Disclaimer: Neon Gensis Evangelion and its characters belong to Gainax. Earth Defender Squadron Blue and its characters belong to The Stormwarden Project. This is not intended to infringe on the rights the author has no right to claim.
Part 1: A Rival Procedure.
"NERV Control, this is Blue Lead, over." The transmission came off as more than a little clipped. Viper always worried his accent would leech into his speech, no matter how long he lived in Shinjuku. Besides, who in their right mind set up an airbase that refused to communicate in English like any other air control authority in the world?
A long pause settled over the radio. Viper slipped a finger to key the mike, just as the speaker came alive again. "Blue Lead, this is NERV Control. Local Altimeter is Two-Niner Point Eight-Six. Say intentions," the control rattled off formally.
Viper sighed audibly. NERV Control wanted to make this hard on him, and he hadn't even pissed them off yet. "Blue Squadron is cleared to NERV Field, request clearance to land, pursuant to flight plan Eisen-two four." Hopefully breaking out the operational code word for this… whatever the hell it is would get some action.
"Standby, Blue Lead."
Viper was wrong.
"Viper, I'll bet if we offer to strafe their tower, they'll let us land," called Dice over the Blue Squadron TacNet. She tried to pitch her voice up to sound sarcastic, but the low growl betrayed her irritation.
"Let's give them a minute. But, at my command, Dice and Song, fly top cover. Short, you and Book set the Jammers. Shadow and I will go in for guns," replied Viper, not sure if he was joking or not.
Fortunately, NERV Control came back. "Blue Lead, we do not have you on our scopes."
Exasperated, Viper had to let fly. "That sounds like a personal problem, NERV Control. Now, clear us to land."
The voice on the other end stammered a reply, "What do you…" Clearly, he wasn't used to the idea of someone speaking firmly to him. "Squawk Four-Niner-Two-Seven." Viper did so, and at the same time dialed in the ILS for NERV's runway. As he finished up, NERV Control spoke up. "Blue Lead, you are not in the proper position according to published procedures."
Viper just rolled his eyes. "NERV Control, your published procedures lick monkey balls."
Stunned silence followed, followed by a shocked, "Say again, Blue Lead."
Viper let the anger seep into his voice. "Your procedures would have added a half hour to my flight time, and we have a happy hour to catch. Now, clear us to land, or I'll put 24 compression nukes on your runways and take my marbles home."
"He'll do it, too!" Dice almost giggled girlishly as she splashed gasoline on the fire.
NERV Control clicked the mike a few times, but came up a loss for words each time. Clearly someone over their either was an arrogant son of a bitch or needed a backbone transplant. Finally, an older, more authoritative voice came on. "You are cleared to land, Blue Squadron."
"Thank you, NERV Control. We have visual on the field." Viper then flicked over to the Squadron 'net. "Alright, we'll land in element formation. I'm on the right strip, Dice and Song, you're on the left strip. Book and Short, down the middle."
Viper barely finished speaking before Shadow patiently explained, "Blue Lead, the right and left strips are taxiways."
Viper turned his head around to look at his wingman, locked in perfect formation on his wing. "And your point?" asked Viper, his palms skyward.
"I'd tell you it would probably piss them off, but I suspect you accounted for that in the decision."
"Well, I'm not buzzing the tower, am I?" It was the only worthy response as Blue Squadron settled into the final landing approach.
The turbines of Viper's 'Warden wound down slowly, the whine deepening and trailing. Above him, the canopy locked open as white jumpsuited men rushed up to the fighter, scurrying around him in a pantomime of efficiency. Viper just shook his head. They had forgotten the ladder back at the hangar, trapping him in the cockpit. Shinobu would have started breaking necks if that happened on her watch. Either way, he could at least start getting properly attired- when he was taxing to the parking area, Whitman had ordered him to go meet with the NERV Liaison Officer. Viper unsnapped his helmet, running his fingers through his damp hair before extracting his aviator sunglasses and Yankees cap, adjusting them slightly as the ladder finally came up to the cockpit.
Shadow waited for him at the bottom of the ladder. Apparently, his ground crew was almost competent. Viper grinned at him.
"I'm not your crew chief, Viper. Your smile worries me," Shadow replied to his grin.
"I know, I know. I figured I'd pretend," said Viper as he looked around the tarmac. The crew workers were the only uniformed personnel around, a few school kids and their teacher were hanging around by the entrance to the hangar.
Jesus, what a security fuckup! Ah, well, not my department.
He turned back to Shadow. "We're supposed to be meeting with the NERV Liaison- see him anywhere?"
"Her," Shadow stated matter-of-factly, which prompted a quizzical-cum-confused look from Viper. "Major Katsuragi is, in fact, female." Viper's look persisted. "It was in the briefing." Viper's forehead furrowed in thought. "Did you even read the briefing?" Viper shook his head. Shadow sighed audibly.
"Well, let's go…" Viper's voice trailed off. "Hey, Shadow, does Katsuragi look like a schoolteacher?"
It was Shadow's turn to look puzzled by Viper's odd query. "Well, like a schoolteacher in a porno."
"I don't watch porn anymore, just ask my girlfriend," responded Viper, faux-defensively.
"Of course not. By the way, thanks for letting me borrow Sorority Party 16."
"Sure thing. Beats the crap out of the Oedipal Girl Keiko dating sim."
"Viper, having my eyes burned out with an acetylene torch beats the Oedipal Girl Keiko dating sim."
"Yeah, but even that won't remove the images seared into your forebrain." They both shared a laugh. "So, this Katsuragi, think that's her?" Viper pointed to the schoolteacher and her charges, still as yet unarrested for espionage and high treason. Shadow nodded, and they strode off in her direction. As the gap closed, Viper threw a textbook salute.
"Captain Don Taylor, ma'am. You Major Katsuragi?" Japanese always sounded goofier in Taylor's fake Texas accent.
"Yes, I am," she replied, returning the salute. "Welcome to Tokyo-3."
"Thank you much, Major. Call me Viper, it's really the only name I respond to." Taylor nodded, and continued with the formalities. "This is my wingman, Shadow. Those two debarking from their 'Wardens are Short and Bookworm. Dice and Songbird are taxing from the far side of the field; they should be here in a minute." Viper pointed out all of Blue's pilots, with a general wave across the field towards the last element.
The extreme unconventionality of the introductions and the complete lack of real person names left the NERV party clearly baffled. Shadow was about to leap to save the day when Katsuragi nudged the only boy on the NERV side. He shuffled forward, and with a quavering voice, announced, "I'm Ikari Shinji, I'm glad to meet you!" He followed with a jerky, too deep bow.
The redhead stepped forward, bowed slightly, "I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, and I'm looking forward to kicking your ass!"
The other girl just mumbled, "Ayanami Rei."
Viper's head twisted towards Shadow. He meant to think it really hard, but, it popped out. "These motherfuckers are supposed to save the world?" At least it came out in English, which should have mitigated any response.
Sadly, the redhead spoke English, as Viper discovered from the impact of her shoulder in his midsection. They tumbled, weightless in the air for a second before his back landed on the concrete floor with a whump. Soryu quickly climbed to straddle his chest. Her hands balled into fists, which presently began to swing wildly at Viper's head. "Who're you calling a motherfucker, you pig-faced son of a bitch?" she bellowed
Viper managed to block most of the blows on his arms, while Shadow just chuckled and said, "Damn, Viper. Even in Tokyo-3, the girls can't stay off you!" The NERV party reeled in shock before Katsuragi caught Soryu's arms and peeled her off Viper.
Katsuragi kept one hand on Soryu while she grimaced apologetically. "I'm very sorry- she's very anxious to begin training with you." Katsuragi spoke quickly, trying to put the best face on a looming disaster.
Taylor climbed back on his feet, planted his sunglasses back on his face, and laughed. "No worries. I know guys down in Ginza who pay 10,000 Yen for that kind of treatment."
Soryu face turned red again, but Katsuragi tightened her grip. She smiled again, and said. "Please hurry with your showers and changing. We've put your new school uniforms in your lockers, and if you hurry we can all make afternoon classes."
Viper nodded and was about to respond when a pregnant pause surrounded the various pilots. A realization dawned around them and in perfect synchronization, they all shouted, "Wait, we're all in the same class?"