A/N: So... I feel stupid writing this, but I had to do it. It was bugging me. I know this guy who seems rather jealous of tails and likes to bother cats, playing with their tails... He has tail envy. So, just imagine what I mean when I say Sam has tea envy.
There are two things that forced me write this. One being shopping with picky people. Two being:
Dean: Your, uh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis.
Sam: Bite me.
Enjoy the crack.
"Come on," Dean said, shifting his feet uncomfortably. "Do we really have to?"
"Yes, we really have to. For once I'd like to eat something that's not from a side-of-the-highway diner or a truck stop," Sam snapped, turning to the red and green sign. "It's not as bad as you think. It's just a supermarket."
"We don't have time to 'Stop and Shop'!" Dean argued, but it was pointless. Sam was already walking into the building.
Sam grabbed a shopping cart, not thinking twice about how he looked pushing it around. He turned down the first aisle, scanning it for something worth eating. Maybe something organic.
Dean caught up to him, trying to hide his face.
"Dude, you draw more attention to yourself trying not to be seen. In fact, you look kind of suspicious."
"Shut up," Dean hissed, suddenly pretending to be fascinated by a package of Oreos as a small family walked by.
"They were looking at me. They were looking at me!" he said, his eyes wide.
"Calm down, man. They didn't even see you," Sam laughed.
Dean just snorted and followed Sam down the hall, eying all the different kinds of cookies and snack foods like there was something wrong with them.
"It's called food, Dean," Sam said, amused. "It's not evil."
"Hmm." Dean muttered, examining some fruit-flavored snacks, staring at the cartoon characters on the box.
"With their creepy dead eyes," he murmured, flinching as Sam ripped the box out of his hands.
"If you want chewy fruity plastic, at least get the one made with real fruit." Sam handed Dean a box of Welch's Fruit Snacks before turning the corner.
"Freak," Dean said under his breath, following his brother.
"It's not fair!" Sam suddenly exclaimed.
"What?" Dean asked, but he was very rudely ignored.
"What if I want to drink it at night?" Sam ranted angrily, shaking a box of tea. "They have french vanilla chai tea and crappy plain de-caffinated tea!"
"And that's a crime- ?" Dean says, confused.
"Normally, they have french vanilla chai tea that's de-caffinated. But not today," Sam explains, thoroughly frustrated. He shoves a rectangular shape at Dean.
"Hold that." He rakes his eyes up and down the shelves again, but finds nothing.
"Great. Now I have to buy Stop and Shop brand tea. Put that down." He directs the last part at the elder Winchester. Shrugging, Dean put it back.
Sam placed a cheesy looking yellow container in the cart, frowning. "I feel like I'm buying something I don't want."
"If you didn't want it that bad, you wouldn't buy it," Dean pointed out.
"Who the frick asked you?"
Dean threw his hands up in surrender.
Sam ran through his mental shopping list. Eggs, salad, tea, some kind of meat for Dean, and fruit juice.
"Get something you want and meet me at the checkout line," he said, stalking away.
Unable to really find something he wanted, Dean tried to stand as inconspicuously as possible at the front of the store. He whistled, but the cashier began to look at him. So he stopped. He tapped his fingers on the metal side of the door, but a little boy copied him. So he stopped. He started humming, but an old lady tried to hit him. So he stopped.
Just when he thought he was going to go insane from boredom, Sam reappeared.
"Dean! Here, take this broken egg, go down to the egg section, and get me a new one," Sam said, holding an oozing egg out.
"What do you want me to do with it?"
"Just put it back where you get the new one from!"
"You really want me to do that?"
"Yeah! Why not? Nevermind, just- just do it!" Sam said quietly. Dean took the egg, and ran to the back of the store. He opened a carton of 18 large eggs, checking each one and selecting the best. A man walked by right as Dean wiped some egg goo on the side of the cardboard. He narrowed his eyes, but kept on walking.
Cradling the new egg, Dean rushed to the front of the store again. He shoved at Sam, who barely caught it before it broke. He then began to place their items on the conveyor belt where they glided down to a blonde woman. She was wearing the standard Stop and Shop apron and outfit, but she had bright pink shoes on.
"Hey," Dean said, as smoothly as he could. Sam had his back to both his brother as the cashier and was unloading the cart.
The woman gave Dean a strange look, bordering on a grimace. "Uh, he's right there you know," she said, sliding the box of tea under the scanner, waiting for the beep.
"Wha- Oh, we're- We're brothers," Dean said quickly, feeling his cheeks get hot.
"That's disgusting," she said, shooting a frown at Sam as he turned around. She didn't speak to them again.
As they left, Sam checked through the coupons he'd collected. He gave two to Dean, telling him to throw them away.
"But Sammy, this one's for fruit snacks!" Dean showed the paper to Sam.
"What?"
"Fruit snacks!"
"Shut up." And as they filled the Impala with plastic bags, Sam decided that diner food was much easier to deal with than shopping.
A/N: Yeah. It's lame and my first attempt at being funny. Tell me what you think!