Hell on Earth
AN: Sorry if the humour is a little rusty, it's always been my weak spot in writing. After chapter two, it's unlikely that I'll be updating very often. This is simply something I wrote with no real plot in mind, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
"Oi, spaceboy! You mind telling me what just happened?" At the sound of the redhead's familiar snarl, the Doctor grinned. He wheeled round to face Donna, pinstriped suit whirling rather magnificently as a result of the spin. The effect was only spoiled when a rush of dizziness hit the Doctor and he fell flat on his face. Donna sighed, clearly unimpressed.
"Donna, I've told you repeatedly that the vortex is unpredictable. Think of it as a- as a- not a fixed object. It's always moving. It's more like jelly, like a big ball of-"
"Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff. I know!" The Doctor looked hurt at being cut off, but Donna wasn't finished.
"But that doesn't explain the planet of Zac Efron and Orlando Bloom lookalikes singing remixed versions of Katy Perry before deciding that all the redheads in the world need to be exterminated!" The Doctor winced as he rose unsteadily to his feet, gripping one of the TARDIS controls for support. Maybe he was getting too old for this.
"The vortex is constantly fluctuating, constantly changing. External forces only disturb the vortex, which is why I told you not to use the TARDIS as a charger for your iPod!" Donna looked insulted, striding up to the Doctor and prodding him sharply in the chest.
"Are you accusing me of breaking the vortex?" Underneath her rage, the Doctor detected a trace of pride in Donna's voice. As if breaking the vortex was an achievement!
"Not exactly. You... you sort of scratched the surface-" The Doctor was fumbling to find the right words to say, but Donna was too impatient for him to finish.
"Tear a hole in the sky and the whole universe falls through. Mum always told me that." Donna interrupted smugly. The Doctor simply looked exasperated, shaking his head as though Donna was an unruly student.
"Not only is that not my point; it's also completely impossible. For a hole in the sky to be strong enough to pull the entire universe through, it would have to be a black hole of immeasurable strength! You'd also have to calculate which angle would be best to capture the entire universe, and that's only taking into consideration the unlikely chance that your black hole is facing the right direction! Never mind the fact that several civilizations have managed to develop the technology to escape black holes-"
The Doctor was abruptly cut off by a sharp ringing sound behind him. He spun round in a confused circle, only just managing to stay on his feet this time as Donna strode calmly over to the device from which the sound was coming.
"That'll be my curry." She explained to the Doctor, who briefly perked up at the mention of food. He bounded over to where Donna now stood, quickly recognizing the ringing box beside her as some form of microwave.
"I'll never be able to comprehend you Brits and your obsession with Indian food." As he spoke, the Doctor reached over Donna's shoulder to steal a large handful of curry. He ignored Donna's protestations, barely even noticing the food's heat burning his hand as he eagerly tipped it into his mouth. His reaction was immediate. The second the curry made contact with his tongue he was spluttering, earnestly coughing and spitting the stuff as far away from him as he could.
"Mother of- what to do you put in that stuff? Blimey, I've fought Slitheen whose farts tasted better than that!" The Doctor was only halfway coherent as he spoke, fanning his mouth and fixing the mess of curry on the floor with an expression of utter loathing. Clearly, the curry had become a bigger enemy to the Doctor than even the Daleks.
And then the Doctor grinned. His entire face lit up, the curry fiasco all but forgotten as an excited gleam shone in his dark eyes.
"Where to, Noble?' If Donna was startled by the Doctor's sudden mood change, she didn't show it. Instead she deliberated for a moment, head tilted to the side as she considered. All of space and time... The mind boggled! She didn't even know the names of 99.99% of the planets in the universe. She decided to guess.
"Let's go to... the 53rd Province of... The Mighty Realm of... Tabdoor...ania?" Donna was sure she'd made it up, but the Doctor seemed thrilled by her choice.
"The 53rd Province of The Mighty Realm of Tabdoorania? I haven't been there in years! Lovely place, food to die for. And the natives! The nicest people imaginable! They threw me a party simply for arriving! It's not the biggest tourist destination in the universe, but it is by far the nicest! Excellent choice, Donna!" The Doctor hammered on controls as he spoke, smashing down on buttons, swinging levers and setting their destination with great gusto. A second later, a familiar rumbling sound began as the TARDIS took off.
And for the first time since Donna could remember, nothing interrupted them. There were no shrieking alarms for help, no charging attackers, no crash landings. It would have been almost unnerving, had Donna not been so relieved to finally catch a break from saving the world. The thrill of fighting alien foes, of saving countless numbers of lives, was exhilarating. But Donna was only human, and sometimes she just needed a break. A chance to relax and eat her curry in peace and quiet.
"The eagle has landed!" The Doctor cried in delight when, after several minutes, a soft rasping sound signalled the end of the TARDIS' journey. Donna jumped up, leaving her empty curry bowl on her seat as the Doctor all but ran to the doors. Donna followed him a little more calmly, but couldn't deny her own excitement.
"Donna, get ready to meet the nicest people in the world!" With a flourish, the Doctor swung the old doors open and they both stepped out.
Straight into the path of the furious white-haired spirit rushing towards them.
AN: And that's the end of chapter one! I hope you enjoyed it; reviews would be greatly appreciated.