This is a story I take personally...in memory of someone very important to me ^_^ I really hope you like this one.

Tragic Beauty

A bitter cold washed over me, the lethargic left me blissfully asleep but I was slowly slipping away into a painful awareness, I wanted to reach down for the covers but was alarmed when I couldn't move my arms, shocked my eyes snapped open to find I was in a strange room. The smell of dust and gasoline filled my nostrils somewhere in between the dread, logic told me to stay still and be quiet this didn't stop me from thrashing when I found myself to be bound and gagged. I tugged desperately at the ropes binding my wrists behind my back already I could feel the bruising. I froze when there was a slight shuffle, the door opening with a slow creak a slight man with dark hair dressed in black stood in the doorway. Switching on the light not even a second glance when he sauntered over to a desk sifting through files, acting as if me bound on the floor happened everyday which only increased my fear.

I held my breath time seeming to stop all together as I watched him. My mind was still sluggish and horror ran through my every nerve but the sight of him triggered some long buried memory.

Suddenly he spun on his heel and looked at me with a smile that told me everything that he wanted, something woke inside me and screamed for me to run from him. That's when I got a good look at him, familiar eyes glared at me with a terrifying hunger to hurt me, touch me…break me.

His face has been forever etched into my memory but the actual sight of him had my mind reeling, this was not possible. I jerked back and almost dislocated my shoulder when I tried to twist my wrists out of the tight knot but I knew there was no point. The man took a step forward only to watch me move back further he grinned sardonically taking his next steps with care, savoring my fear. Bending down he took my chin between his fingers but I yanked away to glare up at him. Gruffly he whispered for me to be a 'good girl' pure will and stubbornness kept me staring defiantly back at him, if he thought I wasn't going down without a fight I'd like to say he was more than wrong.

'This isn't real.' I told myself but no matter how much I wanted to believe it wasn't, I couldn't help but feel the cold cement seeping through my jeans or the sharp crisp air easily going through my shirt without looking, I knew there was snow outside. I looked down, relieved to find I at least had sneakers on; escape would be a little easier.

"Just get it over with, Itachi." Even though the voice was barely above a whisper it still made me jump I looked over hesitantly to a dark corner, there I saw a faint outline of a man sitting on a chair, 'Was he really just going to sit there and watch?'

My whole body tensed when I felt rough fingers gently touch my cheek I quickly turned away and stared at the dirty wall.

"Come on, you're my beloved, you know I'll never hurt you." His voice soft and loving, I couldn't help but look up at the familiar tenor of it, suddenly it all felt too real. A low sob escaped my throat thankfully muffled by the fabric in my mouth. His eyes were so tender and adoring as if the look alone would tell me of his love, tell me that I was his only girl and that no harm would ever come of me, I never felt so deprived of affection until that very moment. A part of me, no a completely different person believed him and trusted him implicitly. Because that girl inside me would always be in love with him since it was this man that wiped her tears, brushed off every nightmare and always held her in an embrace that made her feel whole.

"I' am so sorry, Hinata." He murmured softly in my ear, his breath hitching at the use of my name I closed my eyes and relaxed into him reluctantly letting him in again, tears slipped down my face. That's when I felt that connection we lost long ago but there it was, I smiled sadly… it was like it never left.

If I could live in that moment forever, I would have but I had to stop it, and fast because the person I' am now couldn't forget what he had done. Twisting out of his arms I turned away quickly, he wouldn't get past my defenses again. He only hummed in response as if to contemplate something, I made the mistake of turning to look at him because I was only met with his palm painfully meeting my left cheek, sending me to the floor face first. Roughly putting me on my feet, he took off the gag and forced me to look at him; we have been through this before, he wanted to hear me scream.

"Is this what you wanted?"

"Please, Itachi…don't." The words came out before I could stop them, I knew it was useless to beg, however, I couldn't help but want to see a little part of him waver the little part that never wanted to hurt me. I closed my eyes for the next blow.

The next few hours were a vicious blur of my own blood and his frustrated shouts to get some sort of response out of me but I never gave him the satisfaction, not this time. His face still flashed through my mind every time I closed my eyes even though he was gone I could still feel his rage, I shivered involuntarily, huddling into the corner ashamed to even look up.

"It is alright…he'll be gone for a while." I jumped at the sound of his soft voice, completely forgetting that he was even there. Silently the stranger stood and walked over to me, I was frustrated to find that he was wearing a hood so I could only see the lower half of his face. I flinched away when he took out a knife but he only cut the ropes off my wrists and gently took the fabric out of my mouth.

"Why are you helping me?" Not that I wasn't grateful but I wasn't sure if I could trust him, after all he just stood by and watched me get beaten and violated now he decides to help me?

"I' am sorry, I couldn't do anything." He stated gently as if reading my mind, for a moment we just stood there another familiar taste of something but I just couldn't put my finger on it but for some reason I felt safe, his hands warming mine.

'Natural.'

There was a quiet shuffle out in the hallway, he jerked his head up and squeezed my fingers almost painfully.

"You need to leave now!" He started to push me towards the window.

"Where am I going?" I turned to find nothing, that's when I heard the footsteps urgently I opened the window and gasped, it was freezing but it didn't slow me down from jumping out into the deep snow. Disoriented by the wind biting into my skin I stopped mid step that's when I saw lights bob across the night in the forest, frantically I tore after it. Praying it was a vehicle.

There was a distant crunch of footsteps following after me.

Running for the lights I couldn't help the painful desperation to creep up my throat a scream at the edge of my tongue but my pride would not let it go. Panic made my heart race when I felt the stalkers intent behind me, I almost cried out when the lights disappeared but I still tore on through the snow, my eyes tearing from the cold, my skin stung and felt brittle threatening to break with every movement. A sudden wave of relief flooded through me when I saw the road, I wanted to shout out and cheer but I could only whimper and move faster.

I didn't know where I was, the subzero temperatures gave me no clue, looking around to find only endless forest and snow. Scrambling up along the bank I finally made it onto the clearing; I struggled for breath for a moment trying hard to listen for the footsteps when I didn't hear any I didn't kid myself thinking I lost him. I jumped when I heard a low hum, in the distance lights appeared across the clearing again I almost jumped for joy when I realized it was a vehicle. I turned sharply when I heard an unearthly groan, looking over the lights disappeared.

I took a step farther but stopped when the haunting voice seemed louder looking down I realized something horrifying, I wasn't standing on a road…it was a river.

"Just stay still!"

I screamed despite myself when I found the hooded stranger standing right behind me, the ice crackling under both of our weight.

"Please just get me out of hear!" I cried desperately, I couldn't even feel it when he grabbed both my hands in a sweet motion but it frustrated me that he made no move to get off the ice.

"You need to know that all of it was a mistake."

"What was a mistake?" I was too unfocused and scared to make sense of what he was saying.

"We didn't mean to hurt you, we loved you, Hinata." That's when I heard that unforgettable tone, my mind suddenly snapped into overdrive.

"Who are you?" He was silent just gently squeezed my fingers running his thumb over mine, my hands unconsciously twining into his I recognized these hands. Tentatively, I reached for his hood already knowing the answer, I stopped breathing when I saw a softer, kinder face one with no deception or seeking to control and inflict pain. This was a face I knew better than my own.

"Itachi…..?" I couldn't stop the girl inside me to instinctively reach out and touch his face, his hand automatically coming up to cover mine.

Of course I knew this was impossible because what seemed just a moment ago, he was beating me into submission and breaking my heart with every cold and disgusted glare. But the eyes I looked into now were warm, eyes that long ago I had made a home in, closing the gap between us and drank in his familiar musky scent, I didn't bother to stop the tears no matter how much it hurt me because I knew he would wipe them away, true to form, I felt rough fingers brush my cheek.

"Don't cry, sweet pea." I laughed at the old nickname but it came out more as a dejected sob.

"Where did you go?" I detested myself for sounding so broken; he only leaned into me so our foreheads were touching tears started tumbling when our lips met, he pulled away slowly, his own tears staining his cheeks.

"Please don't leave me again." He only grimaced, calloused fingers tracing my every feature taking me into memory just as I was him.

"You know I can't stay."

Somewhere deep inside me knew he was right but I quickly rejected the feeling because more than anything I needed him to embrace me and pick up the shattered pieces again hold me until I knew this was real. He gave me one short sweet kiss before I even knew the question was coming out of my mouth because with every fiber of my being didn't want to hear the answer.

"Why?"

I watched as he shut his eyes and shake his head as if trying to avoid the inevitable, he leaned in to nuzzle into the nape of my neck and whimpered softly suddenly he was kissing my chin, my forehead, cheeks, and eyes than finally we were caught in a rough kiss, our lips crushing against each other in desperation, teeth grazing and tongues caressing. Too soon he broke away looking at me with an expression that destroyed me.

"Because I' am dead."

I fell into the freezing water weeping.

Months ago this dream had me waking up screaming still haunting me every time I close my eyes or every time I have to stop and think. Terrified to see his hateful glare and eyes glitter with pleasure at my pain or a loving gaze that had once made me feel safe and protected but now leaving me in ruin.

It has already been four years since Itachi's funeral, four long years of healing and denial of my own pain, I have been close to a full circle but I found myself writhe in pain at the mere thought of him in spite of everything else. It is an obscure notion to find how I feel of his death, of our relationship because complicated is putting it mildly. For a while I could only remember the bleak feeling when he first struck me or when he first took advantage of me, beatings that I was long since used to and mornings the next day always gave me hope, because he didn't remember any of it. Itachi was a schizophrenic.

Than slowly, I started to recall all the good times, moments that took my breath away as messed up as it was; I loved him and still do. There was one day that will always be in my heart, I woke up in his bed and as always felt safe because he was my Itachi when I looked up into his sad eyes he was gently caressing a bruise below my right eye usually he would play with my long hair in the morning. I flinched away when I remembered how that bruise got there; he grimaced in pain and for a moment looked terrified.

"Who ever did this to you, sweet pea, their going to pay, I'll kill them for hurting you." That's when I started to sob on seeing my tears he panicked and would have said anything to make them stop. He ended up making me breakfast, washing my hair for me I almost broke down again when he gently kissed the bruise.

It was a day filled with I love you's, sweet words and sugar filled kisses a day I keep locked up in a secret place until a particular rainy day has me down. I couldn't tell you how hard it is to recall this particular dream because it's vivid and realistic sense had me petrified to even close my eyes for a little while too terrified to be left alone for just a minute. But it was also the first time I dreamed of him in two years despite the grim memory I was glad to find I remembered his exact smell, the texture of his dark hair or the passion in his dark eyes it hurt to remember but it was too painful to forget.

This dream was miserable to go through, evoking something that I long since buried deep in my mind causing tears that I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. I lack sleep and affection, craving for a touch only one can douse but tragically, I' am only left with a memory, a beautiful memory.

I grew up pretty much in those short days but I still have a long ways to go but when I do grow up, I want to be happy just for him this dream has me determined to be the best I can be for him, myself and my father.

Perpetually, I will never forget hands that were gentle, caressing and adoring me, eyes that gazed at me with affection and perfection and most importantly I will remember the person that those caresses and gazes belong to. Because even though it was those very hands that hurt me, eyes that damaged me and the person who almost broke me I couldn't hate him because I knew he loved me and I loved him it was effortless and seamless.

It was amazing and agonizing but I know I will mature into something wonderful because even though the dream hurt me deeper than you know, it was him that comforted me when I woke. With his help I'll be strong.