey, that's not fair!" protested the long-haired, curvaceous Kotegawa Yui, in a pure white bikini top, long sarong skirt, and sandals. She was standing at one of the first spots of the line, ticket already in hand, her other hand holding her phone with its 'Beast Tracker' app to warn her if Rito came close. "Playing favorites that way, that's so improper!"

Misora hushed her angrily. "What are you saying, Sempai, he's our club adviser and they're our clubmates, it's perfectly okay for them to be here! Don't pay her any attention, Sensei..."

"Yes? And what is their excuse, then?" Kotegawa pointed at the impassive Kotaro, Abiru and Harumi while Negi flinched uneasily.

"I'm a wolfman," Kotaro said blandly.

Harumi blinked. "Seriously? Are you going to play a role here after all, Kotaro-kun?"

"Yeah, I'm the scariest, baddest wolfman around, these guys are just lucky they didn't get in during my turn or I'd scare the Speedos outta them for the whole summer," Kotaro boasted, waving a hand around with the flippant air of someone used to bullshitting his way through life. "And this is a mummy, see?" he grinned, poking a thumb towards Abiru, who simply frowned slightly and lightly slapped the back of his head. Then she not so lightly slapped the guy currently sneaking behind her to take pics of her ass with his cellphone.

Kotegawa blinked. "Well, I had no idea... Carry on then, I suppose..."

"Consider it done," Misora said before smiling again at Negi, intertwining her hands. "The Unholy Sisters of the Bloody Convent welcome you to the den of nightmares, brave Negi-kun! We are the restless spirits of two young maidens murdered two centuries ago on these grounds, now bound to perform hellish tasks like slaves of darkness here, until Haruka-sempai's turn starts! Please keep those horrors in mind, as you navigate through the maze of terrors waiting for you inside!"

"... boo..." Cocone added, in a very quiet and non-scary tone.

"Thank you, Misora-san, Cocone-chan," Negi smiled, nodding along while walking in, Chisame sighing and following him. "We'll be praying for your souls' rest while we also pray for our lives."

"That'd be awfully nice of you, Negi-kun, see you!" Misora laughed coquettishly, blushing slightly before dropping her cutesy act and staring in a soulless, dry way at the people in the line as soon as the young visitors had disappeared inside. "By the way, any of you girls get ideas about hitting on him during the Festival and you'll learn firsthand this house is big enough to hide a corpse in there for years. No joke."

They had found a truly disturbing number of corpses in the house as they'd cleaned. The only reason the place wasn't a crime scene was because a lot of them had to fang-like bite holes that Evangeline swore weren't hers, are you trying to insinuate she had a big mouth?

"That'd be the judgment of God, of course, not ours," Cocone added softly, with a small nod.

"How about hitting on you, then?" teasingly smirked the guy with the cellphone.

Misora, once again, spoke in a terrifyingly matter of fact way. "Oh, then burying the body wouldn't be necessary, since there wouldn't be enough of it left..."

"I think I like you a bit better already," Yui had to admit.

"Oh, hey, guys," Murakami Natsumi blinked, turning her head at the sound of Yuuna's voice. It was an unexpected sight, that of Yuuna, Skuld-san and Morisato-sempai coming to greet her backstage during the preparations for her afternoon play. Since Natsumi was working at the time she simply sported a functional ensemble of light shoes, a plain shirt and shorts, which were as non-flashy and effectively simple as Natsumi herself. "Nice to see you, but what are you doing here so early?"

"Well," Yuuna said, smirking and folding her arms under her chest, while several students, male and female, working at the sidelines briefly stopped to eye the slight resulting bounce, "why not? We're friends after all, right? And you even gave us all free tickets, so the least we could do was showing interest on your work, see if we could help you with anything..."

For a moment, Natsumi couldn't help but looking at her, this fairly popular, very well developing, athletic daughter of a respected teacher telling her that, as if Yuuna had something green and six legged stuck on her face. Then she mentally chided herself, thinking that even if they were there only because the stage was closer to Morisato-sempai's dormitory than any other attraction any other 3-A members were working at, it was still a nice touch she should treat accordingly.

Natsumi had nailed it, by the way.

She smiled at the strange trio. "Nah, thanks, we've got everything covered here. See, it's finished already," she added, gesturing towards the set where the first act of the play would take place, "and right now we're only doing last minute touches. In this business, it's important to have everything prepared at least a couple of days before beginning, since either way, something or another is bound to pop up at the last second..."

"I thought actors weren't supposed to say that kind of things before a premiere?" Skuld asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Natsumi shrugged with a faint smile. "It can't be helped, that's the way it is. I think it makes theater all the more exciting actually, so I'm kinda okay with it. Improvising on the fly can be a welcome extra challenge... but don't take it so seriously anyway, mostly I mean little bits and details that have to be changed along the way. That's all, usually."

"Well, if everything's going so fine, why don't you take a couple hours off 'til then and come with us?" Yuuna took pity on her. "C'mon, it's not fair you'd spend all morning here while the rest of us stroll around and play. Seriously, shouldn't Chizuru be telling you this right now? Where is she, by the way?"

"Um, Chizu-nee went to greet her father, I think she's showing him around the Festival as we speak," Natsumi replied. "And yours is...?" she asked, only to then immediately regret it. She knew her father was always a very... sensitive topic for Yuuna, but then again she just didn't know what else to talk about with her. Natsumi didn't understand anything about basketball, after all.

Much to her relief, Yuuna only took it with a casual shrug. "You know, being a teacher, he's saddled with crowd control. Why do you think I chose to go out with the girls?" she cockily grinned, tugging on the strings of her bikini top while Keiichi made a point of looking aside innocently and Skuld pouted. "His usual spot is in the surveillance rooms, so it's not like he'll be around in the streets to throw blankets on me..."

"God help you if he gets footage of you walking around like that, though," Natsumi felt like fairly warning her, twirling around the pencil she had been using to take notes on the last few pieces of pre-production minutiae.

"Oh, He won't," Skuld had to snicker. "God, I mean, not her dad."

Yuuna gave her roommate a brief annoyed glance before smiling at Natsumi again, patting her on a shoulder. "Don't worry about that, I know I'm not going to! So whaddya say, huh? Aren't you coming to check the Haunted House? Negi-kun must be there right now, yanno!"

Natsumi had the briefest blushing spell. "Um, but... m-maybe I should wait for Chizu-nee to come back first, after all, she'll want to go see Iinchou as well, and-"

"Just go already, Director!" one of the young stagehands told her. "We've got everything covered here!"

"Yeah, trust us, Director!" another of the boys said. "We'll be rooting for you, but whoever snoozes, loses!"

"R-R-Rooting for me at what, I, I only need to keep my mind at this place, guys!" the freckled girl stuttered, while Keiichi, Yuuna and Skuld shared discreet eyerolls. Then Murakami sighed, her tone softening. "But thank you anyway, if it really means so much for you, I can't possibly turn you off..."

"That's the spirit, Director!" one of the girls working there pumped her fist up at her. "Show those hussies the raw capacity of a Theater Woman!"

"M-Mariko-chan, pleeeaase!" Natsumi clenched her teeth, her tone suddenly more strained than ever.

"For what it counts," Morisato kindly told the small actress, "I think you'd be better for Negi-sensei than Yukihiro-san, or Suzushiro-san, or even Ch-"

"Just wait here while I go put on something more comfortable, right, Sempai?!" Natsumi told him in an even more strained, and quite icy, tone as she quickly slipped away before he could finish the sentence.

About five minutes later, some monster calling itself 'The Demon of The Play' proceeded to try and scare away all the other members of the Theater Club.

The Haunted House:

"Greetings, hapless mortals, lost wanderers, to the House of Nightmares!" Shiina Sakurako said as she stepped from the darkness of the living room, walking up to greet Negi, Kotaro, the girls, and you know, that guy. She wore the skintight costume of a black cat, complete with whiskers painted on her cheeks, and giggled while waving her fake paws towards them. "I'm Lady Bad Luck, and now you'll dread the moment you crossed my path! Nyaa!"

Satomi blinked, smiled, and then stepped ahead, fondly patting Sakurako's head. "Good kitten. Good kitten!"

Apparently, Chachamaru came by it honestly, which would bring up all sort of 'Nature Versus Nurture' questions if she weren't robotic, and as it was just raised even more questions.

"Myyyyaaaa," Sakurako purred in delight, closing her eyes and somehow managing to wag the long fail tail attached to her butt. Then she raised her chin, offering her throat to Hakase, who quickly went to scratch it, up and down, causing Sakurako's hips to wiggle...

"Um," Chisame said. "Are we running a haunted house or a petting zoo here?"

Ignoring her altogether, Satomi began rubbing Sakurako's back as the cheerleader dropped on all fours before her, purring even louder in an almost orgasmic fashion.

"No, seriously," Chisame said, "the people back there will want a tour too, I don't think we should be-"

"HISSSSS!" Sakurako bared her teeth at her, eyes actually managing to flash in the dim lighting of the room. A startled Chisame backed away behind the protective Matoi, while Kotaro's face twitched, long repressed feline-chasing instincts struggling to break through his human nature.

Negi frowned, took two steps forward, and lightly bopped Sakurako's nose with two fingers. "No, Kitty, no! Stop that!"

Sakurako immediately sprang back to her feet, blushing. "Ah, sorry about that, Sensei! I guess I lost myself in the role for some reason!"

Harumi whistled. "Wow, Sensei! You used to be more of a pushover to your class than this!"

The boy mage sighed. "Yeah, well, Saber-san recently took me aside and warned me if I didn't start putting my foot down, soon they'd be gagging me and tying me to poles to offer me as a prize for beauty contests, or even forcing personal info out of me by sticking-"

"That's what I tell you all the time, but it took her warning you for you to get the idea?!" Chisame protested.

"Chisame, please, no scary violent scenes in this hideous manor of graphic horror and lawless massacre," Sakurako said, spinning around on her heels and gesturing for them to follow her deeper into the house. "Now if you'll just come with me, I'll show you the first room of our intense gallery of- NYAAAAAA!"

Satomi, frowning, slapped away the hand of Abiru that had just tugged on Sakurako's tail.

"I'm sorry," Abiru quickly offered. "Normally I don't go after artificial ones, but this one has a strange allure to it..."

"I'll be watching you, missy!" Hakase warned the heavily bandaged girl as Sakurako rubbed her butt, wincing while adjusting her tail.

Sakurako groaned, rubbing her rear. "I really don't like it when people treat my poor tail so roughly, nyaaaaa..."

"But, but how does that even- Oh, freaking forget it!" Chisame said. The most obvious answer was one she didn't want to say out loud

"There are things not meant to known by highly rational minds like yours, Chisame-sama," Matoi offered with a sympathetic pat of shoulders. "But if you really want to learn-"

"I'm not putting on a cat costume for you!"

"Then, should I put on a cat costume for Chisame-sama instead?"

"Only if I get to take you to the vet for a sterilization right after!"

"Deal!"

"PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON, TSUNETSUKI!"

"So, Oniichan!" Illyasviel called out with a wide, wicked grin on her face and her arms defiantly folded. "You certainly are flirting with death today, aren't you?!"

Emiya Shirou flinched, pausing as only a man who doesn't want to turn around can,before turning around with a sigh to face the very same little girl who had sicced a murderous Hercules on him a few nights ago and who for some reason always sent Kakizaki-san into a panic attack. She stood at a corner of the crowded campus streets, smugly smirking at them, in sandals and a purple bikini that perhaps was a tad too daring for someone her apparent age, while behind them stood a dark haired woman who smiled pleasantly in a simple lime green summer dress and shoes, with a yellow band in her hair and several bags overstuffed with pricey souvenirs hanging from a pole over her shoulder, like some kind of sexy, rich hobo.

"Illya-chan, good morning," the red haired young man in blue shorts and an open tropical shirt sighed, doing his best to smile at the little terror. By his side, Saber, in a simple white bikini, stood barefoot and scowling, with a plastic watergun in her hand. Behind them, Fujimura Taiga blinked, sipping from a can of soda and wearing a sleeveless tiger print shirt, Bermuda shorts and sneakers. "Ah, Fuji-nee, this is Illyasviel von Einzbern-chan..."

"Oh!" Taiga perked up, easily flash stepping between Shirou and his Servant, much to Saber's confusion. Facing Illya directly, she bluntly asked her, "You're Saber's little sister or niece, aren't you? How cute...!"

Illya blinked. "Saber's relative?!"

"Well, of course, she's Saber von Einzbern, after all!" the woman said, gesturing with her shoulders towards the blonde while Shirou facepalmed and prepared for the worst. "She never told me there were other relatives of Kiritsugu's wife here in Mahora, though!"

Illya, after a moment of puzzlement, deduced the basics of it and smiled deviously again. "Oh, I see, how silly of me...! Fu fu fu, yes, of course Saber came to be part of the family, although you could say she was adopted...!"

"That much is true," Saber humbly admitted. "Irisviel was extremely kind."

For a moment, she and Illya shared a look that said that for all they currently loathed each other as enemies to a depth so great they were on the outskirts of hell and about to emigrate in, they could both agree that Irisviel von Einzbern was too good for this sinful Earth.

"... oh," Taiga said, taking a moment to look back and forth between them. "I thought I had noticed you two didn't look too alike, yeah. Anyway, family is something you carry in your heart, not your genes! I'm Fujimura Taiga, Shirou's homeroom teacher and legal guardian, nice to meetcha! And the lady with you would be...?"

Said lady bowed very politely, none of the content of her many bags even threatening to spill out. "Shinozaki Sayoko, Madam. Lady Illyasviel's personal assistant. It's a honor."

"Wow," Taiga chuckled, kind of awkwardly. "Nah, the honor's all mine, I guess... Hmmmm, you know, Illya-chan, I can't stop thinking you remind me of someone...?"

"Well, of course. I would remind you of Irisviel von Einzbern," Illya said, while Sayoko casually kicked away a fat guy in an all too small Speedo who looked like he went to the same barber as Dilbert's boss, holding a cellphone camera aimed at the little albino. He spun around the air gracefully and landed at the opposite side of the street while several other onlookers took video of him for Youtube. What an age, this.

"Oh, no, that couldn't be," Taiga kept on humming, rubbing her chin. "I never met Kiritsugu's wife, she died before he moved here."

"But you must have seen pictures of her," Illya pointed out.

"Well. now that you mention that..." Taiga had to paused uncomfortably as her eyes became dots. "I don't think I was ever shown any of those? Were you, Shirou?"

"I, I think those were all lost in the Fuyuki fire, Fuji-nee," the boy answered, carefully studying the now suspicious, borderline-spiteful expression on Illya's small cute face. Before long, however, she broke again into an apparently bright and cheerful smile. By now, Shirou had spent enough time with women to know that promised the most painful death Berserker could provide.

"Well, that's unfortunate, but what if we build our own happy memories together now, before we have to be apart, Oniichan?" she asked him. "Won't you show me your school now that I'm here? Come on...! It's the chance of your lifetime, you know!"

"Exactly when had the two of you met before, anyway?" Taiga curiously asked.

Saber interrupted with a gentle cough, saving Shirou in the nick of time as ever. "I agree with Illyasviel, Shirou, why don't we make sure to spend some quality time with her? After all, a child like she has to be kept under constant surveillance in a Carnival like this."

Shirou cringed. "Saber, don't you think you're doing a disservice to Shinozaki-san here? Besides, Illya-chan's other... servant might object, you know, the tall Greek gentleman who is her bodyguard..."

"Oh, he's always around, but he won't show up as long as I have no need for him," Illya boasted, tossing some of her long, silver-white hair back, again making a few certain heads in the moving crowd to turn around. Geez, she thought, Japan really was full of Lolicons. "Forget that, Oniichan, I'm here today only to have fun, preferably with you. Of course, your little sis will get angry at you if you don't want to play..."

"Shirou, please, don't even think of turning away a charming young lady's request," Taiga chided. "Ah!" she snapped her fingers. "I know! Illya-chan, you remind me... of Negi-kun!"

Illya shuddered for a moment as if a jolt of electricity had just hit her. "... who?" she forced herself to smile at Taiga a second later.

"Oh, I'll be sure to introduce him to you later today," Taiga chuckled, her eyes going briefly catlike while she placed a hand on her own mouth. "Why, I think you'd make a lovely couple! He really needs to start hanging around people his same age and height, if you ask me..."

"Oh, Illyasviel is actually a few years older than she appears, Professor," Saber casually pointed out.

"Well, yes, the same easily could be said about you, 'Cousin'!" Illya nearly screeched.

The Haunted House:

"But, this must hold no thrill whatsoever for you," Harumi told Satomi while they walked deeper inside through the narrow halls of the darkened manor, the floor creaking under them with each step. Sakurako led the formation with mischievous glee, and to contain her urges to tug on her tail, Abiru had resorted to constantly tug on the tail of the ermine perched on Negi's shoulder. Chamo withstood it stoically, since in all honesty he even was starting to enjoy it. "I mean, you designed this place, no way it's gonna hold any surprises for you."

"Oh, actually, I didn't work on the design of all the rooms," Hakase explained. "Since I wanted to observe my body's responses when faced with truly bizarre fight-or-flight situations, I asked Lala-san, Skuld and Haruna to work on a few chambers without me, just so I could experience a few surprises..."

"... poor, misguided fool..." Chisame said weakly.

Then, without any warning, a section of the ceiling collapsed, and from above, a body dropped! Literally falling on Negi, the rest of the party sprang back, Hakase and Chisame instinctively assuming battle ready stances and reaching for the cards hidden within their tops, but Kotaro, curiously, remained oddly tranquil, only chuckling at Negi. The Welsh boy, after quickly pushing off whatever had dropped on him, cried when he realized it was the still, limp body of none other but Konoe Konoemon, with a large red gap on his ever-strange looking head, and his eyes fully white.

"YEEEEEEE!" Negi yelled, hopping back, Chamo also leaping off him in terror. "MURDER!"

"Okay, Hakase, tell us this is one of the parts you worked on!" Chisame gasped, already pulling her card out and this close to activate it.

"Uhhh, no?" a very cold-blooded Satomi shrugged. "Ah, poor Konoka-san, she'll be crushed..."

Harumi's eyes sparkled. "This should give us almost a full free week...!"

"Is it worth losing the Festival, however?" Abiru impassively wondered.

Harumi thought it over. "Maybe we could go hit the beach instead? Close enough for me."

"Are, are you not believing this, or would this be your reaction to the Headmaster's actual death?!" Negi protested.

"... I don't think you'd like to hear the honest answer to that, Negi-sensei," Harumi honestly answered.

Kotaro laughed, slapping his knee as he flipped over the body with a foot. "Don't be so dumb! Anyone can see this is just a mannequin! It doesn't even smell like a fresh corpse would...!"

Harumi and Abiru, who had just been making honest-to-goodness summer break plans in the event of a violent murder, instantly gave the boy rooming with them matching horrified, stunned stares.

"... or so I've heard, anyway!" Kotaro coughed innocently, tilting his head aside.

"Kotaro-kun, tell me again why you're not living with your parents or any other relatives?" Harumi said, inching back a little.

Chisame sighed, tucking her card back into her top. "Okay, then, I guess this was kinda scary anyway... for a moment at least..."

"What is that thing, by the way?" Abiru asked her. "Why were you going to play Duel Monsters with the Headmaster's corpse?"

"More importantly," Harumi said, picking up the mannequin, "do you guys take commissions in this style? I can think of a few boys I'd like to have as-"

"Neeeeext room, Shiina!" Chisame requested.

Mahora students would often boast that whenever they threw a Festival, it could be heard all the way into outer space, but that, like the story about the Great Wall, was only an exaggeration, of course.

In outer space, no one can hear you party. Though Superman could lip-read the party reasonably well.

A sleek, fraggin wicked' death machine, the undisputed queen of all METAL motorcycles in all Biker Circuits of the known universe, sat suspended next to a small asteroid, between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter (contrary to popular belief, the asteroid belt is actually pretty roomy), while its proud owner and rider checked on the distant blue planet that was his current target through spiffy, state-of-art last gen cosmic binoculars some unfortunate scientist had once passed to him before his untimely demise. Behind the towering, black leather-clad, smelly juggernaut at the wheel sat his much more delicate passenger, a shapely, hourglass-figured bespectacled blonde and all around genius, with an utterly mortified look on her face.

"How much longer?" Tearju Lunatique asked again, audible thanks to the self-perpetuating atmospheric field the Space Hawg 666 constantly created in its immediate vicinity so its driver and his occasional live prisoners- and even more occasional contractors who for some reason or another were foolish enough as to travel with him- could breathe through trips that lasted objective (light) years, even when they only lasted subjective hours.

The black hearted bastitch who called the Hawg his only steady lady had assembled it himself many years ago. Despite of his reckless, savage and crude nature, the man only known as Lobo was a sheer genius whenever it came to designing means to inflict death and suffering upon others, surpassing even internet legislature and forum mods! You could have asked the rest of denizens from his homeworld, Czarnia, and they gladly would confirm it- had Lobo not massacred the whole lot of them (but one, but that's a story for another day, and might not be canonical to this one) for his high school graduation science project. And the Hawg was not only a speedy, effective means of intergalactic transportation, it was also loaded with enough weapons to wipe out most countries off the face of the Earth on its own, with the possible exception of Australia, but only because it was easy to lose track of what had already been wiped out there.

"Geez, Prof, how many times I hafta tell ya," the bounty hunter she had hired days ago to help retrieve her dau- er, prized creation from Earth growled, "you've gotta play patient when it comes to tailin' the pigs. Lazy bums take an eternity ta move their blue asses around, that's why we workin' class stiffs always run rings 'round 'em. You ask me, dem Green Lantern jamokes turned 'em even sissier by doing their job for 'em. Wait, wait! What a narratively happy coincidink, huh?" he grisly chuckled, as he saw a small ship zooming in a straight line past the asteroid field, leaving the Martian orbit behind. "That's them, awright. Now we can get on the move at last!"

"Only one?" Tearju doubted, looking through smaller binoculars of her own. "They know very well what is Eve able of! Frankly, I feel insulted."

"Well, what I heard when I was hackin' their com links before was, they gotta top agent stationed at the mudball ta help with the delivery," Lobo shrugged his wide and hairy shoulders. "Sharp-Eye Mihoshi, granddaughter of the Big Marshall hisself! Never faced her mesself, but it's 'bout damn time we danced." He licked all over his thick, curt lips, pocketing his binoculars into his open vest and readying his huge rusty hook and chain. "Hold yerself steady, Prof, here we go!"

The woman nodded, gulped as she hugged the mercenary's waist despite her apprehensions. He kept on chuckling as he felt the large breasts pressing against his back, and had he not been an ungrateful bastard he'd have thanked the Heavens space was so cold. Then he took off after the small police ship, entering the field of disruption left around it but keeping enough distance as to avoid detection (it helped the many ingenious and crafty artifacts built into the Hawg included several intended to interfere with police scanners).

The Galaxy Police, of course, had its own means to disrupt the radars of inferior civilizations, such as Earth's, so they easily could fly into unadministered space when necessary to perform Black Ops such as these. Lobo's tech didn't go quite that far, but by sticking close enough to the Police Ship, he also could slip past Earth's atmosphere undetected. He didn't want that nosy Boy Scout peeking into his milk run before the babe could get her widdle angel. Maybe after that Lobo would pick him up for a rumble, though. Those always were amusing for a while at least!

Completely oblivious to the infamous uber bastitch pursuing him, the sole crewman of the small Galaxy Police ship, a short humanoid with a rounded bald head and shiny yellow eyes, hummed absently to himself as he followed a perfectly straight, timely path towards his destination. In no time, he proudly thought, he would finally meet the famous Agent Kuramitsu, they would trade stories about their respective heroic deeds, he would impress her enough as to cause an excellent impression with her grandfather the Chief, and he would return covered in glory, with the feared Golden Darkness as his helpless prisoner. Oh yes, what a great day would that be...

Then his ship hit a small asteroid, and he shouted, "FUCK!"

The collision sent the ship crashing against another floating chunk of rock. "OH, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME...!"

The ship began flying erratically, in wide circles but still heading towards Earth, like a gigantic drunk mosquito. "JACO WILL NOT BE DENIED...!"

Lobo and Tearju both sweatdropped as they kept following him regardless. "Are... Are you sure that's actually a GP...? Those asteroids were thousands of miles apart! How does he keep hitting them all?"

"Eh," Lobo grunted. "Like I said, they ain't what they used ta be!"

Mahora:

"Oh, what a shock. Another dead body," Harumi flatly commented as soon as they saw the fallen, blood-soaked body of Sakurazaki Setsuna in the middle of the next room. It was decorated like a cheap love motel, and 'blood' adorned the walls with phrases like 'you cheating cat!', 'ahhh! Onee-sama!' and 'Try Chao Bao Zi's special Festival Black Sausages!', although they'd tried to scrub that last one out.

Kotaro sniffed the air. "I don't know, girls. This one doesn't smell of plastic, like a mannequin." Of course, it did smell of artificial blood instead, but why tell them that?

"Please, Kotaro-kun," Abiru said. "That was amusing at first, but you should stop pretending you're some sort of trained bloodhound already. That isn't healthy," she chided before tugging on Chamo's tail once more.

"Since when do we have anything against Konoe?" Chisame wondered, looking down at Setsuna playing dead and marveling at how well she could hide her breathing in the shadows like some kind of Dark Souls extra. "Did she really approve of this?"

"Well, I know she approved of the display of her mother's dead image. That girl's got some issues, and a coffee table book or two to boot," Matoi commented, before sticking even closer to Chisame, who in turn shivered and took three steps further away from her.

Then a small, faintly glowing shape rose from Setsuna's frame, making Harumi and Abiru gasp and yelp. Negi, Satomi, Chisame and Kotaro only raised eyebrows while Sakurako giggled.

"I am..." the tiny, large-headed image of Setsuna spoke, in a playfully spooky tone, "the ghost of Sakurazaki Setsuna! Avenge my murder or I'll curse youuuuu!"

"Oh my God!" Abiru said. "Is this real?!"

Harumi, more of a rational, thinking woman, swallowed hard before recomposing herself. "D-Don't be silly, Abiru-chan, this has to be some sort of hologram with a recording of Sakurazaki-san's voice sounding all cutesy..."

"Are you sure it's not CGI?" Abiru said.

"No, CGI looks more realistic," Harumi said.

"Oh, you think I'm cutesy, Haruna-san's frieeeeend?!" Chibi Setsuna demanded, getting into the act as a stubby chubby hand pointed at the 3-F students. Of course, it only was working because they were two of the most relatively normal ones in the classroom. Chiri would simply have given Setsuna a forceful proper burial already. After all, she always carried a suspiciously red-stained shovel around. "No, I'm real! An avenging spirit from the graaaaaave!"

Abiru gulped and steeled herself. "E-Even if you were real, you can't scare us! We're 3-F! We're what nightmares fear!"

"I'll sic all the souls of the animals you petted and hugged and fondled and caressed to death on youuuuuu!" Chibi Setsuna booed. As Abiru broke into cold sweat, Chibi-Setsuna turned on the wide eyed Harumi. "As for you, as punishment for disrespecting me, I'll place the curse of Ishihara upon youuuuuuu!"

"NO, YOU DON'T SCARE US!" the girls still cried, hugging each other for support, plainly scared. "WE CAN'T BE AFRAID OF SOMETHING THAT SD!"

Chibi-Setsuna sighed and then, for the coup de grace, briefly changed into a perfect copy of Setsuna's actual, graceful and slim figure. This is something, after all, a practiced and powerful enough practitioner of the onmyoudou and their small creations can do for limited amounts of time, just like even the Chibi-turned Negi could do during the Kyoro ar- oh, right, that didn't happen in this adaptation. Well, it could've happened anyway had things gone that path. Regardless, the now non-Chibi Setsuna threw her head back and melodramatically wailed, "I won't know peace until I'm avenged...! ISHIHARA...!"

"YAAAAAAAAA!" Abiru and Harumi screamed, bolting immediately towards the next room, literally trampling all over the poor Setsuna on the floor, who barely had the time to scream a stifled short interjection.

"... ooops. Sorry about that, Master!" Chibi-Setsuna sweated, popping back into her Super Deformed form and looking down at her originator's twitching, groaning body.

"Ah! Setsuna-san, are you okay?!" Negi grew alarmed.

Kotaro sniffled. "That... That was kind of beautiful..."

"I thought you didn't like it when ladies were harassed or mistreated, you little punk?" Chisame frowned.

"Oh, I hate it when men do it, because we aren't supposed to, but I have no problem when a girl puts another girl in her right place, and believe me, those Nee-sans aren't half as bad as most of their class, but-"

Matoi bopped a fist against the back of his head. "That's my class you're talking about, boy. It's true, granted, but still my class, blast you..."

"Well, as long as I'm here, shall we move on to the fanservice portion of the segment?" Chibi-Setsuna said coquetishly, turning sideways and unbuttoning her shirt to bare one shoulder, winking at them.

A flyswatter knocked her out of the air. "Damn it, what have I told you about doing that?!" Setsuna demanded angrily, finally breaking character. "Ugh, sorry, Sensei, I guess I'm really out of practice. I swear, my paper doubles didn't use to be perverts."

"I had to!" Chibi-Setsuna wailed, a full-body grid pattern covering her from the flyswatter. "It's the only way I'll ever get an appearance around here! I demand more screentime! More screentime, more screentime!"

"Did Deadpool bite you at some point?" Kotaro said, backing away from the Chibi. "Because you sound suspicously like him..."

Some would have said it was a miracle for Yuuki Nao to ever attend church, but the truth was, she actually rather liked churches. Not because she had any faith left anymore. When she had started visiting the Mahora Mary Magdalene Church, shortly after the brutal assault on her mother, she had prayed with faith, looking for the relief Buddishm and Shinto had denied her. When she felt that faith had failed her as well, however, she had stuck around, even if erratically, simply because she actually liked the iconography and the peace of the Holy House. Nao didn't like crowds; she found them obnoxious, which was why that morning she was one of two souls in Mahora to hang around the church instead of joining the festivities. Also, she'd found out that this was a place where she could set dates over her phone without Mikan nagging her or Rito preaching at her about morality.

Rito. Who had a girlfriend like the crazy skank now, and the alien slut, now sluts plural. What a joke.

Often, Nao toyed with the idea of becoming a nun after finishing her studies, so she'd have a steady income and home without really having to work, much less ever marry a man (in the carnal sense, anyway). She more or less understood, however, a nun still had to work more than it was apparent at first sight, which was why she hadn't decided on the subject yet. As it was, right now, the young redhead would simply sit in silence under the shadow of a wide tree close to the temple's entrance, clad in shorts, sandals, a light tee-shirt and a red baseball cap, enjoying life as the God she didn't believe in had intended it, checking on her text messages and-

The ground shook with the sound of the impact. Nao, who was as lazy as they came but also had sharp survival instincts, lifted her head and stared past the road leading to the church and the first line of neatly arranged bushes limiting the woods, darkened now with dust thrown up, although probably not enough as for it to be visible from campus proper. Nao doubted the Festival goers had even heard the noise over the sounds of their fireworks and their annoying music. Before she could even think about it, she was running towards the impact site.

Because, while Nao's survival instincts were sharp indeed as mentioned, her curiosity was even sharper. As was her self-confidence. She was fairly sure that, if there was something really weird to be seen there, she could take a few pics of it and sell them after bolting away, assuming there was any danger at the site. Enough extra money meant a little less effort on seducing disgusting pigs and scamming them of their money before they went too far.

She was fairly sure she heard the priest on duty at the church peeking out and then running out after her with surprising speed for a man who was normally so quiet and slow moving, but then again he was still sort of young. And not that Nao really cared either way. As long as he didn't stop her from taking juicy pics to trade, she wouldn't mind Father Kirei tagging along. He was creepy, but still less bothersome than the average man.

Funnily enough, he was not in habit right now, but clad in a form fitting black shirt (he was better built than Nao had ever imagined before, too), and an apron over his pants, with a bandana hat on. Now Nao remembered he used to dress up like that for Festivals, as he'd close the church early to go sell the sizzling radioactive waste he passed off as mapo tofu at the festivities.

The source of the noise appeared to be a small impact crater in the first few stretches of woodland, surrounded by a few toppled and broken trees. There wasn't really enough time for Nao to get a good look at the crater while stopping by, as she was distracted by the sight of the girl in what could be charitably called ragged clothing walking away from it.

"Kugimiya-kun?" Nao heard the calm, smooth voice of Father Kirei coming from behind her, far closer than she'd have expected it, which made her all kinds of uncomfortable. She looked back at him over her shoulder.

"You know her?"

"A good shepherd knows all sheep in his flock," the man with the very deep eyes intoned seriously. Which as a matter of fact didn't actually answer the question, as he didn't fancy himself a good shepherd, but still sufficed the fool the girl as he'd expected. As a matter of fact, he only thought he knew the mostly bare young woman because she would often come along with Kakizaki, who was in the church's choir, out of pure vanity and desire to show her voice off rather than any piety.

The mostly naked girl noticed them, and spoke, sounding nothing like Kakizaki's classmate. "I'm sorry, what?" Not only were their voices different, but this girl spoke Japanese with a faint but unfamiliar accent. Other differences in their appearances became apparent at second and later glances.

"Please forgive me," the man who fathomed himself unforgivable amicably said, walking closer under Nao's suspicious glare. "For a moment, I mistook you for a young lady I happen to know. May I ask if you are you all right?" he asked.

"Never mind, she obviously is," Nao muttered rather disrespectfully. "What I want to know is, did you do that?" she demanded, pointing at the crater.

The girl looked back at the crater, paused for several moments as if attempting to decipher something that puzzled her in a quite profound level, then looked back to Nao with a bland expression. "You could say that. And yes, as you can see, I am quite all right."

"Quite," Kirei stoically agreed, for while his heart could find solace in nothing but evil now, and that included a lack of interest in sex per se, he was still a man and not one prone to outright denial of reality.

"Yeah, well, except for your clothes," Nao replied, genuinely upset by this girl's 'no big deal' attitude. She still held to some standards, actually more than those she thought she had, and she found junkies, druggies, furries, Twilightards and politicians to be disgusting. And who else would walk around a church naked during a festival while sporting no expression?

Behind her, a naked Takane D. Goodman sighed as she headed into the church to retrieve one of her many stashes of extra clothes hidden around campus.

Now the girl looked down. "Indeed," she said, considering her ruined garments. "It would seem the miracle- whatever it was- did not preserve them."

"Then, come, poor lost child. The House of the Lord will supply you some spare robes," Kirei offered, magnanimously beckoning towards the church.

The girl's head snapped up, and there was something very strange in her eyes. "That's very generous... we haven't even been introduced."

"'For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me,'" Kirei quoted, repeating his beckoning gesture.

Then the stranger failed to outright answer, seeming to study Kirei's own expression or lack thereof carefully, while Nao frowned and glanced back and forth between them. If Nao had been asked then, she might have said it looked to her like that girl would normally have gladly outright accepted the words she had just heard, but that there was something about the priest that kept her from doing so instantly. But when she finally spoke, taking a step towards them, her voice was still soft and somehow fragile. "'And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.' The very least," she concluded. "My name is Karin."

"Karin what?" Nao huffed, folding her arms.

"Just Karin will do," the weirdo replied, starting to follow the impassive Father across the road.

"Oooh-kay," Nao decided to tag along, just to see what happened next. As we just said, she was quite curious. "I'm Yuuki Nao," she said on a whim. "Nice to meetcha. I guess, Just-san." For the honor of her fam– er, well, let's say for the honor of Mikan, since she really didn't care about the rest of the family per se, she could not let a straight line like that go unanswered!

"That's a nice sounding name," Karin nodded, and said nothing else. Mostly because she honestly couldn't think of anything at all to tell her. She didn't even have a solid idea of what she was doing there, not to mention where that 'there' was to begin with.

Still, as things stood right then, she felt all the same she would eventually have to kill someone. Right after figuring out exactly what had happened to her.

"I designed this one myself!" Satomi's voice said with swelling pride as they stood in a featureless completely black room. At least, Chisame thought it was featureless since there was nothing in sight anywhere, but then again, there were no lights whatsoever in the whole room and nobody could see anything at all, so who knew for sure, other than Hakase?

Yes, it was that most cheaty of animation cheats, even worse than the clip show montage: the totally black screen.

"And..." Harumi's voice said, "this is scary, because...?"

"It's a metaphor of the greatest horror constantly hanging over all of mankind. The one from which there is no escape and there will never be," Satomi's voice lectured. "The absolute fact that is scariest than any monsters or afterlife horrors our imagination can picture. The crushingly sad and devastating realization in the end we all will be reduced to nothingness, cast into endless nonexistence forever. To make the experience more complete and akin to being in a state of absolute absence of existence, I also wanted to incorporate sound nullifiers to render the visitors fully unable to hear anything or anyone, but Skuld-san axed the idea."

"Of course she did!" Chisame's voice said. "Then there'd be no way at all to navigate through this room, much less to come out of it without running into a wall dozens of times first!"

Satomi's voice grumbled. "That's perfectly surmountable with enough determination and orientation, she was only upset I defied her silly beliefs of a so-called superior-"

"What in the... Tsunetsuki, take your hand off my butt!" Chisame's voice protested.

"Sorry, Chisame-sama!"

"You still aren't taking it off!"

"Y-Yes I did!"

"What?! No, you didn't, it's still there!"

"But I did, Chisame-sama!"

"Ooops, sorry," Harumi's voice said as Chisame felt a hand quickly being pulled away from her ass. "I thought I was touching someone else. Geh, you aren't my type, thank you very much!"

"... who did you think you were touching, Haru-nee?" Kotaro's voice asked.

"A lady never touches and tells, Kotaro-kun," Abiru's voice said.

"Th-There are two hands on my rear now!" Negi yelped.

"Why, Kotaro-kun...!" Harumi crooned teasingly.

"What?! I'm not touching anyone! My hands are being held high in the air, and even if they weren't, I'd never touch another man's ass!"

Chisame was heard sizzling in anger, and then there was the noise of a slap. "This time it WAS you, Tsunetsuki!"

"Guilty as charged!" Matoi's voice admitted. "But Chisame-sama, I think you just hit-"

"Wh-Why me?!" Negi's voice cried. "My face is all the way down here, how id you even hit me?"

"Ah, sorry, Sensei!" Chisame's voice gasped. "It, it was an honest mistake, for real!"

"And there are still two hands on my rear! One of them is even squeezing, now!" Negi's voice claimed.

"... Kobushi-sempai, please stop tugging on my tail while nobody's looking," Sakurako's voice soberly said as she finally let go of Negi's ass.

"Sorry, I thought I was reaching for Chamo-san's," Abiru piously said.

"On second thought, perhaps this room WAS a bad idea after all," Satomi's voice admitted as she also let go of Negi's ass.

"Oh, I don't know, I think it'll be one of the most popular with the crowds anyway..." Harumi's voice hummed, while she reached for Kotaro's ass...

... but ended up squeezing Matoi's instead.

The Church:

"Well, it's a good thing that old school uniform we found fits you," Kirei said, as he served both girls sitting at his table a steaming fresh breakfast. Nao had already eaten that morning, courtesy of Mikan before she left for the Festival with Rito and Lala, but she wasn't going to complain about an extra free meal. "And I'm sure Kasuga-kun won't mind we had to sneak into her bedroom and raid through her wardrobe for it. We'll need to have to have a long conversation with her regarding those magazines and devices, however."

"Fret not," Karin assured him, as she began to dig into her mapo tofu. "Should that transpire, this other gift will answer nicely." With that, she reached back to almost caress the shaft of the long hammer strapped to her back. It was sort of funny, Nao thought, how it and the strap had survived her… impact without a scratch on while her garments had become pretty much nothing. "I would prefer to have a sword as well, but I suppose it's a bit ridiculous for a church to have a supply of those in this peaceful place and times."

"Yes, ridiculous," Kirei, a man with a dozen swords on his person and more in every single page of his personal Bible, said.

"Yeah, well, about that," Nao began, then half-shrieked as her tongue felt like catching on fire with her first bite. "Ow! Ow, ow, ow, what the hell! This thing's too damn spicy!"

"Seriously?" Karin quietly asked while slowly chewing on the contents of her plate. "I think it is just plain delicious. My congratulations to the chef."

Kirei smiled while sitting down to join the meal. "Duly accepted and thanked. Also, please restrain yourself from employing that sort of language in this holy house, Yuuki-kun."

"Whatever, who eats spicy tofu for breakfast anyway?" the redhead made a face, pushing her plate towards Karin, who accepted it quickly, setting it right next to her own.

"I will not forget your charity, Father," Karin assured the man, now sounding much more respectful of him.

"I should hope not," he answered with a tranquil nod, "but if you really wish to thank me, you could start by answering the questions I'm obligated to ask you now. What are the reasons you came here, and why you do seem to need that hammer so badly?"

Now Karin did turn to look at him, a somewhat puzzled expression on her face, before taking a first sip from her cup of steaming black coffee, and finding it sublime as well. "Well, I suppose that there's no harm in telling you. Truth be told, I don't even remember why I am here, or what I was doing exactly before being sent this way. I have faint, somewhat contradictory memories of where I was before losing awareness and waking up by your church. I seem to remember an all consuming white light, and I remember a betrayal."

"Curious and curiouser," Kirei hummed, eyes closed as he enjoyed his mapo tofu.

Nao tasted her coffee and cringed. "Even this is just too hot and bitter. What the hell happened to your tastebuds?"

"I do remember, however," Karin added, "everything about this hammer. It was given to me, long ago, by someone whose company I craved above all others. It was her weapon of choice for me, and as such, I cherished it, and I learned to master it even better than a sword."

"Then why would you have liked a sword better?" Nao mumbled her question.

"Because it's far easier and swifter to kill with a sword, no matter your choice of the hammer as a non-lethal instrument," Karin smoothly replied.

"Oh. Right," Nao said.

"Rather interesting," Kirei nodded. "May we know the name of that person who meant so much to you? Perhaps we happen to know each other. In the course of an active life, one acquires odd connections."

Karin paused, studying him again, before deciding, Supreme Chef or not, she still didn't like him that much. "My apologies, but I'd rather keep that closer to my chest."

"Understandable, I suppose," Kirei allowed. "We all have our little necessary mysteries and secrets. Well, I should be going to wash these plates and cups," he said while standing up and picking the silverware. "And after that, write a detailed report of these fascinating events. Although I highly doubt anyone will look at them until the Festival is over. Still, paperwork is one of the most sacred parts of our duties and just cannot be overlooked."

Karin perked up, just a little, from her aloof coldness. "A Festival?" she asked.

Nao grunted. "The annual Festival of Mahora, of course. Wasn't that why you were here in the first place?"

"Mahora," Karin said carefully. "So I am at Mahora. And I… I think I remember a Festival of sorts, from shortly before I lost consciousness. A Babylon of festivities with visitors from across the world, with lots of individuals being stripped bare, before devolving into heaving masses of rutting carnality…"

"So you were doing hard drugs with your friends at some orgy while getting ready for the Festival," Nao deduced apathetically. "See? We're making progress now. Just wait a few hours until the drugs have fully passed by and I'm sure you'll remember everything."

"Perhaps," Kirei thoughtfully said. "In the meanwhile, why don't you be a good Christian and show Karin-san the surroundings while I write my report, Yuuki-kun? That might jolt her memories back."

"I'm not a Christian," Nao reminded him. "And shouldn't you be retaining her here until you've figured her deal out? Are you sure it's wise to send an innocent young student away with an amnesic drug whore?"

"I'm not on drugs," Karin said.

"A House of the Lord is not a prison, Yuuki-kun," Kirei said from where he was diligently washing the dishes now. "Anymore. But if you don't wish to show Karin-san around, that's only for you to decide."

Nao frowned, looked at the man's wide back, then looked at Karin, who just sat there with a stoic silence and lack of expression. "Like hell I'm scared of you, junkie," she said, standing up and gesturing for her to come along. "Let's go, I'll show you how to have a real good time."

Karin simply nodded and followed her outside.

After they were gone, Kirei calmly finished the dishes, closed the front gates, and slowly walked back towards the Chapel. As he stood before the Christ on His cross, with his arms folded behind his back, there was a hiss in the air, and his Servant materialized shortly behind him.

"That wassssssss one of the bigesssssst sssssssinssss, a ccccchallenge to deathhhhh, the arrival of a criminal like none elssssssse…" The skeletal Judge hovered around Kotomine, long tongue snaking out of his bony jaw and twisting with each dragged word. "An immortal, I can sssssssee, sssssomeone who'ssssss dared to try and essssscape the fffffffate dictated for all living beingsssss…"

"Oh, so that's what she is," Kirei pondered. "I suspected as much."

"I grow impatient, Padre!" the Judge raised his inhuman voice. "I wasssssss promisssssed a masssssacre beyond my wildesssssst imaginationsssss, and I ssssssee you doing nothhhhing but ssssstalling, hhhhholding my hhhhhhand! Are you afffffraid, jussssst like all otherssssss, Padre? Maybe I ssssshould look for a new Masssssster…"

"Maybe," another voice said from the shadows at the other end of the chapel, "he would trust you if you hadn't given such a poor showing against Saber, mongrel."

The Judge hissed as he twirled to float behind Kirei, staring at the newly arrived man with evident poison and vitriol behind the visor of his helmet, which covered all of his face but the skull-like jawline. Kirei smiled as he turned around, facing the blond man who now strolled confidently towards him.

"Welcome back, Gilgamesh," he greeted the closest thing he had to a friend. "It's good to see you again. So. Any ideas on the identity of our young visitor?"

"None that I have bothered to examine, but what's the point of doing so?" the man, handsome beyond all imaginations, a perfectly sculpted Adonis with a cruel lingering smile, wearing a casual biking outfit, stood as a male model posing with his practice sword, the one he used while bored and going on trips, challenging the monsters of this era and seeing how long it took him to defeat them with only the crudest weaponry at hand. "She's not the woman I'm here for."

The Haunted House:

"Rance-sensei helped a lot with this wing," Sakurako explained as the group moved through a long series of linked rooms, all forming a staged display of a dark, grim and foreboding American city, full of incredibly accurate samples of Gothic architecture. Gargoyles seemed to lurk around each corner, and occasionally, out of the shadows, would spring a very realistic mannequin of some sort of costumed maniac or another. "Impressive, huh?"

"That's... certainly a word for it," Harumi said noncommittally. Right now they were marching through a depiction of a spooky field lined up with glowing Jack-O-Lanterns, while glowing red eyes would pretend to stare at them from the tall, thick artificial grass surrounding the narrow, twisted pathway. And every so often, a mechanic man, most often shirtless, always with large green spots all over his skin and with short vines circling their necks like collars, would leap at them from the shadows, waving false knives around while shouting a recorded 'FOR THE MISTRESS, FOR THE MISTRESS!' in English over and over. "I knew he was an American, but Gothamite? Well, I guess that explains why he's so creepy..."

After passing through the tangle of thicker vines at the exit of that room, over which lounged a sensual but sinister mannequin of a voluptuous redhead wrapped in false vegetation and nothing else, they walked into a room filled with all manners of dead stuffed birds, and decorated in a way that would have made Norman Bates eat his heart out. Kotaro almost yawned as Hitchcokian holograms of cawing, crazed ravens and magpies began flying at them from all directions, threatening to peck their eyes out only to harmlessly fly through them moments after.

"Even if you worked on these as well," Abiru pondered, frowning slightly as she was pulled along by Harumi from her distracted tug on a stuffed and mounted Australian emu's tail, "you guys are keeping a very cold attitude about this. I had no idea you were so... self-controlled."

Chisame shrugged, unable to explain that, after facing the actual Joker himself, going through a guided tour of an amusement park Gotham was no big deal at all. "They're just dolls, once they lose the element of surprise on you, what's there to fear about them?"

"I know, but still... I can't help feeling a bit uneasy around them," Harumi had to admit, rubbing herself up and down in an arm.

"Good, then the House of Terrors has succeeded in, you know, being an actual House of Terrors," Chisame said.

"But school haunted houses aren't supposed to be actually scary, they're supposed to be laughably bad, that's the whole point! Its supposed to be bad costumes, cheap sets and sponges on fishing rods to give people a cold feeling iin their neck!" Abiru opined, jumping back a bit after, before reaching the room's end, a lifelike dummy of a grotesque misshapen bird man cackled and waughed at them, waving a sharp looking blade protruding from the end of his black umbrella at them. "And couldn't that thing poke someone's eye out anyway?"

"Well, that surely would be a major problem for you, yeah," Chisame told Abiru.

"Chisame..." Negi quietly warned.

Abiru frowned. "I'm not one eyed, you know. This one works perfectly," she explained, lightly tapping on the thick gauze covering her whole left eye, "it's just... oh, never mind. You have as little interest on hearing it as I have on telling you."

"You got that right," Chisame sagely nodded, ignoring the soft but stern glare Negi was giving her over their back and forth. "Say, Shiina, how many of these Gotham rooms are there in this house anyway?"

"Rance-sensei designed thirteen of them, fittingly enough," Satomi explained. "We've just visited the Nygma, Tetch, Isley and Cobblepot rooms, and this one is the Waylon Jones Southern Discomfort Chamber." She said this as they waddled through the murky water going up past their ankles in this room. It was like navigating across an ominous Southern swamp, only illuminated by the glow of fake fireflies perched on the thick foliage that covered the ceiling. Several pillars had been heavily retouched to look like tall and twisted trees from the Bayou, and occasionally, a small robotic alligator would swim around them, loudly chomping on the air before zooming back out of sight. Kotaro just yawned louder, although something, for some reason or another, was starting to make him very slightly nervous...

"Yeah, after this, it's the Pyg and Zsasz Rooms, and I must warn you, they're really nasty-nya," Sakurako said. "Anyone wanting to get back, please say it so now..."

"If we could take the horror Alice in Wonderland set back there, we can take that, too," Harumi confidently said, even though she was growing slightly, irrationally uneasy as well. Not that she could show it before 3-A and Kotaro. "Just lead on, sister!"

"Okay, nya, don't say I never warned you then..." Sakurako threw her hands up while they kept on waddling towards the green scaled reptilian behemoth guarding the exit.

As they did, however, they failed to notice something actually staring at them from the depths of the darkness, with blank, cold, inhuman even, eyes.

Sticking to the decorations, always keeping their distance, the large, dark figure kept on darting silently after them, following them through all too familiar sights and wondering what in the world was wrong with today's youth, making pop culture icons out of serial murderers. Especially after facing several of those killers themselves recently.

Then again, the living shadow allowed to itself, perhaps it was their own way to cope with the trauma, to reassure themselves they had prevailed over insanity itself and were not afraid of facing it directly.

That was why he kept a giant Joker card in his basement, after all. It gave him a lot of motivation on leg day.

This foreigner continued following the boy and his companions, waiting for the right moment to contact them openly, of letting them know why he had just marched back into their lives.

It was not, however, a moment he was looking forward to.

On the upside, at least giant vampire moon rabbits would not be involved this time.

Hopefully.

To be Continued!