Why should I even care about going to your stupid tutoring!

Maybe because it's the only way I can spend time with you without it being wrong!

Lux woke up to the sound of clattering pans down in the kitchen. Immediately he entered her thoughts. Maybe he does care. She couldn't ignore the fluttering rush of her heart when she thought about him. But if he said all of that…why did he leave me with another tutor? That was what confused her the most.

As Lux opened her closet to look for something to wear, she still didn't understand. Why would he break up with Paige and then just disappear? Lux had asked Math, but Math wouldn't say. He had brushed her off and said something about Mr. Daniels taking personal leave. He didn't know if or when he'd be back. And if he did, he didn't say.

As Lux sifted through her clothes, she frowned. He wouldn't be at school today. Who knows if he'd ever return? Just another person to up and leave her. Gotta love those abandonment issues. Suddenly, her chest felt heavy and all she wanted was to crawl back into her bed.

"Lux! C'mon, we've gotta get moving! Baze is gonna be here any minute!" Cate called from the bottom of the attic stairs. Sighing softly, Lux just threw on a pair of sweats and an old Pogues t-shirt with the frayed hem. She didn't care what she looked like. She could be wearing a burlap sack and still not care. There was no reason to put on a tight dress that showed every curve. There was no one to wear it for.

"Lux, you okay?" Cate asked as Lux came downstairs. Lux nodded.

"I'm fine, what's for breakfast?" Cate didn't accept Lux's response but before she could say anything, the honk of Baze's horn broke her train of thought. Lux spotted a bagel and quickly snatched it up as she ran out of the house.

"Have a good…" But Lux was already halfway to the car before she could finish.

"Morning, child of mine," Baze greeted, opening Lux's door. Lux gave him a small smile and slumped into the seat. "What's wrong kiddo?" Lux just shrugged her shoulders. What's wrong? What isn't wrong?.

The ride to school seemed to go far to fast. She considered asking Baze if they could go do something else, but now that he had the 9-5 lifestyle it seemed pointless. When they arrived she just smiled at Baze and headed towards the quad. Just before entering, she stopped. She knew how easy it would be to just not go in. Lux hated admitting defeat and feeling helpless, so when the tears threatened to fall, she didn't know what to do. Cate and Baze would kill her if she missed any more of her classes. She was still in danger of failing out after all. But it was hard to breathe. And she was so damn sad. She missed him. She hated the vulnerability of liking someone this much. It wasn't a question anymore of whether or not she wanted to skip her classes; it was that she needed to in order to not make a fool of herself.

Quickly, when no one was looking she hurried around the side of the building and headed away from school. Achieving a mildly safe distance from the school, she pulled out her iPod and put in her ear buds. Tuning out the world seemed to be the safest decision of the day. But she knew she had to go back. She couldn't afford to miss any more material. It would be worse if she didn't go. That was another thing she disliked. Having a conscious. But she knew everyone would worry. She'd never hear the end of it. She had to pull herself together before she could go back. So she plopped herself down on the curb of the sidewalk in an attempt to ground herself back to reality and get out of her vortex of a head. It was a quiet street and she could hear the school bell in the distance.

She buried her face in her hands and leaned forward closing her eyes. Just breathe Lux. It's not as bad as you think. You still have you. But for the first time, Lux wasn't sure that was enough. Her eyes felt itchy, but she forced herself to hold back the tears. She was completely out of control. She pushed the palms of her hands into the sidewalk trying to bring her mind back down to earth. She was focusing so intently that at first she didn't notice the presence sitting next to her.

"Are you okay Lux?" A quiet voice asked. When he didn't receive an answer he gently pulled the ear bud out of her right ear and asked again.

"Eric? I thought you were…" Lux quickly pulled out the other ear bud and looked at him incredulously. A wave of emotions washed over her. How she had yelled at him. How crappy she looked today. How she felt so sad, and how amazing his lips felt against hers that night that seemed like a lifetime ago. But he was here. Sitting next to her.

"Don't you have class?"

"Does it matter?" He voice was slightly harsh and she instantly regretted it. But she was embarrassed. Just some loser child with a learning disability. She would never register on his radar again. And it didn't matter. Because he left. He just…left.

"Of course it matters, Lux. You…matter," he said sincerely. He couldn't believe someone as beautiful as her would think like that.

Then why did you leave me? She wanted to ask. She wanted answers. But they weren't question she felt she could ask. She twirled the ear buds around her finger with quiet concentration.

"Why did you break up with Paige?" Lux asked softly. Her ears started throbbing, anticipating an answer she wouldn't be able to handle. He found someone else. He's moving back to Minnesota. He needed to get away from me.

"Paige…wasn't…."

"Forget I asked," Lux stood abruptly, no longer wanting an answer. "Actually, you know what? Just forget. Me, that night, us…let's just forget. We felt what we felt. It was great but it was fleeting. Let's just leave it at that."

"Lux," Eric stood and reached for her hand.

"No," She pulled her hand away. Her eyes were bleary. She squinted trying to fight the tears back. Just keep it together. "We'll just forget," she avoided his gaze and stared at the sidewalk beneath her. She felt a warm drop against her cheek. She started walking away, not wanting to be humiliated any further. She wiped her face with her hand hastily trying to erase her stupid tears. "Loser freak with the learning disability goes back into isolation," she muttered under her breath.

"Hey!" She felt a hand grab hers. He dragged her over behind a large Weeping Willow, away from the street. Away from people and their prying eyes. "Don't ever think that about yourself!" He surprised her with the anger in his eyes, until he saw that she was crying. Immediately his anger was extinguished and he wiped away her tears with his thumb. This just caused her to cry more.

"Damn it. Just…I don't want you to see me like this," she pleaded, trying to turn away. He would let go of her wrist.

"I broke it off with Paige because she wasn't the one I wanted to be with. I thought you'd be happy."

Lux remembered going to tutoring and discovering he was gone. Knowing she had successfully manage to drive away another person in her life.

"Do I look happy, Eric?" Lux asked. She pulled her hand away and crossed her arms.

"I know we can't be together. But that doesn't change the fact that I care about you. I want to help you. I want to continue to get to know you."

Lux was so angry she could spit.

"You're such a liar!" Eric blanched at her harsh outburst. "You don't care at all! If you did, you wouldn't have…"

"Lux, what? I wouldn't have what?" Eric stepped into her space and uncrossed her arms.

"You wouldn't have left me! I showed up the next morning and you weren't there!"

Eric suddenly realized his mistake. He pulled Lux into his arms. How could he have been so stupid? He knew about Lux's past.

"Everyone always leaves," she whispered, leaning into his shoulder slightly.

There it is, Lux thought, that whole vulnerability thing. She didn't like it. She stood there a moment longer forcing away her tears when she distinctly heard him breathe deeply against her.

They stood only inches from each other. The invisible sparks literally sizzled between them. She gazed up into his eyes wondering what he was thinking.

"You need to get to class," he whispered, trying to control himself in her presence.

The moment was over. Lux sighed. For a few seconds she was able to forget. It was easy to be angry with him for what he did when she wasn't standing next to him. But he did leave her, even if only briefly. And it hurt. The thing she never got over no matter how many therapists she had seen or would see...it still never fails to hurt. She turned to walk away but he still had a firm hold on her hand. "Lux, I...I just want you to know...I'm sorry." Lux nodded and he released her hand gently.

"You know, you could always kiss me and make it better," She said grinning towards him.

"Get to class," he laughed lightly, but Lux noticed the darkness in his eyes. Somehow she didn't think they'd be kissing anytime soon.

As she walked back to campus, she realized that nothing had been resolved. She still didn't know how he felt about her, if he felt anything for her. Where they stood, why he left...somehow nothing had managed to clear itself up. But, she did feel slightly better. It didn't erase the hurt, but she knew that would take time.

The next morning Lux awoke with a soft smile on her face. Because things were definitely better than yesterday. She had tutoring this morning and couldn't wait to get to school. Hopping out of bed she headed towards he closet and pulled the dress she had chosen the night before off the hanger. It was a yellow dress with a sweetheart neckline. Looking in the mirror, she wondered if it made her look too golden..or too sunshiney...was sunshiney even a word? Shrugging she picked out a sweater and then brushed her hair.

When Baze pulled up to the driveway, Lux was already waiting impatiently by the street tapping her foot.

"Hey kiddo, who's the dress for?" Baze vaguely remembered the fluctuating emotions of teenage girls so when Lux didn't respond, he didn't think anything of it. Baze dropped her off at school and it was all Lux could do not to run into the building. Seriously, calm the hell down. Lux took a breath and deliberately walked slower to the classroom. Her smile deflated when she stepped into the room.

"Good morning, Lux," a female voice greeted her.

Lux stood staring for a moment.

"Um, wait...isn't Mr. Daniels back? I thought he'd be tutoring me again." The teacher shook her head.

"Did you do the assigned reading for today?" Lux's heart dropped as she pulled out her notebook. As she sat down and opened her book, the anger was once more ignited. She was stupid to open up to him. Rejection, thy name is Lux, she thought sadly to herself.