The Balderdash Short Tale Of Their Silly Act
By xyllia-xerxes
Again, another fic from xyllia-xerxes. At first, I tried to make the story dense so I could post it as a one-shot (yes! I do love writing one-shots.) but finally I decided to make this as a multi-chapter fic. This is the first time I tried to make a cross-over fic. Okay, so all characters didn't belong to me. Before we start the story, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all my reviewers. Thank you for everything! And here it goes, happy reading.
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Chapter 1
The Order
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This is how the story starts.
Kirihara Akaya, the rebellious fifteen year old boy was sitting lazily on his dearly blue hammock that was hung between two coconut trees. Above was the blue azure sky, accompanied with white clouds and a display of jovial scenery of sunlight. The light pierced through the layers of air and dispersed at a spot, making a wonderful panorama of wonderful colours. The air was expectedly fresh, clear enough so that all living organisms could feel the happiness of living. Surrounding the boy were the green trees, some are old and tall, forming a canopy of leaves that contemplated the lazy boy. There were also bushes, and every kind of bushes that you can think of, or even you cannot name it, planted neatly above a path of grassy surface. To make the paradise complete, there were also a beautiful patchwork of flowers, and again, name every king of flowers you can think of, is it bluebells, foxgloves, sunflowers, roses, lilies, and this, and that, bla bla bla. They were organized together in a harmony of vivid colours.
Okay, enough for the scenery explanation. Now we move on to the things that support the slothfulness of this boy. As you have known, Kirihara Akaya was sleeping on his hammock. But there's more else. Beside him there was a tiny table, an old wooden table, mahogany in colour. And guess what. Above the table were a glass of cocktail and a bowl of ice cream. The cocktail was a mix of red, yellow and blue in colour, while some ice cube float on it. We could know that the drink was fizzy, since there were bubbles popping out inside the slender glass. A bright red cherry, cut in half and pineapple was stucked in top of the glass. A bright yellow coloured straw was placed inside the cocktail. What makes the drink more hip is the tiny little umbrella which pierced through the cherry. Hmm. Maybe you could call the drink as 'paradise shot.' Then, the ice cream. There were five scoops inside the out of ordinary sized china bowl, with strawberry, chocolate, vanilla, coffee, and oreo flavour inside the bowl. Oh, wait. They were sprinkled with rice chocolates and biscuits and chocolate toppings on the top. And yes. Plus two slice of bananas. So we can conclude that this is what we call a banana split.
Behind the delicacies was the radio, a silver-plated radio. It had two speakers on its ends and it was square-shaped. The machine was playing some kind of reggae music, and if you set your ears well, you could hear sentences like 'welcome to my paradise..' being sung by the singer. That made this song the prefect melody to accompany the boy who was on his top of laziness.
So here he was, Kirihara Akaya was laying on the hammock, drinking his 'paradise shot' – and having a spoon of his ice cream. He took the chocolate one. Looks like it was his favourite flavour. He sit and minimized the volume of the radio. No. He made it louder. And there he was, moving his body right and left, shaking his hips, his head up and down, circle around, moving his hands, and murmuring the lyrics that he absolutely remembered, although the lyric was in English. And still he was daydreaming, sipping his paradise shot once again, and ice cubes rattled inside the glass. The reggae from the radio got louder, till a level of pandemonium that most people could hardly tolerate anymore. However the devastation boy didn't intend to reduce the sound, not bothering his surroundings. Which in fact, the peacefulness of the scenery was destroyed by the loud music that the radio produced and the boy enjoyed.
Finally the music ended, and the chaotic world turned silent for a while. Kirihara Akaya woke up, pressed the play button, and the CD went back from the first track for the many times. Again he lied slothfully on the hammock, and imagining crazy things ever that he could imagined. He looked through his paradise shot and realized that one gulp would be enough to finish the drink. So he decided to finish the ice cream and he took the bowl, letting the soft item melt in his mouth. He glanced at the mailbox that stood up in front of his house, between the white fences. He could see that there was no letter inside the red box as the result he went disappointed. "again, no order to solve.." he muttered with a dismal look and gritted his ice cream spoon.
Okay. Stop for a moment. You might went confused with all the story. So let me tell you a bit. This is the office of "Kirihara Agency, The Best Detective Ever" and the boss, Kirihara Akaya was waiting for an order, or precisely, a case for him to solve. He used to have a lot of cases, and he did managed to solve it, but recently the number have decreased sharply. He didn't know what was going wrong, but still he didn't give up, and kept running the business as usual. Waiting in desperation, he lied lazily and as everyone would do in this kind of situation, he could only wait. And wait. Hoping there would be cases that come to him, so he could finish it quickly and gained payment and buy a new compo to hear his favourite damn reggae all the time. It might be annoying for most of his neighbours, but not for the balderdash detective. However, there was just one person that went along pretty well with him, the dearly assistant Marui Bunta.
The red haired guy is a 'good' person, and he was typing something on his laptop on the veranda next door. Outside the air moved in hell speed. It was one of these long breezy period in Japan, where there seemed to be no escape from the blow. Behind the steady clatter of Marui Bunta's laptop, there was also a radio playing some rock music. It was a leather encased radio, with a wire clothes hanger in place of the original one, which could be assumed had been broken off in some accident or other in the past. Ordinarily rock was the outward sign of deep incurable evil, of course, and Kirihara Akaya became doubtful that he would have given Marui Bunta the job, even if he had, as he claimed, got 98 per cent in his final exam at the Toudai Secretarial College.
But lessons were there to be learned, were they not, and once Akaya's assistant, Niou Masaharu had revealed himself to be a damn bad guy, who would go so far as to blow up his employer's tiny black Volkswagen with explosives made from a half cup of sugar which he must have hoarded while he had been working at the Detective Agency and some organic fertilizer that he would have borrowed from a farm nearby. So Kirihara Akaya had no choice but to ask him leave the Agency and employ Marui Bunta in his place. Since then, things got better. For at least.
And it was just Kirihara Akaya was laying lazily on the hammock on the veranda of his paradise, sipping his paradise shot, and looking out across the yard at the flower patch and nameless shrubs that filled the place, thinking of how much he adored it all, that a man wearing a uniform of Japan Postal Service had knocked at the gate of the stock fence and greeted him modestly.
"Kirihara-san."
"Jackal!" he exclaimed, getting to his feet to meet his visitor and to show him his dearly blue hammock. The man in the uniform of Japan Postal Service looked puzzled for a second but he had readily accepted his offer of tea and a piece of maccha cake. So few people these days had time to stop and talk.
"Now, Jackal," Kirihara Akaya asked. "What can I do for you?"
"Kirihara-san," he replied, using the respectful sound that along with his polite acceptance of his offer of the cake and tea, confirmed him to be a good man, "I brought good news for you."
"You meant that." The detective doubted.
"Check this out." He opened his postman bag and in one hand he held out a brown envelope with Kirihara Akaya's name and address written upon it.
"Oh man! New order?" Kirihara Akata clapped his hands together. "I am so happy! Indeed you are clever! However did you find me?"
The man in the uniform of Japan Postal Service pointed to the name and address written on the envelope in the black ink. True it was not handwritten, but printed rather, which was a pity.
"Oh, Jackal-san!" he exclaimed. "I must show this to Marui Bunta. He will be so excited. He is my new assistant. He passed his exams at the Toudai Secretarial College with 98 per cent."
"Oh, it's good, Kirihara-san. Toudai Secretarial College is a very fine college. Your new assistant must be very clever. Ninety-eight percent is better than 97 percent."
"Exactly, Jackal-san. I am glad to hear you say that. I has to ask my last assistant, Niou Masaharu to leave because he only got 97 percent in his final exams. And then he blew up my tiny little Volkswagen. Can you imagine that?"
"Oh, Kirihara-san. Are you sure it was him?"
for a second the man in the uniform of Japan Postal Service stared at him but then, before Kirihara Akaya couls ask him a question, he snatched up the remaining maccha cake and jammed it in his mouth before bolting across the yard and went out, his postal bag swinging wildly behind him.
Kirihara Akaya took the envelope that the man in the uniform of the Japan Postal Service had left on the table and he opened it with a letter knife and yet he was surprised by the contents. A single sheet of thin paper stamped in a long line of capital letters. Kirihara Akaya read the letters that together made up a series of words:
TO KIRIHARA AKAYA STOP THE OWNER OF THE KIRIHARA AGENCY THE BEST DETECTIVE EVER EXCLAMATION MARK WE NEED YOUR HELO COMMA URGENT HELP NEEDED STOP THERE WAS A MURDER STOP PLEASE TAKE A FLIGHT SA 123/527 TO OSAKA AS SOON AS POSSIBLE STOP. SAKATA GINTOKI COLLEGE
"Well," exclaimed Kirihara Akaya. "What can that be about, I wonder?"
-to be continued-
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that's it for the first chapter. More Gintama characters would appear in the second chapter and so on. My deepest apologize for all mistakes that I made throughout the story. Finally, I am longing a review from you guys smiles would you kindly spend a few minutes to write a review for me? Thanks a lot! smiles again